Vroom Vroom Veer with Jeff Smith

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The Road Differently Traveled

  1. Jul 20

    Heather Melville – Heal Your Past Trauma for Healthy Relationships

    Heather Melville Helps everyone have healthy, fulfilling relationships in their life, but also focused on helping those, specifically women, who have endured the opposite of a healthy relationship. Helping them heal and recover after a Toxic Relationship. Heather Melville Vroom Vroom Veer Show Summary Intro: Jeff welcomes Heather to the show and asks how she’s doing. Heather says she’s trying to stay cool in the summer heat (in the desert). Jeff notes Heather is at healthyrelationships.info and asks what she’s excited about in her work. Heather’s mission and definition of healthy relationships: Heather describes her mission—to help people have healthy relationships—and her “utopian” vision of a world where people feel safe, fulfilled, satisfied, and their complete selves in relationships. She clarifies that healthy relationships are not argument-free; conflict will happen and may remain unresolved, but it becomes a problem when conflicts are allowed to deteriorate the relationship. She references John Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for a Happy Marriage to make the point that some conflicts are unsolvable but that doesn’t mean the relationship can’t be healthy. Focus on survivors of toxic relationships: Heather explains she mainly helps people who have suffered toxic relationships, sharing that she recovered from one herself and works on helping people come back to themselves, heal, and stop letting past trauma tint their view of relationships. She speaks about using scars as stepping stones toward authenticity and ongoing healing, and says she’s grateful for lessons learned. Books and flow: Heather and Jeff trade impressions about reading. Heather mentions several books she’s been reading (including The Radiant Life Project and Flow), and discusses the concept of “flow” — being so passionate about something that it drives you. She says the relationship-coaching work gets her into that state of joy and purpose. Heather’s early life and theater background: Jeff asks about Heather in high school. Heather describes being insecure then but already having “seedlings” of who she is now—playful, authentic, kid-at-heart. She wanted to be an actor, did plays (had to drop a musical for softball), and loved theater’s immediacy. She recounts watching The Glass Menagerie and being moved by its themes of authenticity and self-belief. Stage fright and authenticity: Heather says her stage fright came from portraying characters rather than being herself; now, in her coaching and speaking work, she feels no anxiety because she shows up as Heather, not as a character. Theater technical experience: She explains theater training made her a jack-of-all-trades—lighting design, sewing, painting, woodwork, working with lathes, etc.—and she enjoyed hands-on, physical work. She tells an OSHA-unsafe anecdote about holding onto poles instead of climbing down ladders. She also mentions an interest in pyrotechnics/chemical engineering because chemicals produce colors of light. Career transition and toxic relationship context: Heather moved toward engineering partly for financial reasons while living in an expensive city and being financially tied to a partner who had issues with alcohol. She describes pressure from friends/family about getting a “real job,” poor grades during her theater degree (2.4 GPA), then much stronger academic performance later in engineering (3.96 GPA). She reflects on how college as a default path can pressure young people into costly decisions before they know themselves. Patterns that led to and sustained the toxic relationship: Heather describes how she got into and stayed in a toxic relationship: depression, seeking external validation, people-pleasing, codependency, and being neurologically conditioned by highs and lows (trauma bonding). She acknowledges the partner’s issues (PTSD and alcohol) as context but not as excuses. She notes that labels like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” and “toxic” can help identify patterns but cautions against overusing them so you don’t lose personal accountability. Abuse details and decision points: Heather says the first time she was hit she rationalized it as a one-time incident; after a second physical-abuse incident (about a year and a half in) she knew something was seriously wrong, but she continued in the relationship for years. She stayed for eight years overall. She identifies key triggers that should have signaled problems: explosive arguments early on, a partner showing up injured at her door, controlling or jealous reactions, and