Static Radio

Bob LeMent
  • 4.6 (8)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

  1. 4d ago

    Auto Park

    Bob fears for his life while crossing a bridge, while Miles closes in on his life’s goal of 85 Bears autographs. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/FjfGhjv-Xjc Bob fears for his life while crossing a bridge, while Miles closes in on his life’s goal of 85 Bears autographs. Auto Park Bad AI Transcript around here do do do do do do do do What is the issue? you’re muted if you didn’t know it. can you hear me miles because uh it seems like uh you’re muted there. We started the show. I know you can’t unmute yourself, probably. nope there he goes. Ah, my goodness, the technical difficulties. Hey, Xander, how are you doing tonight? Oh, there he is. There’s that Miles right there. I’m waiting for Miles to say something. Oh, Xander’s doing great. Thank you, Xander. I’ll just read the chats. Miles is having troubles unmuting himself because he didn’t restart his phone again tonight. Probably. Anyway, we were just talking about Randy Newman before we started. Yeah, you and your balls. There we go. What the hell happened? Fat finger? I was smoking a dupe with Xander. Yeah. Okay. We got a little bit out of time. Yeah. I’m really f****d up. You fat fingered it, didn’t you? Oh, man. We were smoking some dupes. How’s it going, Miles? Good. Doing good. Miles Tiles, Static Radio. Hey, Bob, how do you say the seal pushed me in French? How do I say what? In the French language, how do you say the seal pushed me? The seal pushed me. That’s a good question. I don’t know for sure. You want me to look it up, or do you have a joke for this? Look it up sometime. Yeah, it’s funny. Oh, I thought it was going to be a joke. No, it’s not a joke. No, it just sounds like F my p***y is what it sounds like. It says Le Chant. Yeah. That’s the seal pushed me. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. I thought you’d like what what do you like sit around all day typing in shit to see what you’re like oh i wonder i wonder if i can make something dirty in another language. And I have. It works. No, I saw it. This is the best use of artificial intelligence that there ever was. Gemini, give me some French sayings. English sayings in French, they sound dirty. Miles, there is one dirty word that you might want to know. He pushed me. Sorry. Where did you get that? I have my sources. I have my sources. Like third grade stuff. I have my sources. I’m not revealing. My friend Steve told it to me. Steve? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, I don’t have anything as good as that, but… Yeah. I do have a slightly… humorous story for you. We can only hope. It’s not about any seals or anything, just to be honest with you. No wildlife whatsoever. I know Miles is going to find this odd, but I do occasionally go out to lunch with people. I don’t find that odd. You always say that I’m very antisocial. you allow like maybe 10 people into your life and i’m one of them. Yeah. And, uh, which i don’t know if that’s good or bad but you’re on a watch list now. Yeah. Um, so, uh, we were going uh into the city to have some lunch with some other people a small group of people And I have a friend who’s… She’s retired. She’s a bit older than I am. And we worked together probably for, I don’t know, 15, 20 years or something. And anyway, so she’s like… She got a new car. And she goes, I’m going to drive us to lunch. Normally, I drive, right? Yeah. Because… She doesn’t really like to drive that much. But she got this new Lexus. A Chevy Volt. No, a fancy Lexus car, right? Ooh. Yeah, very, very nice, right? Yeah. So, you know, she comes, gets me, and we’re going to head into the city. And there’s a lot of construction this time of year. I don’t know. I think I asked this question a couple weeks ago. Nobody ever gave me a good answer. But why… There’s always construction in the summertime when parts of the country really don’t get that cold. Couldn’t there be construction all year round? I mean, here, I mean, it doesn’t get cold until, like, December. Anyway, why do they got to do it all in the summertime is what I’m saying. Doesn’t some things have to set, though, when it gets warmer? Oh, Mr. Science, hey. No, it doesn’t. Yeah, it doesn’t. Yeah. I think it’s warm enough for concrete to cure. Well, I don’t… You’ve never worked construction like I did, so I don’t really… What? This is news to me. You work construction? You’re talking out of your ass. You’re talking out of your ass. You know what? Put a quarter in your ass because you just played yourself, okay? All right? I worked construction one summer, okay? So screw you. What were you, like, the sign holder? Stop. No, I… helped with a giant erection. I put it up and uh okay i don’t really want to talk about it anymore. So you, when you mean construction, you mean the gay porn industry? Yeah. Yeah. I was a pluffer for many years. Okay. yeah I put up a metal building down in Beaumont. Oh, okay. Like one of those, uh, pole barns or something. Yeah. It was an addition to like an auto shop or something. Oh, wow. Interesting. I did not know this. It’s brand new information to me. It was the summer of 1985. And they said, these metal buildings, you can’t put them up if it’s below 50 degrees. And it ain’t Texas, it ain’t. Oh, my God. Anyway, we’re going into the city. There’s a bunch of bridge work going on. Literally, in this country, all of our bridges are falling. And so now they’re like, hey, before… Another 100 people die in a bridge accident. Let’s replace bridges. I think that’s what happened. Anyway, so we’re going into the city and we got to go across the bridge and it’s down to one lane or actually it was two lanes, but there usually is like three lanes and they’re like really tiny lanes, like barely one car fits in a lane kind of thing. And you’re like weaving, you know what I mean? It’s not a straight line. It’s like, okay, you’re going to be on these two lanes and you’re going to go on those two lanes. and she’s like super nervous. Driving a brand new car across the bridge of these tiny lanes. And then she, she has for her uh if she gets a text. It plays, uh, a trumpet sound. It’s the beginning of girls on film it’s like announcing like somebody’s coming into a a ball or something. And so we’re driving across the bridge. She keeps getting texts and she keeps jumping oh god visibly visibly jumping in her seat while these, and i’m like, I’m like, she has a daughter. I go, is that your daughter? She’s like, No, no. And I go, what? She goes, all my texts make that sound. Oh, God. How annoying. Jesus. It keeps going off, and she keeps twitching. And I swear to God, we were going to just, like, in these little lanes, we were going to go over and, like, hit another car or clip something because she kept weaving every time. And she’d be, like, jumping. Oh, my gosh. Was she trying to read them as well? No, no, she wasn’t. scared the shit out of her every time the phone went off. So then you secretly tried to text her like… Yeah, no. I thought about it, but she was so nervous. And then we get to lunch and we come back. All the way back, same thing. Every time she gets a text. And I’m like, I could have drove. Marge, I should have drove. Yeah, and she’s like, oh no. I thought… I didn’t want you drove last time. Like, don’t worry about, Oh my God. She was just cracking me up. I thought we were going to swerve into oncoming traffic or something because of the stupid text. So what was it? I don’t know. She just kept getting them. She’s on all these, she’s an old woman on all these threads with people, you know, pre yarn, you know, updating her OnlyFans or something. That’s right. She’s getting requests. She’s like, Miles Tyler, he’s wanting me to send foot pictures. I will see you naked in that Lexus right now. Right now. Up on the hood. So, but I was just like, it was scary at first, and then once we got back, it was kind of funny, you know? I want you to dance around like Taunted Catane in that one song. You can do it. here i go yeah here’s another text so but anyway, it was just so weird and i couldn’t believe that uh here we go again like why don’t you just change the thing i can’t yeah because my grandson set this up for me and i don’t know how to change it. change. It’ll be so heartbroken. He died of lupus. Oh my god. But I just was like, Oh my gosh, we’re gonna wreck on the bridge and uh yeah but anyway we made it okay. But oh, yeah, this poor woman was frazzled by the time we got back for lunch the magic school bus. although the funny thing was she’s a very proper uh lady but at lunch she told this filthy joke. Oh, okay. All right. I like a filthy joke. Yeah. Which was a little bit out of character. So, and the terrible thing was i was the only, I was the only guy at lunch. Wait a minute. She didn’t say, Hey, do you want to see my mouse tattoo? Do you? No, no. She didn’t say that. because that’s like the filthiest joke i’ve ever heard a woman pal Well, No, I’ve never heard that one. Do you want to tell it? A woman says to you, do you want to see my mouse tattoo? And you’re like, sure. And she starts unbuttoning her pants and looks down and says, oop, my p***y must have ate it. Who told you that joke? Some unknown woman at my nephew’s wedding a long time ago. Did she actually unbutton her pants? She started to. I’m like, what the… I had no idea who this woman was. She had crashed the party. I was outside with all the smokers, and she’s like, wants to know my name and where I’m staying. And she says, I did not know this was a joke coming. I’m like, oh, okay. Well, didn’t she tell you she won a contest putting quarters up her

