Coupled With...

Dr. Rachel Orleck
  • 5.0 (15)
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If you’ve ever felt like your relationship should make more sense, you’re not alone—and you’re in the right place. Coupled With… is the podcast for driven, capable, and analytical humans who crave connection, but keep getting stuck in the same relationship patterns. Whether you're overthinking every conversation, caught in another conflict loop, or feeling undervalued despite all your effort—this show is here to help. Join Dr. Rachel Orleck, a licensed psychologist and couples therapist, as she breaks down why relationships get messy (even when you’re trying your best), how perfectionism shows up in love, and what it really takes to feel seen, special, and important by your partner. Through honest solo episodes, expert interviews, and zero “just communicate better” advice, Coupled With… gives you the clarity, tools, and insight to create a relationship that actually works for you. Because connection doesn’t come from getting it perfect—it comes from getting real. Subscribe and tune in to new episodes every Monday!

  1. 12/15/2025

    What Real Connection Looks Like in the New Year

    The end of the year can make even strong relationships feel tender, tense, or disconnected. In this episode, Rachel explains why December amplifies whatever is already under the surface — not because anything is wrong, but because your nervous system is tired, overloaded, and scanning for closure. She breaks down how “emotional audits” form, why pressure kills connection, and what real intimacy looks like when capacity is low. You’ll also learn a simple one-sentence “micro-bridge” to help you feel more connected heading into the new year.  What We CoverWhy the holidays amplify longing, tension, and unfinished repairsHow “emotional audits” quietly reshape DecemberWhy capacity drops long before love doesHow misfires and misreads intensify end-of-year disconnectionThe difference between engineered intimacy and grounded connectionA one-sentence micro-bridge for real closeness in the new year ResourcesThe Attachment Revolution Free Break the Cycle Course Download Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA Residents only)

    16 min

  2. 12/08/2025

    When Holidays Trigger Old Wounds

    In this episode, we unpack why the holidays can make even the most self-aware adults feel like they’ve time-traveled back into childhood. From old roles to nervous system reflexes, Rachel explains how your body responds to family cues long before your logical brain catches up — and why that doesn’t mean you’re failing. She also offers simple, doable practices to help you stay connected to yourself instead of getting swept back into survival mode.  What We CoverWhy you “regress” around family (hint: you’re not regressing — you’re reenacting)How your nervous system recognizes old cues from childhoodWhy holidays amplify pursue/withdraw patternsThe difference between bracing and being presentHow to interrupt old roles with tiny, compassionate shiftsA simple pre- and post-gathering check-in to support your system ResourcesThe Attachment Revolution Free Break the Cycle Course Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA Residents only)

    16 min

  3. 12/01/2025

    You’re Not Asking for Too Much: Practicing Safety Instead of Suppression

    You’ve probably told yourself, “I should be fine.” Maybe you learned early on that being easy to love meant needing less. But every time you swallow your needs, perform “fine,” or apologize for being sensitive, your body pays the price. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks why emotional needs are not weakness—they’re your nervous system’s way of asking for safety. You’ll learn how suppressing your needs turns into anxiety, resentment, or shutdown, and why your body confuses needing connection with being “too much.” Rachel explains how survival wiring makes self-abandonment feel like safety, and how practicing micro-moments of safety rewires that pattern. Using stories from her practice, she shows what rebuilding safety in relationships actually looks like—not as a performance, but as a practice. If you’ve ever felt like you had to shrink to stay loved, this episode will help you understand what your body’s really asking for—and how to meet yourself, and others, with compassion instead of suppression. Key Topics CoveredWhy “I’m fine” is a nervous system defenseHow safety—not silence—regulates your emotionsThe connection between need, shame, and self-abandonmentOver-functioning vs. under-functioning in relationshipsHow to start practicing safety in small, nervous-system-safe momentsWhat it means to rebuild connection through presence, not perfection Resources:Free Download: Break the Cycle- A Self-Paced Guide to Stop Reacting and Start Reconnecting WA Residents: Want help working on your relationship? Contact Dr. Rachel in her private practice - www.meaningfuljourneycounseling.com