later family/friends reacting negatively to him. Turning points and leaving: Heather recounts critical turning points that led toward leaving: Her partner told her that if he got into PA school he would leave for six months in Europe and that she would have to “figure out her own way” if she wanted to go—this led her to seek a German internship and to fund herself. Going abroad (Germany internship) gave her space and empowerment; she emphasizes the transformative power of solo travel to build resilience, independence, and clarity. While living apart and hiking in Flagstaff she had the realization that after eight years the likely next steps were marriage and kids — and she could not raise children in the environment she had experienced. She realized she was already alone in the relationship and would rather be actually alone than remain in that situation. A family wedding where her partner angered her dad and others reinforced the sense that the relationship would not be supported by her close circle. Healing approach and insights: Heather explains major lessons from recovery: Self-worth is the root issue behind many relationship conflicts—fear of not being loved or not being enough often underlies arguments and boundary problems. Respect is a basic human decency, not something to be earned; admiration is what’s earned. Expecting someone to “earn” respect can justify ongoing disrespect and perpetuate mutual disrespect. Healing requires examining one’s own patterns (people-pleasing, seeking validation externally) rather than only blaming the partner. Trauma bonding and neurological patterns explain why people stay, and understanding brain/emotion mechanics is part of her coaching work. Practical relationship advice: Get curious: Heather says the core advice she’d put in a book titled Get Curious — use curiosity to explore why someone feels a certain way, where feelings originate (personal history, your own actions), and to open perspective-taking rather than assuming you’re fully right. Curiosity can mediate conflict and open paths to mutual understanding. Build something together: She suggests testing relationship dynamics by building or doing something together (Jeff jokes about building a bus or living in a very small space) to reveal how partners handle cooperation, design choices, stress, and shared responsibility. New shared challenges also bring variety and dopamine that can help sustain relationships. Solo travel as growth and empowerment: Heather advocates solo travel as a way to build decision-making, resilience, and independence—especially valuable for people leaving toxic situations. Don’t underestimate your power to change yourself; don’t overestimate your power to change others (Wayne Dyer quote Heather references). Focus on what you can control: your reactions, boundaries, and growth. Attitude and broader reflections: Heather speaks about balance, ripples from small acts of kindness, humility about fame, and the value of small actions (saying hello, helping someone) in creating positive change. Jeff and Heather reiterate that life and relationships benefit from curiosity, self-awareness, and steady personal growth. Closing logistics and contact: Jeff and Heather wrap up, plan future episodes, and Heather gives places to find her online: her website healthyrelationships.info and on social platforms. She lists Instagram as healthyrelationships.coach, Facebook as Healthy Relationships Coaching, and says she hosts monthly webinars on Eventbrite under Healthy Relationships. Key themes and takeaways Healthy relationships are not conflict-free; safety, mutual respect, and constructive handling of disagreements matter more than the absence of arguments. Trauma, low self-worth, people-pleasing, and trauma-bonding dynamics can keep people in toxic relationships; understanding neurological/emotional patterns helps recovery. Healing requires reclaiming self-worth, stopping external validation seeking, taking responsibility for one’s patterns, and setting boundaries. Curiosity and perspective-taking are powerful tools to reduce conflict and foster connection. Solo experiences (e.g., travel) and shared creative/challenging projects can catalyze growth and reveal relationship dynamics. Practical next steps Heather offers: learn about the patterns (webinars), get curious about motives and feelings, work on self-worth, and consider building or traveling solo to test and grow. Connections Website http://healthyrelationships.info LinkedIn URL https://www.linkedin.com/in/heathermelville756 Facebook URL https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558475200026 YouTube URL https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyRelationships-Love Instagram https://instagram.com/healthyrelationships.coach

