Building Birth Confidence

Katie Smith

Building Birth Confidence is the podcast for anyone who is pregnant after a difficult birth, pregnancy loss, or traumatic experience, and who is scared, exhausted, and trying to find a way through.# I’m Katie, an NHS Mental Health Midwife and Perinatal Trauma Specialist. Every week I bring you honest, clinically informed conversations about the things that rarely get said out loud: the fear, the guilt, the disconnect, the grief that comes with pregnancy after trauma. And the tools, the understanding, and the realistic hope that can make a real difference. This is not a positive thinking podcast. This is a podcast for people who need more than reassurance. You deserve support that actually meets where you are. New episodes every week. Start wherever feels right.

  1. 5d ago

    How to Advocate for Yourself in the Maternity Setting

    After a traumatic or difficult birth, walking back into a maternity setting and trying to speak up is one of the hardest things you can be asked to do. Not because you lack confidence, or preparation, or the right words, but because the last time you tried, it may not have worked. Your body remembers that. Your nervous system remembers that. In this episode, Katie explores what advocacy actually means in the maternity setting, and why it can feel so impossibly hard when you have a difficult previous experience behind you. She covers the trauma responses that shut down your voice when you most need it, what you are legally and ethically entitled to throughout your care, and practical tools you can have in place before fear kicks in, so you don't have to rely on your brain being fully on board in the moment. There is something in this episode for wherever you are in your pregnancy, from early antenatal appointments through to the postnatal ward and home. IN THIS EPISODE Why speaking up after a traumatic birth takes courage, and why it makes complete sense that it feels hardThe pressure to be compliant, and the fear that asking questions will affect your careFreeze and fawn: the trauma responses that can silence you in appointments and during labourYour rights in the maternity setting, what you are actually entitled to at every stageThe BRAIN framework: a simple tool for making decisions when fear makes clear thinking difficultPrompt cards: how to communicate when words aren't availableHow to use the pause, and why asking for a moment is always validHow to prepare your birth partner to be your voice when you need them to beSpecific support for neurodivergent people navigating the maternity systemAdvocacy across the full journey: antenatal, labour, postnatal ward, and home THE BRAIN FRAMEWORK The BRAIN framework gives you a structure for making decisions in the maternity setting, particularly in moments when fear or overwhelm makes it hard to think clearly. Instead of having to come up with questions from scratch, you have a simple set of prompts ready to use. Write these out and keep them with your birth plan, or save them to your phone so they are there when you need them. Share them with your birth partner too. B - Benefits What are the benefits of what is being suggested? What does it achieve, and for whom? R - Risks What are the risks? How likely are they, and how significant are they to me specifically? A - Alternatives What are the alternatives? Is there another way to achieve the same outcome? I - Intuition What does my gut say? My instinct matters and is worth considering alongside clinical advice. N - Nothing What happens if we wait? Is doing nothing right now an option? In many situations, there is more time available than it can feel like there is. YOUR ADVOCACY PREPARATION THIS WEEK Two things, neither taking more than fifteen minutes: 1. Write your advocacy preparation The most important things your maternity team need to know about your history and what you needYour BRAIN questions - written out so they feel familiar before you need themThe signal you have agreed with your birth partner for when you need them to step in2. Make your prompt cards On your phone or on actual card Three or four sentences for the situations where you are most likely to go blankExamples: "Please give me a moment before we continue." / "Can you explain what you are recommending and why?" / "I am not able to speak right now. Please wait." / "I have a trauma-informed birth plan, please can you read it."Keep them somewhere you can actually reach them, and make sure your birth partner knows they are thereResources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie Other Resources 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    25 min
  2. May 31

