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Management

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15.05.2025
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26 feb.

High Conflict Behavior at Work with Michael Lomax

HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you. Resources from this episode: New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan HunterMediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael LomaxIt's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefanoSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict InstituteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:19) - Michael’s Background (02:35) - High Conflict at Work (08:24) - An Increase (11:33) - How It’s Showing Up (14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked (18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating (23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving (29:13) - Email Conflict (35:40) - Options List (37:14) - Wrap Up

26 feb.

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39 min
13.11.2025

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict Resolution Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages. Understanding the SLIC Method The SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key Takeaways Proportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations. Additional Resources Expert Publications New Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill’s New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

13.11.2025

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34 min
06.10.2020

ADHD Parenting Principles with Dr. Russell Barkley

Dr. Russell Barkley has been something of a firebrand in the ADHD community for over four decades. With twenty-five books — 43 separate editions — and his name behind numerous assessment scales and journal articles, he has established a career of education and advocacy in the field second to none. Today, Dr. Barkley joins us on the ADHD podcast. He’s here, ostensibly, to tell us all about his new book — 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD — but the conversation quickly turns toward advocacy, the tangible dangers of ADHD as a disorder, and the lives lost because too many dismiss it. We talk about the role of genetics and parenting and the role of each in ADHD. We hope you join us today; it’s an incredible honor for us to have Dr. Barkley on the show and are grateful to be able to share it with you all. Bonus! His team was kind enough to offer us a 25% discount on the new book! Click here to get it now! Links & Notes The works of Dr. Russell BarkelyJoin The ADHD Study Hall! (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (00:48) - Support the show: Become a Patron (02:02) - Introducing Dr. Russell Barkley (06:26) - The First Principle: Self-Regulation Deficit Disorder (09:46) - Seven things at risk with ADHD (14:05) - How do you talk to kids about a new diagnosis? (22:52) - A Legacy of ADHD Advocacy (27:32) - Signals and Myths of ADHD (37:20) - The things we can control (40:41) - The ADHD Pandemic and Parenthood (47:08) - ADHD Across the Lifespan (53:58) - Get the Book! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

06.10.2020

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55 min
16.10.2025

Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement. Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements. First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics. The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Additional Resources Expert Publications ⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids Personal Transformation Solutions ⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter) Professional Development ⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders) Connect With Us ⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

16.10.2025

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33 min
14.08.2025

The High-Conflict Borderline Personality: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 3) • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST In this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery. Additional Resources Expert Publications Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPDCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesProfessional Development Strategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com Submit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online storeFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (27:44) - Finding Success (31:50) - Empathy (34:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence

14.08.2025

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36 min
28 mai

How to Leave a High Conflict Relationship Without Escalating

Fear of retaliation keeps many people trapped in high conflict relationships long after they know they need to leave. Emotional explosions, smear campaigns, threats involving children, financial punishment, legal warfare — the threat of what might happen when you finally say the words can feel more paralyzing than staying. The Betty Broderick case is an extreme example, but the dynamic it illustrates — unmanaged emotions, all-or-nothing thinking, and escalating revenge — shows up in milder forms in relationships every day. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, walk through what a safer, stepwise exit actually looks like — and why an abrupt in-person announcement is the most dangerous approach. They cover the biggest mistakes people make when leaving, how to document behavior and prepare for false allegations before they happen, and what courts and police actually respond to when you present your situation. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:26) - Betty Broderick Case (11:01) - Why People Are Afraid to Leave Relationships with HCPs (14:04) - Mistakes When Trying to Leave (17:06) - Creating Escalations (20:11) - When It’s Not a Marriage (21:48) - Getting Prepared (28:04) - Giving Warning (28:47) - If on the Fence (30:17) - Wrap Up

28 mai

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33 min
8 ian.

Worth Repeating: Setting Limits Without Public Exposure to Manage Difficult Behavior

Exposure and Public Shaming as Conflict Management Tools: A Critical Analysis In this back episode from the High Conflict Institute podcast, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle a challenging question that many face when dealing with difficult workplace situations: Is exposing someone's problematic behavior an effective strategy for creating change? While the impulse to "name and shame" may feel justified, especially when facing reputation damage or distortion campaigns, the hosts explore why this approach often backfires with high conflict personalities. When dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behavior patterns, the threat of exposure frequently escalates rather than resolves situations. The hosts examine how cluster B personality traits like being domineering, vindictive and intrusive can make public confrontation particularly counterproductive. Key Questions Addressed: Does exposing problematic behavior lead to meaningful change?When might the threat of exposure be strategically useful?How should organizations balance accountability with escalation risks?Core Strategic Insights: Private criticism tends to be more effective than public shamingSkills-based coaching offers better outcomes than humiliationNatural consequences work better than intentional exposureThrough examining both legal precedents and business case studies, the hosts demonstrate why investing in skill development and structured interventions often proves more valuable than reactive exposure strategies. The episode provides concrete examples of more effective approaches, from healthcare settings to corporate environments. Drawing on Harvard research and real-world examples like the Harvey Weinstein case, Bill and Megan illustrate the complex factors organizations must weigh when deciding how to address problematic behavior. They emphasize that while public exposure may occasionally be necessary, it should typically be a last resort after other interventions have been attempted. Additional Resources Books: It's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsArticles: Fire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?Professional Development: New Ways Training Programs (workplace, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Custom Training for OrganizationsHigh Conflict Institute Consultation ServicesConnect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

8 ian.

