ADHD Mums

Jane McFadden
  • 4.2 (6)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

  1. 85. Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan?

    3D AGO

    85. Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan?

    You’re sitting in a meeting thinking you’re here to talk about support. There’s a plan. There are ‘adjustments’. And yet your child is still escalating… and suddenly the school is hinting at removal, reduced hours, or ‘this isn’t the right setting’. This episode is the practical middle bit no one gives you: When a plan exists, but it’s either the wrong plan — or it’s not actually being applied. WHY THIS MATTERS When a school says ‘the plan isn’t working’, it often gets translated as ‘your child is the problem’. But plans fail for predictable reasons: they’re too big and unworkable in a class of 28no one is actually implementing them consistentlyteachers don’t understand the ‘why’ behind the strategiesthe plan ignores language processing, sensory load, or demand avoidancethere’s no review cycle, no accountability, no data, just documentationthe teacher doesn't have the capacity to implement the plan in the classroom due to numbers and workload. And when the plan becomes a ‘set and forget’ document, you get stuck in a dangerous loop: ‘We tried everything’ → escalation continues → the child gets labelled → exclusion gets normalised. WHAT WE COVER Why an IEP is a start, not a manualHow ‘too many strategies at once’ makes a plan fail fastWhat to ask when the school says ‘we’ve tried everything’How to check if staff actually understand what’s on the planWhy ‘accommodation’ can trigger teacher resistance — and how ‘considerations’ changes the toneThe missing piece in most behaviour plans: language processing and communication loadHow literal thinking, vague instructions, and high language demand can create ‘refusal’ and shutdownHow to build accountability into the plan (review dates, outcomes, roles, communication method)Red flags that the school has decided your child is ‘too hard’Green flags that the team is still in curiosity, collaboration, and problem-solvingOrchid vs dandelion kids: when pushing through builds resilience, and when it becomes trauma THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF… your child has a plan at school but behaviour is still escalatingyou keep hearing ‘we’re doing everything’ but nothing changesthe teacher looks overwhelmed and the plan feels impossible in real lifeli...

    44 min
  2. 84. When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem

    5D AGO

    84. When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem

    There is a moment in some school meetings where the language changes. You walk in expecting support. Adjustments. Solutions. But then different words start appearing. ‘Safety.’ ‘Impact on others.’ ‘Capacity.’ ‘We’ve tried everything.’ And you can feel the shift before you fully understand it. You start thinking: How did this go from help… to risk? WHY THIS MATTERS ADHD mums are already carrying invisible labour, school advocacy, therapy coordination, and the emotional regulation of the entire household. So when a school meeting shifts tone, it doesn’t land as ‘this is complex.’ It lands as threat. Threat that your child is being positioned as the problem. Threat that you’re about to be performance-managed as a parent. Threat that exclusion is quietly being prepared. And once the language moves from support to safety, your nervous system knows what’s coming — even if no one has said it yet. This episode unpacks that shift. What it actually means. And what you can do before the door quietly closes. WHAT WE COVER The early signs a school is moving from inclusion to managing outHow ‘we’ve tried everything’ often means the plan was never implemented properlyWhy perceived defiance and PDA profiles trigger exclusion faster than quiet maskingWhat ‘regulated and choosing it’ misunderstands about neurodivergent distressThe difference between documentation for support and documentation for removalHow modified timetables, wellbeing days, and shortened hours become informal exclusionWhat to ask for when supports ‘aren’t working’How to request IEP reviews, fidelity checks, and functional behaviour assessmentsWhy building your own paper trail (including positives) matters THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF… You’ve left a school meeting feeling blindsidedYou’re getting more ‘pick up’ calls and reduced hoursYour child is being described as ‘defiant’ rather than overwhelmedYou’re hearing leadership speak more than classroom teachersYou’re scared you’re about to lose your child’s placementYou’re trying to advocate without burning the entire system down RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES 🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: When School Stops Feeling Safe https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-19-when-school-stops-being-safe/ 🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: Your Child Isn’t ‘Acting Out’ — They’re Burning Out a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-5-school-series-your-child-isnt-acting-out-theyre-burning-out/"...

