Stronger Than Before

Verena Borell
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An honest, real, and raw podcast on strength & softness, sports & spirituality, somatic healing & weight training, and the pain & pleasure of being a soul in a body on Earth. Follow me, Verena, on my journey of healing, recovery, rebirth, build-up, and becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. We don’t shy away from talking about messy in-between-stages, health challenges, exercise addiction, burnout, identity-loss, and what it really takes to go from caterpillar to butterfly – again & again. Feel inspired, empowered, and less-alone on your path!

  1. Oct 30

    13: "You look so healthy": the hidden cost of masking and functioning perfectly

    In this episode I talk about masking: how I got so good at looking fine on the outside that I fooled myself too. I start with an update on my grief over saying goodbye to my horse companion Veyron. Then I look at how masking started in childhood, what it costs me now, and why being seen and taken seriously matters for healing. I'm not offering solutions here. I'm sharing my story in case it helps you understand yourself better. In this episode 0:59 – Grief update: Veyron is thriving with a loving new owner. I describe how I give my grief ritual space: evening "dates" with my sadness, ceremonial cacao, photos, and tears. I also talk about the intense nerve and muscle pain that came with the goodbye.8:34 – "You look so healthy": A new doctor and my boss both told me that nobody could tell what I'm going through. I reflect on what it means to be a perfectionist at masking.14:57 – Masking as protection and skill: My "functioning mode" feels authentic and protects me from over-sharing. It also has a cost.19:42 – When my coping strategies fall away: Movement, nature, sunlight and horseback riding used to carry me. Rheumatoid arthritis, winter and a part-time job have taken those away, and now I'm facing everything I was holding at bay.22:45 – Finding language for my struggle: I explore ADHD, Rejection Sensitivity Dysmorphia, nervous system patterns, and developmental trauma, astrology and Human Design.32:05 – What everyday life costs me: Crowded restaurants, prioritising a to-do list, and "mundane" tasks can feel like a marathon.34:12 – Grief for the child who wasn't seen: I wonder what support might have changed, while also recognising how much stronger I've become.36:03 – My first steps: Acknowledge and honour my own struggle, and keep seeking doctors who take me seriously.37:32 – Resources: Information on ADHD and RSD in German-speaking countries is often limited, especially for women. I recommend the book Too Sensitive by Dr. Sasha Hamdani.40:10 – Closing: Every realisation, even a hard one, is part of growing "stronger than before." Even a step back is a step. Key takeaways Looking fine isn't the same as being fine.You're allowed to find your own way to grieve, and to ask for support if it's too much to hold alone.Naming your patterns, in whatever language fits you, can be a first step toward taking yourself seriously. Please note: This episode is my personal story, not medical advice. If you relate to it, consider reaching out to a trusted practitioner or therapist. Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠  Newsletter: https://www.verenaborell.com/en/newsletter

