What does healing actually look like in the years after a psychedelic experience? Not a straight line, but a spiral. In this first guest episode, Dr Rosalind Watts is in conversation with Ruth, who took part in a psilocybin-for-depression trial and has spent the years since walking the long, slow road of integration. Ruth had lived with depression for most of her adult life, and had tried most of the conventional routes, when she joined the trial in 2019. She talks about what brought her to it and the two strikingly different sessions she had: one expansive and full of light, and one that was hours of darkness and fear. But the heart of this conversation is what came after. Ruth went home weeks before COVID lockdown, with her integration circle cancelled and almost no support around her. She talks about the ACER sharing circles that grew out of that time, the somatic practices she tried (some that worked, some that made her furious), and the slow, spiralling, six-year journey since. It is an honest picture of integration as real work, and of how being witnessed by others, and witnessing them, is part of what makes an opening last. In this episode: Why Ruth chose a clinical trial over travelling abroad, and what safety made possible "This is not where you belong, you are trapped here," and finding meaning in the hard journey Tree meditations, and reconnecting with the living world Knowledge versus wisdom, and learning to use what she already had Trying somatic practices and breathwork, and letting some things not work Being witnessed, reciprocity, and not carrying the whole load alone Six years on: the ups, the downs, and the spiral References and links: The trial Ruth took part in: Trial of Psilocybin versus Escitalopram for Depression (Carhart-Harris, Giribaldi, Watts et al., New England Journal of Medicine, 2021). Free summary on PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33852780. Full paper: https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2032994 If you're interested in taking part in a clinical trial: search current studies on ClinicalTrials.gov (https://clinicaltrials.gov) or, in the UK, the NHS "Be Part of Research" service (https://bepartofresearch.nihr.ac.uk). "Trust, let go, be open," the trial's guiding phrase, comes from psychedelic pioneer Bill Richards, in his book Sacred Knowledge: Psychedelics and Religious Experiences. The Watts Connectedness Scale (Watts et al., 2022, open access): https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00213-022-06187-5 If you are living with the kind of heavy depression Ruth describes, you do not have to sit in it alone. Samaritans volunteers are there any time. In the UK, call 116 123. In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. ACER Integration: https://acerintegration.com/ Submit a question for a future Q&A episode: https://forms.gle/JgJaAjDRbowAcyWZ9 Next week: Ros is in conversation with Michelle Baker Jones, the colleague she started those pandemic sharing circles with, a therapist on multiple psychedelic trials, with her own story of disconnection and connection.
