This conversation between pastors and a licensed clinical therapist has been so essential in my understanding to what happened with my mental health during the pandemic.
“I do want to drop down to [talking about] the bottom of the ladder because that’s the depressive part. Neuroscientists call it the dorsal vagal space. When you think about survival, its a really emotional space to even talk about. It’s where we drop into when fight or flight doesn't work, and we know we are facing inescapable attack or death. Our systems automatically drop into that dorsal vagal space. That’s depression. That’s complete disconnection. ‘I’m not safe. It is over.’ You know, I live out in the country and I watch cats and coyotes take on bunnies. You can see the bunny just droop, in the mouth of an animal. That’s emotionally what we experience in our dorsal vagal, is that droop. We have a chemical release that prepares us so that it just doesn’t hurt. But how we experience that is that hopelessness. Many people will say it feels like I’m sleeping with a boulder on top of me or a heavy wet blanket. And that’s that numbing disconnected part, that is the physiology of depression and that’s that lower rung of the ladder in our own system.” LM
“That’s heavy.” DB
“It’s very heavy. And I think about what hit us... last March when all of this started, we were all as a culture, pretty activated. We went into that activation. We shopped, we made plans, there were free concerts all that time. People were in action. That’s what we do. We made bread- too much bread! Just to have a sense of, we can do this. And we were good for a few months. And then it kept going and going and cultural elements started to happen. People used more time on social media. And it became harder and harder to see an end. And that might connect to the experience of, this isn’t ending. Our nervous systems need to know that this is going to be over. If we know it’s over, we can rally. When we can’t see an end to it, that’s when we can drop into that [dorsal vagal] space.” ... “Of course, I want to acknowledge that when we are in a clinically depressed space, we need more support than just breathing. I really want to differentiate that to really bring a compassionate acknowledgment that people are in very different places.” Laurie Marcellin, clinical mental health therapist
“We know somewhere in us that the pathway out of that dark dorsal vagal place is attachment. Healthy, life-giving attachment. Which is just really what we’re created for- to be securely attached, not only to one another, but to God. That creative force that holds us and speaks to us and draws us into something more beautiful. It was hard to do alone. I suppose there’s going to be a good amount of grace given in this community. Because I think, there’s some hurt feelings. Because people depended on others to be with them in that bottom space. And they were alone.” Dave Blankenship
“Because everyone was in the that bottom space. It’s hard to have the energy to meet someone and get out of your own space like that to go to someone else’s.” Seth Slay
“And in that space we’re not even aware of other people. We disconnect for our own survival. It’s like taking a long swim and getting stuck and expecting someone else who is exhausted to help. We’ve been a bunch of people in a very deep-end of the pool trying to get to the edge. I’m really resonating with that whole sense of sadness and hurt feelings as we come out of that. To realize, where were people? Or, where were you? It really was... I don’t even know where I was. I was dog-paddling in the same deep pool as you. I just didn’t know. That’s part of survival. It’s simply, I gotta get through this, when we’re in that dorsal vagal space.” LM
“We weren’t aware of other people, but we were deeply aware when other people weren’t there with us. I’ve heard that over and over. People are hurt.” DB
“If everything I’m saying right now is infuriating you or frustrating you because it sounds trite or too easy, that’s a signal, to really get some help. Be with someone who is trained and will meet you where you are and begin to help you go through the journey of coming back to yourself.” LM