  2. Oct 6

    12: When love is not enough: grief, healing & letting go

    In this deeply personal episode, I share the fresh grief of saying goodbye to my horse friend, Veyron, as he begins a new chapter with a new owner. This is a conversation about love, loss, trauma, attachment patterns, and the courage it can take to let go of something—or someone—you deeply love when it is no longer the right path for either of you.  I reflect on the relationship with Veyron, the accidents that changed me on a bone-level, and the healing that can come from honoring reality with an open heart. I also share the gentle practices helping me move through and being with grief: allowing emotions to be felt, creating a soft place to land, journaling, reaching out for support, and taking things one moment at a time. If you are navigating loss, the end of a relationship, a major life transition, or a season of deep healing, I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone. In this episode: Saying goodbye to a beloved horse and soul companionWhy doing the right thing can still break your heartLove, trust, fear, and trauma in relationshipsRecognizing familiar patterns of struggle and overwhelmWhat it means when love is not enough to sustain a healthy connectionGrieving with compassion instead of forcing yourself to “move on”How journaling, rest, support, and conscious distraction can help during intense emotionsTrusting that healing is possible, even after heartbreak Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en/newsletter⁠⁠⁠  Timestamps 00:02 — A raw, real-time reflection on grief and the end of a relationship01:47 — Preparing to say goodbye to Veyron05:29 — Why this loss feels so profound07:32 — The story of Veyron and me, the accidents, and our deep bond09:12 — When love is not enough13:05 — Veyron as a teacher, friend, and anchor15:50 — Accepting what Veyron needs—and what I cannot give17:30 — Love and fear existing in the same relationship20:26 — Trust after trauma22:03 — Relationship patterns, struggle, and what feels familiar27:16 — Reflecting on cycles, attachment, and conscious relationships30:03 — Allowing grief instead of rushing past it31:15 — How I process big emotions and heartbreak33:35 — When grief feels too overwhelming: support and conscious distraction34:53 — Journaling, titration, and giving yourself space to feel36:10 — The healing power of connection and being held by others37:21 — Making room for grief in a world that expects us to keep functioning38:23 — Fractures heal: growing stronger through pain and love40:17 — Closing thoughts

  3. Sep 30

    11: How can you trust yourself, your body and life if you feel broken? Rebuilding confidence and body-love in times of crisis

    Do you trust your body? Does your body trust you? – This episode is (again) a real-time processing on (not) trusting my body, myself, and life and how my autoimmune disease and two accidents changed and challenged my sense of safety and (self-)confidence. I explore why I linked my sense of safety and self-confidence to my physical vitality and strength in the past and how I now find new layers and levels of trust and gratitude. I also reflect on trusting the body as a two-sided relationship and why our body can also distrust us. This episode is for you if the relationship to your body feels challenging and/or you want to gain new perspectives on strengthening your self-confidence and your trust in life. In this episode: Why major setbacks can break parts of us without breaking all of usSeeing autoimmune illness as the body attempting to restore balance instead of the body attacking itself Why healing trust in the body also involves treating it with care How to rebuild a two-way relationship of trust with the bodyLearning to balance bravery with self-protectionThe possibility of becoming stronger and more grateful, even when parts of you are still broken + Reflection prompts Do you trust your body?Can your body trust you?Which parts of you trust life, and which parts remain afraid?Where do you feel trust or mistrust in your body?How does your level of self-trust affect your ability to stand up and speak up for yourself? Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Newsletter: ⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en/newsletter⁠⁠  Timestamps 00:00 - Why I follow a creative impulse despite a busy schedule 02:21 - Losing trust in yourself, your body, and life 03:19 - How business setbacks affected my confidence 05:19 - Exercise as a source of strength and daily achievement 06:37 - The rapid onset of rheumatoid arthritis 07:38 - Trauma, hypervigilance, and the loss of instinctive trust 10:08 - When exercise becomes both security and a coping mechanism 12:40 - Recognizing a phase of reduced confidence 13:12 - Learning to balance bravery with self-protection 14:47 - Discovering deeper love and gratitude for the body 16:26 - What physical healing reveals about the body’s resilience 17:17 - Reframing rheumatoid arthritis as an attempt to restore balance 19:59 - Long-standing nervous-system patterns beneath recent trauma 20:51 - Rebuilding a two-way relationship of trust with the body 24:20 - Questions for exploring trust in your own life 26:48 - Gratitude, and encouragement for becoming stronger than before

