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19/10/2023

Surviving High Conflict Divorce, Custody Battles, and Parental Alienation

Navigating High Conflict Divorce and Co-Parenting In this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy answer listener questions to provide guidance on high conflict divorce and co-parenting dilemmas. Ending a Divorce Dispute with a Self-Unaware Ex The first response is to a listener asking how to finalize a divorce when a spouse lacks self-awareness. Bill explains not to expect insight from highly manipulative people. He advises weighing options and setting limits versus seeking concessions. Making Mediation Work with a High-Conflict Ex Next, they tackle a question about mediating with an inflexible ex-spouse. Bill recommends one or two sessions maximum before assessing if it's futile. Megan underscores making self-directed choices to end unproductive mediation. Coping with Extreme Parental Alienation Finally, they discuss dealing with an ex-spouse severely alienating children after divorce. Bill outlines common alienating behaviors and options like counseling or temporary custody change. Megan emphasizes understanding personalities aids strategic response. Key Takeaways: Don’t expect self-awareness from high-conflict peopleChoose your battles wisely when negotiating with exesSet firm limits on fruitless mediation effortsRecognize and address alienating behaviors proactivelyPersonality insights assist responding strategicallyBill and Megan share hard-won experience navigating the rollercoaster of high-conflict divorce and co-parenting. Links & Other Notes: COURSESErasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainNew Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting)BOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceNew Ways for Families: Professional GuidebookNew Ways for Families: Parent WorkbookHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderVIDEOSThe Primitive Emotional Power of AlienationAlienation is Not NormalOvercoming the Contagious Emotions of AlienationOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - High Conflict Divorce, Child Custody Battles, and Parental Alienation (01:18) - Divorce with an HCP (08:31) - Mediation in a High Conflict Divorce (12:44) - Parental Alienation (23:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anti-Social Personality Disorder

19/10/2023

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24 min
12/09/2024

The High Conflict Personality Experience: Insights from Joe Rogan and Dr. Andrew Huberman

Joe Rogan and Dr. Andrew Huberman Discuss "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan discuss a recent Joe Rogan Experience podcast episode featuring Dr. Andrew Huberman. The episode, number 2195, focuses on Bill's book, "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," and delves into the topic of high conflict personalities and how they impact our lives. The High Conflict Personality: Understanding the 10%Bill and Megan explore the concept of high conflict personalities, which make up approximately 10% of the population. These individuals thrive on drama and conflict, and their behavior is evenly divided between men and women. The hosts break down the different types of high conflict personalities, including borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial personality disorders. Detecting Lies and Manipulation: A Challenging TaskOne of the key points discussed in the episode is the difficulty in detecting lies and manipulation, even for trained professionals. Bill emphasizes the importance of being humble about our limitations and consulting experts when necessary. He also notes that changes in a person's behavior can be a potential red flag for lying or dangerous behavior. Gender Differences in High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan delve into the gender differences among high conflict personalities, noting that while some personality disorders, such as narcissistic and antisocial, are more prevalent in men, others, like borderline and histrionic, are evenly distributed between men and women. They also discuss the built-in biases and stereotypes surrounding these personality types. Questions we answer in this episode: What are high conflict personalities, and how prevalent are they?How can we detect lies and manipulation?Are there gender differences in high conflict personalities?What role does trauma play in the development of antisocial personality disorder?Key Takeaways: High conflict personalities make up approximately 10% of the populationDetecting lies and manipulation is challenging, even for trained professionalsBorderline and histrionic personality disorders are evenly distributed between men and womenTrauma can contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder, but it is not the only factorThis episode provides invaluable insights into high conflict personalities and how they impact our lives. By understanding the different types of high conflict personalities and their prevalence, listeners can better navigate difficult relationships and protect themselves from manipulation and harm. Links & Other Notes JOE ROGAN PODCAST FEATURING ANDREW HUBERMAN Joe Rogan Experience #2195 - Andrew HubermanAndrew Huberman websiteBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESNew Ways: training for professionals mediators; workplace leaders; workplace coaches; and divorce coaches and counselors.OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:38) - Joe and Andrew (02:37) - Lying (09:30) - Manipulation (13:14) - Threat Sensing (17:40) - Conflict and Drama (27:50) - Protocols (32:54) - Spidey Senses (33:37) - Bill’s Book (34:14) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Five Types of People that can Ruin Your Life

12/09/2024

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35 min
27/03/2025

Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: Winning in Family Court with Judge Bruce Cohen (ret.)