  2. 6d ago

    The Intriguing Chad from titfos.com

    The Intriguing Chad from titfos.com Bob and Chad discuss Chad’s book and longstanding website, The Incredibly True Facts of Space, an eccentric collection of short stories, surreal lists, and abstract poetry. After reading snippets featuring alien trivia and a “Dracula telethon,” the pair embark on a broad, nostalgic discussion spanning early retail jobs, retro adding machines, vintage calculators, classic Canadian children’s television, and the short-lived Sid and Marty Krofft theme park. As the chat wanders into early tech culture, road trip memories, and AI hallucinations, Bob pitches an idea for a modern workplace comedy set in a dispensary, prompting shared stories about past office politics, manipulating budgets for massive CRT monitors, and eccentric former bosses before wrapping up the interview. titfos.com https://youtube.com/live/2WJbLvcUkGw Bad AI Transcript Hey, everybody. Welcome. I’ve got Chad from TitBose. Thank you. TitBose.com. The incredibly true facts. Oh, I said incredibly, didn’t I? the world. acts of space, but they meant it literally. True Facts of Space 2029 because people are taking this public domain packaging it. every variant you can imagine. here’s one here. Let me, uh, let me share this. This is, uh, the incredible facts about space. There we go, man. And then it’s not the true ones though. It’s only the incredible ones. Here’s amazing ones, right? These people And then this is interesting facts. So they’re not even incredible. Yeah. And then you got the fun facts. True. There is something almost… I wouldn’t say that that’s not already the case. that is historically proven to be true, too, over and over again yeah I think I think it’s true it’s hyper true I think if you got 80 then you’re doing pretty good yeah I think we’re lucky to get over 50 like 55 is uh is probably the positive, don’t you think? see how you could talk yourself into several different positions depending on some bigger picture belief systems you had pinned down already so Thank you. Exactly. That’s right. there you go now now you actually have written a book called the incredible true facts of space as well. So you have the website you had the website for years, though. The website has been around for there you go. For over 20 years. But the book You’re kind of doing it all backwards here. Usually the book comes out. It isn’t available. Okay. Well, there you go. that’s interesting yeah I guess well you get certain ones with Amazon Prime anyway but I think there’s other add-ons that you can do as well so Right, right. You know, a part of that. Audible. Yeah. I think they own Audible. gotcha oh there goes your lights everybody The plus is usually a $5. They should have called it Prime 5. Because it’s all $5. I want to start that right now. Everybody’s doing plus. We’re going to do 5. What do you think? Titfos 5. It’s a solid number. I’ve always was partial to it from the time I was a child because… And it’s an odd number, which I enjoy odd numbers. It truly is. So that way, even numbers are kind of shady. It’s true. Well, some people have six, but it’s okay. there’s, Right. Right, yeah. That’s true. Interesting. Ha ha ha! Yeah, it doesn’t have anything to do with that. Okay. I don’t like this, so I’m going to make it fail. Okay. Sure, sure. You type words and whatnot, hold them upside down. Sure. Well, that’s one level of fun. Deep thought here in the box. I love calculators. You think people really before the late 60s, early 70s didn’t have access to calculators, and then cheap calculators came out in the late 70s, early 80s. Really? Right. Exactly. No, it was. I had, as a kid, we had an adding machine, which was this huge mechanical monster with all the buttons. It didn’t have, you know, now you just have 10 buttons. It had 100 buttons, right? So you’d have 10 digits with all 10 digits. Oh, you want to amortize the number? Yeah. Do you want the French method? Yeah. And then you had this big handle, almost like a one-armed bandit that you then had to pull down, and it shot up these metal typeset things that had the numbers on them, and then they would smack against the paper. Oh, wow. It was a monster. Not only the calculation, but then your numbers. Yeah, well, it went onto the paper, and you go, ka-chunk! And it was the funnest thing to play with. It was outdated technology. This is probably from the 20s or something. I don’t know. You talk about playing with calculators. That was more. And it was very industrial and heavy. I mean, you couldn’t carry it around. There were a lot of mom-and-pop shops still using those. Yeah, and you go, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, ka-chunk! Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, ka-chunk! And then, you know… Oh, no. My mother did the books and she would sit down there and she would do this really quickly. I mean, she was, you know, she was adept because she’d been using that thing, obviously, for probably a couple of decades at that point. So it was it was fascinating where it worked. You muted yourself there. There you go. Mike. Bob? Yeah. Okay. You’re there. We had a connection problem. You just muted yourself for a moment. That’s all. Ah, rats. I was telling you, when I worked at a grocery store, you know, one of my first jobs, and the ladies that worked the cashiers, you know, they would still doing a lot of typing. They were scanning things, but they were still doing a lot of typing and everything was still cash. So it’s kind of a different skill set. I’ve noticed going through that, uh, just the absence of, of effort that it used to require, you know, having, you know, having worked as a, as a kid, do you see my gosh, you know, we’re lucky we still have, uh, so I always wait in line to go in the cashiers lines at Publix because I just, I like the fact that they still have cashiers on duty. Yeah. So, you know, miles, uh, my cohost for static radio, he’s a, I always go into the, the people line rather than the computer line. Yeah. And then I always go into the self checkout. You do. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cause I don’t, I don’t want the, uh, interaction, uh, Or the scrutiny on what I’m buying is usually the thing. I like to talk about it. Yeah, I like that. But he’s more social like you where he wants to interact with these folks and find something out, I guess. I don’t know. I’d get to say, look, these incontinence pants really are for my dog. Yeah. That’s right. You can tell they’re not my size. It’s obvious. Would you like to open them together? Well, so let’s talk about the book a little bit here. What would you call it as, I mean, other than the facts about space, would you call it a compilation of short stories? Yeah, yeah, it is. It’s a mix. It’s It’s a light read. I don’t even know. It was like 160 pages on Kindle. Oh, man. I didn’t spring for the page numbers. What the hell? I have 190 on my PDF that you sent me. This is a proof copy. Oh, okay. I see it’s got the proof on there. Yeah, so it’s not really for sale. I do like your artwork. I will say your artwork is very good. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. It is an AI background with an AI chair and an AI TV and AI carpet. I’m going to take back my statement. No, I’m just joking. No, I mean, I like, cause you use the incredibly incredible true facts of space part multiple times. Obviously you’ve added something to the book, but yeah, I’ve seen that other part many, many times. Let’s see. So it started in a Walmart in a inner hell little box where I was supposed to be selling cell phones and was pretty much the directed not to worry about it so uh you know, I, I was like, okay. And Darren didn’t like me being in the office because I, you know hung inappropriate posters in the, in the bathroom once. Um, I was still just young enough to be a little bit nuts, you know, like when i worked at Blockbuster, uh, no, sorry, alfalfas. This is before blockbuster bought us. We were kind of the cool record store. And, uh, so alpha like the our gang person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Books and video. It was interesting. Local mobile kind of, I think it grew up to like three locations. So it’s, uh, anyway, it was, um, what were we talking about there? You’re working and selling cell phones that you weren’t supposed to sell. Yeah. I think i was still just young enough. to be a little nuts. Back earlier when I worked at Alfalfa, this was music. Oh man, I don’t know. 24, 25, 24 maybe. So anyway, I had a special sale that we would refill your Zippo if you rented three movies. After we’d become a blockbuster, that wasn’t It wasn’t part of the plan anymore. It was no longer a, no longer a bonus that we could offer to the customers. You guys had like all of this lighter fluid under the counter. No. In fact, I came up with it because we always had lighter fluid and, on hand and for taking labels. Oh, for removing the label. I got you. That was before the gunk gunk off or whatever it’s called. Yeah. And when we were still talking about physical objects, you know, like each one had to be had to be made and had to look right. Yeah. So it’s amazing to think how much time we used to spend sorting those tapes, making sure they were rewound and mainly not because you were like, you know, paranoid, angry video guy that wanted them rewound. But it’s just the complaint you would get. And, and the, the lack of showmanship you would serve by giving somebody a video, they get home, their popcorn, their kids are on the couch, they plug it in and they got to rewind the whole thing. You know, I mean, classically that was considered, you know, really bad form, right. For, for being cool to your customers. So it’s, And Alfalfa’s was kind of much more of a hip store. So it really would have made a great movie, now that you think about it. Is this the place that says Alfalfa on the window the

