Send us Fan Mail S1 E4 — What to Ask on Early Dates (Without Interviewing Him)Season: 1 Episode: 4 Length: ~31 min Episode Summary Some of us show up to first dates with 17 questions and the energy of an assistant principal running an investigation. Others leave knowing his favorite vacation spot and nothing about his character. 🙃 In this episode, we find the middle: the conversation doors that tell you who he really is, how to listen beneath ordinary answers, and a simple after-date reflection that helps you decide whether he's earned another date. What You'll Learn Why the goal of an early date isn't deciding whether to marry him. It's deciding whether you have a wise reason to know him betterHow I used to screen for an enjoyable date instead of a dependable husband (and confirmed a man was "fun, employed, and moisturized")Why better follow-up questions beat more prepared onesWhat "How was your day?" reveals about how he handles frustration, and the eyebrow-raiser when every story has a villain and it's never himHow his typical week shows whether his life actually has room for a relationship (and why tagging along isn't the same as being prioritized)Why you ask what he's looking forward to with this relationship, not whether he wants marriage somedayThe follow-up to "Do you have a relationship with God?": What does it look like on a Monday?What his vision of a healthy marriage says about what he plans to give, not just what he expects to receiveWhy "What kind of life would you like to build?" beats "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"How scripture shapes the posture: quick to listen (James 1:19), no answering before you've heard (Proverbs 18:13), and knowing people by their fruit (Matthew 7:16)Why your dreams don't have to be identical, but they can't require opposite livesThe Questions (Conversation Doors, Not a Script) Open the ones that fit naturally and follow the conversation: How was your day? Listen for emotional responsibility.What does a typical week look like for you? Listen for whether there's room for you.What are you looking forward to with this relationship? Believe what he says, and don't add subtitles.Do you have a relationship with God? Then: What does that look like on a Monday?Have you been around healthy marriages? What does a healthy marriage look like to you?What kind of life would you like to build?The Purpose Pause Before you start rehearsing these in the mirror (yes, I know you're going to), answer honestly: Are you genuinely trying to know him, or performing so he'll choose you?Are you listening to understand him, or waiting for your next chance to impress him?Are you being honest about your values, or adjusting your answers because you already decided you like him?Are you observing what he's offering, or building a future in your head before you have the facts?This Week's Homework For your first 4 dates with a man, do a short reflection after each one. At home, in your quiet time. Not in the restaurant bathroom. What did he say? His actual words about faith, relationships, marriage, family, and the life he wants. Don't paraphrase his uncertainty into potential.What did I observe? Did he follow through? Was he respectful and curious about you? How did he talk about other people? Did his behavior support his words?How did I show up? Were you relaxed and honest, or did you perform, interview him, or shrink your values?Is what he's offering aligned with what I want? Not "Is this my husband?" but "Do I have a wise reason to accept another date?"After date 4, review all four entries together. Are his words and actions pointing the same direction? Is he getting clearer, or staying conveniently vague? If you still don't know what he's offering, have a clarifying conversation: "I've enjoyed getting to know you. What are your thoughts about where this is going?" Then listen without rewriting. Join the Conversation Sis, if this episode helped, here's how to keep the fam growing: Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube so you never miss an episodeLeave a review and tell us which question you're trying on your next dateShare this with a Sista who already has her first-date questions organized by category and level of urgency 💛 (We love the preparation. Please let the man finish chewing.)Date with purpose, and build the marriage God is calling you to. Listen & Follow Listen to the podcast: https://www.lessadavis.com/Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRbMgJFL5YvzIToplDbtggInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingwithpurposepod/Threads: https://www.threads.com/@datingwithpurposepod Quick question, Fam: Have you ever liked a man and still wondered, “Okay, but is this actually going anywhere?” I made something for that exact moment. My free guide, I Like Him… But Is This Going Anywhere?, helps you look at what he’s said, what you’ve seen, and what you may be filling in yourself. It even gives you the words to start that clarity conversation. Get your copy at LessaDavis.com. What would dating with purpose look like for you this week?
