The Save The Marriage Podcast

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • 4.5 (411)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

  1. 2D AGO

    What DOES Pickleball Have To Do With Marriage??

    Probably more than you want to admit. I've been playing pickleball for about four years. Started when my wife and I moved to a new community — we were looking for something to do and a way to meet people. Neither of us expected it to become a weekly ritual. But somewhere along the way, I started noticing something I couldn't shake. The patterns showing up on that court? I'd seen every single one of them in struggling marriages. Not as a loose metaphor. As an almost exact parallel. The partner who can't stop criticizing every shot — and wonders why the other person stops trying. The player who decides if the game isn't going their way, they won't play at all. The one who takes every shot, carries every point, and then complains their partner doesn't contribute. The "coach" nobody asked for, offering feedback that doesn't land as helpfulness. Sound like anyone you know? Here's what got me thinking: pickleball, at its best, is a partnership game. You win together. You cover each other's deficits. You communicate before the moment demands it. You keep playing even when the score isn't going your way. And at its worst? It looks a lot like the patterns that quietly destroy a marriage. There's one thing in particular I talk about in this episode that I think will stay with you — something most people never notice on the court or in their relationship. It has to do with the difference between the last shot and the setup that made it inevitable. Most of us only see the last shot. A few questions worth sitting with before you listen: Do you and your spouse actually have a strategy — or are you just reacting to whatever comes at you? When something goes wrong, are you looking at the last moment, or the conditions you both built leading up to it? Are you the kind of partner you'd actually want to play with? That last one might sting a little. It's supposed to. This week's episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast is a little lighter than usual — but lighter doesn't mean less important. Sometimes the clearest mirror is the one you least expect. Listen to "What Does Pickleball Have To Do With Marriage?" right here. And if you're at a point where the game feels broken — no strategy, no direction, and you're not sure your partner is even still playing — the Save The Marriage System is where to start. It's the map for getting back on the court together.

    28 min

  2. FEB 25

    Stop Spinning the Wheel

    Einstein said we can't solve our problems with the same thinking that created them. And if you've been working on your marriage—trying hard, putting in effort, doing everything you can think of—but nothing's actually changing? You might be spinning the wheel. Pursuing harder. Forcing conversations. Making grand gestures. Reading every article, watching every video, trying every technique the algorithm throws at you. That's effort. Real effort. But it's pointed in the wrong direction. In the last episode, I talked about why "if it's meant to be" is dangerous thinking. This episode is about what you do instead. Not just recognizing the myth is wrong, but understanding what intelligent effort actually looks like when you're trying to save a marriage. Because here's what most people miss. The marriage that's in crisis right now? It didn't fail because you picked the wrong person or because your love wasn't strong enough. It failed in design. The culture gave you a destination—happily ever after—and almost nothing about how to actually get there and stay there. So when things fall apart, it's not a destination failure. It's a navigation failure. And that changes everything. In this episode, I walk through what it actually means to rebuild a marriage. Why it feels so much harder than it did at the beginning. Why you're not maintaining orbit—you're relaunching. And what to do when you're the only one putting in the energy. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES "If it was meant to be" Episode Why Your Spouse Doesn't See a Change Save The Marriage System

    18 min

  3. FEB 18

    “If It Were Meant To Be”… Is a Load of Crap!

    I hear it a lot. Sometimes from someone in the middle of a marriage crisis, trying to make sense of the pain. Sometimes from someone who hasn't hit crisis yet, but carries the belief quietly in the background — like a safety net they don't know they're depending on. "If it's meant to be, it will work out." It sounds like wisdom. It sounds like acceptance. If you've thought it yourself, I understand why. It offers something we all want in a painful moment — a clean explanation that doesn't require anything else from you. But I want to make the case that this phrase — as comforting as it feels — is one of the most dangerous ideas your marriage has ever encountered. Here's why. Our culture handed us an incomplete story about love and marriage. A story built on two beliefs so familiar they don't even feel like beliefs. The first says that finding the right person is the whole game — get the selection right, and everything follows. The second says that real love shouldn't require much effort — if you have to try hard, something is probably wrong. Neither of those beliefs is true. And together, they set up a very predictable failure — one that has nothing to do with whether your love is real or your person is right. What if your marriage isn't experiencing a destination failure? What if it's a navigation failure? Those are very different problems. And they have very different solutions. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I dig into both. Where these beliefs come from. Why they're so seductive. And what they actually cost you when things get hard. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES The Save The Marriage System The Pause Button Problem Hope When Your Spouse Has Given Up

    15 min

  4. FEB 11

    When Pop Psychology Destroys Your Marriage

    "I'm just Type A—that's why we clash." "I'm an Alpha male. This is just who I am." "I'm anxiously attached. I can't help how I react." I hear these statements constantly in my coaching work. And every time, I watch the same thing happen: growth stops. The label becomes a shield. The framework becomes a prison. And the marriage stays stuck. In this episode, I'm examining three of the most popular psychological frameworks people use to explain their behavior—and what the research actually says about them. Spoiler: the science doesn't support what most people think it does. What We Cover: Type A personality and what the research really found (hint: it's not about drive or ambition) Alpha Male theory and the wolf study that's been debunked for decades Attachment styles—solid research that people are using in terrible ways Why these frameworks become barriers to change instead of pathways to growth The difference between using psychology as a map vs. using it as a jail cell Fair Warning This episode is direct. If you're invested in one of these frameworks, you might feel defensive listening to it. Pay attention to that reaction. It's information. Because your marriage doesn't need more explanation for why things aren't working. It needs change. And change becomes impossible when you're more committed to protecting your identity than examining your impact. This episode is about coachability—the willingness to question what you think you know about yourself in service of building the marriage you actually want. Ready to get uncomfortable?  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Dangers in Marital Therapy What are You Controlling?

