Beyond the Gray

Kari Schwear
  • 5.0 (16)
  • MENTAL HEALTH

You’ve built something solid. A business. A reputation. A life that looks the part. But somewhere along the way, something started feeling off. Not broken. Not a crisis. Just… not right. Maybe the drinking has become more of a habit than you'd like to admit. Maybe the marriage is stable but not exactly alive. Maybe you're still driven, but the fire feels different. You're functioning at a high level — and wondering why that still isn't enough. Beyond the Gray explores the gray areas of life that successful people rarely talk about — including gray area drinking, midlife identity shifts, relationships, faith, health, and purpose. Host Kari Schwear, founder of GrayTonic, helps business owners, leaders, and high-achievers understand what’s driving their habits, reconnect with what actually matters, and lead their lives with the same intention they bring to their work. This isn’t a sobriety podcast. And there are no labels here. Just clarity, honesty, and conversations most people are too busy performing to have. While many of Kari’s clients are men over 50 navigating these transitions, the ideas explored here resonate with anyone ready to move beyond the gray. New episodes every Tuesday.

  1. 3D AGO

    Gray Area Drinking Explained | Not an Alcoholic, But Not Fine Either | Ep.13

    There's a name for what you've been feeling. You're not an alcoholic. But you're not fine either. And nearly one in four American adults are in the exact same place right now. In Episode 13 of Beyond the Gray, Kari Schwear delivers the foundational episode she says she should have recorded first. She breaks down exactly what gray area drinking is, where the term originated (a 2011 NIH-sponsored study of 26,000+ adults), and the moment she heard it for the first time and everything in her life finally made sense. She walks through the clinical difference between gray area drinking and alcohol use disorder, shares real client stories of what was actually driving the drinking, and gives you seven signs to know if you're in the gray area right now. This is the episode you send to someone who doesn't think they have "a real problem" but knows something is off. In this episode you'll hear: • The 2011 research study that first identified the gray area between moderate and risky drinking • How Jolene Park's TEDx talk (300,000+ views) brought the term gray area drinking into the mainstream • Kari's personal story of the sidewalk moment that changed everything and led to the creation of GrayTonic • The clinical difference between gray area drinking and alcohol use disorder (AUD) • Why gray area drinking is almost never the root issue, it's a symptom of misalignment • Two real client stories: Sarah's "purpose problem" and Dave's business travel cycle • Seven signs you might be a gray area drinker (sign #7 might surprise you) • The habit loop from Atomic Habits and how the "forget it switch" keeps you stuck • Why rock bottom is NOT a prerequisite for change, and why the gray area is actually the best time to act • Books, tools, and next steps you can take starting today If you've been wondering whether your drinking is "bad enough" to do something about it, this episode will change how you think about that question entirely. You don't need a rock bottom. You need language. And now you have it. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? Take the free Gray Area Audit and see where your gray areas actually are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business. It takes about 15 minutes and it will give you clarity you didn't know you needed. 📌TAKE THE FREE GRAY AREA AUDIT: https://www.graytonic.com/gray-area-audit/ The Gray Area Insights Experience goes even deeper with a behavioral scan and two coaching sessions designed specifically for high-performing leaders who know something needs to shift. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ ————— BOOKS MENTIONED This Naked Mind by Annie Grace Alcohol Explained by William Porter Man Up Sober Up by Ryan Penley Atomic Habits by James Clear

    34 min

  2. MAY 5

    You Have 3 Years Left to Live - What Are You Waiting For? | A Wake-Up Call for Over 50 | Ep.12

