The Secure Husband

M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC
  • 5.0 (19)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT

A Secure Husband no longer seeks validation from his wife—he stands strong in self-worth, meets his own emotional needs, and leads with confidence and clarity. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to help you break free from old patterns, reclaim your strength, and transform your marriage from the inside out.

  1. 9H AGO

    Why Your Nervous System Stops You From Communicating Your Needs

    Many men know exactly what they want to say in a relationship. They rehearse the words. They picture the conversation. Then the moment arrives, and their body shuts down. They freeze. They soften the message. They explode. Or they say nothing. This is not a communication failure. This is a nervous system response. Your nervous system does not ask, “What is the healthiest thing to say?” It asks, “What keeps connection safe?” If speaking your needs once led to rejection, conflict, or distance, your body learned to protect you. That protection can show up as silence, over-explaining, appeasing, or withdrawal. In this episode, you will learn how childhood experiences train the nervous system to treat vulnerability as danger. Your body learned relationship patterns before you had words. It tracked what happened when you expressed needs. Those early lessons now shape adult reactions. We walk through how different attachment styles affect communication. Anxious patterns may lead to over-apologizing or fear of saying the wrong thing. Avoidant patterns may lead to shutdown or minimization. Fearful patterns may swing between speaking and retreating. Each pattern reflects a survival strategy, not a character flaw. You will also hear why hesitation before speaking is a physical event. Tight chest, shallow breathing, and urgency signal that your body senses threat. Your mind then builds stories to justify silence. Awareness changes this process. When you pause and notice sensation, you help your nervous system feel safe enough to speak clearly. Secure communication does not mean fear disappears. It means you regulate first and then express your needs. Each time you do this, you teach your body that honesty and connection can exist together. If this episode resonates and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. It is simply a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We will just explore whether it feels like a good fit and how I can help. Your voice did not disappear. Your nervous system learned to protect connection. Now you can teach it a new pattern that supports both honesty and safety. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    15 min

  2. 4D AGO

    How Your Nervous System Leads To Self-Abandonment

    Self-abandonment is a nervous system pattern that formed long before you had words for it. This episode explains how your body learned to protect connection by leaving parts of yourself behind. Your nervous system learned that staying attached meant staying safe. It learned that conflict felt dangerous. It learned that silence preserved connection. Those early lessons now shape how you react in adult relationships. You will hear how self-abandonment shows up in daily life. You may say yes when you want to say no. You may stay quiet when something hurts. You may over-give or over-function to keep peace. These actions do not come from weakness. They come from a survival pattern your body still runs. This episode breaks down how childhood experiences train the nervous system. Your body stored patterns about safety, approval, and connection. Your nervous system reacts before your thinking mind catches up. Tight chest. Urgency to fix. Fear of speaking honestly. These are learned signals, not proof that something is wrong with you. You will also learn why inconsistent love strengthens this pattern. Your body learned to chase connection when warmth disappeared. That chasing turns into adult self-abandonment. You may confuse sacrifice with love. You may shrink to avoid rejection. Over time, that pattern creates resentment and distance. Awareness changes the pattern. When you notice when you disappear, you create space for choice. You stop treating survival reflex as identity. You begin to stay present with yourself while staying connected to others. That shift builds self-trust and emotional safety. If this episode resonates with you and you want to talk, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. It is simply a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might support you. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We will just see if it feels like a good fit and how I can help. You are not broken. Your nervous system learned to survive connection. Now you can learn a new pattern that keeps both connection and self-respect intact. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    16 min

