Confessions of a Parent Coach

Ann Kaplan, Parent Coach
  • 4.4 (9)
  • PARENTING

Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

  1. 1D AGO

    The Hidden Cost of Permissive Parenting (Why Discipline Helps Kids Feel Safe)

    If "discipline" makes your stomach drop because it feels synonymous with mean, this episode is for you. This conversation is for parents who care deeply about connection — and are quietly worried that setting limits might damage it. Ann makes the case that loving limits aren't just about better behavior. They're about helping kids develop security, self-trust, and a nervous system that doesn't feel like it has to run the whole show. We're talking about why boundaries are not the opposite of love — and how the absence of leadership can actually increase anxiety, control issues, and emotional overwhelm in kids. What You'll Learn Why Ann is intentionally using the D word: discipline (and why it's not the same as punishment) The real differences between authoritative, permissive, and authoritarian parenting The surprising link between a lack of boundaries and childhood anxiety How kids can become bossy or controlling when the adult isn't clearly in charge Why "good behavior" is a side effect — well-being is the goal How discipline paired with attunement builds secure attachment and healthy self-concept The Core Framework (the one you've heard… and still need) Authoritative parenting = emotional attunement + leadership Kids need both: Attunement: "I see you. Your feelings make sense." Leadership: "And I'm still the grownup. I've got this." When attunement exists without leadership, parents often slide into permissive parenting — which can look kind and gentle, but quietly puts kids in charge of things they're not developmentally equipped to manage. The Client Story That Explains Everything Ann shares the story of a mom she worked with over time — first when her child was a toddler, and later when he was seven. At age 2: Runs out of his room two minutes after nap starts → mom lets it go Throws food on the floor and leaves dinner → mom lets it go No yelling. No harshness. Lots of love. But also… the child is running the system. At age 7: Sweet, bright, and deeply anxious — especially in social situations When anxious, he becomes controlling One moment captures it all: He forgets his backpack. Mom says she'll bring it later. He panics, refuses to go inside, insists on controlling the plan — and eventually, mom takes him home. Ann's insight: this isn't about cold parenting or lack of care. It's about a nervous system that learned: "If the adult won't hold the edges, I have to." And that's a terrifying job for a child. The Hidden Cost of Permissive Parenting Not spoiled kids. Not bad manners. The deeper cost can look like: Anxiety and hypervigilance A need to control people and situations Less internal "okayness" because the world doesn't feel solid Kids don't relax when there are no limits. They often spin out. Because being "in charge" isn't empowering when you're seven — it's overwhelming. Ann's Confession 💬 Early on, Ann admits her main motivation for boundaries wasn't enlightened or philosophical. It was: "I need this house to not be a chaotic shit show." And honestly? Same. But over time, she saw the deeper truth: authoritative parenting doesn't just create well-behaved kids — it helps create well kids. Key Takeaways 👉 Discipline isn't harshness — it's loving structure 👉 Kids need to know someone else is holding the frame 👉 A child with tons of attunement but no boundaries can still develop insecurity 👉 Anxious, controlling behavior may signal a need for more leadership, not more comfort 👉 Boundaries can be an act of care, not cruelty Gentle Next Steps (No Perfection Required) If you're a parent who: Hates conflict Avoids disappointing your child Feels guilty when they're upset Confuses "loving" with "letting it slide" This episode is your reminder that limits can be loving — and that being the steady adult is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Resources Mentioned 📘 Free workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time https://bit.ly/kidswholisten 📞 Book a free consult call: https://bit.ly/kaplancall Share This Episode Know a parent who's doing a ton of emotional work — but still feels like their kid is running the house and everyone's stressed because of it? Send them this episode. It's permission to stop white-knuckling parenting — and start leading with calm, clarity, and care.

