Below The Circle with Dr. Phyllis

Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Weekly

Below the Circle™ with Dr. Phyllis Have you ever stopped in the midst of living your life and wondered, "How did I get here?" Or looked back over the years and realized that while you've learned how to persevere, keep going, and do what needs to be done, you haven't always taken time to acknowledge how you're feeling or how life's experiences have shaped you? Welcome to Below the Circle™, a podcast where Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams invites you into honest conversations about life, faith, identity, relationships, and the lessons we learn along the way. As a life coach, physician, ordained minister, and caregiver, Dr. Phyllis shares personal stories, reflections, and insights from her own journey—including what she's still learning about herself and the seasons of life. These aren't conversations about having all the answers or becoming someone else. They're opportunities to pause, look beneath the surface, and consider what resonates with your own story. Because sometimes, understanding where we are begins with acknowledging what we've experienced, how we feel, and what matters most to us today. It's not too late to reconnect with yourself and experience the life you're living. It's not too late to land. Continue the conversation with Dr. Phyllis at thedrphyllis.com.

  1. 4d ago

    Stop Waiting for Permission: Chose Who You Want to Be Today | 163

    Stop Waiting for Permission: Choose Who You Want to Be Today | Episode 163What are you waiting for before you give yourself permission to experience your life differently? For many of us, it's the hope that things will finally settle down. That responsibilities will ease, disappointments will fade, or we'll have a clearer picture of what comes next. But what if you don't have to wait? In this episode of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis shares a deeply personal moment in her backyard when, after a season of painful and disruptive experiences, something as ordinary as feeling the wind against her face awakened a surprising sense of joy, freedom, and connection with God. That moment became an invitation to see her life differently—not because her circumstances had changed, but because she was beginning to recognize that she still had choices about how she wanted to live. Through personal reflection and the words of Joshua 24:15, Dr. Phyllis explores what it means to stop waiting for permission and begin choosing who you want to become, even when you don't have all the answers. A question to sit with: What if you don't have to wait until everything is okay to give yourself permission to experience what is still good in your life? 🛬 It's not too late to discover you. It's not too late to land. Continue the conversation: Join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections and deeper conversations at https://thedrphyllis.com.

  2. Oct 24

    When Pushing Through Becomes a Way of Life | 162

    Living With Purpose vs. Living On Purpose: You Don’t Have to Push Through Everything In Episode 162 of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis reflects on how years of “pushing through” responsibilities can make it hard to know when it’s okay to stop and truly experience life. She explores the difference between living with purpose (goal-driven, committed, productive) and living on purpose (intentional, present, emotionally aware), sharing a 2019 season when she took on a major event despite knowing it wasn’t right for her, at significant emotional and financial cost. She reframes resilience as not just powering past feelings, but acknowledging joy, grief, disappointment, and hurt without immediately fixing or dismissing them. Her invitation: notice when you’re rushing past a moment and give yourself permission to experience it—because not every moment of your life is something you need to get through. Something resonate with you from today's episode? Dr. Phyllis invites you to continue the conversation with her on Substack: thedrphyllis.com. You can also watch today's episode on YouTube - Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis Facebook: @thedrphyllis Instagram: @thedrphyllis Tik Tok: @thedrphyllis LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedrphyllis/

  3. Oct 14

    How Did I Get So Far Into My Life and Lose Myself / 161

    How Did I Get So Far Into My Life—and Lose Myself? | Below the Circle Ep. 161 Dr. Phyllis explores why so many women look up after years of doing everything “right” and wonder where they went. Drawing from her own journey through academics and medicine, she explains how external evaluations can quietly shift from measuring performance to defining personal worth—and how that same measuring system follows us home into roles like spouse, mother, caregiver, friend, and church member. Over time, life becomes organized around what needs to be done next, leaving little space for joy, desire, identity, or meaning. When a transition, loss, or quiet moment interrupts the rhythm, women may feel regret, grief, or emptiness—even while feeling grateful for what they’ve built. She invites listeners to consider new “measurements” of a life and reconnect with the woman beneath the roles. 00:00 How Did I Get Here 02:34 Welcome and Episode Setup 03:17 When Achievement Becomes Worth 06:41 Bringing the Scorecard Home 09:51 Managing Life vs Living It 13:37 When Life Interrupts the Rhythm 16:35 Full Life vs Fulfilled Life 20:07 A New Lens for Identity 23:26 Invitation to Continue Together 25:35 Closing Enjoyed this week's episode? Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