  2. Jul 13

    Brian Sachetta – Get Out of Your Head

    Brian Sachetta is an author, blogger, and mental health advocate based in Boston. After working through his own battles with anxiety and depression, he created Get Out of Your Head® — a brand and book series that helps others navigate their mental health through practical, real-world tactics. Brian Sachetta Vroom Vroom Veer Show Summary The episode opens with host Jeff Smith welcoming guest Brian Sachetta. Jeff asks Brian what he’s most excited about in his business. Brian explains “get out of your head” is his writing and mental health brand. He has books—one focused on anxiety and another on depression—coaches clients, appears on podcasts, and sometimes writes blog posts. He clarifies he is not trying to replace a therapist but wants to supplement therapy by helping people “fill those gaps” between appointments with advice, storytelling, and tactics. He also says he is a software developer by trade who does the writing and mental-health work nights and weekends, and is working on a revised edition of his first book for about its tenth anniversary. Jeff and Brian note how common mental-health struggles are. Jeff shares that he was depressed in his twenties (not diagnosed) and has stories from that time. Jeff asks Brian about his early life. Brian says he grew up north of Boston in a little suburb and attended a public high school. He describes persistent fear and nervousness in high school that he couldn’t name—he felt anxious but didn’t talk about it. He reflects that home life was loving, but they “didn’t necessarily talk about a lot of problems,” and the culture led to repression. He describes ping-ponging between school (where he felt fear) and home (where he didn’t feel he could process or discuss it). Brian says his anxiety ramped up in college. After his freshman year he was extremely anxious; his mother noticed, and after he broke down and cried she asked what was going on—Brian calls that a turning point, a “fear and the healing point.” Jeff shares a family anecdote about his mother swallowing a bottle of aspirin while drunk at a party and then making herself vomit; he uses the story to illustrate generational repression and how people “speak about it never again.” Brian commends Jeff for talking about it publicly. They discuss “big T” traumas versus many “little t” experiences. Both agree small, cumulative “lowercase t” events can build up, be invisible, and cause long-term problems. Jeff says he closely watched his mother after that incident and that his role in high school changed. Jeff reveals that later in his twenties he had depression and suicide moments, describing an existential dread and the feeling that “life was absurd.” He says he made a couple suicide attempts, recounting one episode where he took rat poison, didn’t die, felt very ill, “went to work,” and then reached a “f**k it stage” where he decided he wouldn’t kill himself—he contrasts that as a phase, not true health. Brian relates: his second book focuses on existential depression. He describes how doubts about religion, reading, climate-change research, and Tolstoy’s A Confession contributed to his depressive thinking about meaning and death. He shares that during his depression he feared death and the idea of oblivion consumed him. He explains where he ultimately landed: acknowledging life is hard, finding joy in small moments, doing your best on the ride, and accepting that the ride will end. Jeff observes that for him suicide was more about avoiding problems than truly wanting to die. Brian agrees this rings true and transitions to describing an Ayahuasca journey he did, which he frames as something that helped reveal the underlying issues driving his suicidal thinking. Brian introduces the Ayahuasca experience: he and friends went to a ceremony; he watched a Netflix episode about such a place beforehand; he says the medicine shows “layers of the onion” and can reveal things you’ve pushed down. He describes visions, voices, and the sense of seeing “the shadow side.” He stresses it’s not for everyone and depends on openness, setting, etc. Brian recounts what the Ayahuasca showed him: it focused on relationships and how he kept people “at arm’s length.” The medicine showed him that he often avoided direct confrontation or honest communication, keeping relationships manageable rather than honest. He explains that during the journey he saw imagery (parents as celestial orbs, doors representing aspects of his life) and heard messages like “you have to let go of your parents.” Brian discloses a longstanding private struggle: growing up in the 1990s, the word “gay” was used as a derogatory label and created fear. He had a particular fetish since childhood that led him to fear it meant he was gay; that fear contributed to a depressive episode in college where he felt he had to hide or outrun it. He recounts poor experiences with therapy (an unhelpful therapist who suggested fetishes come up only when depressed) and antidepressants that didn’t help. In the Ayahuasca vision, Brian describes doors his dad (as a celestial orb in the vision) opened: one door indicated a woman he’d dated “was not your person”; another vision told him “you have to let go of your parents.” Then his dad showed many doors representing trauma—most were small or empty, until a large, spotlighted door appeared in the middle. Behind it he saw a woman doing the fetish. The message from the vision was that the core healing work was finding someone to share everything with—truth, honesty, and openness in relationships—not hiding parts of yourself. Brian emphasizes that it wasn’t just about the fetish but about a “lifestyle of truth” and that keeping people at arm’s length was sustaining anxiety and depression. Brian gives concrete sensory details from the ceremony: he felt visions breaking, and when a particular vision evaporated he passed gas, noting that people often symbolically release tension (vomiting, gas, sighs, etc.). He frames Ayahuasca as a way to reveal the “water” you swim in—the habitual background shaping your life—and says the medicine can help you see and cut through that. Brian stresses that the real work is communication and deep relational honesty; that anxiety and depression often stem from not having relationships in which you can share everything. He says therapy could also get you there over time if done well—Ayahuasca is a faster, more intense route, while meditation and other practices are slower ways that can lead to similar insights. Jeff describes his own early exposure to energy work and meditation (an “energy work” session on a massage table with an older mentor) and says those experiences were like a BIOS update; that led him to seek meditation and other tools. He prefers slower approaches like meditation and says psychedelics/plant medicine can produce a “firmware update” but aren’t his personal choice due to the physical purging aspect. The conversation moves to beliefs about afterlife and meaning. Both Jeff and Brian describe an agnostic stance: they want to believe in meaning or something beyond death but acknowledge they don’t know. Jeff says he leans toward agnosticism—he wants to think consciousness continues but can’t be sure; he reasons that if atheists are right and there is nothing after death, it can’t be all that bad. Brian agrees, saying he tries to stay agnostic, hopes for meaning, and recognizes the arrogance of claiming absolute certainty. As the episode wraps up, Jeff offers to continue but they agree to end. Brian provides contact info from the transcript: his website getoutofyourhead.com (no dashes, no spaces) and Instagram @getoutofyourhead (no dashes, no underscores). He mentions the full Ayahuasca story is available on the Mind Body Matters podcast by Greg Rennie. He invites people to DM him—“DMs are open.” Closing banter: Jeff jokes about the show’s usual “vroom vroom” style and veers; they both reflect that the conversation was a veer off the traditional path but valuable. They thank each other and sign off. Key themes and takeaways (as presented in the episode) Get Out of Your Head is a brand/project aimed at supplementing traditional therapy with books and coaching focused on anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression often come from both obvious and subtle sources; many people carry “lowercase t” experiences that accumulate. Honest relationships—openness, communication, and trust—are central to healing for both guests. Brian’s Ayahuasca journey emphasized that sharing your true self is core work. Psychedelic or intense spiritual experiences can rapidly reveal underlying issues, but slower methods (therapy, meditation) can lead to similar insights over time. Both hosts take an agnostic, non-dogmatic view on meaning and the afterlife while valuing practices that help them live better now. Practical contact: getoutofyourhead.com, Instagram @getoutofyourhead; full Ayahuasca account on Mind Body Matters by Greg Rennie; Brian’s DMs are open. Connections Website