  4. Sep 24

    10: Balance isn’t something you find once — it’s something you rebuild

    What if balance is a movement and not a state…? Today, I reflect on balance as a dynamic, ever-changing process rather than a permanent state. I share as vulnerable and honest as always how my rheumatoid arthritis, two horseback riding accidents, recovery, overexercise, underfueling, trauma, and financial stress brought me into imbalances and also help me to find a new balance in my body and life. I also explore how the body and nervous system signal when life has moved too far into one extreme. In this episode: Why balance became my guiding theme for 2026, influenced by my physical recovery, numerology, and astrologyHow rheumatoid arthritis and two broken legs revealed imbalances beneath an outward appearance of fitness and strengthWhy balance is not stagnant, but something the body continually recalibrates as circumstances changeThe difference between consciously choosing an intense season and remaining in an extreme for too longHow chronic pain, exhaustion, functional depression, racing thoughts, and illness can signal that the body can no longer compensateQuestions for assessing balance in your everyday lifeHow social and financial pressures can make personal balance difficult, even when you know what your body needs Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠  Newsletter: ⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en/newsletter⁠  Timestamps 00:00 - Why balance is the theme of this episode 01:22 - Choosing balance as a guiding word for 2026 01:51 - Rheumatoid arthritis and the first signs of hidden imbalance 03:34 - How a broken leg changes the body’s alignment 05:07 - A second horseback riding accident and extreme physical imbalance 07:11 - How protective postures affected my body 08:07 - Leg-length differences, surgery, and the possibility of recovery 11:40 - Balance as a fragile and constantly changing process 14:17 - Why the search for balance can lead to extremes 16:09 - Overexercise, underfueling, and accumulated stress 17:24 - Years of poor sleep, caffeine, alcohol, and overwork 19:19 - When the body can no longer compensate 20:39 - Asking what balance means for the person you are now 21:34 - Assessing physical, emotional, and lifestyle imbalances 23:56 - Why nervous-system-friendly change needs to be gradual 25:29 - Energy balance beyond the idea of work-life balance 27:33 - Identifying extremes before they become painful 28:00 - Small daily steps toward equilibrium

  5. Sep 17

    9: Don’t function your pain away! How to listen to your symptoms without giving up your power

    My rheumatoid arthritis wants to be seen! So let’s give her some space, shall we...? In this episode, I share an honest account of living with rheumatoid arthritis alongside two horseback riding accidents and the pressure to keep functioning. I explore what it means to listen to symptoms without becoming defined by them, combining medical care with nervous system regulation, strength training, and a more compassionate relationship with my body. I also share why it is so important to stay connected with your Self and your personal power even though and especially if you feel powerless. In this episode: Why my rheumatoid arthritis wants to be seen and not injected awayWhy medication helped for a time but no longer seems to control the inflammationMedication as necessary support rather than the complete answerThe balance between taking symptoms seriously and refusing to identify entirely as the diseaseMy favorite holistic practices for supporting recovery “Syndromes” as complex patterns involving stress, trauma, hormones, the immune system, the brain, and nervous system Why you cannot and must not do it ALL when it comes to healing Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠  Newsletter: https://www.verenaborell.com/en/newsletter  Timestamps 00:00 - Why I am giving rheumatoid arthritis a voice 01:54 - The beginning of the mysterious left-knee pain 03:22 - Receiving a diagnosis after months of uncertainty 04:14 - Medication, stress, trauma, and the first major flare 05:13 - How rheumatoid arthritis pain feels in everyday life 07:52 - Learning that the disease wants to be seen and witnessed 08:48 - When a previously effective medication stops helping 10:52 - Why medication is support, not the whole healing process 11:52 - The lifelong pattern of functioning no matter what 14:47 - “You cannot work me away or inject me away” 15:47 - Autoimmunity as a metaphor for fighting against oneself 16:41 - Listening to symptoms without giving them total power 19:34 - Combining medical care with somatic and nervous system support 23:15 - Preserving pleasure, movement, and agency despite limitations 24:23 - Strength training and rebuilding a sense of power 25:25 - “I’m not my rheumatoid arthritis” 26:07 - Understanding syndromes as complex symptom patterns 27:41 - Why autoimmune symptoms cannot be reduced to one cause 29:58 - What happens when stress and overwhelm never fully settle 33:02 - Listening to the message while asking the symptom to ease 36:50 - Choosing pause, support, and a fuller way of living

  6. Sep 3

    8: Pushing through or flowing with life? Finding balance between too much + too little

