Quaid In Full Sarah D Bunting

You've seen 2004's Flight Of The Phoenix before -- not just the Jimmy Stewart verzh from the '60s, but every "ragtag group with various animosities bands together to beat insurmountable odds, with an assist from ILM CGI" flick before it. As NOT the best pilot we ever saw, Dennis Quaid's Frank Towns throws John Wayne, Barth from You Can't Do That On Television, and a crappish Bill Clinton imitation into a blender to assay a backstory-free brat to whom everyone from Dr. House to EMT Riley to Eowyn is looking for salvation. How long have they been out in the Gobi? How much water is left? Why are Chekhov's nomads wearing Converse? And why did the same single rock in the entire desert that killed Sam Winchester then save Dennis Quaid? A lot of questions, a lot of callbacks to Enemy Mine in the season finale of Quaid In Full.


Overall score: 4.5
QQQ score: 6
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 35


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S02E11: The Right Stuff
S03E02: Enemy Mine
"Iiiiii heard that"
Part 1 of The Phoenix Diaries, in which the director allegedly yells at the actors
Ebert's review
Marc Savlov's for The Austin Chronicle
Ruthe Stein's for the Chron

Or, How To Not Exactly Succeed In Corporate Satire While Actually REALLY Trying. We might have felt differently about In Good Company if we didn't live in the Republic of Bezos, in a timeline with Succession, but we do, we do, and a movie that tries to send up corporate machinations really needs to have an R rating to work with. Still, this gentle, dated, clueless-about-BFAs-and-NYU "Hallmark movie for boys" isn't unpleasant, and DQ is quite good in it despite being obliged to dribble a basketball AND deliver a Notwork speech during the big boss's TED talk. Past its sell-by date, but still safe: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.


Overall score: 5.5
QQQ score: 8
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 28


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In Good Company on Prime
Ebert's review
Peter Travers's for Rolling Stone
Ruthe Stein's for the Chron
Nathin Rabin's for AV Club
S02E02: GORP
It's Christmastown

Defector.com's David J. Roth returns to talk about The Day After Tomorrow, which was marketed as an Important Must-See back in 2004, and almost uniformly savaged by critics who seem not to have understood the point of AN ACTION MOVIE. But your commentators all quite enjoy it, despite all the Hollywood Sciencing, the lonesome death of a Law & Order-verse stalwart in a Paramus mall court, direwolf Colorforms, protagonists stopping to look at the special effect that's trying to kill them for a full ten count, and a baffling chapeau choice from our boy DQ. How many actors were asked before Quaid? What exactly happens to the English royal family? And could this movie make Dick Cheney's heart grow one size? Slip into a 78-lb. snowsuit and join us for an all-new Quaid In Full.


Overall score: 7.67
QQQ score: 7.17
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 21


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Ebert's review
Anthony Lane's for TNY
David Edelstein's for Slate
Manohla Dargis's for NYT
Defector.com
It's Christmastown
Don't use an indie ruler to measure an action flick
Special Guest: David J. Roth.

Remember The Alamo (...sorry; we had to) -- 2004's "featureless sphere of re-consideration" of one of the country's most notorious battles starring Dennis Quaid as Sam Houston? If you do, our condolences, although despite a bloated runtime, racist music cues, a script that makes the dad from The Conjuring recycle cannonballs, and a misapprehension of what's actually still interesting about this chapter of history, we didn't end up with a super-low overall rating. DQ, however, doesn't seem to know how to play this particular C-plus person, and his reverting to Sling Blade voice in scenes with Billy Bob Thornton is a choice that doesn't work out for him. Slap on some $100 million sideburns, grab a copyright-compliant cutlass, and jump in a hole: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.


Overall score: 5.5
QQQ score: 3.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14


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Ebert's review
Desson Thomson's for WaPo
David Edelstein's for Slate
Elvis Mitchell's for NYT
Phil Collins's Alamo-iana

Semi-on-demand PBS educational series Freedom: A History Of US is nigh-on impossible to find, and based on the episode we did track down, "A War To End Slavery," that's mostly a good thing. Casting the Civil War in the broadest, blandest terms and narrated by Katie Couric as though she's reporting on these battle picnics live, Freedom Colon boasts an all-star cast, and (we suspect) a Koch-funded director who was not empowered to ask for second takes or kibosh ill-advised accent experiments. Not that it matters how badly the thing misapprehends what people liked about the Ken Burns documentary, because it only exists so that Mrs. Naughton can spend second period down the hall with her Merit 120s. And DQ as Robert E. Lee has one line, soooo this will NOT be on the midterm.


Overall score: 2.5
QQQ score: 3.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 7


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Watch the whole series if you're an education professional
If you're not, you can (but shouldn't) watch E06 on YouTube
Or read the webisode transcript to yourself in your best Foghorn Leghorn voice
Variety's review
SDB's old boss

Did anybody in this movie...see a movie? Today we're contemplating 2003's Cape Farm, aka Cold Creek Manor, aka 33 1/3 Short Sound Drops That Shouldn't Have Made SDB Laugh. A putative thriller in which Dorff On Golf somehow manages to haul a dead pony into a swimming pool, our "city slicker" hero tries to charm the psychotic locals with Brandy Alexanders, children have eyeteeth the size of quarters, and a cemetery is added to the kids' chore wheel, Cold Creek Manor is mostly bad -- but at least Dennis Quaid doesn't make it any worse, so while you're fleeing the godless city for Sling Blade-on-Hudson, cue up an all-new Quaid In Full.


Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 5.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0


SHOW NOTES



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Ebert's 1.5/4 review
Edward Guthmann's for SFGate
The Bill-ogy begins
Fatal Instinct