    The Intriguing Chad from titfos.com

  3. Jul 28

    Tooterville

    Miles tries to have lunch while being gassed out by his wife and Desiree, while Bob wonders why there are so many wasps around this summer. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/Mg8PmZ9o5Ko Miles tries to have lunch while being gassed out by his wife and Desiree, while Bob wonders why there are so many wasps around this summer. Tooterville Bad AI Transcript Do do do do do do do do do Podcasting live from Long Beach, California, Miles Tidal. Living in a refrigerator box underneath the highway. They keep pushing you in, and you wake up when you get wet, so it’s a tough life. Yeah. Help him, please. Put some water on him. Leave his blowhole alone. Right. Is that a tidalist? Yeah. Aren’t blowholes a weird thing? It sounds like a Seinfeld bit. You ever think about a blowhole? What’s the deal? What’s the deal? What’s the deal? But yeah, I mean, how’d that work? You know what I mean? Because they still have a mouth. I guess they blowhole the nose that just moved over to the top of their head. Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not into that. This evolution is just wild to think about, don’t you? I mean, there’s a lot of things that have a blowhole. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah, I guess. I guess. Yeah. I mean, how does that happen? Does it slowly move up and then at one point it was like right between their eyes and it’s like… This isn’t working so good. We need to make it a little higher on the face there. I hadn’t really thought about it, but I’ll consult a cartographer. Because most of the animals with the blowhole are mammals. In fact, I think all of them are mammals. You’re getting outside of Uncle Miles’ range of expertise there, so I’m going to go with you on this. My comfort zone. I didn’t really do good in the sciences in school, I’ll be honest with you. You know, we went to college with the guy who helped bring the snorks to animation, you know, to the snork show, to television. Really? Well, we didn’t go there the same time he was there, but We went there shortly after he was there, I think. And the Snorks is kind of like the whole blowhole on top of the head. Do you remember this cartoon, the Snorks? No, I have no idea what the Snorks are. They look like Smurfs, but instead of Smurfs, they live underwater and they have like a snorkel on their head. If you will, yes. It’s kind of bad, you know. They’re called Snorks. Anyway. You know, maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a bad day. I’ll tell you that. I’ve been concussed three times in my life, so I’m going to go yes on this. I don’t know. Now, each time it happened, was it different or was it the same? Well, yeah. I mean, it was like trauma. Yes. I mean, the effects of it, right? You get hit in the head really hard. Yeah. No, I’ve been knocked out. I’m saying I have been knocked out in accidents probably three times at least. Three times? You got knocked completely out cold? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That can’t be good. You tell me. I don’t know. Thank God you don’t have a blowhole because it would have gotten right in the blowhole. It would have saved me a lot of time. Blowhole. I have only, that I’m aware of, had one concussion. Yeah. And it was on those goddamn scooters that they had in school. Oh, God. Basically, somebody had the right idea to take furniture movers, shrink them a little bit, and give them to children to get pushed around on at high speeds. Yeah. Yeah. And I was laying on it. I got pushed right into somebody’s kneecap and I just about, I didn’t, I didn’t pass out, but I saw stars. Yeah. And they just, they sent me home. Uh, the only time I’ve ever been punched in the face was, uh, playing scooter basketball. On purpose? Punched in the face? No, no, he meant to do it. I just didn’t know it was coming. It wasn’t like a kid that you would expect to like, hey, by the way, kaboom, you know. Never saw it coming. Had no idea that he was that upset about it. Well, were you grabbing his ass or something? He accused me of cheating, apparently. You can’t cheat in school basketball. i was so horrible at sports, I don’t know how i could cheat. You know, but i don’t know i don’t know either i don’t know did you possibly have a blow hole that you were breathing out of uh maybe he was jealous. I don’t know. Which would you rather have, a blow hole or gills? I’d rather have gills and a punch in the face. I don’t know. Just curious. Yeah. Yeah. That’s weird. Yeah, that’s weird. Yeah, I saw stars. This was in high school. They sent me home. I somehow got a ride home. I think my friend Mark took me home. I promptly go home. I go to sleep. Oh, you’re not supposed to do that. Yeah, which is the number one thing that you’re not supposed to do when you have a concussion. Right. Right. then my mom comes home, and she’s like, she wakes me up, and she’s like, what are you doing here? Right, right. I’m like, oh, I hit my head. Really hard. You’ll get back to school. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that whole interchange, and she’s like, really? I’m like, yeah. And she’s like your brother. Yeah, and yeah, so then, yeah, I think You know, it’s probably good that, you know, nowadays they have a little more education on these kind of things because, yeah. This guy’s got CTE now. Yeah. It could have gone either way, you know. I was like Schrodinger’s cat while I was sleeping. It could have gone either way. Yeah, no one knew. Yeah, it could have been. Then my mom woke me up, and luckily it went one way. Yeah. Yeah. So whenever you got knocked out completely, how did you wake up? I’m in the hospital. All three times? Yeah. Really? Yeah. 101 was a car accident. One was a bicycle accident. Okay. No. And the third one? I don’t remember. I think you’re lying. I mean, it was two times. I mean, it was two times. Okay. Now the truth comes out. Third time. I was found face down by my bicycle. It was in Studio 54, and when the bubbles all popped, there I was. No. Naked as a jaybird laying on the floor. No. I was very sore all over. No, that did not happen. So you were found next to your bicycle. Thank goodness you weren’t in the middle of the road, I guess. In the middle of the road. Chrissy Hines was there. It was a good time. Get in the road. You were the inspiration for that scene. Wait, stop the Cadillac, quick. Wait a minute. Look at that little kid laying by his bike in the middle of the road. I’ll come out now. Should we help him, Chrissy? I actually have a new story right here. I will send it to you. I actually… Yes. I think you’re gone. We’ll see if he comes back here. He’s now reading the news story to himself. Hello. Yeah, there you are. Yeah, okay. So you actually had the news story right there, huh? Yeah, no, I had made a photo album. Were you looking at your photo album while we were talking earlier? No. Now you are? No, I’m talking to you. I don’t know what he’s doing. Half the time he’s going to the bathroom, everybody. I have some issues, all right? So, you know. I’m trying. I had a story for tonight, and I can’t. Oh, I have a story for tonight. Here we go. Oh, my God. I thought that was the f*****g story, the blowhole. I just wonder about things. Oh, my God. I’m like, this is the shittiest story in the world. Recently. Recently, this is a couple of weeks ago. So I noticed one day I was getting into my car and this wasp was trying to attack me. Yeah. I swatted it away, you know, and then I went into work and I’m getting out of the car and this wasp is attacking me. Again. A different wasp, I’m assuming. I mean, a whole different, you know, part of the country there at that point a different genus yeah i’m way far away from home. So I’m like, God, this, and then it happened more than once. I go places and this wasp was attacking me the whole day? No, no. It wasn’t just randomly. I would, as i was going places in my car, I would get out of the car. There’d be a wasp right there. And I’m like, this is weird. Yeah. Right. It’s like they have like, you know, they all got Motorola’s and they’re, you know, APB, problem and attack him. This is the worst Twilight Zone episode I’ve ever heard in my life, by the way. My glasses. I could read all these books, but I didn’t. I have all my time in the world. So I’m like, this is weird, right? Because I was like me in every, you know, I just. I’m in different parts of the city, and there’s wasps. And I’m like, I guess the wasps are really thick this year. Was it your honey cologne? That’s right. I walk around drizzled in honey most days. That’s so gross. I didn’t want to do that. I drizzle a little bit on my neckline. I drizzle a little. You’re weird, man. This goes on for weeks. And it’s not like every time I go someplace it happens, but it happens regular enough to where I notice it. And so then one day I’m getting into my car and I open the door and there’s a goddamn wasp in the back seat looking at me. He was flying up at my face. And so I’m swatting him away. I got the door open and I’m trying to get away, you know, and I’m like, this cannot be a coincidence, right? I look in my door, not the front part of the door that’s by you while you’re driving, but there’s a cavity behind the door where you have a little space before the – like I have a four-door. Right. There’s a wasp nest in my door. Oh, God. Don’t even tell me this. Oh, Jesus. There’s a big wasp nest in the door. Oh, my God. And this is why I keep seeing wasps is because my car is full of wasps. And it’s on the driver’s side door. So every time I open the goddamn door, they’re all pissed off. There’s a man on the wing. So I’m standing there. I’m like, there’