  3. Jul 6

    Rebecca Lazzelle – AAA Overachiever, Burnout, Trauma to Energy Healing

    Rebecca Lazzelle is the founder of Infinite Ember, devoted to a belief that healing happens through small moments of honesty and reconnection with the self. She supports others navigating their own transitions with retreats and as an energy-healing practitioner based in Colorado. Rebecca Lazzelle Vroom Vroom Veer Show Summary Rebecca Lazzelle's path from high-achieving corporate executive to healer and author is anything but linear. In this episode, she shares the pivotal moments that completely upended her life — and how she rebuilt it into something far more meaningful. Rebecca spent decades climbing the corporate ladder, earning a Lean Six Sigma black belt, leading global teams overseeing translations into 21 languages, and eventually relocating to Denmark as a senior global director. But burnout, brutal hours, and a life-altering domestic violence incident ultimately brought that chapter to a close. In the aftermath, Rebecca took three months of FMLA leave, embarked on a nearly 12,000-mile solo road trip, and attended a Joe Dispenza meditation retreat — where she felt like herself for the first time since the incident. That experience cracked open a new direction: energy healing. She now practices the Emotion Code and the Body Code, modalities she values for their efficiency and their ability to release trapped emotions without requiring a verbal narrative. She also draws on EMDR, CBT, and community-centered support to help other survivors feel less alone in their recovery. Rebecca is launching a year-long small-group cohort and hosting the Infinite Ember retreat in February 2027 in Estes Park, Colorado — a multi-modality experience she describes as a "charcuterie board of retreats." Her memoir, What the F Was That?, releases July 9, alongside a year-long guided mindfulness journal featuring her own watercolor artwork. Connections Find Rebecca at rebeccalazzelle.com, Instagram TikTok