    24 min

  4. 11/24/2025

    Roommates to Lovers Again: Rebuilding the Spark Without Forcing It

    You love your partner, but lately, it feels like you’re just co-managing a life together. The spark that used to feel effortless now feels buried under exhaustion, logistics, and “just getting through the week.” In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleckunpacks what really causes the shift from lovers to roommates — and why it’s not proof that love has faded, but that your nervous system has been in survival mode for too long. Rachel explains how stress, routine, and emotional disconnection suppress desire, why “trying harder” doesn’t reignite chemistry, and how safety — not effort — brings your body back online. Learn how to start reconnecting through small, nervous-system-safe acts of curiosity using her 2% Braver approach, and why desire doesn’t die… it just hides until it feels safe to reemerge. If you’ve ever looked at your partner and wondered where the spark went, this episode will help you see that it’s still there — waiting for both of you to exhale and reach again. Key Topics CoveredThe real reason attraction fades in long-term relationshipsWhy stress, survival, and exhaustion shut down desireThe difference between spontaneous and responsive arousalWhy safety — not spontaneity — is the foundation of intimacyThe “2% Braver” method for rebuilding safety and desireHow micro-moments of presence reignite connection Resources:Free Download: Break the Cycle- A Self-Paced Guide to Stop Reacting and Start Reconnecting WA Residents: Want help working on your relationship? Contact Dr. Rachel in her private practice - www.meaningfuljourneycounseling.com

    24 min

  5. 11/17/2025

    Breaking the Fight Cycle: Why You Keep Having the Same Argument

    You know that moment mid-argument when you think, “Haven’t we had this exact fight before?” The same tone, the same roles, the same ending where both of you feel unseen. Every couple has a signature loop—what emotionally focused therapy calls a negative cycle. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck breaks down the three most common fight loops from EFT—Find the Bad Guy, The Protest Polka, and Freeze and Flee—and explains why they all share one thing in common: when love feels shaky, your nervous system trades connection for protection. Learn how to recognize your own pattern, understand what your reactions are really protecting, and start practicing small, nervous-system-safe interruptions that stop the spiral before it takes over. Rachel also introduces her grounding tool, Pause, Name, and Soften, a simple three-step practice to help you shift from reactivity to reconnection. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same argument on repeat, this episode will help you see your cycle clearly—and start changing it for good. Key Topics Covered:Why couples repeat the same fight over and overThe 3 negative cycles: Find the Bad Guy, Protest Polka, Freeze & FleeHow the nervous system drives conflict patternsWhy “communication problems” are really protection problemsHow to interrupt the loop using Pause, Name, and SoftenWhat co-regulation looks like in real-time repair Resources:Break the Cycle Self-Guided Workbook to break the fight cycle in 7 days WA state residents can inquire about therapy: www.northseattlecouplescounseling.com

    22 min

  6. 11/10/2025

    When They Say Sorry, But Nothing Changes

    If a quick “I’m sorry” could fix everything, relationships would be easy. But when the same rupture happens again—and again—the words start to lose their weight. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks why repeated apologies without consistent change create nervous system burnout, how this cycle erodes trust, and what your body actually needs before it can believe safety is real again. You’ll learn why good intentions and genuine remorse aren’t enough to rebuild security, how stress pulls us back toward old patterns, and what real repair sounds and feels like when it finally starts to land. Rachel also shares her three R’s of real repair—Recognize, Reflect, and Repeat Differently—a simple framework for interrupting empty apologies and rebuilding connection through action instead of promises. If you’ve ever thought, “They mean it, but nothing changes,” this episode will help you understand why—and what true repair looks like in practice. Key Topics CoveredWhy “I’m sorry” starts to feel hollow over timeHow repeated apologies create nervous system fatigueThe difference between good intentions and embodied changeWhy your body stops believing promises without consistencyHow to rebuild safety through small, repeatable actionsThe 3 R’s of real repair: Recognize, Reflect, Repeat Differently Resources:If you're in WA state and want to connect with Dr. Rachel in her therapy practice: www.northseattlecouplescounseling.com Free 7 Day Email Course: Break the Cycle of Conflict: www.drrachelorleck.com