    37 min
  3. 83. When ADHD Becomes the Reason You Stop Trying...

    FEB 18

    83. When ADHD Becomes the Reason You Stop Trying...

    You’re not lying on the couch saying ‘poor me.’You’re functioning. Packing lunches. Showing up. Holding it together. But quietly, inside, you’ve started believing: ‘This is just how it is for me.’ WHY THIS MATTERSADHD mums carry more correction, more visible mistakes, more invisible labour, more system friction. So when something goes wrong, it doesn’t land as ‘that was hard.’ It lands as proof. Proof you’re behind. Proof you’re failing. Proof this is who you are. And once shame becomes the explanation, your brain stops looking for options. Not because you don’t want change. Because the load is already too high. WHAT WE COVERThe difference between a victim moment and a victim identityWhy ADHD conditioning makes shame feel factualHow ‘nothing works in our house anyway’ protects you from hopeThe motherhood shame loop that quietly shrinks your lifeWhy waiting for fairness before you move will keep costing youResponsibility without blame — and why that mattersThe one question that reopens possibility without forcing action THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…You’ve stopped trying in one area because failing again feels unbearableYou feel resentful but also guilty for feeling resentfulYou avoid things before they even go wrongYou tell yourself you’re ‘just bad at this stage’Being validated feels relieving… but nothing changes afterwards RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES🎧 Hidden Cost of Being The Good Girl https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/goodgirlcost/ 🎧 When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ 🎧 The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ 📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice) Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead. Send me a WhatsApp voice message here: https://bit.ly/3ZQl0O8 ✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written) https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook...

    14 min
  4. 82. Overstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work

    FEB 16

    82. Overstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work

    This episode is for ADHD mums who feel like they’re living inside a nervous system experiment. The kind where everything is technically ‘fine’… until the TV is on, someone’s making mouth noises, a child is asking 400 questions, another one is humming, and your body is trying to exit the situation through the nearest wall. We talk a lot about overstimulation like it’s a personal flaw. Like you should be calmer. More patient. Better regulated. But what if you’re not failing at regulation… you’re just carrying too much regulation load? In this conversation with Rachel Few, we get painfully practical about what actually helps when you’re at the edge. Not in an ideal world. In a real ADHD household, with real kids, real noise, real time pressure, and real limits. WHAT WE COVER– Why overstimulation is not a single moment, but a build-up across days – The ‘therapy taxi’ burnout cycle and how it dysregulates the whole family – Why regulation strategies fail when they become another to-do list – Nervous system mapping: learning your early warning signs before the snap – ‘Recipe building’ for families: planning around needs, not just appointments – Why yelling and snapping usually starts earlier than you think – PDA-aware approaches: when direct help makes things worse – Side-step regulation tools that don’t rely on compliance – Real-life resets (including the candle trick, which sounds unhinged until you try it) – Why acceptance is sometimes the missing strategy, not another technique THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– you feel overstimulated before 7am and then blame yourself for it – your household escalates fast and you don’t know where it starts – you’re carrying the clean-up after every meltdown (emotional or literal) – you’re exhausted from scanning for hunger, sensory triggers, and ‘what could go wrong’ – you’re parenting a PDA-ish child and standard advice backfires – you keep thinking ‘once we get the right support, it will all be fine’ and then it isn’t – you want tools that actually work when you’re already at your limit RELATED EPISODESSurviving the Mental Load of the School Year https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/ When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ RESOURCES & REFERENCES– For more information on Rachel Few - see here -PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) is mentioned in the episode – Maternal mental health research is referenced (mum’s mental health as a key predictor for child wellbeing) LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to...

