Static Radio

Bob LeMent
  • 4.6 (8)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

  1. 3d ago

    Vacation Coundrum

    Miles takes the family out to eat at Chicken Conundrum and is shocked by the prices, while Bob stays home and vegetates for the Memorial Holiday. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/4LM33VOJ1m8 Miles takes the family out to eat at Chicken Conundrum and is shocked by the prices, while Bob stays home and vegetates for the Memorial Holiday. Vacation Conundrum Bad AI Transcript Yes, Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow duet. You would be great in the sequel. Yeah. We’ll be doing it together. Oh, yeah. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Miles, you’re singing co-host. That’s right. Miles, you’re working over there at the casino there on the river, are you now? I’m dirty dealing. I was thinking more you were the lounge singer. Oh, I see. Star Wars. Nothing but Star Wars. I enjoy singing, I just can’t sing. That is my problem. I think you do a, I mean, you know. Eh, I don’t know. A fine job. Eh. I don’t know if you knew this, but, you know, we’re here on Plausible, and Leanne sometimes sends out a thing that reminds people to come here, and usually it’s like a little clip, and it has music behind it. Mm-hmm. Well, this week’s was some special music. Okay. It was the Baby Elephant song. Oh, I didn’t pay attention to that. Well, you love that song. I love that song. You love that song. I wrote, I said, I can’t believe that you chose that music. I mean, that’s hilarious. Because Miles used to go to all of the minor league baseball games where he lives and dance to that song. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You don’t want to say anything about it? No, I don’t want to say anything about that, no. You could get up and play that song and you would dance your heart out. Because I was a dancing queen. Dancing queen. Sing along with it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was funny because it goes way back, way back. No one knew that, I’m sure. She put down a listing for a show. I go, yeah, it’ll leave you speechless. Yeah. And she just now saw it after I posted this like two weeks ago. Yeah. Cause she’s lost her voice. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Like polyps or something. Yeah. She’s still lost. She’s still a never voice. I don’t think. Really? Yeah. I don’t think so. I think she’s still dealing. Oh, yeah. Now the other thing is you used to play that song with a stapler. Uh, yes, I did the library. Yeah. Yes, I did. I, I would do that. It was a squeaky stapler and I would, I would sing along to that song and use a stapler to annoy people. Right. Yeah. Or abuse them. It’s got a lot of connotation, the baby elephant song for you. It’s like, you know, and Snuffleupagus is your favorite Sesame Street character. Yeah. And you dress up as a furry as him and go to conventions. You know me too well. You know me too well, yeah. You like to walk around and go, hey, brr. I do the front part and some other guy does the ass part because it’s like a two-man furry costume. Yeah, you got to get some accomplice. It’s kind of like a human centipede kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, no. I got gas. Oh, my God. We all ate burritos. Oh, shit. The only thing they had was Taco Bar. Hope you liked Jimmy Chang goes. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. That’s gross. That’s gross. That’s so gross. Yeah. So I know you went on an adventure this week. And so I’m just going to pass it to you. I don’t really have much going on. I was Mr. Homebody. And here you are gallivanting all around the place. So I got extremely phlegmy. Like, exact moment, I, like, try to jump into this thing. I’m like, Jesus. So, I’m sorry. Psychosomatic, do you think? I don’t know. I swear to God, it was not like this up until the second i started talking to you and it’s like there’s goo in my mouth. Every time we think of it. Every time it’s like a bomb, I get goo in my mouth. Every time always make me sad so uh we We went on a short, I guess, family vacation, if you will, I suppose. And, uh, uh, went over to the Chicago suburbs, not Chicago suburbs. No, no, we didn’t have a Mason. Uh, what’s his name? Mason Adams. He was not part of our group. No. I thought you were doing his voice there. Oh. this whole goddamn family it was it was title’s way yeah and uh we took two cars and, because there was a bunch of us. and we like to spend a lot of money on gas, so. Well, had I known, yeah, it was going to be like $5 a gallon. I probably would have canceled the whole goddamn thing to be honest with you. There’s nothing better than you like standing at that pump and just watching those numbers go higher and higher. Yeah. I can see why you stayed home. Yeah. Miles thinks it’s like a slot machine, but he doesn’t realize this is why your cheap ass stayed home. Cause you’re just so f*****g cheap. You’re like, there’s no way. I was spending $5 a gallon. Exactly. I’m in bankruptcy court with all this f*****g mulch I bought. That’s right. Still paying off my mulch bill. I did lay away. My wife tells the occupants of the car, they got a little bit later starting. We did. We’re like, She’s like, well, we’ll all meet up at this one town that we all know pretty well, and we’ll stop at the gas station that’s like a quickie mart with a little brand fast food place attached to it. Okay, that sounds good. Which I thought I didn’t say anything at first. I’m like, I don’t think there’s one of those in this town we’re going to. Right, okay. But I didn’t say anything. I’m like, well, I’m sure she… you know, she must know this. I don’t know. She was very confident. We got there. I wasn’t going to question her is what you’re saying, right? Yeah. So I’m like, okay, well, you know, I’m like you, like, I can’t question it. I can’t question the authority figure. So no, I’m like, okay, well, and we get there and she’s like, oh, darn it. I was thinking of a different town. Oh, now everyone’s confused. And I’m just like, not saying anything like, Oh, And so we park outside. We get a hold of my son. We say, hey, listen, change of plans. We’re going to meet at the box store parking lot here. And so we did meet up. And so we’re trying to figure out what we want to do. You know, one of those crazy things. Because nothing really had been set in stone. Okay. We’ve got three choices. Subway, McDonald’s, or a random Mexican restaurant. Well, you’re kind of getting to the point there, actually. That’s every little town. That’s every little town. Or a Chinese restaurant. No, this is a decent town. I mean, this is not. Yeah. This is my kind of town. Yeah. Hey. So my oldest son’s like, I gotta eat. You got the key to it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My oldest son is like, I have to eat, man. It’s like going at two o’clock already. He goes, I gotta eat. Yeah. You gotta eat. You gotta eat. Oh yeah. We’re all hungry. All right. He goes, well, we’re going to go to X, Y, Z, and we’ll just meet you over there. I said, okay. Okay. And so they take off first and we futz around for a minute. We take off. Yeah. And. Like, my car decides, well, why do we have to go eat where they want to eat? Why don’t we pick where we want to eat? You know? Your car decided this? Oh, your car, as in everybody in the car. Gotcha. Yeah. So, I had, like, half the group in my car. The other half group was the other. And so, they go. And so, we’re going down the road. And there’s, you know, all names you would recognize. Wendy’s. Yes. Yes. That was one of them. Yeah. And suddenly there’s like this, I don’t think it’s a chain, but it’s like some chicken joint or something. Oh, yeah. It was a hot chicken? I love the hot chicken. It’s like chicken conundrum or something. I don’t know. It’s like, okay. Chicken conundrum. Oh, I love chicken conundrum. Yeah, it’s got some cartoonish, you know, big rooster. What am I doing here? I’m dead. Yeah. And I’m like, huh? Well, okay. I guess, you know, no one will fess up to actually pick this. I’m like, okay. And, um, I go, well, who the hell knows? Obviously there’s chicken on the menu, but you know, who the f**k knows what’s, you know, I go, why don’t we, why don’t we go in, take our time, look at the menu, you know, see the prices maybe first, um, you know right no no stupid idea no stupid idea yeah stupid idea dad just keep going. Pull around the building and we’ll just go through the drive-thru. Oh, you’re eating in the car? I’m like, or, or we could go in. Oh, no. Free will. Free will. You should go around the, like, okay. All right. Yeah. All right. I’ve been outvoted we’re gonna go to the drive-thru. All right. We’re going to the drive-thru. I wouldn’t eat in the car myself, but you know, I know it’s not allowed in your family. I know you guys are weirdos. I know you don’t probably do that. And I apologize because I know your family would be very uptight about doing this. So, so, uh, excuse me. So we get there. I know I was not like this, like I’m telling you. And anyway, uh, so I can see the menu board to some degree and like the other people cannot, I can’t see what they got. And so my wife’s like, well, chicken strips. I’m like, yeah, no, I don’t even know if gizzards were allowed. I don’t know. So, so, uh, my wife’s trying to order through like the little back window that rolls down halfway, you know? Hello. Yes. Can we help you? Hello. Uh, yeah, we want to get a lot of chicken strips. Welcome to chicken conundrum. Yeah. So my wife’s trying to work a deal, you know, like, well, your, your regular size comes in five, right? Yes. Affirmative. Yes. She goes, well, can you get something bigger than that? Hold on. Yes. You can get the family meal. Oh, okay. Well, you got a family. I’m like, okay, well, you know, all right. Yeah. Is that cheaper? Uh, no, that I wish, I wish, I wish that sentence come out of my mouth like a fool. I did not like, well, certainly, you know, it can’t b