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's Perspective In this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes. Understanding the Impact of Communication Style Judge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications. The Role of Personality Disorders in Court The discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms. Effective Court Communication Bill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes. Questions we answer in this episode: What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication in court?How do judges perceive different communication styles?When should personality disorder concerns be raised in court?How should evidence be presented most effectively?What communication mistakes commonly harm court cases?Key Takeaways: Focus on specific behaviors rather than diagnostic labelsPresent your strongest evidence first rather than chronologicallyStart documents by clearly stating what you wantRespond to false allegations with measured, factual responsesUse headers and organized presentation in court documentsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies. Links & Other Notes CLASSESConflict Influencer (live group class)Writing for Court: 10 Tips for Persuading Decision-Makers (self-directed 1-hour course)BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESTaking the Assertive Approach in Family CourtManaging a Blamer with an Assertive Approach6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtSIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTEROUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness (12:41) - Easy to Read? (14:55) - The Splitting Book (19:09) - Court Experience (22:06) - Patterns of Behavior (24:37) - How to Present (26:52) - Self-Represented Cases (28:40) - Writing for Court (42:34) - Get Away from the Terms (44:26) - Wrap-up (44:54) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Your Friend or Family Is an HCP

27/03/2025

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46 min
16/10/2025

Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement. Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements. First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics. The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Additional Resources Expert Publications ⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids Personal Transformation Solutions ⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter) Professional Development ⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders) Connect With Us ⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

16/10/2025

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33 min
14/08/2025

The High-Conflict Borderline Personality: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 3) • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST In this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery. Additional Resources Expert Publications Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPDCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesProfessional Development Strategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com Submit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online storeFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (27:44) - Finding Success (31:50) - Empathy (34:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence

14/08/2025

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36 min
12 Feb

Motivation Comes From Emotion, Not Discipline with James Ochoa

This episode turns into a stealth self-care intervention when James Ochoa joins Pete and Nikki and immediately drags “motivation” out of the tidy, planner-friendly realm and into the messy, bodily reality of fear, avoidance, and chronic stress. They start with the familiar ADHD paradox—knowing exactly what to do and still not being able to do it—and James reframes that stuckness as normal rather than shameful, then introduces “resourcing” as the practical antidote: not a single trick, but layered supports (internal and external) that make motion possible even when meaning, willpower, and good intentions aren’t showing up. From there, the conversation gets uncomfortably specific in the best way, as Pete uses a long-avoided dermatologist appointment to walk through what “functional pressure” and relationship-based accountability can look like in real time. They explore why the hardest part is often the moment before the call, why eight-out-of-ten certainty is a workable target, and how to build a personal “wind-making” kit—scripts, sensory cues, body movement, tiny rituals, and other anchors that help you cross the threshold from uncertainty to action. The live chat brings in real-world complications (sleep issues, pain, dental trauma, AuDHD scripting and emotion tagging), and James offers concrete, compassionate ways to get support without muscling through alone—because the point isn’t to never fall off the wagon, it’s to get better at restarting. Links & Notes James OchoaFocused Forward by James OchoaSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (03:25) - Introducing James Ochoa (04:08) - Finding Meaning (20:14) - Making Your Own Wind (35:28) - Chronic Stress and Adult ADHD (40:27) - Writing, Writing, Writing ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

12 Feb

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46 min
26 Mar

ADHD, Memory, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves with Daniella Karidi, Ph.D.

