Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family
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  • Parenting
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Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

  1. 1d ago

    MFP 394: NFP- Love, Life, and Learning Self-Control

    Catholic couples don't discern if they should have a child, they discern if they should postpone pregnancy. These are two different conversations.    Summary This re-release of a 2015 episode presents Natural Family Planning as more than a technique: it's a way of living that contrasts sharply with a culture focused on control and convenience. We explore how modern society tends to "engineer" outcomes, even in areas like fertility, while NFP invites couples to cooperate with the natural design of the body, integrating both faith and science. This approach requires intentional communication, shared decision-making, and a willingness to embrace sacrifice, particularly through periodic abstinence. Rather than seeing these challenges as burdens, we can view them as opportunities for growth in virtue, deeper unity, and trust in God. Key Takeaways Catholic teaching on marriage holds love and life together. Marriage is both unitive and procreative, meaning sex is meant to express love between spouses while remaining open to the possibility of new life. Humanae Vitae was not just a rule, but a prophetic warning. The Church warned that widespread acceptance of contraception would lead to moral decline, marital infidelity, loss of respect for women, abuse of power, and a distorted sense of control over the human body. Responsible parenthood requires prayerful discernment, not pressure or guilt. Couples are called to use reason, wisdom, Church teaching, and honest prayer to discern whether they are ready for another child, taking into account physical, emotional, psychological, economic, and family circumstances. Natural Family Planning can be hard, but it can also form couples in love and self-gift. NFP requires discipline, communication, patience, and sacrifice. It can bring struggles, especially around affection, desire, and misunderstanding, but it also invites spouses to love each other beyond physical intimacy alone. Children are a blessing, not a burden or a lifestyle accessory. While raising children is demanding, they are one of the greatest fruits of marriage. They change, challenge, and sanctify parents, and families should not measure children only by cost, convenience, or cultural expectations.   Couple Discussion Questions Do you feel like we communicate openly about family size, timing, and fertility decisions? How do you experience the "sacrifice" aspect of NFP? What kind of family culture do we want to build around life, children, and generosity? How can we better support each other during more difficult seasons?   Resources MFP 158: Oh Baby! How Many Babies Should We Have? Humanae Vitae USCCB on Natural Family Planning Dr. Janet Smith Couple to Couple League NaProTechnology (Creighton Model of NFP) Theology of the Body Institute

  2. Aug 10

    MFP 393: Helping Kids Grow Through Hard Things

    High expectations along with high support produces resilient kids. Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia focus on the challenge of raising resilient kids in a culture that often prioritizes comfort and protection. They emphasize that while parents naturally shield their children from pain and failure, doing so too often can actually prevent them from developing the strength and perseverance they need in life. Instead, resilience is built when kids are allowed to express appropriate struggles, learn from mistakes, and grow through adversity with the steady support of their parents. This re-release of a 2017 episode encourages couples to find a balance between being caring and supportive without over-rescuing, and to intentionally foster a family culture where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth rather than problems to avoid.   Key Takeaways Kids will experience all kind of small hardships in childhood and these are life's way of making them stronger.  For example, not being chosen, relationship difficulties, failure in athletics or school. Some kids are more or less naturally resilient Parents need to be aware of the pitfalls of taking on their children's pain or seeing their failure as our failure.  Practice intentional parenting.  Begin with speaking to them the truth, then teach them to take responsibility for their actions, and see how they can learn from the experience.   High expectations along with high support produce resilient kids.     Couple Discussion Questions How do we usually react when our child fails, gets hurt emotionally, or feels left out? How can we better balance being supportive without removing struggle?   Resources MFP 353: Why are Kids so Anxious? MFP 335: Safety-ism