    31 min

  2. May 22

    LeMent Tonight 052126

    This Week On the latest episode of LeMent Tonight, host Bob LeMent sits down with Ted the Impressionist, an alt-comedy performer specializing in rapid-fire, absurdist impressions of animals, ghosts, and vegetables, such as a cat pretending to be a microwave and a squash with bad taste. Eschewing standard 2020s observational humor, Ted describes his act as clean, accessible, and designed to generate comic tension through sheer presentation rather than classic punchlines. Ted discusses the grind of breaking through the industry’s “chicken-and-egg” experience barrier, sharing how he continuously experiments with his act much like Thomas Edison or Shakespeare borrowing from his sources. The conversation takes several bizarre, comedic turns as Ted introduces his puppet sidekicks, Wally—a neutrino turned nutritionist—and Barney Bacteria, who chimes in with gut-health advice and poop jokes. Bob and Ted also chat about Ted’s side project, Bushmiller Remixed, a Facebook page dedicated to modifying old, “lame” Nancy and Sluggo comic strips with lyrics from the Ramones or Barnes & Barnes’ cult-classic song “Fish Heads.” The interview wraps up with a surreal advice segment where Ted hilariously suggests Bob resolve a neighborhood cat love triangle by equipping everyone in matching, color-coded Crocs and beekeeper suits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR3yuJJjtu0 Bad AI Transcript Okay. Ted’s ready. Here we go. Welcome to Wednesday. And with me tonight is Ted the Impressionist. And his little cats on the whiteboard. And it can do. As always with me is Gary Limes and the Flea Tones. And welcome to Metal Limits tonight, everybody. I’m Bob LeMets. Now, my guest here tonight is Ted the Impressionist. Now, Ted, believe it or not, an impressionist, always delivers what his mama told him. Whenever you meet new people, Always make good impressions. I think she said it just like that. And so his mission on stage compels Ted to perform fabulous impressions of dogs, cats, got to see that one, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables, chickens, and more. So many. It’s like getting hit on the head with a shovel. They all leave a deep impression on your mind. Ted has performed throughout the Northeast and in New York City nightclubs. He produces his own shows, Coop Comedy. bronco uh brad dang tootin good time show whoo that’s a mouthful. And Gonzo Gala. Hey, everybody. It’s Ted, the Impressionist. Welcome, Ted. Hello, Bob. How you doing? Nice to see you there shouldn’t I? Yeah, it’s great. I don’t smoke. It probably fits in your impressions right there. There you go. Yes, thank you but well it’s good to be here, Bob. So take it away. I’m sorry. Say that again. Take it away. Let’s get some impressioning going here. Oh, okay. Right. I’m sorry. That’s right. It’s my cue. Sorry about that, Bob. Okay. Well, thank you, Bob. And hello everyone for you. A lovely audience out there. Okay. So many people enjoy cat impressions. And so why not have some cat impressions? Okay, great. Here’s a cat. pretending to be a backhoe. Always good for cleaning the litter box. Thank you, Bob. I wrote that. Okay. Now here’s a cat as a microwave. Meow. Dinner’s ready. Okay. Now, here are cats racing at the Indianapolis 500. Well, except for the Kyle Busch cat. Okay. Now, here is some dog impressions for you. A hillbilly dog convinced his dead father talks to him through his foot. you say paw now here’s a dog as quality control inspector at the sandpaper factory rough i wrote that okay well and uh let’s see here’s uh hmm oh here’s a dog actor in a tarantino western slowly dying in a hail of bullets Tino wrote that. Well, that’s been a wonderful two minutes. I’m certainly glad to be here, Bob. Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much for inviting me here. Appreciate it. Oh, I don’t smoke. OK, so how about you? Thank you very much. And, you know, a little triggering. But other than that, it’s now where have I where have I seen you or met you before, Bob? Well, you probably see me here on lament tonight at the desk. Oh, well, i mean like at a comedy show, though, haven’t i seen? No, probably not i’m not i don’t live in new york apologies okay i live i live in the Midwest, and uh so yeah oh okay i haven’t performed with you or alongside you in a plausible show or a zoom mic anywhere? Oh, you might have seen me on the uh monthly comedy contest. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. I usually show up for those. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Yeah. I haven’t done one in a while. Maybe that’s when it was. Yeah. You know what? It’s not about me. It’s about you. Huh? It’s not about me. It’s about you. We need to talk about you, Ted. Oh, well, no, I don’t want to be selfish. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s all about me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. What does Ted like? What does he like to eat? Where does he like to go swimming? All good questions. Tai Chi? No, you know, Bob, it’s a give and take conversation. You know, people want to know about, you know, what kind of guy you are. So, you know, we’re going to give and take. But I’m just curious because I wanted to know. Okay. So that’s, uh, you want to go back to me? Yeah, let’s go back to you now. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Your, your bio says, you know, you, uh, started doing these impressions uh i’m guessing we talked about your mother. So I’m guessing it was when you were younger. Now, do you, you said cats, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables? Do you only do, uh, do you ever do inanimate objects or does it always have to be animal based? No, there are vegetable impressions that I’ve written as well. Oh, okay. Give me a demonstration, like cauliflower? Oh, would you like to see that? Oh, okay. Oh, okay, a demonstration. Okay, here’s, let’s see, a squash with bad taste. Hey, everyone, how do you like my checkered pants? Now, here’s a zucchini. Well, let’s see, a zucchini that has no moral values. Oh, I’m full of moral conundrums. I think all zucchini have no moral values, but that just may be. Well, that’s a good philosophical point. Right. Oh, here’s a green tomato. Hey, can someone tell me what I’m supposed to do? I haven’t been trained. Now here’s a fried green tomato. So, okay. So we’ve got vegetable, we’ve got animal vegetables. Do you do minerals? No, but that’s a very good one. Yeah, I should try that. You know, the whole animal, vegetable, mineral thing, because there’s a song on a Broadway show about that. Well, you know, granite and marble, you know, they don’t do anything. They just sit on the ground. You know, that’s kind of wacky to do a granite impression. It’s crazy. You know, it might be a good, you know, balance for things, you know, from the cats. I’ll certainly give that a try, Bob. Yeah. Oh, I don’t smoke. So have you done these things your whole life, these impressions this way? Or, I mean, when did this, you know, you’re like, you wake up one morning and you’re like, I want to do impressions that most people don’t do. Well, you know, I, Been working steadily on my comedy career, and this is the kind of thing that’s really taken off. I’ve tried doing edgelord material. I wrote this bit about smoking weed, playing with your pee-pee, and the Russo-Japanese War of 1905. Would you like to hear it? Sure. Okay. Hey, everyone. Have you ever fought in a war against the Russian fleet and they completely annihilate you? And you say to yourself, what the heck? Am I just smoking weed and playing with my pee-pee? I wrote that. There you go. But the impressions really took off. Yeah, that’s good. Oh, I don’t smoke. Okay. to you, Bob. go back to me so so i’m like what where what was the antithesis of this was your list like i mean with the other stuff just wasn’t working? And you’re like, you know what? I think i would rather do, you know, kitten impersonations than doing historical uh masturbation material. Help. The historic stuff wasn’t really going over at kids parties. So I figured, you know, why not try some impressions, see how it works out. You know, it’s kind of clean comedy. Most people can relate to because most people have either a cat or a dog, sometimes both. Many people do eat vegetables. So it was easy enough to just move over to that genre of doing impressions that appeals to a wider audience. Okay. Do you ever think about doing, you know, like fast food or anything like that? I’m a Big Mac and I’m, you know. Not yet, but I’ll consider that. Possibly, I’ll consider that. You know, I’m still working on this, you know, this whole thing, Bob. You know, it’s just at the very crest of my career. Here’s the crest. career and now it’s cresting. Oh, you’re cresting. So yeah, I’m still working on it yeah i haven’t reached the apex yet. You know, this is good for all you geometry majors out there. Crest, apex, you know, optimal curve trajectory all that yeah later on i’ll be discussing quantum equations. Oh, very good. You think this would play in the quantum realm? Well, that’s where wally the happy talking neutrino comes in oh But I find that I have to explain what a neutrino is because it’s just not in the common parlance. Is it like a neutrino is like smaller than a red box? Yeah, exactly. The tiniest particle in the universe. At the moment. Okay, Mr. Buckyball, you got me there. Good point. At the moment, I think, because everything changes. And so they thought the smallest thing was dust. And then now we’re all the way down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think Ben Franklin was like, dust is the smallest thing. Right. So Wally, the neutrino, has recently double crossed me. He has explained now to the audience on the stage that he’s now Wally, the happy talking nutritionist. And so I have to go along with it because otherwise he won’t perform live. So what are you going to do? You got your partner, y