    Tooterville

  4. Jul 21

    Ethical Gift

    Bob gets chastised for trying to buy Miles a hat, while Miles starts his weekend singing at 7 am. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/8iQ-ezco4u8 Bob gets chastised for trying to buy Miles a hat, while Miles starts his weekend singing at 7 am. Ethical Gift Bad AI Transcript Just you inferring something. I don’t think that that’s anything real. I think it’s got everything to do with you. It does. I’m sorry. Uh, Miles with uh a thing called static Radio. Hey Miles, how are you? I am reclined. That’s probably what the problem is with all your phlegm, is you’re laying down practically. If you’d sit up, it would all, you know you all your drainage would be proper. Well, you seem to know a lot about drainage. know what that’s supposed to mean, but You were bragging about it earlier. I was bragging about drainage? Yeah, you’re like, I don’t drain all right it’s my esophageal cancer. Yeah, it sounds like it. I think put that shut out you know like it’s like you’re uh four pack a day smoker or something over there. I feel like i just smoked a blunt man like man it’s all cashed out goodness gracious i love it i love how in tune miles is with everything. He asked me a question tonight. How long you been doing this thing? It’s like, I don’t know, three years? I just was interested. I wanted to ask a question, and you answered it. You’re like, honey, when did we switch from butter to margarine? I don’t know, 20 years ago? Why did we have to decaf? I didn’t realize. Things like that have happened in my life. How come I’m wearing diapers and not underwear anymore? And this isn’t our home. You get back in your room now. I’m not your wife, idiot. This is not my beautiful wife. So yeah, you may ask yourself. And so then we got on this whole thing where I show him all these social media posts that I’ve been doing that he is not aware of. I am on social media somewhat, but I kind of… I think I post them on TikTok somewhere too. I don’t know. You’re not on TikTok. I am on TikTok. You barely post b******t. Okay. Bye. Lies, lies and more lies. And then i’m making little uh like 8-bit games on the website and and i mean you know it’s a whole thing. I’m having fun. I, okay. I didn’t know. So, enjoy people, enjoy. Games. Yeah, little fun, little, you know, silly games. Yep. That usually involve… Tic-tac-toe. I could do a tic-tac-toe if you want. If you want. Usually involve our characters in some way, shape, or form. Me melting. You what? Me melting in every cartoon. Oh, you melting. Yeah, the cartoons have you melting. I think that’s funny. I don’t know. I think people find… You as a snowman melting funny. You know, that would not have been my first pick as a character. Well, unfortunately, you didn’t know how to do anything, and so I picked it. No, that’s okay. I think it’s a very apropos character for you. I guess. I don’t know if it would be my first choice for myself. You have a very large round head. Right. You have a very prominent nose. Correct. And you wear a Bears memorabilia and jerseys and that stuff all the time. That’s what the snowman has. And I have a jelly belly. Yeah. I mean, I did make you, if you recall, you were on a Bears playing card as your character. Yeah. You like that one. Well, if it’s tastefully done, I don’t want to be embarrassed. Yeah. I try to, you know, each time I try to go back and forth to where, you know, I’ll get your goat, then you’ll get my goat, you know what I mean? I don’t be eating tacos in the car, for instance. I thought that was funny. Inappropriate. You read a little bit too much into everything, I think. I am reading a lot into these cartoons. Yeah. I feel very uncomfortable watching these with you for half an hour. This is weird, dude. This is weird. I try to make them interesting. I mean, to some degree, I’m glad you’re a quote-unquote friend of mine, I suppose. Oh, God. Sometimes I feel very uncomfortable with it, too. You know what I’m saying? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. You figure it out. Yeah, eating in the car. It’s like a thing. There’s all these videos of people eating in a car. I thought it wouldn’t be funny if our characters were eating in a car. This guy sends me chocolates on Valentine’s Day and stuff. I’m getting weird with it, man. I’m like, I don’t know. This is like crossing the line. The only thing I send you is postcards, which, by the way, you’ve got your postcards from my latest trip. I did. Yeah. And I sent you a postcard from the place that you suggested. Yes. I said, thank you. Now the, the funny thing behind that is I actually was going to get you a gift. Yeah. So we went, we were in Charleston, South Carolina recently. This is called a segue by the way, everyone. And, uh, And you had recommended, you said you should go see the Hunley. Well, that’s totally up everybody’s alley who was on the trip, right? We love these historical things. And for those of you who don’t know what the Hunley is, the Hunley was the first submarine. Correct. Successful battle. And it blew up a ship. It did. Yeah. I can’t remember the name of the ship now. The Constitution. No, was it the Constitution? The Chattahootook. Yeah. So anyway, it was a Chappaquiddick. I think they blew it up. A lot of people drowned. No one’s fault. But the, the guys who, the funny thing is, and that’s not funny in any way, shape or form, actually two people, two sets of people died in the submarine. That’s correct. One, when they were testing it, they killed everybody. And then they actually had a successful mission. And blew up a Union ship. So they were the Confederates made the submarine. So it was a Confederate submarine. And they blew up a Union ship. And then they were successful. Everybody knew they were successful. And then somehow they died on the way back. Yeah. So kind of a mixed, yeah. Yeah, a little bit. It was good and bad. And then… Apparently, at that point, everybody’s like, you know what? We can’t get any more volunteers to go on these goddamn submarines, so we’re going to scrap this idea. Anyway, they found it, and it’s preserved at a naval base in Charleston, South Carolina. You can go see it, and you get to see all this interesting history about it and so forth. We went, and I got your postcard. I mentioned that. I’m in the gift shop, and we always get a magnet, so we have a magnet, and i got a postcard, and i told my wife i’m like i’m gonna get miles something. You know, he was really hyped on this thing i want to i want to get him something, and i go, I thought about getting you a t-shirt. Yeah. And I’m like, no, I don’t, you know i i I don’t know what size he is. I’m not going to try to figure this shit out. Because if I get it too big, he’s going to be crying. And if I get it too small, he’s going to be crying. Bob went to South Carolina and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Yeah. So I found there was this hat and it said the Hunley dive team. Right. And I go, I thought I might get him that Hunley dive team hat. And she goes, no. No, you’re not getting him a stupid hat. You’re getting him a postcard and that is it. That is it. I’ve had it. Yeah. So she would not get you. She’s like, he’ll never wear it. You’ll pay all this money to get it to him and it’ll sit or he’ll lose it. And I’m not paying for it. He knows me too well. That’s the funny part. Then I go, okay, well, I’ll get him a couple of, I got you extra postcards. You did? Yeah. And so, yeah. Now, the story that you don’t want to hear that I want to tell because it says a lot. So, we’re at the Hunley. I’m getting postcards and we got, you know, magnet and something else. Oh, we got a book about the whole schmear. A book that you’ll never read. It’s just going to sit there. No, there’s a lot of reading going on around here. So anyway, and so then I get the postcard and the lady’s ringing it up and I’m paying for it. And then she goes, oh, do you need a stamp? Nope, I got one. She’s like, what? She’s like digging around the register looking for stamps. She’s like, what? I go, yeah, yeah, I got a stamp. She goes, okay. That’s unusual. Yeah, exactly. And then she go, and then so she didn’t put them in the, in the bag, you know, putting everything in the bag. She goes, you need a pen? No, no, I got a pen. Oh, she goes, what? Are you always this prepared? I go, yes, I am. See, I’m a friend with this mental case out in the Midwest, and we’re both mentally ill, and I send him postcards, and he enjoys them. That’s right. He’s mentally disabled. Yeah, he usually has coloring books I give him, but I send him postcards, too. They did have a coloring book. I thought about getting you one of those. You’re not doing it, because he’s going to lose it, or he’s going to… I would agree with your wife. I’m sorry to interrupt, but I agree with your wife. She made the right call on that. Well, because you were so excited about us being able to go. I’m so happy you saw it. And it was really, you know, the funny thing is, and I don’t know if people know this, but anyway, there’s an author, his name is Clive Cussler. He writes books, if you look him up. He found the Hunley. He’s the one that found it and brought it to the surface, and then it’s actually not on the surface because it’s in such bad shape. It was a wooden, I don’t know, it was a metal, but it’s all rusted out and stuff. It had been on the floor of the ocean for quite some time. Anyway, so it’s in a tank, so it doesn’t degrade anymore in water. But you can look at it. You look down at it. Anyway, he had a lot of books. Raise the Titanic was one of his books.