  3. FEB 5

    The Body Remembers — How Your Nervous System Learned Love

    Have you ever reacted stronger than the moment seemed to call for?Have you ever felt tension in your chest or stomach before you could explain why? Your nervous system learned love long before you had words for it. This episode explains how early life experiences shape the body, not just the mind. It shows how childhood patterns live on through sensation, reaction, and survival responses. These patterns guide how you connect, attach, and react in adult relationships. As a child, you did not analyze emotions.You felt them. Your body learned what felt safe and what felt risky. It learned when closeness stayed and when it disappeared. It learned how much effort connection required. Your nervous system stored these lessons as patterns, not memories. This episode breaks down how big events and small repeated moments shape the body. It explains how inconsistency, emotional distance, and mixed signals train the nervous system to stay alert or shut down. You will learn why the nervous system predicts the future based on the past. You will see why love that felt unstable taught the body to chase or brace. You will understand why calm can feel strange and anxiety can feel familiar. This episode explains why logic alone cannot stop reactions. The body responds to sensation before thought. When a partner pulls away or becomes distant, the body reacts first. The reaction often belongs to an earlier time, not the present moment. You will also learn why people repeat relationship patterns that hurt. The nervous system chooses what it knows how to survive. Familiar pain can feel safer than unknown peace. This episode explains why some people feel too much and others feel numb. Both are survival strategies. Both formed for a reason. Neither is a flaw. You will hear why inconsistency is one of the strongest forces shaping attachment. Mixed signals keep the nervous system stuck in hope and fear at the same time. Most importantly, this episode reframes your reactions. You are not dramatic. You are not weak. You are not broken. Your nervous system is unfinished, not defective. The goal is not to eliminate triggers. The goal is to understand them. When you understand what your body learned, shame loses its grip. Curiosity replaces self-blame. Safety begins inside you. If this episode connects with you and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is a simple conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We just see if it feels like a good fit. Your body learned love before you could explain it.Once you see that, everything starts to shift. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    18 min

  4. JAN 30

    Does This Mean I Have to Divorce My Dismissive-Avoidant Wife?

    Many men reach a point where one question keeps nagging at them. Does understanding dismissive-avoidant attachment mean divorce is the only path to peace? This episode answers that question without panic, pressure, or fear. It speaks to men who feel worn down after years of trying, fixing, explaining, waiting, and improving themselves with little return. This conversation is not about rushing a decision.It is not about pushing divorce.It is not about staying at all costs. It is about clarity. You will learn why this question shows up after long-term effort fails. You will understand how attachment awareness changes the real question from “What am I doing wrong?” to “What am I willing to live with?” This episode explains why dismissive avoidance is not a phase or a season. It is a stable pattern. Insight alone does not create intimacy. Change only happens when both partners choose the work. You will hear the two lies that keep many anxious-preoccupied men stuck. One lie says understanding her will make her change. The other lie says leaving means failure. Both keep you trapped in self-abandonment. The episode walks through when divorce becomes a real possibility and when it does not. Divorce becomes an option when emotional neglect stays constant, intimacy stays absent, effort does not appear, and you can only stay by shrinking yourself. You will also hear why divorce is not the starting point. Most men need to stop chasing and start leading themselves first. The middle path matters. Boundaries matter. Leadership matters. When you stop over-functioning, two paths often appear. In some marriages, the dismissive wife steps forward and begins slow, real effort. In others, nothing changes, and the truth becomes clearer. This episode helps you understand both outcomes without shame. You will learn why leadership does not mean more talks, more patience, or more emotional labor. Leadership means calm, limits, consistency, and self-respect. It means removing anxiety from the system and letting reality show itself. You will also hear an important truth. Divorce is not the goal. Staying is not the goal. Wholeness is the goal. Some men choose to leave from clarity and strength. Others choose to stay with eyes open and self-respect intact. Both can be valid. You do not need to decide today. You do need to stop abandoning yourself. If this episode resonates and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is a simple conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We just see if it feels like a good fit. The real question is not whether you must divorce. The real question is whether you are willing to stop disappearing, no matter what she chooses. That answer changes everything. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#dismissiveavoidant #dismissiveavoidantattachment #attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    17 min

  5. JAN 26

    Boundaries With A Dismissive-Avoidant Wife

    If you are married to a dismissive-avoidant wife, boundaries can feel confusing and frustrating. You may have tried setting boundaries before.You may have explained your needs calmly.You may have asked for change with care. And still, nothing sticks. This episode explains why boundaries with a dismissive-avoidant partner work differently than they do with secure or anxious partners. It focuses on clarity, not control. It focuses on reality, not hope. This is not an episode about ultimatums.It is not about threats.It is not about forcing your wife to change. This is about adult honesty. You will learn why dismissive partners often respond to boundaries in unpredictable ways. Sometimes they improve for a short time. Sometimes they shut down. Sometimes they ignore the boundary completely. This inconsistency makes many men doubt themselves and overthink every word. This episode starts with the most important boundary of all. Do not make life-changing decisions while your nervous system is activated. Anxiety distorts perception. Calm creates vision. You will be guided to ask a simple but powerful question:When I am calm and grounded, what do I actually see in this marriage? Not what you hope for.Not what you fear.What is truly there. The episode helps you separate dismissive traits that may be workable from patterns that cause long-term harm. Some men can live with more distance or less emotional expression. Very few can live with chronic neglect, no repair, no affection, or no effort. You will learn the difference between boundary clarity and boundary enforcement. Boundaries are not demands. They are statements of what you can and cannot live with. A key focus of this episode is effort. Dismissive-avoidant partners do not heal by accident. Change requires choice. You will learn how to tell the difference between real effort and empty promises. This episode also speaks directly to anxious-preoccupied men. It explains why clarity feels so threatening when your nervous system is wired to preserve connection at any cost. It reminds you that fear is real, but fear is not the same as truth. You do not need to decide anything today.You do need to stop lying to yourself. If this episode resonates and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is simply a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We just see if it feels like a good fit. Boundaries are not about ending marriages.They are about ending self-abandonment. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#saveyourmarriage #dismissiveavoidantattachment #dismissiveavoidant  #attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    15 min