  4. Jun 29

    Tom Cladis: Wrestling Seven Alligators, Skydiving, and the Road to a Novel

    Tom Cladis is a writer and provocateur, a certified alligator wrestler who keeps his sail permanently set for the far horizon. He has authored two books: “How To Lift Cars Off Your Face And Other Tips For Living Forever” (non-fiction) and his latest, “The Age of Serpents and Scorpions” (fiction). Tom Cladis Vroom Vroom Veer Summary Tom Cladis is the author of The Age of Serpents and Scorpions, a nearly 500-page coming-of-age fantasy about two Colorado teenagers who encounter a mysterious fortune teller and are launched on an adventure through time and parallel universes. Tom describes it as YA in genre but with broad adult appeal — think C.S. Lewis's Narnia, but with Doc Holliday, Don Quixote, and Captain Kirk as supporting characters. The book explores philosophy, faith, and the choices that define us, and Tom says readers keep telling him they can't put it down. The book took eight years to write, squeezed into early mornings around three daughters and a full-time career. Tom has spent 43 years in the investment and financial business — a path that started with a cold call to someone he'd met on a flight, who hired him on the spot. Before that, he spent five years as a United Airlines flight attendant, during which he won a local writing contest and realized writing was his calling. His first book, How to Lift Cars Off Your Face and Other Tips for Living Forever, was inspired by a news story about an 18-year-old who did exactly that — and the idea that our minds are often the only thing standing between us and what we're capable of. That philosophy clearly extends to his personal life. Tom has wrestled seven alligators at a farm near the Great Sand Dunes (with about an hour of training and zero footage to prove it), gone skydiving 30-plus times — including once while his wife thought he was at a meeting, six months into her second pregnancy — and rappelled down a 40-story building for a cancer fundraiser, raising around $15,000. He's also jumped off cliffs, done bungee jumps from hot air balloons at 500 feet, and performed handstands at the Eiffel Tower and on a castle wall in Salisbury (his daughter didn't speak to him for two hours after that one). His take on all of it: limits are mostly self-imposed. Once you push through one, the next one gets easier. Tom's book is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and through bookstores. Connections Website Instagram @tomc_writes

  5. Jun 22

    Tom Bernard – Why you Should Invest in the S&P 500

    Tom Bernard finished undergrad at Berkeley, he holds an MBA from The Wharton School of Business, as well as a Masters in Taxation.He has spent over 3 decades in finance and has taught personal finance at the City College of San Francisco.Born and raised in California, Tom lives in San Francisco with his family and is very close to being a free-birder (as opposed to empty nester).When he’s not talking money, teaching, looking at real estate or advising clients you can find him in the water… an average swimmer, a mediocre sailor and a beginner surfer. Tom Bernard Vroom Vroom Veer Summary Jeff sits down with Tom Bernard, author of The Index of America, to talk about why the S&P 500 has become his go-to long-term investment. Tom shares his winding path through personal finance—early speculative bets, real estate headaches, and leveraged funds gone wrong—before settling on a simple "set and forget" approach with index investing. They dig into the S&P 500's history and eligibility rules (timely given SpaceX's IPO that day), the power of dividends and buybacks, compound growth over decades, and how the 4% retirement withdrawal rule holds up under scrutiny. Tom also shares a case study showing how Nevada's public pension fund thrived using the S&P 500 as its sole U.S. equity holding. Bottom line: invest in yourself, control your expenses, automate your contributions, and ignore the noise. Connections The Index of America

