How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Relationship With Money The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast — Episode 2 What does your attachment style have to do with money? More than you might think. We often think of attachment in terms of romantic relationships—whether we're anxious, avoidant, secure, or somewhere in between. But attachment is about something much bigger: Safety. From the time we're children, our nervous systems are learning whether the world—and the people we depend on—are safe, predictable, trustworthy, and responsive to our needs. And those early experiences don't necessarily disappear when we become adults. In this episode, we're exploring the connection between attachment, family trauma, childhood experiences, and our relationship with money. Because sometimes the way we save, spend, avoid, monitor, or pursue money isn't just about money. It may also be connected to what money has come to represent emotionally: safety, control, freedom, worth, stability, love, or survival. In this episode, we explore: Attachment Is Really About Safety Attachment isn't simply about romantic relationships. We talk about the role of: Emotional safety Consistency Predictability Co-regulation Trust Having our needs met As children, we learn through our experiences whether we can rely on others when we have a need—and those experiences can influence how our nervous systems respond to uncertainty later in life. As adults, we may continue looking for ways to create safety and predictability, including through our relationship with money. What Are Money Scripts? We introduce the concept of money scripts, developed by financial psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz. Money scripts are beliefs and assumptions about money that can influence how we think, feel, and behave financially. We discuss four common patterns: Money Avoidance“Money is bad” or “I don't deserve money.” Money Worship“More money will solve my problems.” Money Status“My financial success determines my worth.” Money Vigilance“I have to constantly monitor and protect my money.” And an important reminder: most people don't fit neatly into one category. Our financial beliefs and behaviors can be complicated, contradictory, and influenced by many different experiences. How Attachment Patterns May Intersect With Money We explore how different attachment patterns may influence our relationship with financial uncertainty, without assuming that everyone with a particular attachment style will respond to money in the same way. Anxious attachment may involve: Looking to money for reassurance Fear of financial instability Difficulty tolerating uncertainty Emotional spending Wanting financial certainty A question to consider: “When I feel financially uncertain, what happens inside of me?” Avoidant attachment may involve: Avoiding financial tasks Strong independence Difficulty asking for help Avoiding conversations about money Discomfort with shared finances Ask yourself: “Do I avoid finances because I don't care—or because engaging with them brings up something uncomfortable?” We also explore disorganized attachment and the possibility of a cycle involving: Control → overwhelm → avoidance or impulsivity → control And finally, we talk about what a more secure relationship with money might look like. Financial security doesn't necessarily mean having tons of money. It can mean being able to: Tolerate uncertainty Communicate openly Make mistakes without shame Ask for help Separate your worth from your income Make intentional financial decisions What Did Money Look Like In Your Family? This is where our childhood and family experiences become especially important. Consider: Were your parents constantly fighting about money? Was money unpredictable? Did you frequently hear, “We can't afford that”? Were financial problems hidden? Was wealth associated with being “good” or successful? Did you learn that having needs made you a burden? Did money become a way of controlling other people? Did financial instability force you to grow up quickly? Sometimes we're not just carrying our own financial experiences. We're carrying beliefs passed down through generations. This is where our relationship with money can intersect with family trauma and intergenerational patterns. How Can We Change These Patterns? Changing your relationship with money starts with becoming curious about the story underneath the behavior. Try asking yourself: What did money mean in my family growing up? What emotions come up when I think about money? What do I believe money says about me? What financial behaviors do I repeat even though I don't like them? What feeling am I trying to create—or avoid—with this behavior? Is this belief actually mine, or is it something I learned? What would a more secure relationship with money look like for me? The Takeaway Healing isn't about becoming perfect with money. It's about becoming more aware of the emotional patterns underneath the way we relate to it. Sometimes what looks like a budgeting problem is actually an anxiety problem. Sometimes what looks like irresponsibility is avoidance. And sometimes what looks like ambition is actually a desperate attempt to finally feel worthy or safe. The goal isn't to judge these patterns. It's to understand them. Because when we understand where our beliefs and behaviors come from, we have more choice in deciding what we want to carry forward—and what we want to leave behind. Read the Blog If this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to read the companion blog: How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Relationship With Money 👉 https://faiththerapyandwellness.com/blog/how-your-attachment-style-affects-your-relationship-with-money Follow The Family Trauma Therapist on Instagram For more content about family trauma, attachment, dysfunctional family dynamics, relationships, boundaries, and healing, follow along on Instagram: 👉https://instagram.com/thefamilytraumatherapist About The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast is hosted by Faith Forero, LCSW-S, LCDC, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. This podcast explores the ways childhood experiences, family dysfunction, trauma, attachment, and intergenerational patterns can continue to shape our relationships, mental health, boundaries, and sense of self as adults. If you've ever wondered, “Why do I keep doing this even though I know it's not helping me?”—this podcast is for you. If you enjoyed this episode, like, subscribe, and follow the podcast so we can get this message out to the rest of the world. Disclaimer This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, medical advice, diagnosis, or other professional care. The information shared should not be used to diagnose yourself or someone else or as a replacement for individualized treatment. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consult with your own qualified mental health or medical professional. This is a public episode. 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