    Making Your Birth Environment Work For You - Not Against You

    The moment you walk through the hospital doors, your brain starts making assessments, and for anyone who has had a difficult or traumatic birth before, those assessments can trigger a fear response before labour has even begun. In this episode, Katie explains why hospitals register as threat environments in the brain, why this is a clinical issue rather than just a comfort one, and what you can do, before and during your birth, to create conditions where your body feels safe enough to do its job. This includes practical tools drawn from CBT, a full five senses toolkit for your hospital bag, what to put in your birth plan around the environment, and specific guidance for anyone planning a caesarean or a home birth. In This Episode Why the birth environment affects your physiology, not just your comfort, and why asking for dimmed lights or privacy is promoting your body's hormonal response, not being difficultHow the brain reads hospital as a threat environment based on a lifetime of associations, and why that response is completely understandableThe home/hospital dynamic: what shifts when you enter someone else's space, and why understanding this helps you prepareOxytocin, adrenaline, and the fear-tension-pain cycle, the physiology behind why your environment matters more than most birth preparation acknowledgesCBT tools for reframing how you think about the hospital before your birth day, including thought challenging, grounded imagery practice, and choosing a deliberately different lensA practical writing exercise to help you begin building a new narrative about the birth environment alongside the existing oneFive senses toolkit: specific, practical things to bring for sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste, and why each one worksTemperature, people in the room, and the birth plan language that protects the environment you needWhat to do if your plan isn't being followed on the dayTheatre environment for anyone planning a caesarean, including music, commentary, the screen, and the recovery roomWhy this preparation matters even if you're planning a home birthPractical Tool This Week Two things to try before next episode. First, try the writing exercise: take ten minutes and write down what the hospital represents to you right now, then write what you would like it to represent this time. There are no right answers, whatever comes up is the right starting point. Second, begin a short daily imagery practice in the weeks before your due date. Not imagining a perfect birth, but simply walking yourself through the arrival, the car journey, the maternity doors, your birth partner beside you, something familiar in your hospital bag. A few minutes, a few times a week, can begin to create new associations with that space before you've even set foot back in it. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie Other Resources 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/ 

    35 min
  3. May 24

    Building Your Birth Team

    All the internal preparation in the world is harder to access when you are in the middle of labour and the people around you do not know what you need. In this episode, Katie turns outward and talks about who belongs in your birth team, what they need to know, and how to prepare them properly. This includes the conversations worth having with your midwife, what to ask for in terms of specialist support, and the specific preparation most birth partners never receive but genuinely need.   In This Episode Why the quality of support around you during labour is one of the most significant factors in how you experience your birth, and why this matters even more when you have a traumatic historyWho belongs in your birth team: your community midwife and care team, a mental health midwife, your birth partner, and anyone else whose presence would help you feel saferHow to ask for a referral to a mental health midwife and what that support can look like, including what to say at your next appointment if you have not asked yetHow to prepare your birth partner properly: what to tell them you need when fear shows up, what does not help, and how to give them something concrete to do so they are not just going on instinctHow to have the conversation about your previous birth with your midwife, including a script for what to actually say if you are not sure how to start it  Practical Tool This Week Two things to do this week. First, have the conversation with your birth partner. Tell them specifically what helps you when you are frightened, what does not help, and give them one or two concrete things they can do. It does not have to be long. A short, honest conversation makes a real difference, and going through the birth plan guide together is a good way to structure it. Second, if you have not yet asked for a referral to a mental health midwife, do that this week. It can be a question at your next appointment or a message to your community midwife. You are entitled to that support and it is worth asking for. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    11 min
  4. May 17

    Taking Back Control

    After a traumatic birth, the drive to control everything about the next one makes complete sense. In this episode, Katie talks honestly about why that drive, however understandable, tends to keep people exhausted and stuck rather than actually prepared. She separates out what is genuinely within your control from what is not, and explains why accepting that separation is one of the most useful things you can do as you approach this birth. There is also a practical technique for the what-if spiral that will feel very familiar to a lot of people listening. In This Episode Why trying to prepare for every possible outcome is your threat system doing its job, and why it does not actually helpThe honest list of what is and is not within your control during birth, and why being clear about that separation mattersWhat the what-if spiral looks and feels like from the inside, and what is actually happening in the brain when it takes holdWhy anxious preparation that focuses on worst-case scenarios keeps the nervous system in a state of high alert rather than reducing fearA three-step redirect technique for stepping out of the what-if spiral when it starts, and why practising it now makes it easier to access when it counts  Practical Tool This Week The what-if redirect. When a what-if thought arrives, work through three steps: name it without arguing with it, give it a brief acknowledgement rather than following it into detail, then consciously bring your attention back to the present or to something you are actively doing to prepare. You will need to do this more than once. Each time the thought comes back, you do the same thing again. Over time, the brain learns that the thought does not have to lead anywhere. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    11 min
  5. May 10

    Your Trauma Informed Birth Plan

    For a lot of people who have been through a traumatic birth, the idea of writing a birth plan feels pointless or painful or both. In this episode, Katie reframes what a birth plan is actually for when you have a difficult history, and walks through exactly what to put in one so that your care team understand what you have been through, what you need, and how to support you before you are in the room and in the thick of it. This is a genuinely practical episode with a clear structure you can use straight away. In This Episode Why a standard birth plan does not really work for someone with a traumatic history, and what a trauma-informed one does differentlyWhy writing this plan is not being difficult or demanding, and what your care team actually think when they read oneThe five sections that belong in a trauma-informed birth plan, from a brief summary of your previous experience through to your communication preferences and what you need to feel safeHow to make sure the plan gets into your maternity notes and travels with you, including what to do if you feel it is not being taken seriouslyWhy feeling prepared going into this birth matters, even if things do not go exactly as you hope  Practical Tool This Week Start drafting your trauma-informed birth plan. You do not need to finish it in one sitting. Begin with just the first section: a few sentences about what happened last time and how it felt. That is the foundation, and the rest tends to follow more naturally once you have written that part down. A free birth plan guide and template following the structure from this episode is linked in the resources below. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    14 min
  6. May 3