    35 min

  2. FEB 4

    The "Cheerios" Moment: How Generational Trauma Sneaks Into Your Parenting

    If you've ever sworn, "It ends with me," and then immediately watched yourself get weirdly intense about something small… hi. This episode is for the parents who are doing the work—and still getting ambushed by old feelings in brand-new moments. We're talking about what actually breaks generational cycles (spoiler: it's not just "doing everything differently"), and why the real win is becoming the kind of parent who doesn't need fear to stay committed. What You'll Learn Why "I'll never be like my parents" is a starting line, not a finish line How generational patterns sneak in through triggers, rigidity, and over-control The difference between parenting from conviction vs. parenting from fear Why neutrality is the secret ingredient you can't access when you're activated How doing your inner work changes what your child's behavior "hooks" inside you The subtle way cycles repeat when you're trying so hard not to repeat them Key Takeaways 👉 Breaking the cycle isn't just doing different—it's being different. 👉 If fear is driving the car, you'll grab the wheel (control, intensity, overreaction). 👉 Sometimes the "small stuff" (yes, even Cheerios) is where you finally see the pattern clearly. 👉 Your child's behavior isn't the emergency—your activation is the signal. 👉 The work isn't "stop being triggered." The work is: what does the triggered part of you need? Ann's Confession 💬 I realized I had silently banned Cheerios… not because of nutrition, but because they were emotionally linked to my childhood. And that was my first real "ohhhhhh… there are layers here" moment. Client Story Mentioned 👩‍👦 A mom who felt panicked watching her kids fight—because sibling cutoffs ran through the family history—and how that fear made it nearly impossible to stay neutral or allow autonomy in the moment. Episode Timestamps (approximate—adjust once you have final audio timecodes) [0:00] Welcome + new producer era + ripple effects [4:30] The "Cheerios" confession: when the small thing reveals the big thing [12:00] Authoritative vs. authoritarian: where fear pushes us [18:30] Why "the cycle stops here" isn't enough by itself [26:00] The sibling-fighting trigger + generational fear in real time [34:00] Neutrality, autonomy, and why triggered parents can't access them [42:00] The real work: tending your fear (IFS-style) instead of bypassing it [49:00] Invitation: discovery call + what changes when you get support Resources Mentioned 📞 Book a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call?month=2026-02 Don't forget to subscribe 🚀 Share This Episode Know a parent who's doing everything "right" but still feels haunted by their own childhood in the day-to-day moments? Send them this episode. It's a permission slip to stop white-knuckling it—and start healing where the pattern actually lives.

    33 min

  3. JAN 28

    Talking Doesn't Teach

    How many times have you told someone what you want and then been frustrated when nothing changes? Whether it's a parenting conversation (put your coat away when you get home from school, please.) or a request of your partner (please don't leave your toothbrush dripping all over the counter.) or any other attempt you've had to get people to change their behavior, chances are nothing changed. Am I right? This week on the podcast, I'll explain exactly WHY no one is doing what you ask, and what to do differently. It's one of the simple, but not easy, truths of relationships and we forget it all. the. time. Working with me is about actually integrating this truth and learning how to show up differently so that you actually can help people change their behavior and respect your boundaries. Sound good? Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. : https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

    25 min

  4. JAN 21

    Hurry Hurry! How Rushing Slows Down Progress

    Do you find yourself impatient to experience the transformations you're working on? Whether it's upleveling your parenting skills, managing your temper, getting a project across the finish line, experiencing less stress or anxiety....once we can tell what is going "wrong" now and what "right" looks like, it's normal to feel a sense of urgency about making it happen ASAP. It's almost like you have a little minion on your shoulder whispering, "Hurry! Hurry" in your ear constantly - which really doesn't help in the end, does it? This week on the podcast, I'm talking about that little voice. Why is it there? How does it end up sabotaging us? And how can we get it to sit tight so that we can have the space and patience to create the results its rushing us to create? My job is all about this process - identifying what you want things to look like, recognizing what's getting in the way right now, and staying with you while we do that lasting work to get you where you want to go. Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