  5. Jul 15

    Corn Cashier

    Miles gets caught in the drama at the checkout, while Bob sings the praises of homegrown produce. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/E3JFkRUfi18 Miles gets caught in the drama at the checkout, while Bob sings the praises of homegrown produce. Corn Cashier Bad AI Transcript Live streaming, Fuse City, Jerry. Bob had sex with Candy here. And why are the M&M’s in his head? In my ear. In my ear. In my ear. Who’s that? Yeah. Drinking my old beer. My root beer. Must be a dream. Dig it. Hi, everyone. It’s me, Martin Riggs, doing the show. Martin Riggs. Martin Riggs. I’m too old for this shit. Yeah, yeah. Miles is in such a good mood tonight. It’s a little bit scary, actually. I think he’s probably close to death or something. He’s going to Mitch McConnell us… soon or something you’ll never know lindsey grammis or sam neill who died recently. Sam Neill. I was sad. I was sad when i saw that. I don’t usually bring in shit like that in the show, but i was generally sad to see uh but the sam neill or the sad part? Sam Neill. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was it was terrible he was he’s like such a a wonderful person. I know. I’m like, oh. Dr. Grant. I’ll go driving in my recreational vehicle without papers. L.A. Yeah. L.A. Great actor. He was considered for James Bond at one point. You have to let go of the fence, whatever your name was, little s******d. Let go of the fence so you don’t get hurt. Jacob. No, it wasn’t Jacob. What was that kid’s name? That’s the kid’s real name is Jacob, I think. Well, everyone knows that, right? I have no idea. That would be a good question. I don’t either. I have no idea. I don’t remember. I’ll have to look it up, but I’m not going to. This is a no-look-up show. You can’t look anything up. Not looking up, anyone. God forbid. I don’t think Bob looks up to some dresses. I think I’ll continue with a couple more vacation stories if you want to hear them. No, I don’t. Okay, well then go ahead. What do you have to talk about? No, come on. Go ahead. Come on. So I was thoroughly chastised for the entire… I just got back from vacation a little while ago. I was certainly chastised for the whole vacation by my wife and my daughter and then my in-laws, my brother and mother-in-law. So we are leaving town… to go on vacation. We did a little bit of a road trip. And, uh, as we’re leaving town, my wife is like, I have to do a number two, a work, a work call. I have to call on a conference call for work. Yeah. As we’re leaving town, I can’t get out of it. I have to do it from the car here. And, um, She’s like, everybody be quiet. And so I’m like, okay. Yeah, no problem. Excuse me. And we get to the corner of town, and I’ve already forgotten. And I look over, and there’s a farm trailer on the corner. Mm-hmm. And this is where every year they come and sell corn and tomatoes. And so I go, hey, the corn stands going to be open. Apparently, I said it very loudly. Oopsies. And so all of her workmates hear me say the coin stand’s going to be open. And she gets so angry with me. So she gives me, you know, she shoots me a dirty look at everything. You’re stupid. I’m like, oh, yeah, I was supposed to be quiet, right? I didn’t say anything dirty. What are you, what are you, chicken chonk? Hey, man. Jesus. I didn’t say anything like that, you know, this f****r cut me off or anything. I just said, hey, the corn stand’s open. And so the whole vacation, any time I was about to say something, the corn stand’s open? Uh-huh. Every time, I just kept getting it. The corn stand’s open! You know, like an idiot. The corn stand! And so, but… But the reality was when we got back from vacation. Everyone went there. Yes. Everybody went there. My wife’s like, will you run me down to the corn stand? I’m like, son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Honey, would you be a deer? Yeah. If only I were Ike Turner. Anyway. All right. what’s love got to do with it? Corn stand. So, yeah, so we went down and got some corn, and you know what? It was really f*****g good. Yeah. It’s the best f*****g corn, I swear to God, when that corn stand opens. It’s like, gotta go get some, right? Do you have a corn stand where you live? Yeah, they have some, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So we got corn, we got tomatoes at the corn stand, but it made me so angry because I was made fun of for… you know, like a week and a half. You’re stupid. Yeah, you’re stupid. You ruined my business meeting saying corn stand. You know, I didn’t curse or anything. There’s a lot worse things you could have said. Yeah, I could have said, yeah, a lot of, a lot worse things. Trust me, if we were, if the driving situation, if it was totally switched and she was driving and I was on a business call, there would have been cursing of everybody around us, you know, the c********r cut me off. Son of a bitch. Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Cause that’s the way my wife talks. Yes. That is not an understanding. Yeah. Let’s not even exaggerate. I can’t even think of how many dirty things that she would say while driving on vacation that she did say, Oh my God, we got stuck in traffic for construction. It was just constant profanity, which by the way, I have a question for you. Go ahead. So we went, down south, we went down to uh georgia was our most southern point. We were in Savannah, Georgia. And we went to a lot of places in between. But anyway, why in the south do they wait until summer to do the road construction? It doesn’t get that cold down there. They could do it all year long almost. But they wait until the summer to do the road construction. What’s the deal? Is it like it’s like a union thing or something? I don’t know. You usually know people, so Well, I could probably find out. I know people that work for me. I could find out. I’m like, I could probably find out for you. I was like, we’re down there. We’re sitting in traffic. And I’m like, what the hell? They could do this any time of the year. It’s not like being up north here where you get snow and everything. They get nothing down there. It gets a little chilly. They don’t realize Bob Lamont’s in line and I don’t wait in line. I waited like a half an hour to get between Tennessee and Kentucky. It was a big to-do. I don’t know what the hell they were doing. Me and my wife, Lovie. Now, I had another weird experience as well, real quick here. So I was in Asheville, North Carolina on vacation, and we were going to have some churrascura, I think is how you say it. It’s the Brazilian – restaurant where they bring out these giant skewers of meat and cut off a piece and put it on your table or your plate. Have you ever been to one of these things? No. Oh, really? I figured you, you of all people would have been to one of these things. I’ve not had any kind of Brazilian experience. I think it’s called Churrascura. Churrascura, I think is what it’s called. Anyway, I’m probably saying that all wrong. But anyhow, so we’re heading downtown Asheville to go to this… steak place and we get off the highway and we pull up to this corner and there is several, um, unhoused individuals. It seems like laughing about. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got, I got you. And they, I think at least one of them or maybe two of them were kind of, you know, asking for money and whatnot. Yeah. But we were in a stoplight, obviously. You get off the highway, you go to a stoplight. Yeah. But there’s three people who all looked very similar in their attire and their disheveledness, shall we say. Nice. And they started, like, fighting. What are you doing? Now… The most humorous part, which I should not laugh at, this is horrible of me to even mention. Yeah. But one of the guys only had one leg and was on crutches. Oh. And he proceeds to kick another guy in the ass. Uh-huh. And guess what happened? He fell. He fell. The bastard fell, didn’t he? You know, there’s an old joke about… You’re probably as good as a one-legged man. Yes. Yes. It played out at a stoplight in Asheville. He’s like, God damn. It’s right. It’s right. I was like, we’re sitting there going to this restaurant, which now I feel bad about now that I mentioned it. Well, now I feel bad. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about it. Now that I’ve just said it again. But now that I’m laughing at it. All this is unfolding on the corner. And yeah, literally, this guy apparently gets mad at the other guy. One-legged guy. And he kicked him in the ass. I mean, he got him. But then, of course, he took a tumble. Well, that’s confidence. Well, yeah, he’s got some chutzpah. That’s for sure. I give them that. You know what I mean? F**k it. Like, f**k, I’m going down, but oh well. I’m going down, but you’re going down with me, buddy. Yeah, oh well. And they were tussling, and I was like, let’s just get out of here. Did you join in? Like, all right. Yeah, that’s right. I rolled down the window. Hey, buddy. You got your elbow out. All right, MFers. That’s right. You got Moxie. Come down to the Churroscura, and I’ll buy you a plate. Oh, have some scura. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I’ll be honest with you. Chiroscuro was not as great as I was hoping it would be. Yeah. But it was cool. These guys come out with these giant swords and they literally cut meat off of them and put it on your plate. It’s like a James Bond movie. It is. It’s just… They throw them at people and they’re on fire. It’s like… What’s that biscuit throwing place? Lambert’s. Yeah, it’s Lambert’s, but with like skewers. With skewered meat. You killed my grandma, you son of a bitch. I will say the food wasn’t the best, but our waiter was the best waiter I think I’ve ever had in my lif