  3. May 19

    Whose Bunny

    Miles hangs out with the famous and unhinged, while Bob has an interesting dinner on the Riverwalk. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/2aj6xyZjGOI Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Whose Bunny Bad AI Transcript Magma in my eyes. In my eyes. Okay. Addict. Transportation kills. Hey, everyone smiles. Girls aren’t them. See you later. Girls aren’t them. Have a tater. I can’t imagine Simon Le Bon saying have a tater. He was from Idaho. People think that he’s British, but he’s really from Idaho. There’s all these subliminal potato lyrics that he put in. Who was the other guy? Nick Rhodes. Nick Rhodes was like, Simon, we can’t have all these potato references. Or Ida. cheese and potatoes simon laban single-handedly got uh mcdonald’s to only have idaho potatoes. Yeah. In the 80s, so. Before that, there was just any old farmer can sell mcdonald’s french fry potatoes, but nope. His boat capsized in the 80s because it was full of potatoes. Full of potatoes. He was smuggling potatoes into the Isle of Man. That really happened in his boat sink or something. You’re thinking of the Rio video where they’re in suits on a boat. No, no, for real. No, he was like in a boating thing. He didn’t get hurt. That’s no boating accident. In a boating accident, yes. I’ve heard you on the radio and I’ve seen you on the radio. I wouldn’t look it up, but I don’t. Smuggler’s eyes. Smuggler potatoes. I can’t something to do with gravy. I don’t know either. It’s kind of goofy tonight here, Miles. I just don’t know the words to these songs anymore. I can’t remember the words. I had a photographic memory from the 80s, but I lost it. Only on Sunday. Everybody just makes them up. It’s okay. You can just look every one of these up if you wanted to. I’m going to get some letter from our fan CB now. Hey, man. That wasn’t really cool. Blue Monday, blue day. Can you see things my way? So anyway, I went on a little trip. Take a little trip. Take a little trip. I had to go to San Antonio, Texas, everyone. Welcome to San Antonio. antonio texas hey he followed charlie prize advice and went down to san antonio exactly charlie good old charlie pride you think that was his real name? I don’t think he, he didn’t look like a charlie or a pride to be honest with me. You know, I didn’t know what his real name was, but we could look it up, but i’m not going to. Did you kiss an angel good morning? um So I’m in San Antonio, and my son tells me, if you’re going to be in San Antonio, you have to get some fajitas. I guess they’re famous for fajitas. I don’t know. Okay. And I’m like, well, I love fajitas. That sounds good to me. Right? And so I was with another person down there, and so she had to put up with me for a day or so. Yeah. she’s like, what do you want for dinner? And I’m like, well, I’ve been told that we’re in San Antonio, so we should go get some fajitas. And she’s like, all right, whatever. Whatever, I care, right? So we go down the river walk, which is very nice. If you’ve ever been to the river walk, it’s kind of like a weird oasis in the baked Texas landscape. And we just start walking along, and I mean, there’s all these places, right? And I’m like, she’s like, where are we gonna go i have no idea. I guess let’s just walk for a while and we see one. We’ll just go. So we found this place and i thought, well, this is, this looks like a good place to have some fajitas right looks nice. Nice place. Well, all these places uh in the river walk, because it’s, it’s a river, right? It’s a concrete river. Let’s be honest but But it’s got the weirdest vibe because, you know, as a child of the, you know, 70s and 80s, the only time I really saw this kind of behavior was in sleazy movies from that time period. Oh, okay. Guys would stand on the street and try to get you to go into Times Square strip clubs. Well, they have all these people at all these restaurants. They’re not strip clubs. And they’re like, hey, come eat here, right? Telling you that you should eat at their establishment. Now, they’re not pushing or anything, but they’re saying, hey, come eat. I mean, every one of them has got a person standing outside inviting you in. It’s called a hype guy. Well, you probably were one at some point. Yeah, I was. I’m assuming. Under over bar. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, okay. So I’m like, well, hey, this guy, he seemed real nice. He’s like, yeah, come on up. We got, I got, you want patio? You want inside, outside, you know? And I know some Puerto Rican girls just down to me too. And so we sat on the patio. Was it Mick Jagger? No, it wasn’t Mick. I’m getting to that. I’m getting to that. All right. So we get seated on the patio in the shade, which was very nice. And it was very, very nice outside there. And we’re sitting there, and then I have this kind of slow realization as I’m looking around at all of the people working at this establishment. Yeah. And I’m like, holy shit, we’re being waited on by the cast of Con Air. Oh, yeah. Wow, harsh. Harsh. If you remember Nicolas Cage. Yes. Hey, get your hands off the falsena. party gets their own. And so we have these Joppa chips and salsas like Nick Cage. And then the waitress comes to take our order. Danny Trejo. But it’s a woman. So it’s this woman that looks like Danny Trejo. With a mustache. Yeah, with a faint mustache. Not quite as thick, right? Yeah. What do you want? Want specials? Anyway, I’m like, okay. She was very pleasant and a very good waitress, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she looked like she could have been a cast member. And then, of course, the bus boy. It was all tasty. It wasn’t like the I mean, to be honest, it was not the best fajitas I’ve ever had. And they were fine. And the lady I was with, she got some tacos or something. Anyway, it was all very, you know, good. It wasn’t fantastic and everything. And then Bashimi comes to bust the table. You guys done? Money penny or you’re done eating your tacos? Done. Yeah. Yeah. Moneypenny isn’t done yet. Go away. Yeah, no, it was just like weird because all these characters, you know what I mean? Yeah, right. The characters from the movie, I swear to God, it was just like, I was like, this is weird. Really weird. Was Cheech Marin there at all? No, the only con air. I did not see John Malkovich or Bing Rames, but. Yeah. I was trying to think who was in that movie. Williams was at the other table. So yeah, I spent a long time since I saw that movie. So, well, I can, you know, it was a great movie. Uh, I could quote it chapter reverse. If you want, he was one of the FBI agents, you know, and he was in the, he was, well, you know, he’d come walking through John Cusack. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, no, but it was, it was like, Oh my gosh. I’m like, and a lot, I mean, I, it, this could have been people coming off that plane. I swear they all had, uh, you know, various, uh, signage on their neck and the arms and faces and everything. It was just, uh, right. Yeah. I was just like the best service. Everything was fantastic, but it was just kind of a trip, you know, a little bit of a show there. Mrs. Trejo, I’m going to give you a 10 on the, uh, That’s right. On the Google review. I’m like, yeah, let me mash that five-star button for you. Yeah, no, she was very nice, but bad. She was, whew, yeah. It was a little rough on the looks there, you know what I mean? Moneypenny, how are your tacos, Moneypenny? They’re great, James. Yeah, so it was all happening down there in San Antonio. So did you slap yourself when you got back? You’re like, you lying bastard. No, no, no. I told him, I’m like, hey, they were, you know, all right. Oh, you should have went to the street taco. You know, he’s told me everything. And I’m like, you know, what are you going to do? You can’t, you know, I’m with somebody else. You kind of have to go with the flow a little bit. I can’t, I can’t say, hey, we’re going to go like four blocks over here where like there’s buildings on fire and get some tacos. You know, you just can’t do that for people. So. Uh, we were at the, we were in the river walk cause that was really nice area to go. So, yeah, I think, uh, I was, I think Reagan was still in office when I was there. Oh, well, but, uh, you know, everything was certainly, you know, good. It’s just, I was hoping for something great. Yeah. And that wasn’t, it wasn’t, it was good. It could have been worse, I guess, right? Oh, no, it could have been way worse. I’ve had way worse. But this, you know, it was good. I will say, and I’ll give you the compliment here. I had chicken fajitas, which, you know, I kind of oscillate between the chicken and the steak. And your chicken fajita is better. Really? Yeah. I really enjoyed whenever. And it’s probably been, what, 20 years ago. It’s longer now. It may be. But anyway. Your chicken fajitas were better, I think, because you put a lot of butter on something. I’m guessing. I don’t know. It’s the sauce. Yeah, unfortunately. Thank goodness. Well, actually, you did cook them. I did watch you cook them, but I was watching with eagle eyes. And they were good. And they were fantastic. Those are my own fries in a bag. Well, better than fries in a bag. That’s for certain. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. But, no, a good time was had by all. And, you know, we put the bunny down and we left. There you go. Currently, but yes, we left. No, it was fine. It’s interesting. I mean, it’s just a, you know, like it’s a Disney-esque corridor in the middle of San Antonio. And all the basements of these buildings opened up onto it with all these restaurants and and everything. It’s a trip to walk around down there. It’s like Willy Wonk

