TL;DR - Write a story about a nosy neighbour. 1000 words max. Post a link in the comments if you want. This challenge was pretty simple—write about a nosy neighbour. They pretend to be just friendly, to be welcoming, but they always seem to be there, fishing for information/gossip. They’re suddenly out on their porch just as you leave, or peering around from behind the curtains, maybe even with the occasional binoculars. They’re checking things out on garbage day, showing up on your doorstep with some lame excuse. Sometimes that can backfire on them, as they do say curiosity killed the cat. Oh, and include the words: Cellar, bottle, blinds, suitcase, and freezer. I remembered a particular nosy woman who likely terrorized several of her neighbours. My older readers may recognize the character. My story is 1080 words. Too Nosy for Her Own Good “Jeffrey? Yoo-hoo!” I jumped and slammed the freezer door shut. Or at least tried to, as I had to first tuck in the end of a leg before trying again. I turned back to the screen door—hopefully she’d seen nothing. “Hello, Mrs. Kravitz.” I caught her staring at the freezer for a moment. “Oh, Jeffrey, you’re always so formal; I keep telling you it’s Gladys. Look, I baked some pies today, and did a couple extra for you.” I was betting she’d only baked my two, as an excuse to come over and snoop some more. At least she wasn’t trying to peer through the blinds again. I’d learned to always grab a towel before leaving the shower. “I was going to make some more pot pies,” she said, “but I remembered you’d said you were a vegetarian now, so I told my husband Abner I’d better just bring you some fruit pies.” “Did you save some for him?” I asked. “They’re not good for his waistline,” she said. “Besides, he’s off to his sister’s for the weekend, and I’ll have left for my vacation by the time he gets back. I’ve left him a list of chores to keep him busy; otherwise, he’ll just sit around and read.” “Are you visiting friends?” I said. “No, just a trip on my own. I’ll be taking the train to Chicago, then be a tourist. I’ll be back in a week. Nothing special, I just like to talk to people and find out all about them.” “Be careful,” I said. “You can’t be too trusting nowadays.” “Don’t be silly, Jeffrey, I’m a good judge of people.” She held the pies out to me. “Thank you, Gladys,” I said. “You’re too kind.” And she was, much too kind. It was a nice gesture at first, but I’d gotten tired of pie after pie, chicken and beef and veal and turkey, all with the same bland taste. I’d panicked one day when she brought four at once and told her I’d become a vegetarian. Freezing them all didn’t really help, as I really didn’t want to eat them at all. Besides, I needed the freezer for other things. It had taken me a few days to get rid of them, as it was, as I couldn’t just put them out with the trash. I was pretty sure Gladys made a late-night tour of the neighbourhood, snooping in the cans at the curb. I ended up carrying the pies off, a shopping bag at a time, picking a different dumpster for each trip. I’d done it before, for other things I didn’t want found by her. “Gladys, come in,” I said. “Here, let me take those pies.” “They’re cherry,” she said. “Fresh picked. Abner and I went out to that new pick-your-own place. We got several baskets for next to nothing. Well, I did at least. I tried to get Abner to pick some too, but he just disappeared.” I was willing to bet he’d just found a quiet corner and enjoyed the peace. He’d once confided in me that when she’d take off on her annual holiday, all by herself, it was like heaven, and reminded him of the joys of being single. It was the day before her return from her last trip, and he’d been depressed. A nice guy really, just being pestered and nagged to death. I’d wished I’d had a solution for him, other than a coffee and a sympathetic ear. Gladys spied the empty wine bottle in the bin by the door. “Oh, wine,” she said. “Must have been quite a party.” “Just me and a friend,” I said. “The one you saw come to my door at supper time.” “Such a pretty thing,” she said. “Still here, I suppose?” She tried to peek into the dining room from where she stood. “No, she left after dinner, you must have missed her somehow.” Gladys looked almost insulted that she’d somehow missed something in the neighbourhood, then brightened. “No matter. Here, let me put one of the pies in the freezer for you, they freeze beautifully.” “No!” I cried. I leaped in front of the freezer. “No room. I, ah, I bought a lot of vegetables at the market. On sale, and I froze them all. Here. Sit down, let’s try that pie.” I made some tea and cut each of us a slice of cherry pie. It definitely was delicious, and still warm. Gladys obviously enjoyed it too, trying to talk and eat at the same time, the thick red juice staining her lips like blood. “I see you’ve been busy with spring cleaning,” she said. “You had a big pile of boxes last garbage day. And that huge suitcase, all strapped up, big enough . . .” “For a body?” I smiled. “I found it in the attic, all musty. I filled it with junk from the cellar.” “I was worried the men might find it too heavy to throw in,” she said, “so I was outside ready to give them heck.” And hope it broke open when they lifted it, I thought. “I must say your kitchen is even cleaner than mine,” she said. “Everything sparkles. So unusual to see a man so tidy.” “Well, I did end up with a bit of a mess in the kitchen last night,” I said. “Sometimes I get a little carried away when I entertain. Even did a steak.” Gladys opened her mouth to speak. “No, for my friend, not me,” I said. I noticed some dried blood on the floor by the table leg, and slid my foot over it. Gladys pushed away her empty plate. “That was good, if I do say so myself. But I’d better get back home and get ready to go.” She put the dishes in the sink, then picked up the other pie and turned toward the freezer. “I’m sure we can find room for this,” she said. Before I could get to her, she opened the lid, then screamed. The pie fell to the floor, bursting apart with a red splatter. I stepped up behind her, and held her by the shoulders. “Well, you’ve caught me now, Gladys. Whatever will we do?” She stared into the freezer, speechless with shock for a few moments. “Gracious me,” she said. “So many pieces, all cut up and nicely bagged.” She turned and looked up at me. “There must be half a cow in there.” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ravensview.substack.com