    When is it time to push beyond your limitations, and when is it wiser to slow down and respect your boundaries? In this episode, I explore how our default nervous-system patterns, life circumstances, and physical signals can help us decide whether growth requires more resilience or more softness. Because it’s often not that easy to know if it’s time to grit your teeth, leave the comfort zone and go against the grain or if it’s part of your healing and strengthening process to flow with life, choose the easeful way, and relax. My hope is that this episode helps you better recognizing what your body, nervous system, and current phase of life are asking for. In this episode The difference between pushing through challenges and learning to feel safe while slowing downHow fight-flight patterns can drive resilience, ambition, self-confidence, burnout, inflammation, and self-neglectHow freeze-fawn patterns can support adaptability and conservation while also leading to procrastination, people-pleasing, and settlingHow “too much, too fast, too soon” can overwhelm the nervous system and contribute to traumaMy recovery after two horseback-riding accidents and the lesson that courage can become recklessnessUsing titration and baby steps to build strength without overloading the bodyWhy pain and physical limits deserve attention rather than shame or automatic resistanceHow to choose coaches, trainers, and mentors who support what your system needs now Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠  Timestamps: 00:00 - Going with the flow versus going against the grain 02:24 - Why both pushing and slowing down matter 03:18 - Finding balance during physical recovery 05:16 - How your default mode shapes growth and resilience 06:42 - Nature, nurture, conditioning, and inherited patterns 08:41 - The strengths and risks of fight-flight 12:12 - The strengths and risks of freeze-fawn 15:29 - How your needs change through different life phases 18:50 - When courage becomes recklessness 21:38 - “Too much, too fast, too soon” and trauma 23:38 - Understanding pain and respecting limits 24:59 - Procrastination, overwhelm, and nervous-system protection 27:20 - Learning to receive support by slowing down 29:37 - Titration: taking small steps toward change 31:27 - Trial and error during recovery  32:19 - Identifying and balancing your default mode 34:01 - Listening to mentors without abandoning inner knowing 35:45 - Making rest and pleasure part of recovery 37:14 - Working with the body instead of against it 38:04 - Elder Duck: following the flow 39:21 - Elder Salmon: cultivating resilience 39:45 - Why getting stronger requires both stress and resilience

  7. Aug 26

    7: Clarity as key for new strength + why the struggle (inside your body-mind-soul) is real

    What if your life looks nice on the outside but your inner world and body feels like a war zone? In this episode, I take you on a ride – into my brain, soul, body, and my current life reflections. I discover the link between clarity and strength, and how my own body has been teaching me that insight can feel physical. I share honestly about chronic overwhelm, childhood depression, trauma, autoimmune illness, and my current process of understanding how these pieces connect. The episode gives you hopefully new hope for finding your personal (baby) steps to go from A to B, what (not) to do in the messy middle, and how you can hold your past and future self with more compassion, love, and (new) strength. In this episode How to sense and notice clarity in the bodyReflections on my chaotic health journey and how it brought deeper misbalances in my body-soul-nervous-system to the surfaceConnecting the dots between singular diagnoses and challenges like ADHD/neurodivergence, high sensitivity, functional depression, trauma, hormonal imbalance, and autoimmune diseaseChildhood sadness, shame, and how I tried to get „control“ over my emotions, mind, and body through anorexia Growing compassion for my younger self – including the high-achieving child and the partying and drinking version of myself in my twentiesGetting clarity on what is not working and allowing myself to have new visions for my future The systemic dimensions of (my) personal struggle: systems that are not made for bodies and minds that do not function like machinesWhy growth is ongoing, healing happens in tiny steps and rest ist also as movement Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠  Timestamps 00:00 - Why clarity feels like strength in the body 03:08 - A chaotic year of illness, accidents, and health revelations 05:07 - Exploring depression, trauma, ADHD tendencies, and hormones 07:31 - A lifetime of reflection and trying to understand myself 11:41 - Why my life looked fine from the outside but felt like a war zone inside 14:47 - Childhood sadness, shame, and the start of my eating disorder 16:16 - Building control through organization and coping strategies 18:14 - The autoimmune connection and the cost of overworking herself 20:43 - Compassion for my younger self and my current self 22:32 - Joy, dopamine, and the need for daily mental health hygiene 25:22 - Why office work and long computer hours go against my nature 26:54 - What is missing now: community, belonging, and embodied connection 28:32 - The tension between wanting joy and being told to toughen up 30:35 - Hope for a life that feels more natural and supported 33:17 - Somatic experiencing, baby steps, and the value of rest 35:56 - Why the problem is also systemic, not just personal 37:23 - Final encouragement: compassion for your younger self and trust in your strength