    36 min

  4. May 16

    Catchin Up with Mike

    The Midnight Citizen Mike is a multifaceted individual with diverse skills, including writer, filmmaker, actor, podcaster, and teacher. Join us as we catch up with what the heck Mike is doing now that he ended his long running show, the Midnight Citizen. The Midnight Citizen Mikes Bonfire https://youtube.com/live/7rqqxArqXig

    1h 10m

  5. May 12

    Expired Coupons

    Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/2q5jIg_041Y Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Cookie Hygiene Bad AI Transcript Live streaming, Miles. Are you ready to be live streaming, my friend? Somebody stop! What kind of stupid-ass voice is that? I don’t know. I just came up with it. You sound like one of the Transformers or something. This is an old lawnmower Transformer. I got to mow that lawn. That’s right. You got to mow the lawn. Watch out. Hey, push mower. Hurry up. We need help. I’m right on the way. boy oh my God. This is as funny as the show’s gonna get so it’s gonna get exactly it will not top this so if you that was our out of the gate that was if you didn’t like that then please do not listen anymore. Oh, my goodness gracious. I went to the dentist today. Oh, I thought you might open up with something else, but okay, yeah. Oh, was there something else? Is there something that you know that I don’t know? You sent me something a few days ago. I sent you something a few days ago. How we have been shadow banned on YouTube. Oh, yeah, we can talk about that if you want to. No, we don’t have to. I just thought you might leave with that. No, I was like, I don’t even want to talk about it. Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go to Dentist. So you went to Dentist and… Well, now you brought it up, I got to talk about it. So I got a note from YouTube that said that we had a show that was construed as some kind of hate speech. Right. Now, mind you, this show is from 2014. So it’s a little late to the party on that one. Yeah. And the other part was I listened to it. I have the original, right? So they took it off YouTube. It’s off of YouTube. It’s called Crying Shame, the episode. We start the episode. It’s at Christmastime and 10 years ago, 11 years ago, Miles is playing like, I don’t know, 1941 or one of these, you know, killing World War II games. games on the xbox or something i think it’s called first Shooter. Oh, is it called First, oh, I didn’t, okay, First Shooter. Or whatever it’s called, I don’t know. He’s saying, telling his son, you know, as he’s playing this video game, yeah, kill those Germans, and then we’re supposed to be um i know i didn’t i did not say Germans. Well, no, you said Nazis, but then spell it so we don’t get banned again, okay, so N-A-Z-I-S. Okay. And, uh, and so that I, we were supposed to be doing the show and I caught him in the middle of playing the game. And so I started joining in. I’m like, yeah, you know, and that’s what they, that’s what they use as the example. It, and I was making fun of the fact that here it is Christmas time and miles and his family are sitting down to a raucous world war two game where they’re killing the enemy. We were on a living. um Unaliving, yeah, we can use those words. Anyway. I thought there was it was ironic i they say you can, you know, send them a note and tell them what you, and i’m like, no, if the ai can’t figure out the humor in it, then never mind. I’m not even gonna bother with it. It’s 10 years ago, 11 years ago, 12 years ago. Yeah, I know. I had to go back and listen to that show. It was about that young girl that was crying in my living room. Oh, I didn’t even listen past the point. There was two girls having a fight. Now, don’t ask me why I always had two teenage girls in my house. That’s a different story. That, no one cares about. No one cares about that. Everyone’s okay with a middle-aged man having two teenage daughters. This is like a dump story or something. Let me tell you something now. It was two girls and my son playing a video game along with the Epstein guy hanging out. But it was Juan Epstein. Hey, Mr. Cod, I got a note here. It was Juan. It wasn’t whoever that guy’s name is. So go ahead. I’m sorry. No, go ahead. We’re going to explain why you had two teenage girls at Christmas time. No, go back and listen to the show. I’m not going to go through it. You can listen to it on our website, but not on YouTube. The girls were fighting over a boy. And one of them, like, was interrupting, like, Monday Night Football, and I didn’t know what to do because she was, like, literally crying, like, three feet away from me. While you’re trying to kill the enemy. No, I was done playing video games at that point. Oh, you were done playing video games at that point. Yeah, no, and then all of a sudden, like, this girl… You were supposed to be recording the show, I thought, but whatever. No, I was watching football or something, and she, like, would not stop crying, and her mom had to come get her. I’m like, God, this is, like… I’m like, man. This is like every other date. Sounds like a Saturday night. This is like every other date I was on when I was growing up. I’m like, God, the girl left crying. I’m like, Jesus. She’s calling her mom. She’s crying. Her mom had to come get her. Her mom had to come get her. This guy, I hate him. He’s so stupid. This scenario keeps playing over and over. I don’t know. I can’t escape it. No, it was just so awkward. It was like, oh, my God. Just go home already with the crying. Jeez. Oh. Get over it. Okay. Yeah, that’s real good advice there from you. Get over it. Christ’s sake. Do like my wife did. Marry the first one she finds and stick with it. Yeah. Pretty much. So anyway, I went to the dentist. Oh, thank God. Okay. Now, I haven’t had to go lately. I don’t have any like procedures or work being done this is all just the usual cleaning whenever that happens whatever my insurance is paying for um i’m there right so cleaning i’ll yeah i’ll take it sure so i’ve noticed and this is over the course of a year yeah because these things don’t happen that often although i do have a question do you think that hollywood stars get their teeth cleaned more often than regular folks Yes. How often do you think it is? I meant to ask the hygienist today, but I didn’t. It was all going so poorly, I thought maybe I shouldn’t ask that question. I’m fresh out of Hollywood, friends, so I really don’t know. You were tangentially connected to Andy Dick. Well, I know someone who hung out with Andy Dick. And another Andy that will remain nameless. Andy Richter, you mean? Yeah. Andy Richter. No, they always have like their teeth are nice. Like teeth. I like nice teeth. I like nice teeth. now And I cannot lie. The, um, so anyway, I, I wondered that, but i couldn’t ask her because things weren’t going swimmingly at the, uh, at the hygienist. So I’ve noticed this trend. So first she chastises me for not flossing enough. Oh, they always do that yeah And I don’t. I mean, she asked me. I’m always honest. You probably go, yeah, I floss every once in a while. Not really. I’m like, no, I don’t. I brush my teeth very religiously. And the flossing part is only, you know, it’s not very often. I’m going to be honest with you. It’s just not. I like to use like a stiff piece of paper to floss with, I guess, because I get like meat caught in my teeth all the time. I thought you were a vegetarian. No, I eat meat. Yeah, I know. I’m just joking. A stiff piece of paper. That’s probably not condoned by the DDS. I get meat stuck in certain parts of my teeth. The American Dental Association. I get a lot of meat stuck in my teeth. I do. I picked out one this morning. I was at steak last night. That was… Oh, the juicy steak I had. I did have a steak last night, yes. Oh, my. Is that why you had salad as well? Yeah. Okay. Well, we’ll get to that. Let me finish my damn story. We’ll get to your fatness in just a minute, but let’s continue. So she chastises me. She gets the work hammered on my face, and then inevitably… I think I saw a movie like this once. Go ahead, yeah. Well, I mean, they got those tools that look very menacing when they’re that close to you. You know what I mean? Those hooks and all that stuff. And then about partially through that, not quite halfway all the time, she goes, oh, I’ll be right back. Okay. And she leaves. we’re not, we’re not at a transition point. You know what i mean yeah you know okay we’re transitioning from the scraping to the, you know, to the polishing or something. And then she’s gone for like a really long time. Maybe she had to break wind. Well, I think it was a little more than breaking wind. I think morning coffee kicks in and she’s going to take a dump. I always go first thing. I go first thing in the morning. All my appointments, if I can make them like right when they open, that’s when I do it. Then she comes back and proceeds to continue. Yeah. And then I have to be there thinking she just went and took a big crap. Yeah. Her hands are all wet. You’re like… The only… Well, it’s not even that much of a saving grace. She wears gloves. Okay. That’s all right. But I’m still… I still have… I have a lot of problems, you know, with all these kind of things. Yeah. And so then I just sit there thinking, oh my God, she just took a crap and now she’s, you know, reaching down my throat. She’s got sharp implements and… Mm-hmm. But this time… She comes back and she goes, did you miss me? Nope. And I said, yeah. I said, yeah, I did. Were you a little nosy here, but were you just. Could you tell me, you know, what were you doing for the last, you know, eight and a half minutes? No, I didn’t. I couldn’t broach it, but I thought about it because, yeah, I threw her because she didn’t expect me to say anything. And I go, yeah, I did miss you. Did you smell like air freshener when she came back? Like, oh, you’re pining. You smell like pine. That’s a good question