  3. Aug 3

    MFP 392: Faith at Home: No Degree Required

    Parents need to awaken in children their sacramental imagination within the home. This takes time. - Steven Serafin Summary In this episode, we talk with Steven Serafin of Faith and Family Life Catholic Ministries about how parents can reclaim their role as the primary teachers of the faith. Drawing from the catechumenal model, he explains that faith is passed on through relationship and daily life, not just programs. In a culture that no longer supports belief, families must intentionally live the faith at home through habits of prayer, discipline, and meaningful conversation. Steven shares simple ways to start, like blessing your children and creating small rituals that build a child's sacramental imagination. He also highlights the importance of rest, living with heaven as the goal, and finding a supportive community. Strong parishes, he says, grow when families accompany and evangelize one another.  Listen in and learn how you are already passing on the faith to your children within your daily life!  Key Takeaways Parents are the primary teachers of the faith, and it's passed on through daily life, not just programs or classes. The catechumenal model shows that faith grows through accompaniment, walking with others in relationship. Simple habits at home like prayer, blessing your children, and meaningful conversations build a lasting faith. Families need to slow down, embrace rest, and keep their focus on heaven rather than constant busyness or success. You're not meant to do this alone. Small communities of families supporting each other are essential for raising children in the faith.   Couple Discussion Questions What's one simple habit your family could start this week to live the faith more intentionally at home? Where do you feel most stretched or distracted as a parent, and how might slowing down or embracing "rest" change that? Who are the people or families you could walk with in faith so you're not trying to do this alone?   Resources https://www.fflcm.org/ Faith and Family Life Catholic Ministries

  4. Jul 27

    MFP 391: Jesus Take the Wheel! Being Overwhelmed

    Summary This re-release of a 2016 episode focuses on the experience of feeling overwhelmed as a parent and reframes it as a sign that your current responsibilities have exceeded your capacity, not a personal failure. It encourages parents to step back, prioritize their primary vocation of loving their spouse and children, and let go of unrealistic expectations that create unnecessary pressure. By simplifying schedules, reducing commitments, and taking small, manageable steps, families can regain a sense of peace and control. In this conversation, Mike and Alicia also show the importance of surrendering stress to God through prayer, trusting that faith and intentional living can bring clarity and calm even in the midst of chaos.   Key Takeaways Realize that this too will pass.  Most of the time our children are going through phases and end.   Prioritize what's really important and the rest will fall into place.  We need to learn to focus. Look at the standards you're setting for yourself and recognize they may not be realistic.  Give yourself grace.   Rest in the fact that God will always provide a way out for you. He will never give you more than you can handle with His grace.    Couple Discussion Questions Do you feel supported by me in stressful moments? Where might we need to adJUST the bar or give each other more grace? What do we believe our top priorities are as a family right now?   Resources Family board meeting guide  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-board-meeting-guide/

  5. Jul 20

    MFP 390: What Happens After the Romance Fades?

    Summary Have you ever felt distant from your spouse, like you're simply coexisting in the same house or experiencing dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through natural cycles of romance and disillusionment, but without intentional actions, indifference can creep in. How do you break out of that indifference and reconnect? In this re-release of Episode 089, we give simple and practical advice for couples to escape indifference and rebuild a happy, healthy marriage. Key Takeaways Love is a decision, not a feeling. When we recommit ourselves to our relationship things can start to improve. "In losing your life, you will save it" - Give yourself away.  You can't control your spouse, but you can take action and start to love unconditionally. Pursue your spouse through affirmation, physical love, and by praying for them.  Do it now - immediately.  Delaying only makes things worse.  The sooner you can reorient yourselves towards each other, the easier it wll be.     Couple Discussion Questions How much quality time do we actually spend together each week? Do we talk mostly about logistics, or do we share our hearts? What types of affection make each of us feel most connected? What would be a simple way to start praying together more consistently?   Resources MFP Episode 015: Five Love Languages MFP Episode 054: Vulnerability in Marriage MFP Blog: Disillusionment: What to do and how to fight it https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/disillusionment-what-to-do-and-how-to-fight-it/   MFP Resource: Communication in Marriage https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

