Complex Couples Podcast

Heidi Applegarth
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  • 매주 업데이트

Welcome! This is a space where your marriage matters, your values matter, and your choices matter. I’m Heidi, a couples therapist and founder of Complex Couples Coaching. I help couples navigate complex marriages, especially where mixed-orientation, desire discrepancies, attraction changes, or mixed gender identity play a role. My goal is to help you see your relationship clearly and make decisions rooted in integrity rather than fear. Learn to navigate complicated issues so you can make choices and thrive in whatever choice you make. Join me as I share insights about marriage that specifically apply to your situation. I’ll walk you through complicated issues such as: • What to do when your husband or wife comes out as gay, bisexual or trans • Whether mixed-orientation marriages can thrive or just merely survive • How attraction works and if you have to give it up if you want to stay married • Loss of desire in long-term marriage and how to get it back • Navigating high-conflict situations in a way that increases self-respect • Working through feelings of resentment • Rebuilding trust after emotional betrayal or secrets Subscribe and join a community of people committed to allowing marriage to shape them into better humans.

  1. 5일 전

    When Something Doesn’t Add Up in Your Relationship: “The Mouth of Regression”

    Interested in private coaching?Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application What do you do when something in conflict genuinely doesn’t feel right, and you want to deal with it in a way that you respect? In this episode, I walk through how I slow conflict down, recognize what is going on (the “mouth of regression”), and work to respond in ways that help to stay grounded, honest, and self-respecting instead of reactive.   We Talk Through: When something has triggered you, learning how to pause and ask yourself, “What just happened?” The questions to ask yourself to help identify what just happened What it looks like to respond in a way that shows you see the other person without shaming them, abandoning yourself, or losing self-respect   This Week’s Invitation The next time you feel emotionally hooked during conflict, pause and ask yourself, “What just happened that triggered me?”  Give yourself the time to understand the feeling before responding.   Resources Mentioned: Living at the Bottom of the Ocean by David Schnarch- free PDF   Connect & Learn More: Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about. If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com.  I love to hear from you. Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    23분

  2. 5월 12일

    Daniel's Perspective: How We Decided When and How to Tell Our Kids & What We Would Do Differently

    How do you decide whether to tell your kids about same-sex attraction, mixed-orientation marriage, or other deeply personal family realities?  In this episode, we share how we navigated those conversations with our own children, what we would do differently, and why understanding each child individually mattered more than we expected. We Talk Through Why we told our kids How we told them What we would have done differently This Week’s Invitation As you navigate difficult conversations, notice how easy it is to become focused on your own perspective.  This week, try asking:“If both of us matter here, what would it look like to make space for both experiences?” Mentioned Terry Real Connect Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  Have questions?Have a story to share? Share it here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com

    43분

  3. 5월 5일

    What It Means If You're Fighting All The Time

    If you’re fighting all the time and wondering what it means for your relationship, I want to offer a different perspective. Conflict itself isn’t the problem, but how we move through it really matters. We Talk Through Conflict isn’t the issue and what actually shapes relationship When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to react in ways that protect rather than connect and how to fix that Real change starts with our own awareness and choosing to respond differently, even when your partner doesn’t This Week’s Invitation The next time you feel completely justified in your reaction, pause and ask yourself how you want to respond instead. Practice “swimming for the surface” by choosing one small thing to do differently. Resources Mentioned Living at the Bottom of the Ocean by David Schnarch- free PDF! Connect & Learn More Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about. If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it → here. Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com. I love to hear from you. Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    18분

  4. 4월 28일

    My Spouse Wants To Stay But Says He’s Not Attracted to Me. Now What Do I Do?

    What do you do when you’ve worked on yourself, shown up well, and your spouse still isn’t attracted to you but says they want to stay?  Learn how to stop waiting for clarity, read your partner’s actions, and decide how you want to show up in the relationship. We talk about The difference between asking “Why don’t they want me?” and “How do I want to show up given reality?” Why pressure and neediness decrease attraction even when you’ve “done everything right” How your spouse’s actions, not their words, reveal what’s actually happening The role of courage in relationships, especially around sexuality and honesty How testing your partner keeps you stuck Why suppression, affairs, or pornography may reflect lack of sexual integration and has nothing to do with your worth The importance of self-respect and choosing how you engage, rather than waiting to be chosen This Week’s Invitation Notice where you are waiting for your spouse to decide something. Ask yourself if their actions have already given you an answer.  Then consider how you want to show up, given that reality. Book Mentioned To learn more about high desire and low desire partners, read this! Intimacy and Desire by David Schnarch Let’s Connect Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast Have questions?Have a story to share? Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    19분

  5. 4월 21일

    How Can I Ever Be Enough For My Spouse?

