Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

Realm
  • 4.8 (66)
  • SCIENCE FICTION
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

A team of artists telling THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND STORY that the galaxy has ever seen! While everybody else is out saving the world, we’re just trying to find the next best place to eat. Join us on our haphazard adventure.

  1. COME ON DOWN

    APR 26

    COME ON DOWN

    The Bastards have Robin, and the whole dang universe is watching. They’re cruising around when a radio broadcast cuts through the noise: family fun racing, open entry, and first prize is a brand new ship plating kit with a genuine, certified, SPACE SPOILER. It’s BYOracecar, and you can’t leave the ground- so the Bastards head down into the belly of the R.E.E.S.E. to see what they can mod. They rip the roof off of Cleo’s red rover, plan some creative compartments for weapon crafting (because this is a zero plasma production! That means no blasters, no energy blades, no nothin’!), and of course, a plan for a very specific amount of tomatoes. Just Jordan the engine, a sprinkle of Bastard ingenuity, and a weapon called The Doctor hanging off the back. They’ve got a heading and a dream. Maybe they’ll teach Robin the meaning of family after all… Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Skia Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 7m
  2. Bad Seed

    MAR 27

    Bad Seed

    The Bastards make it to the black hole, ready to dispose of their universe-ending problem. Unfortunately, Robin got there first. Now bigger, weirder, and in control of a sentient armada, Robin has a plan- and it’s not exactly “leave the galaxy untouched.” It doesn’t take long for the crew to vote for violence; but Cleo would like to try a bigger weapon… Meanwhile, their location is blown, Biolife is calling (rude), and more ships are arriving by the second. With Robin on the brink of doing something truly irreversible, The Bastards have to make a call: do what they always do… or listen to Cleo. This has kind of worked before. Technically. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Skia Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 12m
  3. SideArm The Big Light

    MAR 12 ·  BONUS

    SideArm The Big Light

    The big bad of scheduling hit us! After all this is still a game that is a podcast, even us heroes roll nat 1 on scheduling hehe. But so that ya have something here is an episode from behind the Patreon. Love you all and we will be back on time again asap. Black Hole Son wont ya come! . . . The crew is back and absolutely nobody is staying on topic. This episode: the Big Light gets the analysis it deserves, the definitive sexy foods tier list is finally settled, and an important debate about shower hydration concludes. Bodie joins the chaos. You're going to want to hear this one. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Yorp -- ⁠⁠Bodie⁠⁠ Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 4m
  4. S4E08: Black hole sun

    FEB 26

    S4E08: Black hole sun

    Fresh off their ill-advised shopping spree of apocalyptic powdered bioweapons, The Bastards are faced with the age-old question: now what? To help things along, Boris explains with the aid of a slideshow exactly how extinction-level their new cargo really is, and proposes the only ethical disposal method thinkable- tossing it into a primordial black hole from the dawn of creation. Half decided, the Bastards continue to explore possibilities. Some small on-the-road fumbles attract the worst kind of attention, inspiring Cleo to go live to the entire galaxy (they think?) to announce a few key details: “the Bastards are carrying universe-ending powder, it’s Biolife’s fault, and they’ve personally murdered her before and they’re coming for you next.” The Bastards gun it for the singularity while dodging other ships and calls, officially a new kind of target- when they finally reach the black hole, ready to dump the powder and save the universe just one more time… …but there’s just one problem. The black hole isn’t just a black hole. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Toolazytoaddspaces Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 1m

  5. FEB 12

    The Queen Bee feat Bodie of Slowquest

    The Bastards, the robbers, and their hitchhiking friend Yorp are trapped in the Big Momma Fishing shop. Fortunately they’ve taken the shopkeeper hostage and discover a mysterious powder, which diffuses the situation. (Not.) As negotiations unravel, Yorp calls in a favor from the strange vessel he’s been mumbling to, and a whole swarm of his friends arrive to smooth things over. (Sort of.) At the end of the day, all that really matters is that everybody ate, Cleo’s got clean pants, Yorp’s mission is intact, and The Bastards have a ship full of apocalyptic bioweapons and a renewed dream of a free MidSpace… For everyone. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Yorp -- ⁠Bodie⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bodie⁠ Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 51m
  6. The Slowest Quest feat Bodie of Slowquest

    JAN 29

    The Slowest Quest feat Bodie of Slowquest

    Nobody likes shopping. But it’s worse when you’re in someone else’s body. On the run, low on supplies, and badly in need of a reset, the Bastards hit a station to shop. Cleo needs clothes. Everyone needs a break. Instead, they find subpar fishing merch, a hitchhiker, and a whole lot of eye contact from two shifty strangers. But hey! At least they made a new friend… Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Yorp -- Bodie Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bodie Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 23m
  7. The Empress’s New Clothes

    JAN 15

    The Empress’s New Clothes

    There has never been a time that the Bastards needed to go shopping more than today. Well, there may have been a few times- but this is a big one. Cleo has not come out of her room for days and days, and she has nothing to wear. She has been in the Ursine for so long. The whole ship is uneasy. There are villains at large. The galaxy is in flux, and there are a thousand loose threads. But today, we shop. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Vache de Mer --  ⁠⁠⁠⁠Fiona K.T. Howat⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ The Nine Blades -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Hamilton⁠⁠⁠⁠ Fronn -- Whiskey Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠KtuluRob Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 16m
  8. Damage

    12/18/2025

    Damage

    The fight is over. One by one our rescuers find each other again. Boris, Fron and Bortis leave a grim discovery behind them, while Vache and Nine Blades realize a new mission. At the last moment, Dr. Ze hears Cleo in the darkness. The whole party is back together, so many foes have been bested, and they have their heading… …but the damage has been done. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠ Vache de Mer --  ⁠⁠⁠Fiona K.T. Howat⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ The Nine Blades -- ⁠⁠⁠Hamilton⁠⁠⁠ Fronn -- Whiskey Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Skia Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠ Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1h 28m
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4.8
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A team of artists telling THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND STORY that the galaxy has ever seen! While everybody else is out saving the world, we’re just trying to find the next best place to eat. Join us on our haphazard adventure.

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