  6. JAN 22

    Your Dismissive-Avoidant Wife Chooses Everything Over You

    Do you feel like everything in your wife’s life comes before you? On the surface, it all sounds reasonable.She is busy.She is tired.She has kids, work, and responsibilities. But inside, something feels off. Because it is not just that she is busy.It is that everything else gets priority over you. Not once in a while.Not only during hard seasons.But as a pattern. The message you feel is quiet but painful:There is space for everyone and everything, except you. This episode explains what is happening inside a dismissive-avoidant nervous system. It explains why dissociation becomes the default. It explains why kids, career, routines, and tasks become safe substitutes for intimacy. It also explains why this pattern slowly turns an anxious-preoccupied husband into someone who abandons himself just to stay connected. Dismissive avoidance is not about strength or independence.It is about disconnection. Many dismissive-avoidant wives stay out of their bodies to stay safe. Feelings live in the body. Vulnerability lives there too. To avoid those states, the nervous system learns to stay busy, focused, productive, and needed. This episode explains why good things like kids, work, fitness, and service often become tools of avoidance. These things offer purpose without vulnerability. They offer connection without emotional exposure. They keep intimacy at a distance while looking responsible and praised from the outside. You will learn why children often become the safest place for attachment energy. Kids do not require emotional mutuality. They do not ask to see her inner world. That makes them feel safer than adult intimacy. This episode also explains how the marriage slowly gets pushed to the margins. Kids come first. Work comes first. Schedules come first. Exhaustion comes first. The relationship comes last. When you try to name the loneliness, the conversation shuts down. You will hear how this affects you as the husband. Your body reacts first. You feel tension, anxiety, and a sense of being unimportant. You start scanning for connection. You begin to feel alone while married. This episode explains why your nervous system reacts so strongly. Anxious attachment reads distance as danger. Busyness feels like rejection. Deprioritization feels like abandonment. Your anxiety is not weakness. It is a response to disconnection. You will also learn why trying harder makes things worse. You help more. You ask for less. You lower expectations. You erase yourself to keep peace. Over time, your self-abandonment becomes the cost of staying connected. This episode explains the core mismatch. She regulates through distance and dissociation. You regulate through closeness and reassurance. When one moves away, the other moves closer. The cycle tightens unless something changes. Most important, this episode gives clarity.This was never about you being unimportant.It was never about you failing.It was never about you wanting too much. If this episode connects with your experience and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We simply see if it feels like a good fit and how I can help. You are not broken for wanting to matter.You did not lose yourself because you were needy. You lost yourself because you tried to stay connected in a relationship that required your absence. Awareness is the beginning. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#marriagehelp #dismissiveavoidant #attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    19 min