    If you only had three years left, what would you change? Not hypothetically. Actually. Would you keep drinking the way you are? Would you stay in the marriage you've been checked out of? Would you keep putting off the conversations, the reconciliation, the real work of becoming who you're supposed to be? In Episode 12 of Beyond the Gray, Kari Schwear delivers the wake-up call that most people over 50 need but aren't getting. She shares a powerful exercise from one of her private client retreats, the exact framework that made a room full of high-performing men and women get honest about their lives. It comes down to three questions: what do you need to surrender, what do you need to accomplish, and who do you need to become? This is not a motivational speech. This is a mirror. And if you've been going through the motions, telling yourself there's still time, this episode is going to change how you think about every day you have left. In this episode you'll hear: • The "3 years left" exercise Kari uses at her private retreats and how it wakes people up • A conversation with a 44-year-old man who realized his kids won't have a father for most of their adult lives • The three questions: surrender, accomplish, become, and how to use them starting today • Why surrendering isn't giving up, it's making room for what actually matters • The friendships, habits, and beliefs that are taking up space without adding value • Ed Mylett's "identical twin" standard and what it means for the man you're becoming • Why gray area faith might be the most important gray area to address first • The Core Four framework: body, being, balance, and business • Details on Kari's upcoming November 2026 private retreat • The one decision that changes everything: stop living like you're invincible If you're a man or woman over 50 who's been coasting, numbing, avoiding, or just going through the motions, this episode is the one that might finally make you stop and ask, "What am I doing with the time I have left?" And then do something about it. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? The Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on where you actually are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business. It includes a behavioral scan and two deep coaching sessions. It's not therapy. It's clarity. And it's designed for the person who's done waiting. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ Interested in the November 2026 Retreat? Email: hello@graytonic.com or message Kari on LinkedIn ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ ————— New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

    22 min

  3. APR 28

    Stop Calling Yourself an Alcoholic | The Identity Trap That’s Keeping You Stuck | Ep.11

    What if the label that was supposed to save you is actually the thing keeping you stuck?Ten years ago, Kari Schwear quit drinking. She wasn't in crisis. She wasn't hitting rock bottom. She was a successful, functioning woman who knew something was off. And when she looked for help, the world gave her one answer: Alcoholics Anonymous. She went. She did the work. And she got something genuinely valuable from it. But she also got a permanent label that didn't fit. And after five months, she made the decision to walk away, not from recovery, but from an identity that was keeping her anchored to the past. This episode is one of the most important conversations Kari has had on this podcast. She walks through the neuroscience, the psychology, and the real-life experience of what happens when you stop defining yourself by your worst chapter and start stepping into who you're actually becoming. In this episode you'll hear: • Kari's honest story of joining AA, what she gained, and why she left after five months • The neuroscience of neuroplasticity and why your brain is literally not the same as it was • James Clear's identity-behavior connection and why you act according to who you believe you are • Labeling theory: how the words you use about yourself become a self-fulfilling prophecy • Natural recovery research showing the majority of people change without formal treatment • The 8-10% AA first-year sobriety statistic and what it might actually reveal • Why this isn't just about alcohol: the identity traps in marriage, career, health, and purpose • A five-step framework for rewriting your identity starting today • The difference between honoring your past and being imprisoned by it This episode is not anti-AA. It honors the program, the community, and the millions of lives it has saved. But it also says what a lot of people have been thinking and haven't had permission to say out loud: that you are allowed to become someone new. And science backs that up. If you've done the work and the label no longer fits, this one is for you. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? The Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on who you actually are now, not who you used to be. It includes a behavioral scan and two deep coaching sessions designed for high-performing leaders who know something needs to shift. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. This episode is going to resonate with a lot of people who have been thinking it but haven't said it out loud. If that's someone you know, share it. Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to set someone free. #StopCallingYourselfAnAlcoholic #IdentityShift #GrayAreaDrinking #QuitDrinkingWithoutAA #Neuroplasticity #LabelingTheory #RecoveryIdentity #BeyondTheGray #AlcoholFree #MidlifeTransformation #KariSchwear #GrayTonic #AtomicHabits #SelfFulfillingProphecy #IdentityChange #AAAlternatives #SoberCurious #MenOver50