    How can I ever be enough for my spouse — especially in a mixed-orientation marriage?  In this episode I challenge that question and explore a more grounded, self-responsible way to think about worth, attraction, and intimacy.  We Talk Through Why “being enough for your spouse” is the wrong question and how it keeps you dependent on their validation The reality that no partner can meet every need, and why expecting that creates pressure and disconnection A personal story of learning to accept one’s own body and how self-acceptance changes sexual and relational dynamics The shift from “Am I enough for them?” to “Am I enough for me?” Differentiation in action: addressing what you can change, accepting what you cannot, and allowing your partner their response This Week’s Invitation Choose one area where you feel “not enough” and turn toward it.  Ask yourself honestly: can I change this, or do I need to learn to accept it?  Then take one step in that direction without asking your partner to validate it for you. For More Information…  Passionate Marriage – David Schnarch• Come As You Are – Emily Nagoski• Esther Perel Ted Talk• Free guide: When a Spouse Comes Out Connect Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  Have questions?Have a story to share? Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about. If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    18분

  6. 4월 14일

    Daniel’s Perspective: Why I Told My Best Friend First and How it Impacted Our Marriage

    What does it mean when your spouse comes out — but tells someone else first? This episode explores the tension between betrayal and capacity, and how to make sense of that experience without losing yourself. What question or problem does this episode address? How can I be understanding when my spouse shared something deeply personal with someone else before telling me — especially in the context of coming out?   We Talk About: Why someone may come out to a friend before their spouse The role of shame, fear, and emotional readiness in coming out What it means when you’re not the one they confide in first The difference between betrayal and emotional capacity How couples can begin to make sense of this experience together   This Week’s Invitation Notice what you’re making your spouse’s timing mean about you—and gently question whether that meaning is actually true.   Connect Have questions?Have a story to share? Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    40분

  7. 4월 7일

    My Marriage Isn’t the Same Anymore. Now What?

    What do you do when your marriage doesn’t feel like it used to — and you want it back? This episode explores why going back isn’t the goal, and how shifting toward self-validation can change how you show up and experience your relationship.    Key Talking Points • Why trying to “get back to the way things were” often keeps you stuck• How relying on your partner for validation creates frustration and disconnection• The shift from emotional dependency to self-validation—and how it changes your behavior and your marriage   This Week’s Invitation Notice when your mind tells you a story about what your partner’s behavior means. Practice choosing a different interpretation and experiment with how you show up when you assume love instead of doubt.   Resources  • Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch• Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt• Parenting concepts from Amy McCready   Connect Have questions?Have a story to share? Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    16분

  8. 3월 31일

    A Subtle Dynamic that Destroys Connection in Relationships

    Why do I feel so frustrated or disconnected from my spouse… and could it be coming from a subtle sense of superiority rather than what they’re doing wrong? This episode explores the hidden dynamic that blocks connection and how shifting into equality changes everything.  Key Talking Points: How frustration and anger often mask a position of judgment or subtle superiority The shift from “this is the truth” to “this is what I believe” and why it matters How finding your own humanness softens resentment and creates real connection  This Week’s Invitation Notice where you feel frustrated with your spouse and ask yourself: Am I standing above them or beside them? Experiment with shifting from certainty to curiosity in one conversation this week. Connect Have questions?Have a story to share? Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it here.  Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

    12분
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Welcome! This is a space where your marriage matters, your values matter, and your choices matter. I’m Heidi, a couples therapist and founder of Complex Couples Coaching. I help couples navigate complex marriages, especially where mixed-orientation, desire discrepancies, attraction changes, or mixed gender identity play a role. My goal is to help you see your relationship clearly and make decisions rooted in integrity rather than fear. Learn to navigate complicated issues so you can make choices and thrive in whatever choice you make. Join me as I share insights about marriage that specifically apply to your situation. I’ll walk you through complicated issues such as: • What to do when your husband or wife comes out as gay, bisexual or trans • Whether mixed-orientation marriages can thrive or just merely survive • How attraction works and if you have to give it up if you want to stay married • Loss of desire in long-term marriage and how to get it back • Navigating high-conflict situations in a way that increases self-respect • Working through feelings of resentment • Rebuilding trust after emotional betrayal or secrets Subscribe and join a community of people committed to allowing marriage to shape them into better humans.

정보

  • 제작진
    Heidi Applegarth
  • 방송 연도
    2026년
  • 에피소드
    14
  • 등급
    전체 연령 사용가
  • 저작권
    © 2026 2026
  • 웹사이트 보기
    Complex Couples Podcast

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