    24 min

  7. 11/03/2025

    The “Chill Partner” Lie: Why Calm Doesn’t Always Mean Connection

    We love to glorify the “chill” partner—the one who doesn’t fight, doesn’t need much, and keeps everything smooth. But what looks like calm often hides a nervous system in overdrive. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks how emotional suppression gets mislabeled as strength, why “low-maintenance” love can quietly erode trust, and how the pursue-withdraw cycle turns silence into self-protection. Learn why avoidant patterns don’t come from a lack of love but from too much overwhelm—and how to begin replacing politeness with real safety. You’ll also hear how small, honest moments can transform disconnection into co-regulation. If you’ve ever been called “the chill one” or wondered why your partner seems emotionally distant, this episode will help you see what’s really happening underneath the calm. Key Topics CoveredThe cultural myth of the “chill” partner and why it’s secretly exhaustingHow emotional suppression becomes a survival strategy, not a personality traitThe nervous-system logic behind withdrawal and shutdownHow “calm” can actually signal dysregulationThe pursue-withdraw dance and why both partners are protecting love in different waysWhat real calm and emotional authenticity look like in practiceA simple reflection to move from I’m fine to I’m real Celebration Before diving in, Rachel celebrates a major milestone—over 1,000 downloads of Coupled With…! She shares heartfelt gratitude and invites listeners to leave a rating, review, or share the show to help others find this work. Resources: Want to explore working with Dr. Rachel in therapy? Check out her private practice website: www.meaningfuljourneycounseling.com

    24 min

  8. 10/27/2025

    Why Saying “I’m Fine” Makes Things Worse: How False Calm Erodes Connection

    You know the script. Something feels off, your partner asks if you’re okay, and out comes the automatic, “I’m fine.” You tack on a smile or change the subject, hoping the tension will disappear. But it doesn’t—it just goes underground. In this episode, Rachel breaks down why “I’m fine” is one of the most common—and most damaging—phrases in relationships. What sounds like peacekeeping is actually a nervous system strategy to avoid conflict, overwhelm, or rejection. It might calm things momentarily, but over time it erodes trust. You’ll learn how this quiet reflex trains your partner not to believe your words, and why uncertainty can damage safety faster than conflict ever could. Rachel explains that “I’m fine” isn’t lying—it’s your body trying to survive discomfort. But protection and connection aren’t the same thing. Using a powerful new reframe, Dr. Rachel introduces the F.I.N.E. acronym—Freaked Out, Insecure, Numbed Out, and Exhausted—to show what’s really happening beneath the surface when we disconnect from honesty. You’ll also learn: Why “I’m fine” is a nervous system shield, not a communication failure.How small, imperfect truths build more safety than denial ever can.What to say instead when you don’t yet have the words for what’s wrong.How to use the F.I.N.E. self-check to notice survival mode before it hijacks connection. Because honesty doesn’t mean dumping everything in the moment—it means aligning your energy and your words so your partner can trust both. If “I’m fine” has been your reflex, this episode will help you recognize it as protection, not failure—and guide you toward micro-honesty that actually restores closeness. Key Quote“I’m fine isn’t a flaw—it’s your nervous system trying to protect you. But protection isn’t the same as connection. Small honesty builds more safety than silence ever will.”Listen + ConnectIf this episode resonates, share it with someone who hides behind “I’m fine” when they really mean “I’m not okay.” ResourcesFree 7 Day Email Course: Break the Cycle: 7 Days to Break the Conflict Cycle

    19 min
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About

If you’ve ever felt like your relationship should make more sense, you’re not alone—and you’re in the right place. Coupled With… is the podcast for driven, capable, and analytical humans who crave connection, but keep getting stuck in the same relationship patterns. Whether you're overthinking every conversation, caught in another conflict loop, or feeling undervalued despite all your effort—this show is here to help. Join Dr. Rachel Orleck, a licensed psychologist and couples therapist, as she breaks down why relationships get messy (even when you’re trying your best), how perfectionism shows up in love, and what it really takes to feel seen, special, and important by your partner. Through honest solo episodes, expert interviews, and zero “just communicate better” advice, Coupled With… gives you the clarity, tools, and insight to create a relationship that actually works for you. Because connection doesn’t come from getting it perfect—it comes from getting real. Subscribe and tune in to new episodes every Monday!

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Rachel Orleck
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    38
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2025 Dr. Rachel Orleck
  • Show Website
    Coupled With...