  6. Jul 13

    MFP 389: 33 Days to Consecration to the Holy Family

    Consecration is about living your daily family life in union with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, right in the middle of the mess. Summary What if your family life, in all its chaos and imperfection, could actually become holy?  This week on the Messy Family Podcast, we talk with Scott Smith about his book 33 Days to Consecration to the Holy Family. He shares how consecration isn't just a devotion, but a way of living "under one roof" with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  We dig into how this simple practice can protect your family, bring the spirit of Nazareth into your daily routine, and help you turn even your failures into moments of prayer.  If you've ever felt like you're falling short as a parent or struggling to lead your family spiritually, this conversation will meet you right where you are.   Join us and learn how small, faithful steps can transform your home from the inside out.   Key Takeaways Consecration to the Holy Family means entrusting your whole family life to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph together, not separately. It brings both protection and a "spirit of Nazareth" into your everyday routines and work. You can relate to the Holy Family in a personal way by imagining life with them and learning from their example. Parents lead this best by living it first, then passing it on to their kids through simple, authentic witness. You don't need to be perfect. Even your mistakes and imperfect prayers can be offered and become part of the journey.   Couple Discussion Questions How can we start a habit of prayer in our home today?  When you think about being in the home at Nazareth, what do Joseph and Mary look like?  How old is Jesus?  What are you doing with them?    Resources shopmercy.org

  7. Jul 6

    MFP 388: Your Husband is Not a Home Improvement Project

    "A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, but criticism attacks a person's very character." - John Gottman Summary This episode focuses on how criticism in marriage, especially towards husbands, can quietly damage connection and respect if it targets a person's character instead of addressing specific behaviors. Many wives fall into patterns of correcting or pointing out faults, often with good intentions, but this can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, and a negative cycle in the relationship. In this episode, Mike and Alicia emphasize the importance of expressing concerns calmly and specifically, assuming goodwill, and building up your spouse through affirmation rather than constant critique. They encourage taking responsibility for your own tone and approach, choosing respect over being "right," and fostering a spirit of partnership that strengthens the marriage instead of eroding it. Re-release of MFP044.   Key Takeaways Criticism attacks identity, complaints address behavior Respect matters more than being "right" Assume the best, not the worst - Timing and tone are everything Focus on your own growth first   Couple Discussion Questions Are there specific words or habits of mine that make you feel discouraged or unappreciated? Do you notice any patterns where we fall into criticism and defensiveness? What usually triggers those moments for us? Is there something you wish I understood better about why you do certain things? How can I bring up concerns in a way that feels encouraging instead of critical?   Resources MFP Episode 369: Marriages Don't Accidentally Communicate Well MFP Blog: Arguing with Your Spouse https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/arguing-with-your-spouse-2/   MFP Communication in Marriage Guide https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

  8. Jun 29

    MFP 387: The Truth about Toddlers

    The strength of even the smallest children is more than we imagine, but it must have a free play in order to reveal itself" - Maria Montessori Summary This episode focuses on understanding toddlers not as problems to manage, but as persons in a critical state of development who are striving for independence and learning how to function in the world. Through a Montessori-informed and Catholic lens, Maggie Radzik explains that much of what parents label as "misbehavior" is actually a child's natural growth process combined with limited emotional regulation. Her conversation with Mike and Alicia emphasizes that parents should shift from control to formation by observing their child, preparing an environment that supports success, and responding calmly—especially during tantrums, which are signs of overwhelm rather than defiance. The episode highlights that parenting toddlers is as much about the child's formation as it is about the parents' own growth in patience, humility, and intentionality, with a gentle reminder that even very young children can begin to encounter God through simple, peaceful experiences of faith.   Key Takeaways Your toddler is not the problem - you are.   You are being formed by them as you are taking on this parenting role!    Toddlers crave independence but they are easily overwhelmed.  Create an environment for them to learn.     We need to allow the environment of the home to teach the child, but that means we need to slow down and observe them and see what they need.   To handle a tantrum, we need to stay calm and grounded and not take it personally.     Stop reacting and shift to being intentional about how you treat them.  They are a person in progress!    Couple Discussion Questions Where do we see our toddler striving for independence lately? What situations seem to overwhelm our toddler most? How do each of us typically respond to tantrums? Where do we say "no" the most? Could we change the environment instead?   Resources MFP Discipline Guide https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/discipline-guide/   MFP Blog: How to Survive the Toddler Years https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/how-to-survive-the-toddler-years-2/

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Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

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