    55 min
  5. 81. The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — How the Mental Load Became Ours

    FEB 11

    81. The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — How the Mental Load Became Ours

    This episode is for ADHD mums who have ever sat in a car park before an assessment and felt their whole nervous system start negotiating with the evidence. Because the paperwork looks fine. The report cards look fine. Your life looks fine. And you’re standing there knowing that ‘fine’ is exactly what disqualifies you. This is the ADHD myth as it actually lands. Not as a hot take online — but as a private internal audit that starts the second you consider asking for help. It’s the voice that says: ‘Everyone says they have ADHD now, don’t they?’ And the way your body believes it before you even get to answer back. WHAT WE COVER– The ‘good school report’ trap and why it makes women doubt themselves – Why visible competence is often just quiet compensation – How anxiety, eating disorders, burnout and depression get missed when you’re not disruptive – The internal investigation ADHD mums run before they ever ask for help – Why ‘you’ve managed this long’ lands as dismissal, not reassurance – How vigilance gets trained in childhood and then masquerades as personality – Why gender shifts the cost of impulsivity, mistakes, and social timing – How hypervigilance becomes the price of belonging – Why motherhood doesn’t create the load, it exposes it – The difference between being tired and constantly compensating – How media narratives about ADHD being a ‘trend’ reinforce silence and shame THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– you have ‘good’ school reports and still feel like you’re drowning – you rehearse what to say before appointments so you don’t sound ‘dramatic’ – you minimise automatically and tell yourself other people have it worse – you’ve been called controlling when you’re actually doing risk management – you feel embarrassed even seeking an assessment – you relate to being ‘a pleasure to have in class’ while quietly falling apart – you’ve carried the mental load for years and only now it’s breaking through RELATED EPISODESYou Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible (Partners) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ RESOURCES & REFERENCES– ADHD in women and girls: internalising presentations and delayed identification – Burnout, anxiety and depression as common outcomes of long-term compensation – The impact of social conditioning and gender expectations on symptom visibility LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) Send me a WhatsApp voice message here: https://wa.me/61403457313 If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. a href="https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    28 min
  6. 80. The Invisible Coordination Load: Why ADHD Mums Carry the Work Systems Won’t

    FEB 9

    80. The Invisible Coordination Load: Why ADHD Mums Carry the Work Systems Won’t

    This episode sits right in the space where mental load, motherhood, and neurodivergence collide. It’s about the exhaustion that doesn’t come from doing one hard thing — but from having to remember everything, explain everything, repeat everything, and stay emotionally available while your own capacity is already gone. For many ADHD mums, the hardest part of advocacy isn’t the paperwork. It’s being the living filing cabinet. The one who holds every report, every strategy, every update, every change — and is expected to access it on demand, usually at the worst possible time. This conversation with Letitia from Understanding Zoe explores what happens when that load becomes unsustainable, why school pickup can feel like a threat to your nervous system, and how repetition and emotional labour quietly push mums toward burnout. WHAT WE COVER– Why repeated conversations and ‘quick questions’ drain capacity faster than admin – The invisible emotional cost of being the default advocate – School pickup as a nervous system stressor, not a social moment – Why mums freeze when asked for information they technically ‘know’ – How mental load is reinforced by systems, not personality – The guilt and self-blame that comes with forgetting details – How AI can act as a second brain instead of another demand – Using technology to reduce repetition without losing control or privacy THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– school pickup makes your shoulders rise before you even get there – you dread being asked for strategies when your window of tolerance is closed – you’ve handed advocacy to a partner and it somehow comes back bigger – you feel like you’re supposed to know everything about your child, always – you freeze when asked questions because your brain has already hit capacity – you’re tired of being ‘so capable’ while quietly burning out When this load isn’t named, ADHD mums internalise it. They assume they should cope better. They blame themselves for forgetting. They keep tabs open because closing them feels risky. Over time, the nervous system never gets a break. Not because mums don’t rest — but because responsibility never fully leaves their body. This episode reframes that experience. Not as failure. Not as disorganisation. But as what happens when one person becomes the emotional interface between systems that don’t talk to each other. RESOURCES & REFERENCESUnderstanding Zoe platform - check it out here Why ADHD Mums Can’t Relax — Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ ADHD Mums Energy Accounting Guide (Free) https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/ LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. a href="https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    27 min
  7. 79. Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    FEB 4