    38 min

  6. May 8

    Mondo Freako - The Devil's Lake Monster

    The Devil’s Lake Monster Bob and “The Old Man” explore the legend of Oregon’s Devil’s Lake Monster, a unique “hairy octopus” creature. After a competitive trivia segment, the conversation shifts to personal paranormal experiences, including high-speed aerial orbs and eerie encounters with shadow people. The duo delves into a philosophical discussion on faith, imagination, and the supernatural. They conclude that modern technology often distracts from the mysteries of the universe, sharing stories of ghostly cigarette smoke and childhood sightings to emphasize that the world is far more mysterious than it appears. The Old Man Podcast https://youtube.com/live/DNZ8dzI53Fo Transcript (AI transcription) How come they call you the old man? Because look at me. I’m the old man. Oh, my gosh. Mondo Freako. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Mondo Freako. And I’m so glad that we have an elder with us tonight, the old man. I’m so glad to be here with you, Bob. Or should I call you Mondo? Mondo, right. Yeah, exactly. Call me Mondo. Mondo. But it’s better than Freako, I think. Yeah. And it’s fitting because it’s Cinco de Mayo week. Well, there you go. See, look at that. We’re fitting right in. Yeah. We’re fitting right in. You know, real quick, you asked about, you know, me being called the old man. When I was doing the podcast with my son, he calls me up and says, hey, I need a co-host. I can’t keep a co-host. They come and they leave. And I’m without a co-host. Will you co-host with me? For a couple of shows. I go, sure. And he goes, all right. He goes, so I go, but I don’t want you to call me. I want you to call me. He goes, what do you want me to call you? I go, well, I don’t want you to call me dad and I don’t want you to call me Jim. I want you to call me the old man. Call me the old man. And I was golfing at the time and I see my golf buddies call me the fat man. Oh, well, yeah. And I mean, that’s for you. That’s all good too. You know? And so he says, really the old man, you want me to call you the old man? I go, yeah. He goes, all right. So he introduced his show as dread, not dread, not nine to eight with big rich and the old man. And it’s been the old man ever since. Yeah. Well, it’s better than if they called you a ball washer. I’ve been called that too. Uh, and then, and then, uh, um, Within a year, the girl I had as a co-host at the time, she just started calling me Tom. I go, why are you calling me Tom? She goes, the old man, T-O-M, Tom. So then that’s how Tom came about. Gotcha. People were too lazy to say the old man. Well, you got to abbreviate everything. Yeah, everything’s an abbreviation. That’s the nature of living in the United States. Everything has to be abbreviated, right? So we’re not the United States of America or USA, right? Acronyms, man. I tell you, I hate them because I never know what they’re talking about. You’re not versed, you know. Also, it keeps out the riffraff. Oh. I even have a book of acronyms. If someone writes something, I got to look it up and see if it’s in the book. And now the book’s outdated. I don’t have the acronyms. Is it a handwritten book? Is that the idea? No, this is a regular. Oh, it’s a real book. Oh, okay. Oh, hey, he’s prepared. Let’s see. Is that a first edition? Holy schmoly. The great big book of acronyms. Oh, there you go. Texting dictionary of acronyms go figure yeah i mean that looks like a good stocking suffer i mean, it is loaded. It is. Look at that well omg so they can find you at the old man podcast.com. I want to get this out of, you know, get this. plug right in here. So then that way we don’t, we can just go on and move on to the the other stuff. Yeah. That’s our web. That’s uh that’s my web page the old man.com that’s my that’s beyond x or Twitter. You can find yeah whatever you want to call it. And there i am on Facebook. Yeah. Just, uh, and you can listen on all podcast platforms, all, but all, but, um, I’ll bet Spotify. I’m not on Spotify. No, no. Well, let me change that. Hold on a second. I, I, I got mad at Spotify and said, screw you. Ain’t going to use you. Well, there you go. They kept, they kept, they kept kicking all. Yeah. Except Spotify. Yeah. But you can hear me on Spotify because I’m the co-host of Savage Unfiltered with Michael Jordan. Oh, there you go. Okay. Well, now I got to change that again. Change it back. Yeah, Jesus. Except for Spotify Savage Unfiltered. So I’ve got a question for you, old man. So here on Mondo Freako, we talk about weird things. And I always give everybody a quiz. Now, the question is, I always give the guest a choice. Do you want to take the quiz before I tell you what the question is? tell you more about the weird thing, or do you want to wait and hear about the weird thing, and then we’ll take the quiz? Give me the quiz, man. Let’s go. Hey, that’s what I like to hear. Yeah, quiz. Quiz. That’s a sport right there. That is a man after my own heart. Can you see that? I’m going to read it out to you so you don’t have to be able to read it, but… Small for me but it’s well yeah well get the cheaters out. I got them on that’s all right. I’ll read it out to you uh so i’m we’re going to talk tonight i’ll tell you what we’re going to talk about. It’s called the devil’s lake Monster. The Devil’s Lake Monster. Ah, and the quiz is about that. So, I got seven questions, and uh hopefully you know, we’ll see how you do. Yeah, this doesn’t even help. My eyes are that bad. Okay, go ahead. I’m ready. Here we go. Which indigenous people’s oral traditions are the only source of the Devil Lake monster legend? Is it A, the Chinook and Klatsop peoples, B, the Silets and Tillamook peoples, C, the Kowakawak and the Haida peoples, or two guys named Silets and Tillamook who had a bad fishing trip? Hmm. If you want, I have a hint. If you want a hint, I’ll give you one. Okay, go ahead. All right, you want the hint? Yeah. Think about the coastal peoples of the Oregon-Washington region who relied heavily on the sea. No. The catsup people. The A. A? The Chinook and the clatsup people. Let’s see. Oh. Oh. Oh. It was the slits and the Tillamook people was the correct answer. Oh, the Tillamook. That’s where the legend is rooted. Okay. That’s all right. Out of the gate. It’s okay. I know. The Tillamook’s right. It’s good cheese. It is great. All right. Let’s go to number. Let’s leave that behind us. You still got six more to go. You can still win this. You can still get better than 50%. All right. Where exactly is Devil’s Lake? The monster’s supposed home located. Okay. Is it near Lincoln City, Oregon? Near Salem, Oregon? Somewhere very cold, dark, and tentacle adjacent? Or near Portland, Oregon? I got a hint if you want it. Yeah, give me the hint. It’s a coastal Oregon town known for its outlet stores and proximity to the ocean. Lincoln City. Oh, near Lincoln City. I was very confident. There you go. Yeah, baby. There you got that one. I was gonna say that without the end i was gonna say that without oh well there you see you already knew it. But that’s okay. The hint’s there if you want to use it, so. Okay. Now you’re one and one. Here we go. Number three. What is the most distinctive physical description that sets the devil’s lake monster apart from typical lake monsters? Is it A, an oversized freshwater shark with a forked tail? B, a massive mini-armed beast like a giant octopus, sometimes covered in coarse dark hair. C, a very large and very grumpy catfish with a serious personal space issue. Or D, a giant serpent with glowing red eyes. I have a hint if you’d like it. I’m going to go with D. I’m going with D. You’re going with D? D. No one with a hint. Okay. Oh. Oh. That was a good guess, but it is a hairy octopus. Oh, that would have been my second guess. But the red eyes, the red glowing eyes. Oh, you like the red eye, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that’s all right. Any kind of devil monster is going to have red glowing eyes. Well, you tried the devil aspect of things. You’re right. Here we go. Let’s go to number four. According to early legends, what was the monster’s primary aggressive behavior? Toward people on the lake. Was it a, it would beach itself and block fishing trails on shore. It would steal fish a B it would steal fish from nets left out overnight. See, it would rise from the depths to capsize canoes and drag people under or D it left terrifying one-star reviews of local fishing spots. All right. Let me go with the hint. Let me go with the hint. All right. The creature wasn’t shy and, It came up to meet visitors in a very unwelcoming way. I’ll say tipping canoes over. Tipping canoes over. Let’s see. That would be a C. It would rise from the depths to capsize canoes and drag people under. All right. Look at that. There you go. I made a little bit bigger for you. Hopefully, let’s see if you can see that better. Oh, dang it. No, I still can’t see it. You still can’t see it? Okay. No. Bob, I’m old, remember? I’m the old man. That looks pretty good right there. Yeah, okay. Well, there you go. We’ll go with that. Now, if I can get… There we go. Let’s go to the next. So you got two and two. You’re doing pretty good, actually. 50%. Number five. When did sightings of the Devil’s Lake monster reportedly peak in more modern accounts? Was it A, the mid-20th century, B, B, every Halloween right after the candy runs out. C, the late 19th century. Or D, the early 20th century. Have a hint if you’d like. Yeah, give me the hint. Think of an era following the Victorian age, a time of rapid industrialization and growing public interest in the strange. 19th century. 19th century? Oh! You were very confident there. Oh, man. Modern times peak in the early 20th century. Following the Victorian age. Well, yeah,