  8. Aug 18

    6: Reorienting towards resilience + how my dumbbells helped me survive the weakest phase of my life

    When we work (out) with the body and not against it healing and recovery can happen! In this episode, I share how I still move(d) my body and exercised – even now, in the weakest phase of my life, while healing from horseback riding accidents, surgery, and rheumatoid arthritis. The episode focuses on how tiny, safe workouts can support physical recovery, nervous system regulation, mental health, and emotional balance when your body feels weak, injured, or overwhelmed. My hope is to give you some practical tips on working with your body instead of against it, too. Important to say: I also speak openly about the difference between healthy movement and exercise addiction, and why rest, pacing, and professional support matter. In this episode Moving my body and exercising safely during recovery without pushing through illnessPractical reflection: my first home exercises after my surgery, tiny baby steps towards more strength, and finding my power within disempowerment How movement and (weight) training can help the nervous system reorient away from pain and trauma toward strength, capability, resilience, and agencyMy past patterns of exercise addiction and disordered eating, and how to discern between moving from genuine desire rather than compulsionHow somatic experiencing and the practice of pendulation between weak/injured parts and still-strong parts of the body can support recovery and healingMy gradual progress: first wheelchair use, then crutches, and now gentle cycling, yoga stretches, weight training, and more expanded workoutsThe value of physical therapy, trial and error, and listening to the body’s feedbackPatience and the balance between pushing yourself and accepting your limits Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process!  My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better.  Please reach out via ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.verenaborell.com/en⁠⁠⁠⁠  Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠mail@verenaborell.com⁠⁠⁠⁠  Timestamps (00:00) Opening reflection on moving during weakness and recovery (00:30) Why rest days matter and why I am not promoting daily workouts (01:26) Moving every day versus exercising through illness or fever (02:22) Hospital recovery after accidents, surgery, and rheumatoid arthritis (04:18) Returning home in a wheelchair and needing my mother’s care (05:46) First tiny home workouts in bed with dumbbells and core work (07:41) Somatic experiencing and the “unescapable attack” trauma response (08:40) Why micro-movements helped my feel more empowered (09:09) Exercise addiction versus genuine body-led movement (11:40) Reorienting toward resilient parts of the body (13:54) Recovery progress: no crutches, more exercises, and gentle cycling (16:42) The role of physical therapy  (18:02) Trial and error: learning what helps and what hurts too much (19:01) Why I now work with my body instead of pushing against it (20:58) Staying in communication with the body  (22:50) Knowing your tendency: underpushing versus overpushing (24:20) Holding both strength and pain without repressing either (25:16) Pendulation between weak parts and resilient parts of the self (26:05) Current workout progress and what I am training now

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About

An honest, real, and raw podcast on strength & softness, sports & spirituality, somatic healing & weight training, and the pain & pleasure of being a soul in a body on Earth. Follow me, Verena, on my journey of healing, recovery, rebirth, build-up, and becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. We don’t shy away from talking about messy in-between-stages, health challenges, exercise addiction, burnout, identity-loss, and what it really takes to go from caterpillar to butterfly – again & again. Feel inspired, empowered, and less-alone on your path!

Information

  • Creator
    Verena Borell
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    13
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Verena Borell
  • Show Website
    Stronger Than Before