    39 min

  5. FEB 4

    Belonging Together?

    In this episode of the podcast, I explore why marriages feel empty even when couples are still together. The answer isn't about compatibility or whether you "married the right person." It's about three essential elements that every strong marriage needs, and what happens when they disappear. I'm bringing together insights from Brené Brown, Tony Robbins, and Jennifer Wallace's new book Mattering to show you a different way of understanding what's really going wrong. These aren't just abstract concepts. They are deeply wired human needs that your marriage either fulfills or frustrates. Here's what makes this episode different: I'm not just diagnosing the problem. I'm showing you why the disconnection you're feeling creates a cascade of other losses — and why connection is always the starting point for rebuilding. If you've been wondering whether your marriage can be saved, or if you're stuck in a relationship that feels more like going through the motions than genuine partnership, this episode will help you see your situation more clearly. Listen now to discover: • Why "fitting in" to your marriage leaves you feeling emptier than being alone • The hidden way disconnection steals your sense of significance • What it really means to "matter" to someone - and why you can't fake it • How to know if you've been hitting the Un-Pause Button without realizing it This might be the perspective shift you've been needing. RELATED RESOURCES Why Connection Matters Three Levels of Connection Save The Marriage System

    19 min

  6. JAN 28

    The Four Failing Fears

    You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM!  You hit a wall. A wall of fear.  Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts.  In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts.  Fears and actions are not the same.  Fears are fears.  Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power. When you are working on saving a marriage, there are 4 fears that strike many people... and they may just hit you! And then, you have to decide whether the fears stop your efforts or if they are just "background noise." Which will they be for you? Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Relationship Fears 3 C's of Saving A Marriage Why Save It? Facing Fears and Moving Forward Save The Marriage System

    20 min

  7. JAN 21

    The RISE Framework: Moving From Surface Talk to Soul-Level Connection

    When successful men feel powerful at work but powerless at home, something fundamental is missing. In this episode, Mitchell Osmond, leadership consultant and host of the Dad Nation podcast, shares his journey from rock bottom — facing divorce, depression, and 60 pounds overweight — to creating a framework that helps couples move beyond being "roommates sharing rings." Mitchell introduces the RISE Conversation Ladder, a practical tool for moving from surface-level logistics to genuine emotional intimacy. The four levels—Routine, Information, Story, and Essence—provide a roadmap for the deeper connection your marriage is craving. You'll discover: Why men often struggle with "normative male alexithymia" (lack of words for emotions) and what to do about it The eulogy exercise that creates visceral clarity about the legacy you're building How to ask for "emotional data" in your relationship before crisis hits Why your spouse doesn't need you to fix their feelings—they need you to hear them without flinching Practical questions that open doors to the essence level where true intimacy lives Whether you're the husband struggling to connect or the spouse wanting to understand what's happening, this framework works for everyone. Because the goal isn't just staying under the same roof. It's knowing and being known. RELATED RESOURCES: Mitchell's Website Mitchell's Podcast

    44 min

  8. JAN 14

    Resetting in 2026

    Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. They keep doing the same things, waiting for different results. And when it comes to saving your marriage, that's a recipe for staying stuck. In this week's podcast, I walk you through five critical resets you need to make in 2026. Not resolutions. Resets. There's a difference. If you play pickleball, you know what a reset is. When what you're doing isn't working, you reset the ball. You slow it down. You step back and start fresh. That's what we're doing here with your marriage. What Needs to Go (and What Needs to Come In) I break down five specific shifts, each with something that needs to be "out" and something that needs to be "in" for your process this year. The first reset deals with the most common trap I see: waiting for your spouse to join you before you start working on things. Spoiler alert—that's exactly backwards. One person always starts the process. That's normal. The question is whether you're going to be that person or keep waiting. The second reset tackles what I call "Idea ADD"—jumping from YouTube video to blog post to the next shiny object the algorithm throws at you. You're trusting an algorithm instead of following a clear, consistent approach. That has to stop. The third reset is about ditching the seat-of-your-pants approach. Flying by the seat of your pants IS a system. It's just a losing system. You need an actual written plan and systems in place to support it. The fourth reset changes how you think about hope. Most people treat hope like a feeling they're waiting to experience. Wrong. Hope is something you build using a specific formula. I'll walk you through the equation. The fifth reset shifts you from pushing and chasing your spouse (which only creates more distance) to something far more effective: inviting connection. Small shift. Massive difference. Why This Matters Right Now We're just into 2026. You've got a choice in front of you. You can approach your marriage the same way you did last year, or you can actually reset your approach. These aren't theoretical concepts. They're the backbone of how I've helped thousands of people turn their marriages around. They're built into my Save The Marriage System, my VIP program, and my Unpause app. They're the three C's in action: Connect with your spouse. Change yourself. Create a new path. Each of these five resets moves you toward one or more of those three areas. And each one is something you can control and execute on, regardless of where your spouse is right now. Listen to this episode if you're serious about making 2026 different. Not just hopeful it will be different. Actually different. Because hope isn't something you wait for. It's something you build. Listen to Episode 584: Resetting in 2026 now on the Save The Marriage Podcast. If your marriage is in crisis, learn more about the Save The Marriage System at savethemarriage.com. If you're looking to strengthen your connection and unpause your marriage, check out the Unpause app at unpauseyourmarriage.com.

    21 min
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About

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

Information

  • Creator
    Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • Years Active
    2013 - 2026
  • Episodes
    200
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2013-2024. All Rights Reserved by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. and Aspire Coaching, Inc.
  • Show Website
    The Save The Marriage Podcast

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