  4. Oct 7

    Let Go and Let God / 160

    What if the thing you are holding onto so tightly is not yours to carry anymore? When you are used to caring for others, solving problems, anticipating needs, and making sure everything stays on track, letting go can feel uncomfortable. It can even feel irresponsible. But releasing control does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on teaching her son to drive during one of the most demanding seasons of her life. As he grew more confident behind the wheel, she realized that helping him grow would eventually require her to step back. Through this experience, she explores the difference between caring and carrying, responsibility and control, and worry and trust. With the reminder to “let go and let God,” and encouragement from Matthew 11:28-30, she shares how releasing what is no longer yours to hold can create more space to live, breathe, and trust God with what comes next. This week’s reflection: What am I carrying right now that may no longer be mine to hold so tightly? In this episode: (0:00) Teaching her son to drive during a demanding season of caregiving (1:46) Why love and safety can make us hold on tightly (2:03) Recognizing when you have taken someone as far as you can (3:21) Watching her son drive away and learning to trust (4:04) Understanding the meaning of “let go and let God” (5:37) Letting go without giving up or becoming irresponsible (6:39) Why women who are used to being needed can live in reaction mode (8:12) When helping in one season can become limiting in the next (10:01) Accepting the limits of what you can control (11:17) Doing what you can and releasing the outcome (12:03) Matthew 11:28-30 and carrying burdens God never asked you to carry (13:27) What trust looks like when life still feels uncertain (14:25) How worry can use energy that could be spent living (15:34) Caring deeply without carrying what belongs to someone else (18:23) Why letting go is a process, not a one-time decision (19:38) How releasing control creates space to breathe and live (20:17) This week’s question: “What are you carrying that may no longer be yours to hold?” (21:19) When love means holding on and when it means stepping back (22:09) Continuing the conversation with Below the Circle After Hours Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

  5. Sep 30

    Stillness is Not Failure / 159

    What if the quiet you’ve been craving is not a sign that you’re tired of your life, but a sign that you need space to finally hear yourself again? When you are used to answering questions, solving problems, caring for others, and keeping everything moving, stillness can feel unfamiliar or even selfish. But quiet does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on the unexpected relief of walking into a quiet house and realizing that, for a few moments, nobody needed anything from her. She explores our connection between productivity and self-worth, challenges common ideas about resilience, and shares how stillness can create space to reconnect with yourself and God. Through Psalm 46:10, she offers a gentle reminder that you do not have to keep every plate spinning. Sometimes, simply being still is a blessing. This week’s reflection: What am I noticing now that it’s quiet? In this episode: (0:00) The unexpected relief of walking into a quiet house (2:01) When productivity and being needed become part of your identity (3:18) Why stillness is not failure or laziness (4:31) Stillness for the woman who is used to keeping everything going (5:52) Connecting busyness, importance, and self-worth (7:32) Why stillness and doing nothing are not the same (8:20) Stepping away from external demands and remembering who you are (9:28) Why loving others does not mean every moment must belong to them (10:48) Rethinking resilience and what it means to persevere (12:26) Why so many women feel they need permission to be still (13:50) Simple ways to find moments of stillness in everyday life (15:00) Psalm 46:10 and the role of faith in stillness (15:57) Remembering that you do not have to fix or control everything (17:38) How quiet gives you space to hear yourself again (18:44) This week’s question: “What am I noticing now that it’s quiet?” (20:02) Creating space to hear yourself, hear God, and experience your life (21:55) Continuing the conversation with Below the Circle After Hours Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

  6. Sep 23

    158. How To Be Present in Your Life Again: The Story Behind Below The Circle

    What if you have become so good at managing your life that you no longer feel fully present in it? There are seasons when caring for others, meeting responsibilities, and simply keeping everything moving can leave you feeling like you are circling above your own life. You are present for everyone and everything, but somewhere along the way, you may stop feeling present in your own days. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares the personal story behind Below the Circle and the phrase she kept repeating during a demanding season: I just want to land. She explores caregiving, grief, achievement, control, faith, and surrender, and offers a gentle reminder that becoming more present does not require abandoning the life or people you love. This week’s reflection: Where in my life am I present for it, but not really present in it? In this episode: (0:00) The words “I just want to land” and the season behind them (2:03) Being present for your life versus being present in it (2:55) The story and meaning behind Below the Circle (4:38) How achievement and responsibility can create a sense of control (5:32) When working harder can no longer fix what life brings (7:30) Asking, “Am I living my life or managing it?” (8:04) What it means to keep circling through life (10:15) Coming down into the life you are actually living (11:51) Why landing does not mean leaving your responsibilities behind (13:58) Creating a space for women who are tired of holding everything together (15:19) Believing it is not too late and that nothing has been wasted (16:26) The prodigal daughter, coming home, and finding yourself again (17:56) Releasing control and learning what belongs to you and what belongs to God (20:33) Why landing means entering your life, not escaping it (21:38) When surviving your life is no longer the same as living it (22:55) One question to help you notice where you may still be circling If you know you want to live your life differently—not just keep getting through it—join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections, deeper conversations, and encouragement. Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com