"You forgot because you didn't care enough." Most people with ADHD have been told that — or have told themselves that — more times than they can count. Dr. Daniella Karidi returns to challenge it. She's a PhD researcher from Northwestern who has spent her career studying memory in ADHD, and her opening argument is one of those ideas that reframes everything that comes after: forgetfulness isn't a failure. It's the default of the system. This episode also kicks off a new series on ADHD and aging — what happens when the structure we've built around our ADHD starts to change, how to tell normal forgetting from something more serious, and why brain fog in perimenopause and menopause is absolutely not your imagination. Dr. Daniella Karidi is the founder of ADHD Time and a board member of CHADD Greater Los Angeles. Find her at adhdtime.com and on YouTube at ADHD Time on Air. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (00:46) - Join the Community: Patreon.com/theadhdpodcast (02:05) - Memory & ADHD with Dr. Daniella Karidi (32:35) - Aging Issues (39:00) - Declining Cognition, Aging, and ADHD (54:39) - Visit ADHDTime.com ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

26 Mar

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56 min
21/10/2021

Who Are High Conflict People?

In today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements. Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how to deal with them? If you guessed the latter, you’d be right. Many people say these people are unpredictable, but Megan and Bill talk about how these people actually are very predictable... if you know what to look for. Several things can lead to people becoming HCPs. It could be genetic or could come from how they were raised. And because of this, HCPs can exist anywhere in the world. So how do you deal with them? Well, the first step is learning to identify them. They will usually blame anyone but themselves, and they’ll never be able to connect the dots back to themselves. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions. But the feelings are so strongly in them that they can’t have their mind changed. Once you realize you’re dealing with an HCP, definitely don’t tell them they’re an HCP. It’s likely going to trigger them further. If you’re in a situation with an HCP, try an EAR Statement. Empathy. Attention Respect. These tools may seem opposite to how you’d normally deal with a person who is confronting you, but remember, you’re not an HCP. The HCP needs this so you can get out of the situation you’re in. It’s hard, but give it a try. We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials. Please rate, review and share this show! Links & Other Notes Submit a Question for Bill and MeganArticle – ‘What is a High Conflict Individual’Article – ‘Calming Upset People Fast with an EAR Statement™’Online course for attorneys/judges – Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesOnline course for anyone – Calming Upset People with an EAR StatementOnline Course: Who Are High Conflict People?Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBook: Calming Upset People with EARAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:41) - What is a High Conflict Person? (05:28) - Why and How are HCPs Different? (08:48) - Why Are They Like This and Why Don't They Change? (12:43) - Why They Blame (15:24) - How to Deal With HCPs (20:16) - Getting Hooked (24:09) - Breaking Down Megan's Story (27:44) - Using EAR Statements (32:13) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: BIFF Response

21/10/2021

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34 min
28/08/2025

Falsely Blamed? How to Protect Yourself and Respond • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST In this vital encore episode, Bill and Megan provide essential guidance for anyone facing false accusations or becoming a target of blame from high-conflict individuals. They explore practical strategies for protecting yourself while maintaining composure, offering specific tactics to minimize risk and manage difficult accusations effectively. The discussion includes nuanced approaches to correcting misinformation without escalating conflict, and how to thoughtfully assert truth while avoiding defensive responses that often backfire. Additional Resources Expert Publications High Conflict People in Legal DisputesIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleProfessional Development Read: Six Tips to Avoid Becoming Someone's Target of BlameLearn: Personality Awareness - Key Skills TrainingConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com Submit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online storeFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - A Target of Blame (01:20) - Term’s History (03:33) - Avoiding Becoming a Target (12:26) - How to Behave (15:27) - Extreme Example (17:53) - Paper Trail for Protection (20:01) - Red Flags (22:56) - Finding Balance (26:11) - Wrap Up (26:31) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to End a Hostile Conversation

28/08/2025

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28 min
13/10/2022

What is the High Conflict Personality Theory?

People with high conflict personalities have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happen over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. The pattern of behavior includes a lot of: blaming othersall-or-nothing thinkingunmanaged emotionsextreme behaviorsBill Eddy developed the high conflict personality theory and has been helping others understand the patterns of behavior and respond constructively. In this episode, Megan talks with Bill about how he arrived at the theory and how he developed it. Links & Other Notes ARTICLESWho Are High Conflict People?HCP Is Not a DiagnosisOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:02) - The High Conflict Personality Theory (07:16) - Labeling (11:39) - Diagnosed with Personality Disorder? (13:17) - Personality Disorder Does Not Equal HCP (14:53) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: The 4 Fuhgedaboudits

13/10/2022

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18 min

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