  6. Jul 8

    Traveling Guys

    Bob goes to see a mansion and then leads a rescue, while Miles ignores the signs and ends up deep in the mud. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/-1lcSSl_kgE Bob goes to see a mansion and then leads a rescue, while Miles ignores the signs and ends up deep in the mud. Traveling Guys Bad AI Transcript The sound of summer. Hey, everyone. Miles Pytle with Static Radio Podcast. And Super Phlegm. That’s your new nickname. Super Phlegm. He’s Super Phlegm. My esophagus. Now, my, my, why you got so much phlegm in your mouth? It’s not phlegm. He’s super phlegm, super phlegm, he’s super phlegmy. Yeah, wow. Temptations sing. Yeah, exactly. God, he’s so goddamn phlegmy. I feel like I’m smoking weed again. He’s drinking a gallon of milk or something or whatever. Yeah. I was smoking weed again, man. Oh, are you? Okay. No, I feel like it. I feel like it. I mean, everybody does gummies these days, so I don’t know why you’re smoking it. No, I haven’t in a long time. I’m just saying. Oh, okay. so we are a couple of, uh, traveling guys yes we’re traveling traveling guys this is the East. We’re coming to your house we’re gonna party down. We’re the traveling guys. I don’t have that uh song So, yeah, you went somewhere, and I went somewhere, and normally that never happens. Usually I just go somewhere. True. No, that’s true. I’m not offended. That is true, actually. You normally don’t go anywhere. I try not to. Or you just go down to the Casey’s or something and bother the people. Yeah, as I like to. Yeah, the peoples. So where did you go? I was up by the Wisconsin-Michigan border area. Oh, really? Did you go to the Dells? Well, that wouldn’t really be the border area if you knew cartography, which you don’t. I’m not a cartographer. I guess the Dells is lower. Stupid shit. lower than where you were at. You were higher. Well, they don’t have f*****g geography class where the f**k you want. Can you say geography? No, I can’t say if i’m drunk. Uh, I got all this phlegm going on yeah yeah no i have snap up there in the michiganders oh yeah i got yeah i got beamed in the head. Yeah. I was at a cemetery and something hit me in the head. I go, what the f**k? was this slimy f*****g pine cone hit me in the head. This freaking ghost drops us on my, it’s awful as sap or as some people like to call it uh ghost spooge. I’m walking around like cameron diaz from, uh, there’s something about Mary. Yeah, I’m walking around. I’m like, oh, there’s goo in my hair. Oh, my God. Is it bird shit on me again? No. Everyone was hoping it was bird shit. Like, oh, I hope it’s bird shit. I go, I don’t think so. I go, it smells like pine, and it’s really gooey, man. It’s sticky gooey. What’s a squirrel spunk? I don’t know. It just hit me right. Like, literally, I was walking into the cemetery, and it was like, what the hell? Did you look around? Maybe there was a clue on one of the tombstones. You know? I thought I heard ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I mean, you know, look for some kind of sign. You know what I mean? No, that was the sign, so much. I knew it. Okay. I think it was a ghostly encounter. I think it was. Spunky pine cone. Yeah, I’ll pull a spunk. I’m like, geez. Really? Then I’m like the whole, I’m obsessing about it like the rest of the day. I’m like, God. Is it in my hair still? Is it in my? Well, it got hard. Did you? It got hard. You’re like, I could, if I rubbed this in certain places, I could be useful to me. The more I rubbed it, the harder it got. You weren’t wearing a hat? You weren’t wearing a bear’s hat? What’s going on? No. Well, I have a lot of hair. I haven’t cut my hair in a long time, so I didn’t think I needed it. Yeah. You’ve been blessed. I don’t think your dad is really your dad. I’m just saying. Yeah, well, I don’t know. We look an awful lot alike, so I don’t know. He didn’t have any hair. Yeah. That’s all inheritance, though. And he never coughed up as much phlegm, for Christ’s sake. Yeah. He didn’t. I’m sorry, man. Sorry. That’s the way it is. So… You got slimed by a pine cone in the cemetery. What are we doing in the cemetery? What are we looking for? We went to an old ghost town and I go on the map. Really? Yeah, there is. Yeah. It’s an abandoned west. You know what I mean? No, it’s an abandoned like foundry or whatever. Got you. Company town? Yeah, right. It was right on the water. And I go, oh, there’s a cemetery. And my daughter-in-law is like, that is way too far to walk. For a fat guy like you. I’m like, excuse me. Back in the day. I walked everywhere. Then I had to pull my Shelly Winters on her. I pulled out this medallion like, I used to be the swimming champion back in high school. She said, you can’t do it. You won’t make it. Have you ever heard of a man called Dave Waddle? He was a buddy of mine and he was a walking champion. Yeah. And you know what? That little shit was right. We had to get in the car and go to this place. Damn it. Damn it. No, we had some… Uh, we didn’t actually tell my relatives we were there, so we could actually go sightseeing, you know, so. Oh, gotcha. So you did a little, oh, you mean you didn’t even tell them at all? Uh, no. Well, towards the end of our trip, we did. Oh, okay. So you went, you snuck in and then you go, Hey, we’re here. We have been here for three days. We got it. We got in Friday night and Sunday. I went to church with my mom. I freaked her out. And she’s like, it’s an apparition. I know she was all freaked out crying. I thought that ghost miles would be much thinner than real. You’d be surprised. You’d be, but, um, we, uh, there’s a lot of waterfalls up there. A lot of them are pretty small, you know? Yeah. And, uh, we were going to go to one of the larger ones. and we, uh, it was a little bit of a car ride. You know, we get there there’s four of us and, uh, there’s like all these people just kind of mulling around the parking lot, just like zombies. I’m like, Hmm, that’s weird. Like, you know, like, I don’t know. What is this? Like a grateful dead concert? I didn’t know what it was. Somebody like, were they selling food or no? Yeah, no. There was like, They were just standing around. I’m like, what the hell is going on? So I go waddling up. There’s like a park ranger thing. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. You guys are like, you got a pine cone stuck to your head. Let’s see where the other one landed. You can’t take that out of the park. Excuse me, sir. No, the trail is blocked off. It’s physically blocked off. You can’t go there. Can’t see that one. I’m like, what’s up? She goes, oh, yeah, the trail’s washed out. There’s no way in hell you’re going there. Well, let me show you. I’ll go get my car. My name’s Bob Lamont, and I’ll do whatever I want. Here’s $300. Go F off. You know what I’m saying? Whatever I jam well, please. I’m rich. I’ll buy this waterfall and this broken path. Everyone’s like, oh, that nice lady. I’m like, she’s a bitch. Oh, man. It was like a nice lady like your mom. A really nice, sweet lady. Everyone’s like, oh, she was so nice and sweet. No, she wasn’t. Right. My mom didn’t like you, so there you go. Well, I liked her. It was nice. It wasn’t mutual. I don’t care. She was nice. It was unrequited love. It was unrequited love. And So to salvage it, I go, let’s… Well, actually, I didn’t really pick this, but down the road a little ways was… There’s an ice cream shop, I’m sure, in this neighborhood. Yeah. No, we actually stopped to get drinks, and there’s some weird noise going on behind this store. I’m like, is this Jurassic Park? What the f**k? They’re like… No, yeah, no. There was an old lady working there, and me and a stranger, we made eye contact, and we both asked the same question, like, what the f**k is that noise? Yeah. And the lady’s like, oh, that’s just a parrot, but we don’t want people f*****g with them, so we keep them in the back. I’m like, oh. Oh, parrots are so annoying. It was loud, though. It was so loud. I go, this has got to be like an emu or some shit or ostrich or… He’s like, I’m being raped by Jeffrey. I’m So anyway, uh, so I turn here for, uh, you know, danger falls. I’m like, okay. Yeah. Great. And at first it’s paved. You’re like, oh, okay. All right. That’s good. And then it’s, it kind of becomes like a gravel road. You’re like, oh, okay. And then it says something like country road ends. I’m like, oh, okay. And now it’s more like mud. Oh, and, uh, Parked on the opposite side of the road, like, lots of cars. I’m like, that’s weird. Like, a bunch of abandoned cars. I feel like I’m in The Walking Dead. Like, you know, like, I’m like, what the f**k? Are these the same people that were in the parking lot milling around? No. I don’t know. I don’t know. And then, like, then people were parking on our side of the road, so there’s very little room. Uh-huh. to maneuver, and now there’s like duallys coming the other way. I’m like, oh, this is not good. You kept going, even though all these cars were parked. You kept going. Well, you kept hoping there’d be a conclusion to this. You’re like, oh, okay, all right. You’re here for something totally different that’s irrelevant to what we’re doing. I have no idea what the f**k all these people were doing. I get preferential parking because I inherited a placard. Right. Yeah, I know. Well, we’ll certainly. And finally, my wife was driving. She was, I’m just turning around. F**k it. Yeah, no kidding. Wow. And my wife is driving. It’s a wonder you guys didn’t barrel right on through. No, she got us. Thank God she got