  6. Jun 15

    Jessi Hartnett – You Can Quit Smoking

    Jessi Hartnett is a wife, mother, and a coach for those seeking to move past smoking. After 15 years of living with addiction, Jessi discovered that lasting freedom wasn't found in willpower. It was found in the heart. Today, she uses her journey as a source of strength to help others navigate their own path to peace. Her approach, rooted in radical transformation and heart-led healing, moves beyond the surface-level habit to address the emotional and spiritual roots of the struggle. Jessi helps her clients access the gifts of their own intuition, compassion, and creativity to find a unique way out of the cycle of smoking She is the author of Honor Your Heart, a soulful guide to quitting smoking, and the host of the You Can Quit Smoking podcast. When she isn’t coaching or recording, you can find her cooking for her family or enjoying time outdoors. Jessi Hartnett Vroom Vroom Veer Stories Jeff welcomes Jessi Hartnett, quit-smoking coach, founder of You Can Quit Smoking, and author of Honor Your Heart. Jessi smoked for fifteen years before quitting — along with alcohol and weed — and now helps others do the same. Jessi shares her journey from a small-town Illinois upbringing through a career in land surveying (often the only woman in the room), burnout, and years of using substances to cope with stress and anxiety. A diagnosis of gum disease and gum graft surgery became her turning point. Rather than relying on willpower, Jessi's approach centers on curiosity, self-compassion, and inner work — understanding why you reach for a cigarette, untangling negative self-talk, and building new ways to meet emotional needs. She and Jeff also swap practical coping strategies: kettlebell swings, soaking baths, slowing down with daily practices. Jessi reframes quitting not as deprivation but as a doorway to a new season of life — one that, for her, included becoming a mother and finding purpose-driven work. Connections www.honoryourheart.net https://www.youtube.com/@JessiHartnett https://www.tiktok.com/@honoryourheart https://www.instagram.com/_honor_your_heart https://www.facebook.com/JessiHartnettHonorYourHeart

  7. Jun 8

    Isaac Tolpin – Human Behavior Expert (BOV)

    Isaac Tolpin is one of the Founders of ConveYour.com, the #1 Micro-Learning platform for influencers and companies.  He’s a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart. On a mission, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s helped build.  His success comes from understanding the relationships between human behavior, business and technology. This expertise helped celebrity influencers and companies to transform their knowledge into humanized digital training. His recent background includes, cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, digital marketer, and EdTech disrupter through the pioneering Mirco-Training technology, ConveYour.com, the platform that’s improving the way influencers and organizations connect and train people.  He brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. He refuses to waste his life achieving the world’s definition of success that leave so many empty.  Instead he does what matters through projects, those he serves, and the family he leads. Isaac Tolpin Vroom Veer Stories Had the entrepreneur bug very early; started making and selling crafts in High School Went to college (cause that what Gen Xer's do!); starting doing direct sales in college How to overcome massive entrepreneurial failure and come back stronger than ever Big lesson from this failure was to listen to friends he really trusts Learned how to be a better husband and father and to check his ego Why digital training needs be fun, effective, and never boring Human behavior doesn't allow digital training to take hours at a time; more like 5-7 minutes An optional workplace test game had a 95% completion rate; making it mandatory caused a drop Isaac Tolpin Connections Website

  8. Jun 1

    Ace Chapman – Buying and Selling Businesses (BOV)

    Ace Chapman bought his first business when he was nineteen.  It was an online stock market simulator called CoolWallStreet.  After selling it and seeing the benefits in buying a business over starting one, he caught the business buying bug.  Since then he has bought and sold over thirty businesses and has helped his clients all over the world buy over one hundred businesses. Ace Chapman Vroom Veer Stories Defied teachers in school when told to memorize the names of bones; seemed stupid to do Bought his first business when he was 19 and in college; borrowed most of $70K to make the deal Too make the deal happen, his investors insisted that he quit school; big scary veer Was lucky to sell this ".com" business after the .com bust with a little money left over His emotions went from "I'm set for life" to "I'm a failure" Got a job at a bank; told he couldn't have an assistant; rented space across the street & hired his own Bank found out he had hired his own help; asked to resign Started his own mortgage company and bought a real estate company and kept going Sold mortgage/real estate company right before the 2008 bust; whew Found a mentor who helped him realize that it is easier to buy a business than to build one from scratch Ended up building a business from scratch to buy, grow, and sell businesses in the under $3 million space Connections Ace Chapman's Web Site

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The Road Differently Traveled

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