Not Managed. Fully Lived.

Michele Gray (Oelking)
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Mental Health

You have done the work. The strategies, the protocols, the mindset shifts. You keep hitting a ceiling you cannot fully explain. This show is for you. Not Managed, Fully Lived. is a podcast for high-achieving, neurodivergent women who are ready to go beneath the executive function conversation and into the biological terrain nobody in the ADHD space has addressed at the level it deserves. Long-form. Personal essay. The kind of conversation that treats your intelligence as the given it always has been. I am Michele Gray (Oelking), MSW, PCC, AAC, Founder and CEO of Souljourn Coaching & Consulting. For 26 years, I've practiced at the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and the nervous system. I call myself the Neurosomatic Alchemist, because this work resides between applied neuroscience, positive psychology, ancestral wisdom, and embodied practice. Each episode goes to the 80 percent. The nervous system layer. The somatic truth. The biological terrain that determines how you show up to every strategy you have ever tried. You will hear research and personal essay, lived experience and clinical framework, held in the same breath. Episodes drop weekly from seven acres in the mountains of Colorado. Not managed. Fully lived.

Episodes

  1. 18h ago

    What You Call Procrastination, I Call Freeze

    It's 9 a.m. Your coffee is ready, your laptop is open, and you know exactly what your first step is. By 11, the document is still blank, and you've spent 40 minutes looking at a hotel in Portugal you found on Instagram. The ADHD world has called this procrastination for years. Your body is registering something else: a threat. In this solo episode, I break procrastination apart piece by piece. You'll hear why the four boxes all over social media (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) leave out the most important parts of the map. I walk you through the survival ladder rung by rung, including the two rungs almost nobody talks about: shutdown and recovery. I also explain why fawn belongs in its own category, as a relational strategy your nervous system uses to survive people. You'll meet Fiona, the Ledge Leaner, one of the archetypes on my autonomic mountain. She looks composed from across the room and is braced underneath. I also share a client story of a senior director stuck on a proposal for three weeks, what was really happening in her body, and the small, body-first practices that got her moving again. Your brain can't use what it knows until your body feels safe enough to let it. State before strategy, always. The client story in this episode is a composite of several women I've worked with. Details have been changed to protect confidentiality. Find out where you are on the Autonomic Mountain:  Take the free Autonomic Assessment and see which archetype you're closest to right now: AUTONOMIC ASSESSMENT LINK: https://pages.souljourncoach.com/guide-1-9114 Book a free Capacity Consultation. We'll map where you are on the ladder and build a plan to move you toward more capacity: CAPACITY CONSULTATION LINK https://link.flowi.io/widget/booking/UvsQ3VCK5GmeAYlW7Rhe Research mentioned:  Kozlowska, K., Walker, P., McLean, L., and Carrive, P. (2015). Fear and the Defense Cascade: Clinical Implications and Management. Harvard Review of Psychiatry. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. (The origin of the term "fawn" as a trauma response.) Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience. Sirois, F., and Pychyl, T. (2013). Procrastination and the Priority of Short-Term Mood Regulation. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. Connect: Instagram: @souljourncoach Email: moelking@souljourncoach.com With you, Michele