    Fear Doesn’t Have to Run the Show

    So many people preparing for birth after a difficult experience are carrying two fears at once: the fear of the birth itself, and the fear of being too scared to cope. In this episode, Katie talks honestly about why the standard advice to eliminate fear before labour is unhelpful for anyone who has been through something traumatic, and what a more realistic, useful approach looks like instead. This is the episode for anyone who has been told their fear is the problem and has quietly started to believe it. In This Episode Why hypnobirthing tools genuinely work, and the three places where the standard framing needs adjusting for people with a traumatic historyThe problem with being told that fear makes labour harder, and why that message puts an impossible pressure on people whose nervous systems are already primedWhat a different approach to fear actually looks like in practice, including environment, support, communication with your birth partner and team, and the role of distractionHow every step of birth preparation builds evidence against the belief that you won’t be able to copeA listener question about whether anxiety in labour affects the baby, and what Katie actually thinks about that  Practical Tool This Week The personal toolkit exercise. Think back to any moment in your life when you felt frightened or overwhelmed and something helped. Write down what that was. Then think about whether it could be available to you during your birth. This is not a generic list of coping strategies. It is yours specifically, and it is one of the most useful things you will bring into the birth room. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    15 min
  7. Apr 26

    The Reframe That Changes Everything

    There is an idea that changes everything about how you approach this birth. Trauma isn’t caused by what happens to you, it’s caused by what feels too much to bear. In this episode, Katie explains what that distinction actually means, why it gives you more control than you might think, and how it shifts the whole question of birth preparation from ‘how do I stop bad things happening’ to ‘how do I make sure nothing feels unbearable.’   In This Episode Why trauma is defined by the experience of an event, not the event itself,  and what the research actually showsWhy two people can have the same birth and one walks away fine while the other carries it for yearsHow this reframe shifts preparation from trying to guarantee a perfect birth to building the skills and support that make hard things bearableWhat ‘prepared’ honestly looks like for someone with your history, and why it’s more achievable than you thinkA practical two-column exercise to start identifying what was unbearable last time, and what is within your control this timePractical Tool This Week The two columns exercise, a two-part written practice that helps you identify what felt unbearable in your previous birth, and then map out what is genuinely within your control for this one. Start with what you can actually influence. That list is longer than you think. Resources Mentioned: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

    10 min
  8. Apr 19

    Why This Pregnancy Feels So Different

    The scan is fine. The midwife says everything looks good. And yet there's this flatness, this going-through-the-motions feeling, like you're present at all the appointments but not quite inside them. In this episode, Katie explains exactly why that disconnect happens after a difficult previous experience, why it isn't rejection of your baby, and what to do with the guilt that piles on top of it. IN THIS EPISODE: Why your nervous system keeps a lid on hope and attachment after traumaThe specific ways protective disconnection shows up, named without judgementThe grief for the innocent version of pregnancy you expected to havePermission to feel all of it, the terror and the hope, the love and the fearWhy the disconnect doesn't mean you're not a good mother PRACTICAL TOOL THIS WEEK: The permission practice, when a difficult feeling arrives, say: "I am allowed to feel this. This feeling makes sense. It doesn't mean anything bad about me or my baby." RESOURCES MENTIONED: Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie 30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free) https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear CONNECT WITH KATIE: Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/ With compassion, Katie - NHS Mental Health Midwife | Perinatal Trauma Specialist

    12 min

About

Building Birth Confidence is the podcast for anyone who is pregnant after a difficult birth, pregnancy loss, or traumatic experience, and who is scared, exhausted, and trying to find a way through.# I’m Katie, an NHS Mental Health Midwife and Perinatal Trauma Specialist. Every week I bring you honest, clinically informed conversations about the things that rarely get said out loud: the fear, the guilt, the disconnect, the grief that comes with pregnancy after trauma. And the tools, the understanding, and the realistic hope that can make a real difference. This is not a positive thinking podcast. This is a podcast for people who need more than reassurance. You deserve support that actually meets where you are. New episodes every week. Start wherever feels right.