    55 min

  7. May 5

    Expired Coupons

    Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/T6BL9iu83Dg Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt. Expired Coupons Bad AI Transcript Won’t you take me too? Welcome to Texas. This is Bob. freestyling and profiling Miles Title, Static Radio. styling and profiling. Is that what you said? Yeah. Okay. Because I’m dope. You’re dope. That’s for sure. Dope. Dopey. Dopey. No, come on, man. Oh, man. You all be tripping, man. My name’s Humpty. Like a dumpty. Yeah. It doesn’t even faze me. It doesn’t even faze me. Please don’t tase me. I’m stepping tall, y’all. I love the digital underground. I know. You introduced me to the digital underground. I know. I’m sorry that guy’s dead, man. I know. It’s horrible. And NWA. And NWA. I don’t know them as well, but yes. No, I mean, you introduced me to them as well. I didn’t know them before. Public Enemy. Public Enemy. Public Enemy. I called 911 a long time ago. 911 a long time ago. All of that stuff. All that good stuff. Yep. Oh, my goodness. That’s fantastic. Yeah, isn’t it? God, we’re so old. Goodness, you know how old Cool Breeze is now? He’s like older than us. Cool Breeze. Cool Breeze. Yep. Or Fred? Yeah. Fred, yeah. Who says… Who says Weekend at Bernie’s is a good movie? Do you remember that? He was so angry. There was a gentleman… There was a gentleman at the college radio station who was in the next office over, and I said I enjoyed Weekend at Bernie’s, and he apparently did not. He went off? Who? Wow. I’ve never saw anyone get that angry over Weekend at Bernie’s before. Yeah. I was like, wow, you set Fred off. Holy shit. I didn’t know that would trigger him, man. I didn’t. Of all the movies I could have said, I would never have guessed that one would have possibly led to violence. I really like that weekend. Who? Who the f**k? Who the f**k? I thought that was hilarious. So, Fred, I’m sorry. Yeah, Fred, I never got a chance to say I’m sorry because I’m glad you really didn’t hurt me. Yeah, Fred was nice. He was a tall guy. He was a big guy. Yeah, he just wasn’t having it, man. Like, weak in it. i just talking about that just reminded me of that situation, so. There was no agree to disagree, man. It was just like oh no it was just disagreeing with you. Yeah, like there’s gonna be some problems. You say that again hey hey hey it’s just a movie, man. you take your damn damn hands i know that’s how i felt like oh f**k this this guy oh my goodness gracious me oh what a fun time yeah one time to be alive you know essentially the i’ve only been punched in the face once, actually. Really? I was surprised about that. I think it should have been at least a half a dozen or You would think that, listening to me? Yeah. I am a jerk. The kind of things you say to people? Yeah. Do you mean like this to anyone? That did not lead to… He’s gone. He dumped on me now. You’re going to have to do something there, Miles. You are not on. We can’t hear you now. Oh, what a night. Late December. There he is. Now he’s back. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened there. I never got hit in the face for saying Cunning Lingus to a nice young lady. No, I didn’t say that. Yeah. I didn’t say it at all. I have people who have witnessed that told me that you said that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I am surprised you’ve never been hit in the face more often. Just once. I did get sucker punched once, yes. Yeah. I mean, as a young man. As an old man, you know, people just don’t hit old people, so. Like a violent attack. I’ve only been violently attacked once my whole life, so. Mm-hmm. Let me think here. I mean, this was not accidental. This was someone actually that enraged. Yeah, no, they like attacked you, right? Yeah. But I was sucker punched, you know. Whatever. Call it what you will. You got punched in the face. I got punched in the face. So what? I see. I’ve been punched in the face several times. Yeah. I’m sure you’re not surprised by that. I, you know, you look like a guy that could handle himself, though, you know. Although I think at least a couple of them were women. No, not for that reason. I’m not sure where this is going. I had an ex-girlfriend who punched me in the face. Laura? No, Laura didn’t punch me in the face. Why would she punch you in the face? Every once in a while, I see you smile. No, another girlfriend punched me in the face. Why? I wasn’t the most likable person at that moment. Was that the girl that was like holding your stuff when you’re having to pee or something? Yeah. Correct. Although it was a very, we had a very stormy stormy relationship. Yes. Really? You seem like such a nice guy. I can’t believe that that would happen. Yeah. And I’m pretty sure… I mean, it wasn’t a girlfriend. I think another woman punched me in the face. Wow. Okay. I don’t remember exactly. Was it Meg? No, I think I was drinking. Oh. That’s why I try not to drink too much. Yeah, although… That’s not really why, but anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten hit more in the face. Uh, I got punched to the nuts once. Cause I got a friend told a girl to do it. And so she did it. And she’s like, I can’t hit that small target. No, she was right on. He goes, he goes, why don’t you punch miles in the penis? And literally, literally within a nanosecond, she had done it. Oh, wow. She’s very, uh, compliant there. He was like very susceptible to, Yeah, very, yeah. Like MKUltra or something. MKUltra girl. Punch him in the nuts. Okay, boom. Yeah, it was kind of like that Star Trek movie where that little thing’s in your check-off seat and he has to obey. It was like that. I was like, why don’t you just hit him in the nuts? You ever watch that show Dollhouse that was all about sleepers? She’s like a sleeper agent. They say a word, and they just start tearing shit up. Wasn’t that a Charles Bronson movie, Telephone? That was. I’m talking about Dollhouse. I don’t know where you got Telephone in it. Well, no. Isn’t that like a thing? Like some secret word triggered these people to kill people? Oh, yeah. It’s a similar story. Yeah. Gotcha. It’s the same idea, isn’t it? Yeah. The same thing. Yeah. Yeah. There’s a… There’s a word that triggers you. It’s called work, and then you don’t do any. So, so far, that’s been working out for you. Oh, I have done work in the past. You’re like Maynard G. Krebs from Dobegill. It’s work, work. That’s even before my time, for Christ’s sake. I got praised once on the job at a factory job. Only to find out my brother told me later, he’s like, well, they usually have like the, uh, challenged people do that, what you were doing. And I’m like, oh, thank, well, thank you. I’m, I’m glad to hear that, that I great. Thank you. Yes. So they beat a bunch of challenged people, you know? Well, better that, you know, better beaten them than nobody. I was like the king, you know, like, wow. Huh? I’m the king of wishful thinking. Yeah, pretty much. That was me. I’m like, oh, to heck. I’m trying. Do you have a story? I’m trying to think if I’ve got a story. I do. I had to decide. Let me have it. I don’t know. I said I was going to go with one, but then something happened this morning. I had to change it. Something good happened. All right. Yeah. So I had to. Long story short. Yeah. Get punched in the face by a woman? No, that has never happened as far as I know. Okay. But I had to share a car with my wife this morning. Is this some kind of euphemism or something? No, that was pretty much straight on. We’re going to share a car this morning, honey. Okay. Yeah, it’s a long story. I had to Anyway, I wish we had a bench seat. He’s like, we got to get going. We, I can really not be late. I’ve got some meetings today. Oh God. That’s all she needs to say to you. She does not obviously have the same job as you, but she kind of has to travel from time to time. Like you, not excessively like you, but you know, right. And she had to be at the certain workplace and, you know, before eight o’clock I said, okay, well I go, do you want to drive? Cause you actually drive faster than me. She goes, no, no, no, no, don’t. I thought, okay. And, uh, yeah, don’t let, if you let her drive, it’s like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You ever see the movie to live and die in LA? Yeah. It’s like that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Chance. Chance, we’re going the wrong way the freeway. Yeah, that’s like, yeah, this is my wife driving. I feel very nervous like okay yeah i rode with her. Holy shmoly Yeah, I mean, I don’t think my driving, but i know hers is worse than mine so and um right we got it going, and, uh, There’s a, I can see that this semi is going to turn in front of us and then like be in front of us down this road that we are traveling on, which I know is going to delay our trip because, you know, we’re a little bit of a time thing. You know, she’s, she wasn’t, you know, being too crazy, but she’s like, I really have to be there. I cannot really be late. And, uh, so, uh, i hear her phone ring. She’s, you know, attached to her phone like 24 7 right? Right. Oh yeah. I, I, uh, did not know she had her earpiece in. So I hear the phone ringing, excuse me. And then, um, she hadn’t picked up yet. So anyway, at this point i’ve caught, I’ve caught up to the semi. I go, man, you goddamn c********r right in the way. Oh my gosh. It’s all in the c********r. Next thing you know, Oh, hi, uh, Jennifer. She’s shooting me a look because. You said c********r when Jennifer was on the phone? Yeah. I have my. Oh, nice. She’s shooting me a look like, I’m on the phone. I’m on the phone, you stupid ass. I t