    27 min

  5. JAN 14

    Sleep-Beyond Caretaking

    Do you remember when things changed in your home from "baby is boss" to "The grownups lead the way"? I have a very specific memory of the exact moment this happened in my life with my oldest child and this week on the podcast I'll share it with you, and talk about this paradigm shift that is fundamental in setting up healthy parent-child dynamics. It's a shift that happens only partially or doesn't happen at all in some families, leading to a lot of conflict, confusion and stress. Listen in to see where your family falls on this spectrum and what to do about it. Part of my job is helping families fully step into the awesome opportunity and responsibility of being the leader in their child's life. If you feel a struggle to truly embody this shift, you are not alone and I can help. Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. Tell me all about your challenges and I'll help you get where you want to go: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

    15 min

  6. JAN 7

    Is Your Parenting Working?

    It's not working! I hear something like this from clients every week. When we're trying something new, we want results quickly to confirm that what we're doing is working, right? But, sometimes looking for that result is the very thing stopping our efforts from "working"! When we don't see the outcome we want quickly enough, we can end up pivoting too soon, making knee-jerk changes without thoughtful evaluation of what needs to be tweaked, or resorting to extreme measures that never work at all, just to make ourselves feel like we're doing something. Listen to this week's episode to learn more about what happens when we focus too much on external confirmation, and what to focus on instead. The answer might surprise you! As a coach, it's my job to have these little tricks up my sleeve for you - to help you step back and reframe the way you look at your goals, to keep you on track in your pursuit of them, to show you what IS working, even when it looks like nothing is, and to help you identify what changes are needed with insight and intention, instead of frustration or desperation. We all need someone like this in our corner, and I happen to be a GREAT "someone like this" to have in YOUR corner. Reach out to me today to schedule a free consultation. Tell me about what's not working in your life, and I'll help you get yourself back on track: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

    23 min

  7. 12/31/2025

    New Year's Eve | Resolution & Intention

    No resolutions for me this year, thanks. Are resolutions the healthiest, most life-affirming way for us to pursue growth? Maybe for some, but for many of us they are either unnecessary or painful. Why not explore the ideas of intention, attraction, and openness instead? Listen to this week's episode to learn more about the difference between resolution and intention, to hear a few examples of what that means to me, and to get a little peak at MY intentions for 2026. Don't forget that right now I am honoring 2025 prices for both the 2026 retreat and all coaching packages. Reach out to me TODAY so I can help make your 2026 visions come true. 2026 prices go into effect mid-January. Set up a free Discovery Call! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

    22 min

  8. 12/24/2025

    Stillness and Solstice

    Stillness. The winter solstice happened a few days ago, and in this week's episode of the podcast, I'm inviting you to do something about that...or actually, I'm inviting you to do nothing about it. Listen to the episode to explore the ideas of reflection, rest, warmth, nourishment, light, love, and celebration that this time of year offers. I hope your Winter season includes all of these things, and that you make a move right now to ensure 2026 is overflowing with these things all year long. Coaching and my annual retreat are both beautiful ways to bring this energy forward. Right now, I am honoring 2025 prices for both the 2026 retreat and all coaching packages until the end of December. Reach out to me before NYE so I can help make your 2026 visions come true. I hope you have a beautiful wintering with yourself and your precious ones. Info to help you plan: 📅 2 dates to choose from: 10/8-10/12 OR 10/15-10/19 👩‍❤️‍👩 2026 Theme: Connections 💲 2025 pricing open until the end of the year 💸 VIP and BFF discounts available. ❤️ All-inclusive 💆‍♀️ Massages 👩‍🍳 In-home chef 🎁 Personalized gifts 🥾 Hiking 🧘‍♀️ Yoga 🍷 Wineries 🍁 Spectacular Peak of Autumn color change ⭐️ Website to learn more: https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/fallretreat

    16 min
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4.4
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

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