  7. Sep 16

    157. What If It Isn't Broken

    What if something you have believed about yourself for years is no longer true? Sometimes we carry old beliefs, assumptions, and stories into the present without stopping to ask whether they still fit. They may have come from a hard season, someone else’s words, or a decision that once helped us survive. Over time, those stories can begin to sound like facts. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares how removing an old piece of plywood from a garage window led to a powerful question: Is this still true? She invites you to gently examine the narratives shaping your choices, faith, dreams, and sense of self, without judging who you were or the choices you made in the past. This week’s reflection: What is one narrative you have been living around that you may need to look at again? In this episode: (0:00) The plywood-covered window that sparked a deeper question (4:30) How yesterday’s narratives can shape today’s life (6:09) Where the stories we believe about ourselves come from (8:28) Why change can begin by simply “lifting a corner” (9:14) Asking yourself, “Is this still true?” (11:07) Honoring who you were while giving yourself permission to look again (14:01) Why what has been covered for years may not be gone (15:47) Questioning beliefs about God, faithfulness, and putting yourself last (18:30) Choosing based on what is true today (20:10) One narrative to gently examine this week If you know you want to live your life differently—not just keep getting through it—join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections, deeper conversations, and encouragement. Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com

  8. Sep 9

    156. It's Okay to Regroup

    What if you do not need to start over, but simply need to regroup? Sometimes life moves so quickly that we keep doing what we have always done without stopping to ask whether it still fits. We keep working, caring, serving, and showing up. But somewhere along the way, habit can begin choosing the direction for us. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares why regrouping is not a sign of failure. It is a chance to notice where you are, reconnect with where you want to go, and make changes before life forces you to. She also shares her own season of regrouping with Below the Circle and why she is creating more space for connection, reflection, and community. This week’s reflection: Where in your life have you been moving out of habit instead of choosing your direction with purpose? In this episode: (1:46) Why regrouping can feel uncomfortable when you are the go-to woman (2:39) Questions to ask when something that once worked no longer fits (3:48) Why changing direction does not mean you made the wrong decision (4:49) Regrouping without starting your whole life over (5:30) Knowing when it is time to lift your head, look around, and recalibrate (6:14) The familiar driving route example and how habits take over (8:28) Why you may not be lost, but simply moving from habit (9:42) How autopilot can begin making decisions for you (10:06) Using regrouping to reconnect with where you actually want to go (10:28) Small ways regrouping can show up in your everyday life (11:38) Being honest when you no longer want to live out of habit (12:40) Why it is never too late to regroup or choose differently (13:18) Regrouping as a sign that you are paying attention (13:57) Recognizing where you are before deciding what comes next (14:56) Dr. Phyllis shares her own season of regrouping (16:17) Her desire to serve the Below the Circle community more deeply (17:06) A new way to continue the conversation through Substack I’m now on Substack! Join me there for for reflections, inspiration, and deeper connections.” Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

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Below the Circle™ with Dr. Phyllis Have you ever stopped in the midst of living your life and wondered, "How did I get here?" Or looked back over the years and realized that while you've learned how to persevere, keep going, and do what needs to be done, you haven't always taken time to acknowledge how you're feeling or how life's experiences have shaped you? Welcome to Below the Circle™, a podcast where Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams invites you into honest conversations about life, faith, identity, relationships, and the lessons we learn along the way. As a life coach, physician, ordained minister, and caregiver, Dr. Phyllis shares personal stories, reflections, and insights from her own journey—including what she's still learning about herself and the seasons of life. These aren't conversations about having all the answers or becoming someone else. They're opportunities to pause, look beneath the surface, and consider what resonates with your own story. Because sometimes, understanding where we are begins with acknowledging what we've experienced, how we feel, and what matters most to us today. It's not too late to reconnect with yourself and experience the life you're living. It's not too late to land. Continue the conversation with Dr. Phyllis at thedrphyllis.com.

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