    What You Call Procrastination, I Call Freeze

  2. 6d ago

    The Coaching Industry Needs a Reset

    The coaching industry needs a reset. In this solo episode, Michele draws a line from Jurassic Park's Ian Malcolm, who warned that the park's creators were so focused on whether they could that they never stopped to ask whether they should, straight to today's online coaching space, where follower count and sales skill too often outweigh actual coaching ability. She breaks down what coaching really is (and isn't), walks through two side-by-side coaching demos with the same client, and gives you six questions to ask before you hire a coach. If you've ever felt like you "tried everything and it didn't work," this one will help you understand why, and what to look for next. Show Notes: The Coaching Industry Needs a Reset A Not Managed. Fully Lived. solo episode with Michele Gray Oelking In this episode: Why the Jurassic Park test applies to the coaching industry (and how AI is pouring fuel on it)Profit over proficiency: when marketing outranks methodologyWhat coaching actually is: the ICF framework, and why the client is the expertCoach A vs. Coach B: a side-by-side demo of advice-giving vs. true coaching"The go-go crash cycle just got a coach"State before strategy: Bruce Perry's sequence of regulate, relate, reasonThe PORTAL Method: Pause, Orient, Regulate, Trust, Align, LeadSix questions to ask before hiring a coachWhere to start if you've been trying all the things and nothing's workingSix questions to ask a coach before you hire them: What's your training, and what code of ethics do you follow?Can you describe your methodology in plain language?How many clients have you actually guided through this specific work? What were the outcomes?How do you know when someone isn't a fit for your work?What happens when my body says no to the plan?In a typical session, who does most of the talking?Links mentioned: Free Autonomic Assessment: maps where you are on the go-go crash cycle and your nervous system archetype. https://pages.souljourncoach.com/guide-1-9114Book a free Capacity Consultation: a diagnostic session to map what's draining your energy and what to do next. https://link.flowi.io/widget/booking/UvsQ3VCK5GmeAYlW7RheMichele on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/souljourncoach/ and Substack https://substack.com/@souljourncoachFurther reading and references: International Coach Federation (ICF) core competencies and code of ethicsBruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?, for Perry's regulate, relate, reason sequence (the Neurosequential Model)Self-Determination Theory (Deci and Ryan): research on autonomy, motivation, and why self-generated answers stickWomen's Philanthropy Institute, Lilly Family School of Philanthropy at Indiana University: research on women, wealth, and giving

    The Coaching Industry Needs a Reset

  3. Sep 30

    The Dream in the Boot Box with Gail Oxford

    In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with my neighbor Gail Oxford: retired educator, children's author, wife, mom, grandmother, and one of the most resilient women I know. Gail spent 45 years in the classroom teaching gifted kids and kids with learning differences, long before most schools understood what those kids needed. She wrote her first book while still teaching, tucked it away in a cowboy boot box, and brought it back out after retirement. Today she walks into classrooms across Pagosa Springs with puppets, songs, and a guide dog named Patches. This conversation is about purpose, faith, reinvention, and the courage to put yourself out there at any stage of life. In This Episode, You'll Discover: Why Kids Need to Move: How a movement corner, fidget cubes, and a squishy ball helped students with ADHD release energy and focus, and why so many teachers missed it. When Bored Looks Like ADHD: What happens when gifted kids are under-challenged, and why a child can be gifted in one area and struggle in another. The Dream in the Boot Box: How Gail brought a shelved dream back to life after retirement and taught herself to write, publish, and teach her own books. Learning Through the Senses: How her Patches books build safety skills, empathy, and sensory awareness, and why Patches is a mutt instead of a purebred. Faith Through Grief: How Gail's faith carried her through her daughter's aneurysm, the loss of her son, and her own brush with death. Visibility at Any Age: Her honest take on learning TikTok, worrying about bothering friends and family, and posting before it feels perfect. Joy You Don't Have to Earn: Her advice to every woman listening: do something purely for joy, and rest without a productive goal attached. Is there a dream sitting in your own boot box? If you've spent years pouring into everyone else and you're ready to return to what brings you joy, let's talk. Book a complimentary Capacity Consultation with me. Together, we'll look at where you're standing, what your system is telling you, and your next steps. Book a free Capacity Consultation: https://link.flowi.io/widget/booking/UvsQ3VCK5GmeAYlW7Rhe Connect with Gail: Website and monthly newsletter: purposefulpals.com Search "Gail L. Oxford author" on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, X, Facebook, and YouTube. If you pick up one of Gail's books, leave her a review on Amazon. Reviews make a huge difference for independent authors. With you, Michele

    The Dream in the Boot Box with Gail Oxford

  4. Sep 22

    Perimenopause and ADHD: Is It Your Body or Your Anxiety?