    30 min

  8. Apr 28

    Mowing Last

    Bob channels James Mason and asks Miles for an apology, while Miles entertains Mr. Miagi, trying to put together a lawnmower. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/ExBzspEVrg8 Bob channels James Mason and asks Miles for an apology, while Miles entertains Mr. Miagi, trying to put together a lawnmower. Mowing Last Bad AI Transcript Oh, no, no. here tonight, building in for Bob. How is everyone? Gee, fantastic. Are you there? You disconnected me a t**t. He apparently is having some trouble with his technology. Oh, I’m appearing twice again. That is an affront to civilization as we know it. you tonight, Miles? I’ve already introduced you. Oh, I see. Uh, yeah, no good. I don’t really like to come in like this, but that’s all right. Well, I’m not sure what you mean. Late, perhaps? Late? My God, you show up like six minutes late this m**********r is all like you don’t know your f*****g web dude! My God, damn, man, f**k. you Here in the Queens country, we are never late. Christ almighty. Somebody’s got a big chip on their shoulder tonight, don’t they? I hope you’re not like this on that poor guy that talks about corner gas. Jesus Christ. F**k. He’s never late. He’s never late. It’s amazing. Oh, come on. B******t. Never. He’s never late. I was a little late. I had some choring to do. Choring? Is that slang for something? I’m not so… convinced you know, there’s uh do you know who dana gould is? No, I think so. Yes. He’s a comedian. I think so. Yes. And he does. I don’t know how he does this. This is a good question. Maybe you have an idea because you are a shyster and you know how to rip people off. Yep. He does a show called, uh, the famous Dr. Z where he plays Dr. Zaius. He’s actually in Planet of the Apes makeup and the suit of Dr. Zaius. And he pretends… Okay. Hello? Yeah, he pretends that he is Dr. Zaius. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me? No, it said I’ve been disconnected. I’m sorry. Continue. Yeah, okay. You’re back again? I guess. Okay, continue. So he plays Dr. Zaius and does a talk show as if he’s been around since Planet of the Apes movies have been out, and he does impersonation and everything, right? That was my idea. I wonder how he gets away with that. That was my idea. Was it? Yeah. We recorded on the show here? Well, I didn’t say that, but i mean, yeah, it was my idea yeah i just i thought it one day. Okay. Yeah. Well, he does it. And so i’m thinking now i should do i should be i should do james mason and i’ll dress up like james mason and do a whole show like i’m james Mason. Uh, well, you’ve got less hair than you did. Well, he wore a wig, so will I. It’s all good. Wait, what? No. Yes, he wore a wig. Of course he wore a wig. All those people wore wigs. They did? They still do. No, come on. You name a person, and I’ll tell you if they wear a wig or not. Bert Convy. Of course you wore a f*****g wig. Bert Convy? That’s the most stupidest thing. John Wayne, for Christ’s sake. Rip Taylor. A wig. Yes, a wig. Okay. All right. I don’t know. John Connery. Wig. Wig. Rug. Yeah. Yeah. He wore a wig. He wore a wig. Whatever. Oh, jeez. I think that would be… So, I mean, if Dana Gould can get away with Dr. Z, I’m sure I could get away with… Who’s paying attention to David… Or not David Niven. Who’s paying attention to James Mason at this point? David Niven. Same difference. I was going to do David Niven, but I thought it was too highbrow. Yeah, David Niven’s not… I don’t know that I could do his voice, but James Mason, of course I can. Yeah, his is more stylized. That’s right. He talks like this, and he’s… It’s so good to be alive. Yes. So tell me, Miles, who do you blame for your lateness? Is it an Apple thing? You blame your mother. Is it your mother’s fault? Or possibly a young lady? Lolita! I can have a co-host. Lolita could be my co-host. Lolita! There you go. I can tell you’re not even enjoying this idea in the least. No, it’s really gone on like 10 minutes longer, and I really wanted it to, to be honest. That’s because I started it before we started recording. I know, and it’s kind of a swing and a miss at this point. I’m like, okay. Hey, by the way, I’ve been instructed. I have notes here. I’ve been instructed to tell you, and my wife was not very enamored with your choice to let her die. in your because she’s she’s injured currently and she couldn’t get away from the zombies and or sharks. I just had a movie idea we built upon it and uh she’s not happy that that was, you know. You kind of took it to a dark place and uh i just said, okay, well, okay. What? How did i take it to a dark mine was uplifting where everyone lives when you change it around like Maybe you could kill off my wife. I’m like, well, I guess. Yeah, I think that you can play the game. That wasn’t me. Thanks a lot. I watched that s****y shark movie that you were bitching about. Thanks a lot, jackass. I told you not to watch it. Because then my wife’s like, oh, let’s watch it. Bob watched