  7. JAN 19

    Why Your Dismissive-Avoidant Wife Is So Critical

    If you live with constant criticism in your marriage to a dismissive-avoidant wife, this episode is for you. You are not dealing with yelling or rage.You are dealing with tone, looks, sighs, and sharp comments.You feel smaller over time, even when you try to stay calm and loving. What makes this worse is the imbalance. She can criticize you freely.But when you share a feeling, a need, or a concern, she reacts as if you attacked her.Even gentle requests feel unsafe to her. Over time, you begin to feel like the problem simply for having needs. This episode explains why this happens in marriages with a dismissive-avoidant wife.The goal is not to excuse her behavior.The goal is not to fix her.The goal is to help you stop taking her criticism as proof that you are failing. At the core of dismissive avoidance is a deep wound called defectiveness.This is a belief that says, “If someone really sees me, they will see something is wrong with me.”This belief often forms in childhood emotional neglect, not chaos or abuse, but emotional absence. Because vulnerability feels dangerous, criticism becomes safer than openness.Criticism creates distance.Distance helps her nervous system feel stable. This episode explains why your needs feel like criticism to her body.Your nervous system hears connection.Her nervous system hears failure. You will learn why defensiveness is not a choice but a reflex.When shame activates, her system moves to protect itself.That protection often looks like dismissal, blame, withdrawal, or harsh words. This episode also explains flaw-finding and deactivation.When intimacy pressure rises, her mind scans for reasons to pull away.This helps her avoid shame and vulnerability, even though it damages the bond. You will also hear how anxious-preoccupied husbands respond by trying harder.You give more.You ask for less.You erase yourself to keep peace. This does not heal the relationship.It deepens the cycle. The episode explains why talking alone does not fix this dynamic.This is not a communication problem.This is a nervous system problem. Most important, this episode shifts the focus back to you.You cannot control her reactions.You can stop abandoning yourself.You can stop carrying shame that was never yours. If this episode connects with your experience and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We simply see if it feels like a good fit and how I can help. You do not need to decide anything today.But you can stop treating someone else’s unresolved shame as your failure. Understanding this dynamic is not the end of the journey.It is the start of self-respect. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#saveyourmarriage #dismissiveavoidant #attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    18 min

  8. JAN 14

    Understanding The Dismissive Avoidant Wife

    If your marriage feels confusing, quiet, and distant, this episode is for you. Many men are not dealing with anger, insults, or chaos. They are dealing with absence.No warmth.No initiation.No emotional movement toward them. The hardest part is not the lack of sex.The hardest part is not feeling felt. This episode explains what is happening inside the nervous system of a dismissive-avoidant wife. The goal is not to excuse her behavior. The goal is not to fix her. The goal is to help you stop blaming yourself for something effort cannot solve. You will learn why understanding dismissive avoidance does not create change on its own. Insight lives in the mind. Avoidance lives in the body. When closeness feels unsafe, logic does not override fear. This episode explains what dismissive avoidance protects. It protects against vulnerability, exposure, expectation, and dependence. Many dismissive wives carry deep shame about not being enough. Distance helps them feel safe and in control. You will also learn why emotional suppression often leads to sexual shutdown. For many women, emotion and sexuality are linked. When feelings shut down, desire shuts down too. This is not punishment. It is disconnection. This episode explains why your needs can feel like criticism to her nervous system. What you experience as a request for connection, her body hears as failure. Withdrawal becomes her way to regulate. You will hear how deactivation works. Deactivation looks like numbness, irritation, distance, and logic that justifies pulling away. These reactions are not planned. They are reflexes. You will also learn why many dismissive wives fixate on kids, work, routines, or tasks. Fixation keeps them out of their bodies. It provides purpose without emotional exposure. This episode explains why chasing makes everything worse. The more you explain, reassure, and try harder, the more pressure her system feels. That pressure increases distance and leaves you exhausted. You will hear why many men end up carrying the entire relationship. This does not happen because you are weak. It happens because your attachment system tries to restore connection at any cost. Over-functioning erodes respect, desire, and self-trust. This episode also explains why traditional therapy often fails in this dynamic. Therapy requires vulnerability on demand. For dismissive partners, that can feel unsafe and overwhelming. Most important, this episode clarifies what you control and what you do not. You cannot make her open, feel safe, or desire intimacy. You can stop chasing. You can stop abandoning yourself. You can lead your own nervous system. You can decide how you live inside this marriage. This is not a message to leave.This is not a message to stay. This is a message to see reality clearly. If this episode resonates and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We simply see if it feels like a good fit and how I can help. Understanding her explains the past.Choosing yourself shapes the future. You do not need to decide anything today.But you can stop pretending this is normal. If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com. #deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#dismissiveavoidant#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachment All content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.

    22 min
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5
out of 5
19 Ratings

About

A Secure Husband no longer seeks validation from his wife—he stands strong in self-worth, meets his own emotional needs, and leads with confidence and clarity. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to help you break free from old patterns, reclaim your strength, and transform your marriage from the inside out.

Information

  • Creator
    M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    140
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC
  • Show Website
    The Secure Husband

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