@Betches Betches

Aleen is back from across the pond, which makes it perfect timing to discuss King Charles’ scary new royal portrait… It’s giving Carrie at prom. Hailey Bieber’s pregnant, and Benny Blanco is ready for kids, will Selena and Hailey be expecting at the same time? Speaking of couples, Sophie Turner is telling all to British Vogue about her divorce and friendship with Taylor Swift, leaving no stones unturned. Lots of new shows that we will be SAT for are coming: a Legally Blonde prequel, the Wicked movie and Pop Culture Jeopardy. Sign us up! How would we do?? Sound off in the reviews. Whoever didn’t submit the annual report for Harry and Meghan’s Archwell foundation will be sent to the Caymans, and Benny Blanco is our Betch of the Week.
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Aleen’s across the pond, but Sami and Jordana are here IRL. Guess what? Jordana moved again… lucky number 7! Now onto the event of the year… fashion’s biggest night– the MET Gala! Sami and Jordana share their favorite looks from the evening and introduce our new segment, Who Wore It Betch? Sponsored by Sparkling Ice. Was Zendaya their fave, and why was Kim K wearing a cardigan?! We have a lot of thoughts… From the MET to the GOAT– yes we’re talking about the epic roast of Tom Brady. Jordana gives her debrief after watching with Mike. Justice 4 Bridget Moynahan, listen and you’ll find out why. The two share which celebs they’d love to be roasted next, and the list is endless. The Betches wanna be roasted! Perhaps a joint 40th birthday founders roast? They wrap up with WTF is going on in the rap world aka Drake and Kendrick’s latest beef. Bring Esther Perel on to facilitate the roast of these guys. Therapy sessions are the new roast, we don’t make the rules. Our Betch of the Week is Tyla, because she had the best outfit, and got people to carry her up the stairs. Drake and Kendrick will be sent to the Caymans so they can work out their sh*t together Parent Trap style.
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We begin today’s episode with Sami’s celeb sightings and peak and pit from her time at the White House last week. Hint, one includes Jon Hamm. The Betches do a quick segue into The Valley, because Jax Taylor and Brittany were at the Correspondents Dinner… Switching gears from celebs in DC to NYC-- we’re less than a week away from the MET Gala. The 3 give their predictions on who will show up. And how miserable will Ben Affleck look? His wife is a co-chair of the evening after all… Then onto the IG comment that sent the internet spiraling: Barbra Streisand asking Melissa McCarthy if she’s on Ozempic. Then onto another quick Baby Reindeer recap because Jordana is curious. She also gives her Anyone But You review. Is Sydney Sweeney a good actress… or is she just really hot? Thus going into a convo on what their fave bad romcoms of all time are. Jax Taylor will be sent to the Caymans because he sent Brittany to a tantric sex expert. Wtf?! Barbra is our Lifetime Achievement Betch of the Week, because she made the internet funny during some dark times.
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Sami kicks off today’s episode coming at you live from DC. Then onto the album on everyone’s lips… The Tortured Poets Department, and what are our fave songs so far? We’re into petty Taylor (especially when she likes and then unlikes our IG post!) Speaking of petty, the Betches delve into the Kim K song drama of it all… Will Taylor ever get over it? Speaking of Kardashians, Kylie Jenner might be pregnant again! Listen and you’ll find out our theories on where her relationship with Timotheé stands. They wrap with a debrief on the hottest new show, Baby Reindeer, plus a Bravo recap. Nelson Peltz (Nicola’s daddy) will be sent to the Caymans for initiating and failing at his Disney takeover…. What is he so mad about? Betch of the Week of course, has to go to Tay, for the most streams in a day of her new album. She’s forever the Queen of breaking her own records.
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The original recipe is back, IRL. Aleen kicks things off with a revelation that one day, some day, she *will* turn 40, but at least she has a trip to Japan to look forward to. Of course, we have to discuss all things Taylor ahead of The Tortured Poets Department release. Even Jordana has to admit Tay and Travis looked really cute at Coachella. On a *not so shocking note * the Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner is getting a divorce after 3 months of marriage to Theresa Nist…. It’s giving Kim K and Kris Humphries. Our Betch of the Week is NCAA superstar Caitlin Clarke, who’s worth way more than she’s being given. Get your sh*t together WNBA. As for the Caymans? Gerry and Theresa are on their way, they knew this divorce was coming before they even got married…. We’re unable to be duped.
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Ciao betch, Sami’s celebrating her birthday in Italy, but Aleen and Jordana are here to discuss all the pop culture tea of the week, starting with an immediate breaking news story while recording. They recap their earthquake and eclipse stories– Aleen has an emergency bunker. Jordana’s not invited, unless she promises not to tell anyone…. Betches Luv This Bunker– has a nice ring to it right? Then, onto an in depth debrief on the Curb finale and the Brandy Melville doc that has every millennial reeling right now. Noah Cyrus liked who’s thirst trap? That’s right, her sister Miley’s ex-husband Liam Hemsworth’s. WTF is going on with that family? Speaking of Miley, JoJo Siwa’s tryna enter her own Can’t Be Tamed era, and causing quite the stir. In happier news, another Bridget Jones movie is in the works. Larry David is our Betch Of The Week, his show’s had a good 25 year run. And Stefan, the founder of Brandy Melville will be sent to the Caymans. No further questions.
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