(英语）父亲的严厉与爱：我如何学会声音的力量｜回忆录第四集｜EP. 1819

My father played an immensely influential role in my childhood. Shortly after I was born, he founded the Taipei Institute of Jurisprudence, published a legal newspaper, and gathered a group of law students who both admired and feared him. Before I even started school, I often accompanied him to his office: first riding a bike from our home, then taking the bus into the city, and finally walking through a long underground passage. The dim corridor was always lined with toys and dolls that drew children’s eyes. With their big round eyes, the dolls seemed to be speaking to me. Each time we passed, I would beg my father to buy me one. Although he loved me dearly and had already given me dolls, the then-popular Knight Rider toy car, and even a fire truck, he eventually realized his wallet was “bleeding” too quickly. He began to resist my pleas, sometimes having no choice but to drag me out of the passageway as I wailed and sobbed.

我的童年裡，爸爸是一個極具影響力的角色。他在我出生不久後創辦了台北法學研究社，出版法學報紙，並擁有一群敬畏他的法學生。還沒開始上學時，我常常跟著他去辦公室：先從家裡騎腳踏車，再搭公車轉車，經過一條長長的地下道。那裡昏黃的走廊上總擺滿了吸引小孩的玩具和洋娃娃。洋娃娃大大的眼睛彷彿在對我說話，每次經過，我都忍不住撒嬌要爸爸買給我。爸爸雖然疼我，在那之前已經給我買了洋娃娃、當時最火紅的李麥克的跑車還有消防車，當他發現錢包「失血」過快後，開始學會忍住不買，有幾次甚至只能硬拖著哭得撕心裂肺的我走出地下道。

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In the office, my father was strict and stern. If students whispered during class, he might throw an eraser at them, often accompanied by a harsh curse. His students both respected and feared him, but I was the only one who dared to talk back. To curry favor with me, they would slip me pudding and Yakult, making me feel like a little princess with special privileges every day.

在辦公室裡，爸爸嚴格又嚴肅。學生們稍有不慎在課堂中說話，就可能被他一個板擦丟過去，還伴隨著一句粗話。學生們對他又敬又怕，但我卻是唯一敢頂嘴的人。學生們為了討好我，常塞給我布丁和養樂多，我每天都像個小公主一樣，享受著特權。

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One day, while playing with a lighter in the office, I accidentally burned a corner of the wall. My father scolded me harshly in front of his students. Tears streamed down my face, but I defiantly retorted, “If you’re so cruel to your favorite daughter, how can you call yourself the president of the Institute of Jurisprudence?” He froze on the spot. Later, he often retold the story to friends as a joke, saying that while the law emphasized both logic and emotion, his four-year-old daughter had managed to silence him with “emotion.”

有一次，我在辦公室裡玩打火機，不小心燒黑了牆角。爸爸當著學生的面狠狠斥責我，我委屈得眼淚直流，卻不甘示弱地回嘴：「你對你最愛的女兒都這麼兇，還算什麼法學研究社的社長？」這句話讓他當場愣住。事後，他常把這個故事當成笑話對朋友講，法律講求情理，他當年竟被四歲的女兒用「情」反駁得啞口無言。

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Looking back, these interactions with my father not only nurtured my debating skills but also taught me the power of having a voice—it could challenge authority and even make the sternest figures pause. More importantly, I came to realize that his strictness was not devoid of love. On the contrary, it was because of his deep love that he dared to show me his truest self and guide me with both firmness and care. My father’s love and sternness, interwoven like two forces, pushed me forward while protecting me, shaping the person I have become today.

回頭看，那些與爸爸的互動，不僅讓我從小培養了辯論能力，也讓我明白「聲音」的力量——它可以挑戰權威，甚至讓嚴肅的人停下腳步。更重要的是，我逐漸體會到，爸爸的嚴厲並不是沒有愛，相反地，正是因為他深愛我，才願意用最真實的樣子陪我成長。父親的愛與嚴厲，就像兩股交織的力量，一方面鞭策著我，一方面也守護著我，塑造了我今天的模樣。

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