    79. Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    This episode is for ADHD mums who feel their nervous system spike over questions that look harmless on the surface. The kind of questions that arrive when the brain is already full, already tracking consequences, already holding the household together. What’s commonly said is that this is about tone, patience, or communication. What actually happens is that one brain becomes the default place where uncertainty is dropped, again and again, until even small interruptions start to hurt. The moment is familiar. A partner asks about milk, school times, or whether it’s ‘okay’ to do something. The question isn’t urgent. It isn’t unreasonable. But it lands as work. Not because the mum is controlling or irritable, but because her brain is already running the system. This episode names what that interruption really costs, and why it keeps getting misread as an attitude problem instead of a capacity one. In This Episode, We Cover– How everyday questions quietly route responsibility to the same person – Why being ‘just asked’ is not neutral when one brain is already saturated – The social script that frames overload as impatience or moodiness – How certainty-seeking in one partner becomes burnout in the other – Why ADHD mums become the household search engine without consenting to the role – The cumulative cost of interruption, not the content of the question This Episode Is For You If– You snap at small questions and immediately feel guilty – You’re praised for being flexible while your capacity keeps shrinking – You notice that decisions default to you, even when others could decide – You dread interaction because it so often turns into another task – You’ve been told you’re overreacting when your body is already at its limit When this pattern stays unnamed, ADHD mums adapt quietly. They answer questions they shouldn’t have to answer. They decide things prematurely just to stop the interruption. They carry responsibility they never agreed to carry. Over time, the brain never gets to rest. It stays on duty, waiting for the next drop. What looks like a communication issue is often a structural one. When every uncertainty is routed through the same nervous system, exhaustion becomes inevitable. Naming that isn’t withdrawal. It’s a refusal to keep absorbing costs that were never meant to be individual. 📬 Listener Questions & Community Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

    20 min
  8. 78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    FEB 2

    78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    There is a kind of grief that mums are not supposed to name. It could be called ungrateful.. but a lot of us feel it. So it stays private, carried quietly while life keeps moving and decisions keep getting made. This episode sits with the grief of the unlived motherhood — the version of parenting that was imagined, planned for, and socially rewarded, and then slowly dismantled by reality. Not because the mum did anything wrong, but because parenting did not arrive as promised, and the cost of adjusting was absorbed almost entirely by her. In This Episode, We Cover – Realising the life you planned no longer fits – Changing schools, routines, and priorities without calling it loss – Supporting children while privately missing your old life – Being told to be grateful while something keeps breaking – Noticing the grief surface long after the decision is made – Carrying expectations that don’t match daily reality This Episode Is For You If – Mornings don’t look how you thought they would – Your days are built around needs you didn’t anticipate – You’ve adjusted plans more times than you can count – You support your family while missing parts of yourself – You’re functioning, but something feels quietly unfinished Related Episodes You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ Curated Related Links The Orchid and the Dandelion — Thomas Boyce https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614459-the-orchid-and-the-dandelion Dr. Vanessa LaPointe — Official Website https://drvanessalapointe.com The Unlived Life of the Parent — Carl Jung (concept reference) https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201112/the-unlived-life The Work — Byron Katie https://thework.com This isn’t weakness. This is adaptation under pressure. Mums are doing impossible things every day — and still standing.

    30 min
See All (251)

Ratings & Reviews

4.2
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

Information

  • Creator
    Jane McFadden
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    251
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025 Jane McFadden
  • Show Website
    ADHD Mums

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