Lewie Lisa Lizzie Richard Tom Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Stings Low flying Supply Clothes pegs Stick LEWIE Champion of the Backyard Games Harry had a spear. It had a minty smell. He thought he was being funny, humming music as if he were in the Olympics. He stuck his finger in the mint flavored wind and looked at a big red X in the distance. “…and the crowd looks on in anticipation,” he announced. He held up the spear and ran. He held his hand back and threw it at the target. “DEAD CENTER! …and the crowd goes wild over the X Spear mint!” he exclaimed. He danced with joy, jumping up and down, donning a medal made of yarn and tin. LISA Traditional meal with a devilish twist Emily does all the cooking in the house. She’s quite an experimental cook. Her husband isn’t in much he works late, comes home, eats and heads out to either the gym or pub. Tonight, Emily’s frying 4 garlic cloves with some mixed herbs and fresh chilli. She adds breadcrumbs, a tin of beef cat food chunks and some ground glass. When it’s cool she forms it carefully into meatballs and cooks a tasty tomato sauce. Then she boils spaghetti, plates a meal for her husband’s return and goes up for a bath. She never feels like eating after she’s cooked. LIZZIE Magic, he said, neon blue small creatures swimming in the garden lake. So many, she said. They will stay small like that. And how many do you have? He grinned. A lot. To breed them, he had added a few “ingredients” and look, a ton of cute little neon fish! But isn’t it dangerous? What if…? He laughed. I know what I’m doing! The next day, the city faced an infestation of beautiful neon highly poisonous tetrapods reminiscent of Komodo dragons, just lighter and faster. I guess he didn’t know what he was doing, she thought, hiding in her attic. RICHARD Experiment 785 Experiment seven, eight, four.’ Subject remained viable for six hours following administration of the new formula, before losing consciousness. Death within nine hours; no pain or discomfort exhibited’ I paused the recording and sighed. I was wasting my time. Wasting my life. The door flew open and a flustered, excited Watson burst into the lab. “We’ve done it! We fed the data into the AI and in less than five minutes we had the answer… A formula that works perfectly!” He left, just as abruptly. I sighed again. “Experiment seven, eight, five”… I plunged the needle into my own vein. TOM Too much time on my hands. Of late I have been spending more time Experimenting with underdeveloped drinking experiences. Experiment One: Tuna Fish milkshake. Not a winner that one. Experiment 37: Seaweed Lemonade. Its time will come. Experiment 146: Non-alcoholic single malt. So close yet so far. My latest experiment is Carbonated Coffee. In the tradition of Manhattan Special Inc who have been selling bottled coffee sodas since it was founded in 1895 by Italian immigrants to Brooklyn. My humble addition to the mix is Watermelon juice, liquefied pistachios and a sprig of kale. Wondering. In a six pack or liter? Calling the product Buzz Bubbles SERENDIPIDY I thought I’d try a little experiment. Instead of the usual diet of death and depravity, how about something a little more palatable? Something suitable perhaps for Valentine’s Day. Maybe with marshmallows and unicorns, fluffy bunnies and heartfelt wishes? What do you think, should I give it a shot? OK, here goes. Once upon a time, in the land of Sugar Marshmallow, there was a Unicorn named Oscar, who was madly in love with a fluffy bunny called, Veronica. They sneaked behind some bushes to get to know each other better. But, unfortunately, Unicorns don’t really fit inside bunnies. Splat! NORVAL JOE “How’d Sabrina get in a magnifying glass,” Billbert gasped. “Well, we were at the kitchen table, looking at all her stuff. When I looked through the magnifying glass, objects disappeared from the table until I looked through the glass a second time.” Mandi shrugged. “Sabrina started out as an experiment. Once she was inside it, I thought, why not just leave her there.” “But why would you leave her in there,” Billbert asked. Mandi looked away. “She’s not very nice to me. And this way I have you all to myself.” Billbert was shocked. “You want me all to yourself?” PLANET Z Johnson was a wild-hired ghoul, sitting on his porch, tormenting any unlucky tourists who accepted the invitation through his gate to suffer his rambling lectures on his take on history and politics and the ungrateful students who burned the man in effigy who paid for the tuition that kept them out of the war. Nixon’s war. It’s Nixon’s war now. Some tourists, he’d shepherd into his massive car, and he’d drive like a maniac on dirt roads, shouting at cattle and sipping from the whiskey he kept in a plastic cup in his lap. Stopping, getting out, pissing, and sighing.