it, so it must be highbrow class. Yeah. Oh, my God. What a horrible f*****g movie. I told you. It’s horrible. I told you. Why would that Academy Award winning guy be in a thrash or whatever it’s called? Cash. Yeah. You know you’d f*****g do it in a heartbeat. You’d be like, yeah. A million? Two million? Sure. I’ll do it. Yeah. Sure. I’ll show you my ass. Yeah. Why not? A million. I can live with myself. Yeah. What do you mean? You live with yourself now. Yeah, right. I’d do a Dirk Diggler if his money paid right. Yeah. I was going to say. It’d be kind of… A little dangle. A little… Yeah, thanks a lot. Watch it. Maybe a little… Yeah. More like Billy Birdie, you know? Yeah. So, yeah. So, anyway, she told me to make mention of that. Sorry, Mrs. Lumet. Sorry. They all can’t be winners. Mason in person. I was going to try to do that the whole time, but I don’t think I can, so… Please, yeah, at this point, stop. Oh, Miles. I really, everyone is tuned out at this point, believe me. They tuned out before they started. Even CB is like putting a rope around his neck right now. He’s like, I can’t, I can’t. Listen to this for five more minutes. I’m a diehard, I can’t do this. Yeah, I mean, the guy’s listened since like 1972 when we started this. I can’t, I can’t. My life is over. He’d be doing like auto erotic, erotic. Yeah. Goodness gracious. Yeah. So yeah. Anyway, I was just, Oh, got me. Oh, Crazy world, man. Crazy world. So the other morning I was driving early in the morning. And I think, what are the odds of this? I drive in early in the morning and there’s this truck in the ditch. But it’s not in the ditch like, you know, just nose first in the ditch. It’s like driven apparently at a high rate of speed to where the wheels are hanging in the ditch, all four wheels. Because it’s like somehow they’ve driven… in this ditch that was like different widths, I guess you’d say, or like narrower and it got wider where it was being held up on the sides of the fenders and stuff. And the wheels were just hanging down the ditch. Oh, it wasn’t me either. It wasn’t me. The hitcher. I don’t know. I was just like, I, it was at a corner. So I assume they were drunk and lost control and then just drove right into this ditch and kind of got, Did you go to Decatur High School like I did, buddy? He goes, pardon, pardon. Oh, there we go. Oh, Christ. Why? Why, God? My pickup truck is stuck in the ditch. Oh, my God. Why, God? Why? Anyway, I just thought that was probably the most interesting thing I saw all week was like, wow, that’s weird. And then that night, I’m grilling my dinner. And this guy walks up and says he needs a tow. No, and there’s that truck. truck is on the back of a flatbed, and they pull into my, you know uh gated community turn around, apparently. And it’s the same truck. They come pick it up, and it’s like on a on a they pulled it up onto a flatbed. Holy shit, I’m in the movie Duel. Holy shit. I was like, what the heck i’m like, what the hell? What are they doing down here? I don’t know. That’s the most, that’s, I’m sorry. That’s the most interesting thing that happened to me this week. You don’t want to hear about this. That or the fact that I’ve talked about going swimming. I go swimming. Now, every time I go swimming, all the old ladies ask how my wife is doing. Well, she’s in a coma and she may not pull out. No, they know she hurt her foot. Did you murder her? No. And so this week I had to go and I go, yeah, her foot’s still hurt. And my friend made up a movie where zombies come and kill her because she can’t get away. I just thought it’d be funny. She’s got one of those little knee scooter things. I just thought it’d be funny. The scooter is not good for rough terrain and she just gets bogged down. You’ve got to go downstairs with it. Yeah. Much like RFK, I left her in the dust. See ya! See ya! Cheryl! Cheryl! Can you believe it? No, I do. Every second time or something, they’re all like, how’s your wife doing? I’m like, she’s fine. She’s fine. She’s fine. yeah oh yeah it’s all yeah i’m just like i don’t think that the i don’t think that, you know, that situation were reversed. Yeah. That this would be happening oh uh were you married? Yeah. No, there would be nothing to be like, thank god you got rid of that lump. Where’s that ugly woman with the glasses that comes with you all the time? That swims topless all the time. That swims topless, that’s right. No, it’s my husband, Sparky. With the areola sticking out. Yeah, I don’t think that… Is that a friend of Peter Ustinov that comes here every once in a while? Yeah. I don’t think that these two things would be the same. I think there’d be a lot of, you know, oh, r

    33 min
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4.6
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

Information

  • Creator
    Bob LeMent
  • Years Active
    2012 - 2026
  • Episodes
    196
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    Copyright © Static Radio 2025
  • Show Website
    Static Radio