  7. Jun 30

    Damned Expenses

    Bob has to set the record straight about a college conversation, while Miles downplays his family’s curse. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtu.be/9mGagGxpMTA Bob has to set the record straight about a college conversation, while Miles downplays his family’s curse. Damned Expenses Bad AI Transcript That’s what she would want. You know, I don’t want that to happen, but you know sure and Finally This is like like say about a week ago, right? Yeah, so within two weeks of that or two now for two weeks about two weeks two days of that Two days of that. Okay. First of all, like the neighbors tree like half of its now in my backyard. I’m like f**k is it still there? I Uh, yeah, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Oh, that’s so sorry, mile. That’s so terrible. I know. I’m glad I don’t live by you. Cause you’d probably be suing me by now. Or a French bit rent on this tree branch. Yeah. I know your tree landed in my mulch. You’re going to have to pay me for this space. So, I’m starting to think, like, you know, he might be right. Uh-oh. Now you’re thinking that you’ve just finally come to this realization. Yeah, it’s like one of those monster movies where the guy’s all in denial, like, oh, there’s no monster out there. And then he’s, like, the middle of the movie. He’s like, well, f**k, maybe there is. There can’t be giant rabbits. There ain’t no Bigfoot, son. Oh, shit. Holy moly. Yeah, I was like, oh, okay. Well, maybe the boy’s got a point. Bigfoot sent me over a stump. Yeah. Do it again. And, um, so anyway, that night, oh my gosh. So I make arrangements and, uh, the guy, you know, I was like, well, I can’t come out there for a week. I’m like, okay. What? A tree? The tree, yeah. There’s probably a lot of trees down. It’ll be fine. You don’t ever mow your grass anyway. No big deal. He’s like, well, let’s just wait until it dries up. Let’s give it about a few days. Next thing I know, three days later, we have three inches of rain come down in one day. I’m like, well, I’m f****d. Yeah. More tree limbs are coming down. Now your backyard’s full of tree limbs. Actually, yeah. Now my tree limb actually fell off my own tree limb. It was not nearly as big, but had it hit someone in the head, it probably would have killed them. I was like, shit. I’ll have to have Bob over more often, I guess. Anyway, so that night I could go to bed. I’m like, all right, well, I don’t like to go to bed worrying about shit. I just go to bed. How do you go to bed not worrying about things? I don’t know. I just shut, I normally could shut it off. I don’t know why. I’m like, Oh yeah. Cause I fall asleep really fast. Well, between that and the suffocation, everyone wins out. So that night I’m sleeping and I, all of a sudden, uh, like this dream starts. And like one of my sisters is like, Oh man, she goes, our mom is writing like checks to like her local church. Like, her yearly Christmas donation. Okay. But she wants to give it to the church early this year. Mm-hmm. He goes, isn’t that weird? I’m like, oh, f**k. That is weird. Like, maybe she knows, you know, like, you know, like, oh, shit. Oh, f**k. Like, I literally woke up, like, two o’clock in the morning and almost called my mom. I’m like, are you okay? Because now… This little shit has cursed me. He had to scrape off the curse and put it on you. Yeah, he did. He bounced it on me. First of all, he tells me something horrible is going to happen, which the tree happened. And then he’s like, oh, this horrible dream happened. Then I have somewhat of a similar dream somewhat. Like, okay, that little shit happened. Why? Why? Why did I deserve it? Why did it bounce my way for? I’m bouncing back. I shake it off. I don’t want it. Give this to Bob LeBent. I don’t want it. I don’t want any of your weirdness. I’m bouncing it to you. There’s no bouncing. Yes. It’s like the ring. Once I tell this story, it’s going to happen to you. Once you listen to it, it bounces to you. No. It’s like the ring video. I don’t know what you’re talking about. The Ring, isn’t that the movie where you watch the videotape and then… No, I have no… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, I hope it doesn’t come to fruition. I know. I’m like, f**k. Because I haven’t really called my mom yet. I’m like, f**k. If it does… I know. You know who I’m blaming. I’m going to feel like an a*****e. I know. I’m like, f**k. That’s what you feel all the time. Well, yeah, that’s true. I am an a*****e. I am a freaking jerk. Well, I’m sorry your son feels that way. I know, you know, being in his familiar, you know, familial, familial? What’s the family? His family situation. Yeah. You know, the relations and all. Mm-hmm. He would feel cursed. Yeah, you know, you get down, you know, things happen. I mean, you know, look around. Yeah. Yeah. He’s like, this guy’s like one step from an iron lung. Yeah, no kidding. So, you know, but I think it’s okay. I think it’s going to be fine. I’ll be honest. It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be okay, right? Oh, yeah. That’d be fine. Yeah. Maybe it wasn’t grandma. Maybe it was just somebody who looks like grandma. And why was my sister in the dream? Well, you look like your mom, so. I look a lot like my dad. Yeah. I was trying to draw a connection to you. I look like my daddy. Yeah, you do look like your dad. Handsome. There’s no mistaking. There’s no mistaking. A little bit of Clark Gable. Yeah, remember, like, a long time ago, they had those apple people where they’d take and, like, make their face out of an apple, and it’d be all dried up and craggly. Yeah, you’d cook the apple or something, wouldn’t you? Yeah, that would you guys, the apple people. We do look alike. I mean, we do. Male or female. Yeah, male or female. Yeah, all this. Yeah. Although my brother does not look like my dad. That’s weird. mailman? It’s been theorized. Because actually, he has my grandpa’s name, who coincidentally was also a best friend of my mom and dad, that name. Coincidence. That guitar playing son of a bitch. I wonder if he’s my brother’s. Yeah. Hmm. Weird. You know, I mean, I want to talk out of turn here, but somebody I know had a, you know, extra child go on. Go on. I’m just saying. I’m not going to say any more than that. I’m going to get in trouble, so I won’t say any more than that. I don’t know. No one I know. Nobody you know had an extra kid or anything? No. Really? You mean like a bastard, you mean, or what? Yeah, yeah, that’s a grown-up child, yeah. I don’t know. Was that you? I don’t know. I have no idea what you’re alluding to. I don’t know. Okay. Well, I probably shouldn’t have said anything. Let’s change the subject. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I don’t know. Let’s change the subject. I guess. I would like to hear this off the air. I don’t know. Refer to me. I know it’s not me. No. Well, heck, come on. You would flaunt it. Let’s be honest. Yeah. That’s my kid. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if my dad was like super, super, super rich, I’d be like, that is my dad. Otherwise, I’ll just claim my dad as my dad. Gotcha. Okay. Nothing against my dad. I’m just saying. Actually, I know several people who have an extra child. Now that I think about it. Dr. J. No, Dr. J doesn’t. He’s probably got three or four. No, I don’t think so. I don’t know. I have no idea. I don’t know. Well, I’ll tell you about it later. Anyway. All right. Go ahead. I don’t know why I brought it up. I guess I was just thinking about it. You and Roberta? No, not Roberta. That girl you used to work with at the library, Roberta? No, not Roberta. You were wanting to bang her? You were like, hey, come here. No, there was no interest in Roberta ever. She seemed interested in you. Well, that may have been. I’ve had several opportunities with the wacky and weird side of Roberta. Wasn’t she the one that wanted to sit, like, really close to you all the time? You’re like, no, get away. Yes, I tell her, get away from me. Arms length. I think I used to say that. Arms length, Roberta. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I don’t know what we do here. I can’t touch you. Uh-uh. It’s more of a guideline than a rule. Yeah. No. Well, everybody. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. In college, I had a job. I worked at the library in what was called at the time the Self-Instruction Center. Yeah. And Miles was rich and didn’t have a job. By choice. That’s correct. Yes. Yeah. And then he would come out and hang out at my job and talk to all the interesting people that I worked with. Looking back, I probably should have gotten a job. I don’t know how I thought about that. Yeah, well, you could have got a job. You were there enough. You could have just got a job. I know. I could have. Shit, I would have made like $20,000 at least. I don’t know about that. That was back like 40 years ago. Yeah. Back then, I don’t think I made no $20,000. But yeah, it was a good job, though. Honestly, it was one of the better jobs on campus, if you ask me. But this guy in the library. You’re in the library. Those guys handed out cassette tapes and headphones for three hours a night. Got paid for it and got to do my homework in between. Yeah. He’s getting a whopping $5. Remember I handed out bones. You don’t remember that? I’m not sure what that’s code for. No, I handed out boxes of bones. You don’t remember this. I was not in that class. No. We had, so at the Sulphur Church Center, we had all kinds of stuff. We had a lot of cassettes and headphones and film strips. And this is before, you know, had films and videotapes and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. This is be