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26 min
17.04.2025

Family Q&A: Real Solutions for High Conflict Relationships

Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Your Questions Answered In this listener-focused episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address pressing questions about dealing with high conflict personalities in family relationships. The episode dives deep into managing challenging family dynamics, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding different conflict management styles. Family Relationships and High Conflict Personalities Bill and Megan explore a complex situation involving an adopted son who shows signs of high conflict behavior patterns. They discuss how early childhood experiences can shape adult relationships and offer insights into managing these challenging family dynamics while maintaining hope for positive change. Setting Boundaries with Siblings The episode examines the delicate balance of maintaining relationships with high conflict siblings while protecting personal boundaries. Bill and Megan provide practical strategies for managing distance in relationships without completely severing ties, emphasizing the importance of scheduled communication and clear expectations. Understanding Conflict Avoidance The hosts explore an interesting perspective on highly conflict-averse individuals and their relationship to high conflict situations. They discuss how different personality types interact with conflict and provide insights into professional approaches to managing high conflict situations. Questions we answer in this episode: How can parents maintain relationships with adult children who show high conflict behaviors?What strategies work best when a sibling with a high conflict personality wants more contact than you're comfortable giving?How should you respond to family members who sense your intentional distance?Is there such thing as a "highly conflict-averse personality"?How do different personality types handle conflict differently?Key Takeaways: Personality patterns typically stabilize by age 25Early childhood experiences significantly impact adult relationship patternsSetting boundaries doesn't mean cutting ties completelyRegular scheduled contact can help manage high conflict relationshipsProfessional help can provide valuable tools for managing family dynamicsThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in their family relationships. Through real-world examples and expert analysis, listeners gain practical tools for managing challenging relationships while maintaining their own emotional well-being. Links & Other Notes BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict PersonCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Listener Questions (00:50) - Catching Up (06:21) - Question One (17:32) - Question Two (25:25) - Question Three (36:40) - Wrap Up (36:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions

17.04.2025

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38 min
24.04.2025

Listener Q&A: Breaking Through High Conflict Patterns & Building Better Relationships

Listener Questions: Managing Self-Awareness and High Conflict Relationships In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, tackle pressing listener questions about managing difficult relationships and developing self-awareness. The episode focuses particularly on handling interactions with individuals who display challenging personality traits and navigating complex relationship dynamics. Understanding Self-Awareness and Conflict Management Bill and Megan explore the crucial role of self-awareness in managing high conflict tendencies. They emphasize that approximately 10% of people exhibit high conflict personality traits, with self-awareness being a key differentiator in relationship success. The hosts discuss practical tools like the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm) method and EAR statements for better communication. Navigating Complex Relationships The discussion delves into strategies for dealing with challenging personalities in various contexts, including co-parenting situations and mediation. Bill and Megan stress the importance of setting realistic expectations and knowing when to try alternative approaches if initial strategies aren't working. Personal Change and External Influences An important segment addresses how manipulative relationships can impact otherwise healthy individuals, potentially causing them to display uncharacteristic behaviors. The hosts explore the importance of maintaining personal boundaries and recognizing when to seek professional help. Questions we answer in this episode: How can someone who recognizes their own high conflict tendencies improve their relationships?What strategies work best when mediating with challenging personalities?Can manipulative relationships cause someone to display high conflict behaviors?How should one approach personality changes in relationships?What role do organizational structures play in conflict resolution?Key Takeaways: Self-awareness is crucial for managing high conflict tendenciesSet clear boundaries and know when to stop trying certain approachesSudden personality changes should prompt medical evaluationManipulative relationships can affect anyone's behaviorSupport systems and professional help are valuable resourcesThis episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with challenging relationships or working to improve their own conflict management skills. Bill and Megan offer practical tools and compassionate guidance while maintaining professional boundaries and emphasizing the importance of seeking appropriate medical and mental health support when needed. Links & Other Notes PROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Mediation training for professionalsCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Listener Questions (01:02) - Question One (05:03) - Question Two (10:29) - Question Three (12:39) - Question Four (18:00) - Question Five (21:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bully Bosses

24.04.2025

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23 min
10.10.2024

High Conflict and Intimate Partner Violence: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 4)

The Intersection of High Conflict Personalities and Domestic Violence In this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex relationship between high conflict personalities and domestic violence. They explore how individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) may contribute to intimate partner violence (IPV), while emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases. Bill and Megan discuss the challenges faced by professionals in identifying the true perpetrator in a domestic violence situation, as well as the underlying fears and motivations that may drive abusive behavior in individuals with these personality types. They also address the issue of accountability and the potential benefits of group therapy for individuals who have BPD. Questions we answer in this episode: How do high conflict personalities relate to domestic violence?What role do individuals who have BPD and ASPD play in intimate partner violence?What are effective interventions for perpetrators of domestic violence?Key Takeaways: Distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases is crucial.Individuals who have BPD and ASPD have a higher incidence of IPV perpetration.Setting limits and imposing consequences are essential for holding perpetrators accountable.This episode offers valuable insights into the complexities of domestic violence and high conflict personalities, making it a must-listen for anyone navigating these challenges. Links & Other Notes BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderOur New World of Adult BulliesDating RadarCalming Upset People with EARHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What’s the Connection?Living with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesOUR WEBSITEhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/QUESTIONSSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 4 (01:26) - Domestic Violence and HCPs (03:49) - Bill’s Background (06:48) - Stats (09:23) - Anti-Social (14:38) - Verbally Abusive (16:42) - Accountability (18:53) - Disruptive (20:21) - When Law Enforcement’s Involved (22:11) - Borderline Personality (26:16) - More Reactive (27:17) - Remorse (28:39) - Can't Control Themselves (30:05) - Generalizations (30:36) - When in One of These Relationships (35:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Law Enforcement Guest

10.10.2024

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36 min

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