    23 min

  4. APR 21

    Still Waking Up at 3AM? A Sleep Coach Reveals What It’s Really Costing You | Ep.10

    You're not sleeping as well as you think you are. And if you're waking up at 3 a.m. with your brain on full blast, this episode is going to explain exactly why, and what to do about it. In Episode 10 of Beyond the Gray, Kari welcomes her very first guest: holistic sleep coach Morgan Adams. Morgan spent nearly a decade dependent on Ambien, survived breast cancer twice, and has since built her career around helping adults, especially those over 50, completely transform their relationship with sleep. This conversation is packed with science, real talk, and practical tools you can start using tonight. In this episode you'll hear: • The biggest sleep myths adults over 50 still believe, especially "I function fine on less sleep" • Why your brain overestimates how well you're performing when you're sleep-deprived • What alcohol is actually doing to your sleep (one drink decreases quality by 24%) • Why calling yourself "a bad sleeper" or "a night owl" might be an identity trap, not biology • The camping study that reset self-proclaimed night owls' circadian rhythms in two weeks • What couples should do first when snoring is destroying both sleep and the relationship • The book every couple dealing with sleep conflict needs to read (Sharing the Covers by Dr. Wendy Troxell) • Morgan's top sleep tools: Eight Sleep cooling pad, Ozlo earbuds, and the Moonbird breathwork device • Why a TV in the bedroom might be quietly sabotaging your rest • The one gray area around sleep people tolerate way too long and what it's costing them If you're a high-performing adult over 50 who's been telling yourself you're fine on six hours, or if you've been using alcohol to fall asleep and wondering why you keep waking up at 3 a.m., this conversation is going to change the way you think about rest. GUEST: Morgan Adams, Holistic Sleep Coach Website: MorganAdamsWellness.com Instagram: @morgan.adams.wellness Free 3AM Wake-Up Guide ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website:https://www.graytonic.com/ ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/

    33 min

  5. APR 14

    "Am I Drinking Too Much?" (The Stages of Change Gray Area Drinkers Need to Hear) | Ep.9

    "Why am I drinking more than I used to? Why do I keep saying I'll cut back and then I don't?" If those questions have been quietly circling in the back of your mind, this is the episode that's going to meet you exactly where you are. Kari walks through the Transtheoretical Model of Change, the psychological framework that shows you exactly which stage you're in right now and why every single one of them matters. She shares the three "seeds" that were planted in her own life before she ever quit drinking, what cognitive dissonance actually is and why the discomfort you're feeling is a sign your values are working, and the honest truth about why "I'm not ready yet" might be the most important thing you've ever said to yourself. This isn't about pressure. It's about permission. Permission to stop thinking you should already be further along, and to trust that the process you're in is already doing its work. READY TO GO DEEPER? Book a Call with Kari:https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website:https://www.graytonic.com/ CONNECT WITH KARILinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/

    25 min

  6. APR 7

    Why Couples Drift Apart (And How to Reconnect With Your Spouse) | Ep.8

    You love your spouse. But do you actually like them right now? If that question caught you off guard, you're not alone. And your marriage isn't over. Something important is just trying to get your attention. In Episode 8 of Beyond the Gray, Kari and her husband Rob sit down for a raw, real conversation about why long-term marriages drift apart, especially after 50. Not with a blow-up. Not with an affair. But with silence, assumptions, shifting roles, and the slow fade that sneaks up on couples who are too busy keeping life together to notice they've stopped connecting. This episode is packed with practical tools you can start using this week to rebuild that connection, including a powerful card game, a simple string exercise, and honest questions that open doors most couples have quietly closed. In this episode you'll hear: • Why long-term marriages drift apart slowly and how to recognize it before it's too late • The reticular activating system and how your brain filters what you see in your spouse • Why focusing on your partner's faults creates more of them (and what to focus on instead) • The And card game: structured conversations that rebuild connection in real time • The Invisible String Test from Diary of a CEO and what it reveals about phone habits • Why "what they do" and "who they are" are two very different reasons to stay married • The connection between marital disconnection and gray area drinking • Rob's honest answer to "What made you fall in love with me?" • Date night ideas that actually work (hint: dinner at the usual spot doesn't count) • One simple thing you can do tonight to start shifting your marriage If you're a man over 50 in a long-term marriage that feels more like coexisting than connecting, this conversation was made for you. And if you're a woman listening who's been feeling unseen, share this one with your spouse. It might start a conversation you've both been avoiding. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? The His/Hers/Ours series helps couples see each other clearly again using the Intellect Scan. No therapy. No blame. Just clarity on how you're each wired and how to communicate in a way that actually lands. And the Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on where you are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business.👉https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#couples Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/