    In this intimate episode recorded from my deck in Southern Colorado, I pull an exclusive excerpt from my upcoming book, Not Managed, Fully Lived. I open up about my personal journey through the summer of 2022—a season marked by deep grief, a mountain move, long COVID, severe insomnia, and the disorienting arrival of perimenopause.  I also break down why high-achieving, neurodivergent women cannot simply willpower or top-down reframe their way through hormonal and metabolic shifts. I share how personalized genetic testing (slow COMT, MAO, MTHFR) helped me decode my body's stress chemistry, why "healthy" foods were triggering adrenaline spikes, and how listening to my body’s signals—rather than overriding them—led to true physical and emotional sovereignty.  In This Episode, You’ll Discover: The Perimenopause & ADHD Shift: Why your usual coping strategies and self-care habits stop working during hormonal transitions. Symptoms as Signals: How brain fog, vertigo, and insomnia are biological communications asking to be heard, not deficits to suppress. Genetics & Stress Chemistry: How slow COMT and MAO variants impair your ability to clear adrenaline, and why certain healthy foods increase histamine and anxiety. Releasing the Shame of Burnout: Michele’s candid experience with executive burnout, taking a medical leave, and allowing her nervous system to discharge chronic activation. The 3-Step Signal Evaluation: A practical framework (Check Your State, Watch for Repetition, Isolate One Variable) to discern real biological signals from temporary anxiety spirals. Ready to stop overriding your body's signals and build true capacity? If your brain or body has been sending you signals—whether through brain fog, fatigue, or stress overload—you don't have to navigate it alone. Book a complimentary Capacity Consultation with me. Together, we will look at where you're standing, evaluate what your system is communicating, and map out your next steps toward biological and emotional sovereignty. Book a free Capacity Consultation: https://link.flowi.io/widget/booking/UvsQ3VCK5GmeAYlW7Rhe With you, Michele

    Perimenopause and ADHD: Is It Your Body or Your Anxiety?

  5. Sep 9

    Bonus Q&A: Your Real Questions, Answered

    The questions people ask out loud aren't always the real ones. After three days of live training, here's what actually came up, in the chat, the Q&A, the DMs.  If you're neurodivergent, nervous system agility is the only way to turn everything you've already learned into the life you want, not just manage your way through it.  In this episode: 0:00 — Intro  0:40 — Disclaimer 0:59 — Welcome & Overview  2:41 — What Is The Portal Method 13:41 — Round One: Practical Questions  36:34 — Round Two: The Real Fear  40:28 — Close & Call to Action Ready to go deeper? The Portal Method is open now. Sixteen weeks, live, built on nervous system regulation first, then whole-person wellbeing, then optimization, not another productivity system stacked on top of exhaustion. Enroll in The Portal Method Not ready to commit yet? Book a free Capacity Consultation and we'll map out your specific terrain together before you decide anything. You don't have to figure this out alone. With you, Michele

    Bonus Q&A: Your Real Questions, Answered

  6. Aug 19

    The Program Running Underneath the Success

    Something has been showing up in my DMs lately, and I could not stop thinking about it. Seven-figure founders. Women running real companies, carrying real revenue, who look, from the outside, like they have it all together. And underneath it, they are hitting an edge they cannot fully name. In this solo episode, I walk through why. I talk about the two boxes we get handed as women, the girl boss hustle and the trad wife domesticity, and why I never fit into either one, not in high school and not now. I get into the actual biology, the difference between a body that resets every 24 hours and one that moves in a longer, four-week rhythm, and why building a life on the wrong clock has a cost. And I introduce Sloane, the archetype I use with my own clients to describe the go-go-crash cycle, and why that cycle gets rewarded right up until it does not. Your neurodivergent nervous system is the missing piece that turns everything you have already learned into a life you can actually live. Not managed. Fully lived.  That belief is the whole reason this episode exists, and it is the whole reason I am opening a free, live three-day training on Zoom, August 27th, then September 1st and 3rd, 10am Mountain time.  "How to Finally Live the Life You Already Build, Not Just Manage It" Day one, we name the wall you keep hitting.  Day two, we do the regulation work together, live.  Day three, we turn it into something you can actually carry. Save your seat for this free training, link below and on my Instagram. You are not here to cope. You are here to build something that lasts. FREE 3-Day, Live Training Follow @souljourncoach on Instagram With you, Michele

