THE INTERVIEW What did you say to yourself the last time you made a mistake in front of your child? If your inner critic is harsh, critical or downright mean, you’re far from alone. Dr Cynthia Phelps joins Kathryn Lovewell and Liz Walker to talk about where that inner critic comes from, why it’s trying to keep you safe in all the wrong ways, and how you can gently teach it a kinder way to speak. Cynthia spent more than 20 years building technology to help people learn, heal and change. Then a hard time in her own life showed her just how harsh her own inner voice had become. Finding self-compassion changed the way she speaks to herself, and she now helps others do the same through her company, Inner Ally. You’ll hear how children pick up the way we talk to ourselves, how to quieten negative self-talk with kind words your inner critic won’t argue with, and a simple breathing practice for when everything feels too much. Key Takeaways Your inner critic is trying to protect you. It wants to keep you safe, especially around other people, but the way it goes about it hurts. Self-talk is caught, not taught. Children pick up how we speak to ourselves. Cynthia caught her harsh inner voice from hearing her mum put herself down. Soften the words until they feel right. If “I am worthy” feels false, try “May I be worthy”, or “May I give myself permission to feel worthy in this moment”. Calm your body first. Put a hand on your chest and take three slow breaths out to settle yourself before you try anything else. Kindness can be fierce too. Sometimes it’s a cuddle and a rest, and sometimes it’s the kind push to get up and get going. It can stop with you. The way we talk to ourselves can run in families, and anyone can be the one who changes it. Quotes “The inner critic is really wonderful because it wants the best for us, it wants to keep us safe, but its methods are terrible.” “There you are again, trying to keep me safe. Thank you.” “When we suffer on the inside, that spreads out through our whole lives and to the people we love.” “Awareness is the door that opens everything.” “The only negative side effect in the beginning is that it’s going to feel weird and awkward. And we can do weird and awkward.” Raising Kind Minds is the podcast for parents, carers and educators who want their children to grow up with a kind inner voice. Hosted by Kathryn Lovewell and Liz Walker of Kind Mind Academy.RaisingKindMindsPodcast.com #InnerCritic #SelfCompassion #Parenting Chapter names, in transcript order Your inner voice when you make a mistake How Cynthia found self-compassion Does everyone have an inner voice? How children pick up the way we talk to ourselves What is the inner critic? Why is it so mean? The ways we numb the pain Making friends with your inner critic Softening the words: “May I be worthy” Is self-compassion letting yourself off the hook? When to get extra help A quick breathing practice to calm your body Can it run in families? Where to find Cynthia Chapters 00:00 – Welcome to Raising Kind Minds 01:30 – Dr Cynthia's Journey: Neuroscience, Crisis & Recovery 04:15 – What Is the Inner Voice and Does Everyone Have One? 08:50 – Cultural Messages, Family Lines, and Childhood Models 12:30 – Understanding the Inner Critic: Protection vs Bullying 17:10 – The Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Self-Talk 21:40 – Numbing Pain vs Healthy Emotional Management 25:15 – Training the Brain: How to Soften Critical Language 30:00 – Fierce vs Nurturing Compassion: Setting Boundaries 34:20 – Quick Somatic Reset: A 3-Breath Technique to Calm Down 38:50 – Breaking the Lineage: Interrupting Emotional Inheritance 42:10 – How to Connect with Dr Cynthia Phelps TAKE THE SELF-KINDNESS QUIZ http://kindmindacademy.com/kq-rkm HOW TO CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthialynnphelps/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/InnerAllies/ HOW TO CONNECT WITH YOUR HOSTS https://RaisingKindMindsPodcast.com https://KindMindAcademy.com https://TheBoosterWay.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/KathrynLovewell https://www.linkedin.com/in/LizWalker8 CONNECT WITH RKM ON SOCIALS https://www.facebook.com/RaisingKindMindsPodcast https://www.instagram.com/RaisingKindMindsPodcast https://www.youtube.com/@raisingkindmindspodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@RaisingKindMindsPodcast HOST BIOS Kathryn Lovewell is the founder of Kind Mind Academy, an award-winning international speaker and best-selling author specialising in Self-Compassion. A Senior Certified Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher and creator of The Booster Way®, she has spent over a decade helping adults, families, and educators transform self-criticism into confidence and self-trust. Kathryn blends science, storytelling, and humour to make personal growth relatable, and accessible. She’s real, she’s been there, and she’s passionate about helping people stop beating themselves up and start living happier, kinder lives. Grounded, heartfelt, and a little mischievous, Kathryn believes laughter and compassion are equally powerful medicine. Liz Walker is the co-founder of Kind Mind Academy and co-host of Raising Kind Minds. Known for her warmth, humour, and emotional intelligence, Liz brings genuine humanity to every conversation. With decades of experience in business, personal development and client care, she pairs practical wisdom with deep compassion. Liz doesn’t do hype; she believes real change begins with honesty, kindness, and a good laugh at ourselves now and then. She is passionate about helping people feel seen, safe, and supported as they learn to lead their lives with more self-belief and joy. This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/