    30 min

  7. MAR 31

    Why Successful People Still Feel Empty: Faith, Purpose, and Reconnecting With God | Ep.7

    You built the career, the business, the life. You lead well and you provide. So why does it still feel like something's missing? Why do so many successful men over 50 still feel restless, disconnected, and unsettled even when life looks great on the outside? In this episode of Beyond the Gray, Kari Schwear talks about the one area most people avoid but almost everyone feels: the spiritual disconnect underneath gray area drinking and stress. This isn't a religious conversation. It's an honest look at what happens when high performers carry everything alone for too long, and the invitation that changes everything when you're finally willing to put it down. She shares the Pike Experiment and why so many people are still bumping into walls that were removed years ago, a deeply personal morning conversation with her husband Rob about prayer and stress, and why "being," your internal world and connection to God, is the area of life that holds everything else together. If you've been searching for peace, purpose, and meaning but nothing you've achieved has quite delivered it, this episode might be the one that shifts something for you. To learn more about the Gray Area Insights Experience, click HERE. To schedule a call with Kari directly, click HERE.

    16 min

  8. MAR 24

    How to Navigate Social Life Without Drinking (And Still Feel Like You Belong) | Ep.6

    "What will people think if I'm not drinking?" If you've ever asked yourself that before a business dinner, a networking event, or a golf outing, you're not alone. And you're not weak for thinking it. You're human. In this episode of Beyond the Gray, Kari breaks down what she calls the social trap and why the fear of not belonging is one of the biggest things keeping people stuck in gray area drinking. She shares what actually happened when she showed up to events without a drink in her hand, the four-step framework she uses with clients to navigate any social setting with confidence, and why the identity shift from "trying not to drink" to "I'm someone who doesn't need it" changes everything. You'll also hear why the people who care most about your not drinking are usually the ones questioning their own, and how one client's decision not to drink at a work dinner opened a door he never expected. If you've been worried about what quitting looks like socially, this episode will change how you think about it.Learn more about Kari and her work by visiting the GrayTonic website. For the Gray Area Insights Experience, you can find more here 👉 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight

    24 min
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About

You’ve built something solid. A business. A reputation. A life that looks the part. But somewhere along the way, something started feeling off. Not broken. Not a crisis. Just… not right. Maybe the drinking has become more of a habit than you'd like to admit. Maybe the marriage is stable but not exactly alive. Maybe you're still driven, but the fire feels different. You're functioning at a high level — and wondering why that still isn't enough. Beyond the Gray explores the gray areas of life that successful people rarely talk about — including gray area drinking, midlife identity shifts, relationships, faith, health, and purpose. Host Kari Schwear, founder of GrayTonic, helps business owners, leaders, and high-achievers understand what’s driving their habits, reconnect with what actually matters, and lead their lives with the same intention they bring to their work. This isn’t a sobriety podcast. And there are no labels here. Just clarity, honesty, and conversations most people are too busy performing to have. While many of Kari’s clients are men over 50 navigating these transitions, the ideas explored here resonate with anyone ready to move beyond the gray. New episodes every Tuesday.

Information

  • Creator
    Kari Schwear
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    14
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Kari Schwear