  8. Jun 23

    Cursed Napkins

    Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/BABrCYf5Kz0 Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. Cursed Napkins Bad AI Transcript is on it’s on it’s on like you’ll never believe it’s ever been on before Thank you. Hey everyone. This is my title with static radio podcast here in the United States. Want to add anything to that? I mean, it seems like a lot of information there. Bob has FIFA overload and he’s wearing a kilt right now with nothing with nothing under it. That’s right. I’m flapping in the breeze. Hello. Stop flashing young children right now. The, I don’t, you know, the FIFA thing I don’t get. I mean, I just don’t, you know, do Americans really love soccer or football that much? Football? I imagine. Actually, I was just talking to you before we started recording that I went to lunch with some friends and one of them left to go watch a FIFA game at the end. Like we were done eating. Oh, I’m sure I know which one. Yeah. I was like, huh? Yeah. Which team does he like? He mentioned what game he was watching, but it’s beyond me now. I can’t remember. I’m going to go watch Paraguay. Yeah, Uruguay and Paraguay. I don’t know what it was, honestly, but I was just like, really? Yeah. It’s a big deal. I know it’s a big deal. Obviously, it’s a big deal right now because it’s all across North America. We’ve been a pain in the ass and all the airlines are f****d up and everything. But anyway, I had an old neighbor and he used to love to watch soccer. He talked about it all the time. Is that the guy that tried to burn down his house? He’s the other neighbor. Yeah, the other neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. guy who didn’t burn down his house on the other side of me. Oh, okay. Yeah. When you lived out in the county. Uh, no, I live in the city. In the city I didn’t want to talk about FIFA, but you brought it up, and so I thought, well, I have to say something about it, I guess. You deal with all these really cool people, and I figure there’s got to be a few of them, I’m sure, that are into it. All these really cool people. You know all these really cool. How in the world do you know all these really cool people? Yeah. I make sure that they’re never around when you’re around. You ever see that? You ever notice that? Mm-hmm. Separate worlds. he ever hurt you. So anyway. What are you doing? Go ahead, Steve Perry. Let’s hear it. No, I’m really phlegmy tonight, so I really don’t want to do that. What does that happen? Do you have some kind of condition or something? Do you have gills? You possibly have gills that get all gummy because you’re not supposed to be breathing air. You’re supposed to be breathing water. My doctor finally confessed. He goes, you know what? You’re all f****d up. I go, why? He goes, all this meds I’ve got you on. I’m like, oh, you son of a bitch. The truth comes out. You know, I have all these problems. You know, my legs swell. I get phlegmy at night. You know, whatever else, you know. Whatever else. You didn’t mention your ED. You always mention your ED. Yeah, that’s one of them. It comes like a thief in the night, let me tell you. I got you on all these meds. Well, that’s great. Yeah. Somehow, I always think of you as one of the people in the movie Seven. Yeah, out of the box? No, you’re the guy. Remember the guy with all the air fresheners in his room? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the way Miles is at home. He’s got all the air fresheners because he’s basically decaying in place. You know what? This really is not related to anything, but my doctor, about half the time I see my doctor, he always starts laughing. He goes, God, you told me that funny story about that old guy that wanted to beat your family up. at that motel, I go, yeah, yes. I don’t know why he loves that story of me almost being beat up by an old man at a hotel at the motel. It’s a motel. Yeah. Yeah. That’s a very, very old story, which I won’t go into, but yeah, he loves it. I remember you hit or something. Didn’t you, you know, we can debate that as to what I was doing, but ultimately I would have survived. Oh, okay. Had I gotten physical, I would have survived. At that point in time, you were a little more mobile. See, I could have flanked him. I could have come at him behind. My family could have taken the brunt of his beatings. I’d wait until his arms were tired. I’d wait until he gets worn down. That’s right. I’d wait for him to wear out a little bit. Then I’d put a full Nelson on this little guy and be like, all right, son of a bitch. Hey, you f****r. I put my chin right in the middle of his back. I’m like, oh yeah, you like this? Do you have a chin? Jesus, I didn’t even know you had a chin. Well, chins, chins. Oh my goodness. Well, do you have any more on that you want to talk about? No, that was just an old thing here. Okay. How your doctor says, I’ve screwed up your life because I’ve given you so many meds. Yeah, I’m drowning in my own fluids, basically. And I’m like, oh, okay. That’s good. I always go into like a list of things wrong with me. He’s like, yep, I caused that. Yep, I did that. Yep. And I just got a new Corvette. Basically, yeah. He cut me off when I said I had blood in my stool. He’s like, all right, you know what? We’re going to stop right there, Miles. Time’s up. another appointment to talk about that. Yeah. Um, so i’m trying to think how to approach this. So as you know, Miles, I have a lot of, uh, you have a lot of like medical situations. I do. And I seem to have a lot of, uh, perhaps psychological situations. I would agree with that too. Yes. So there’s this place, uh, that my wife likes to go out to dinner too. It’s, it’s not a, uh, chain or anything. It’s a local place, you know, and it’s not super fancy, but it’s not unfancy. You know what i mean pizza the cup no no it’s walking tacos. Okay. Um, Now, so we went to – what’s that? I didn’t say anything. Oh, I thought you said something. No, I was very quiet. I was like, oh. Oh, geez, you got a little feedback there. It’s Michael. Move your chin. Move your chin over. Yeah. Hey, Jabba. Jesus. So we like to go there every once in a while, and we went there recently. And I do like it. It’s very tasty, and it’s a good place to go. It’s not overly expensive. But they are trying to be a little more upscale than they need to be, at least for me, because they have cloth napkins. Oh, fancy. I know, fancy. We’re getting cloth napkin service at a paper napkin price. Yeah. And so, you know, it’s like, that’s all fine and good, but I can’t… I’ve broken… I tried to use them. The first few times I went, I struggled through it. I used the cloth napkins. Did… They have the words Holiday Inn stitched into them. I’m just wondering. Cut up old towels is what you’re saying? Yeah. Well… They’re all stolen hand towels from the Holiday Inn. No, but the, so I use them and then I just, I got, I just like, I can’t, you know, I apologize to my wife this one time, not before, not this last time. Apologize to my wife before and I’m like, I just can’t use these. I can’t use these napkins on my face. It just, it drives me nuts. Now, you would think, and part of it is this, but it’s not the main part, that I think about all the other people who have used this napkin. Yep. But that’s not the main reason. People like me. That’s right. I’ll have the rib special. Holy moly. I’m going to clean off my chins. Yeah. Jesus Christ, there’s a bone under my chin. Oh, my God. A spare rib. It’s like seeing Paul Prudhomme eat ribs, for Christ’s sake, back in his heyday. If anybody remembers who the hell that guy was, he was a big, fat New Orleans guy. So it’s because they use so much fabric softener that I can’t stand the feel of the napkin on my skin. Is that weird? Well, not for you, probably. Other people. I mean, you have sensory problems. I do. You are undiagnosed something. I don’t know what, but you are undiagnosed something. That could be a show, Undiagnosed. Yeah, that’s you. That’s the name of the show, yeah. Undiagnosed, yeah. Yeah, so I forced myself to do it, you know, for a little while so I wouldn’t be weird. But here lately, I’ve been asking for paper napkins, which the waitress is not really happy with me asking. Yeah, hold on. Let me go across the street, McDonald’s. Hold on. Wait. I think they just go to the bathroom, to be honest with you. Oh, it’s just TP. They’re putting, like, toilet paper. Oh, no, it’s not. Napkins to wipe your hands on. These are sanitary napkins. Oh, these are different. Oh, these are textured. I got wings. I can get both corners of my mouth with one wipe. They’re extra absorbent. No, so yeah. So then every time they’re just disgruntled, I’m like, can I get some paper napkins? And they’re like, huh? Yeah. So this last time we go, right out of the gate, you know, I’m like, I’m always very polite and nice. Okay. I don’t believe that. I’m like, whenever you get a chance, you know, could you bring by some paper napkins? Oh, sure. I would do this after you got the food delivered, though. I would not do this prior. Well, I’m a preparer. I prepare. Yeah, okay. Why don’t you bring your own? I mean, if it’s a problem, why don’t you just bring your own? Well, that’s even weirder, isn’t it? Is that even weirder? You’re the king of all, so what do you care? Just whip them out of your pants. Well, you do know that for years, I always take big handfuls of napkins

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4.6
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

Information

  • Creator
    Bob LeMent
  • Years Active
    2012 - 2026
  • Episodes
    195
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    Copyright © Static Radio 2025
  • Show Website
    Static Radio