    The Program Running Underneath the Success

  7. Aug 4

    From Reactivity to Restoration with Christopher Barber

    My guest today is Christopher Barber, an ADHD and AuDHD coach and a fellow high performer who spent years rebuilding his nervous system from the inside out. We talk about what actually broke down for him after decades on medication, what it took to rebuild through lab work and lifestyle change, and how he and his wife built structure into their home so the whole family can regulate together. We get into reactivity, the moment his children became the mirror for old patterns he didn't know he was carrying, and the small daily disciplines that turned into lasting change. We close on the three words he now organizes his life around: restoration, sovereignty, community. Follow along for more conversations at the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and the nervous system. Find Christopher here:  https://www.instagram.com/adhd.coach.christopher/  website: Awakened-Divergence.com With you, Michele

    From Reactivity to Restoration with Christopher Barber

  8. Jul 21

    The Rebuild: What Actually Heals a Dysregulated Nervous System (It's Not Just Breathwork)

    Regulation is not calm. It's agility, responsiveness, and fluidity. It's the capacity to hold and move with what life throws at you, and that distinction changes everything about how you approach healing. Titration and pendulation, the two body-based skills nobody explains: how much activation your nervous system can actually take in at once, and how to move between activation and ease instead of chasing stillness. The real story behind the three pillars Michele now teaches every client, built from what she did alone in the backcountry after her world fell apart in 2020. Why bottom-up work has to come before any top-down strategy, and why your planners and productivity systems keep failing until this piece is in place. The 80 percent: the biological terrain underneath every strategy you've ever tried, and why almost nobody in the ADHD space is talking about it. This episode is the overview. Each pillar, nervous system regulation, whole person wellbeing, and community, gets its own deep dive in the episodes ahead. Warmly, Michele

    The Rebuild: What Actually Heals a Dysregulated Nervous System (It's Not Just Breathwork)

  9. Jul 6

    Not Managed. Fully Lived. (My Origin Story)

    Welcome to the first episode of Not Managed, Fully Lived. Before we get into the work, I wanted you to know the woman behind it. This episode is my own origin story. Not the polished version. The real one. We go back to 2008, a new baby, a market crash, and a body that was already running on adrenaline long before anyone had a name for it. We move through a university coaching program that grew from a beta test into a full department, and the same month I received a 40 Under 40 award, I got a thyroid diagnosis. That was my first burnout. Then we get to 2020. Grief. Isolation. A hike that took ninety minutes just to feel like I was back in my own body. This is the story of how I found the 80 percent, the biological terrain, the somatic truth, the layer under the layer that no productivity system or planner ever touched. If you have done all the work, tried all the strategies, and still hit a ceiling you cannot explain, this episode is for you. You are not broken. You are under-restored. And there is a profound difference between the two. Find me on Instagram and Substack at @Souljourncoach I read every comment and every DM. Warmly, Michele

    Not Managed. Fully Lived. (My Origin Story)
  • 9 Episodes

About

You have done the work. The strategies, the protocols, the mindset shifts. You keep hitting a ceiling you cannot fully explain. This show is for you. Not Managed, Fully Lived. is a podcast for high-achieving, neurodivergent women who are ready to go beneath the executive function conversation and into the biological terrain nobody in the ADHD space has addressed at the level it deserves. Long-form. Personal essay. The kind of conversation that treats your intelligence as the given it always has been. I am Michele Gray (Oelking), MSW, PCC, AAC, Founder and CEO of Souljourn Coaching & Consulting. For 26 years, I've practiced at the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and the nervous system. I call myself the Neurosomatic Alchemist, because this work resides between applied neuroscience, positive psychology, ancestral wisdom, and embodied practice. Each episode goes to the 80 percent. The nervous system layer. The somatic truth. The biological terrain that determines how you show up to every strategy you have ever tried. You will hear research and personal essay, lived experience and clinical framework, held in the same breath. Episodes drop weekly from seven acres in the mountains of Colorado. Not managed. Fully lived.

Information

  • Creator
    Michele Gray (Oelking)
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    9
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Not Managed. Fully Lived.
  • Show Website
    Not Managed. Fully Lived.