Dad's Guide to Twins

Joe Rawlinson, twin pregnancy and raising twins expert
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Survive the twin pregnancy and thrive as a father of twins

  1. FEB 25

    Teaching Early Manners to Twins: Nurturing Kindness in Your Dynamic Duo

    Raising twins is a crash course in everything, including how quickly they pick up on the manners you model for them. 💡 Quick Takeaways Twins naturally observe and copy each other, which can fast-track manners and social skills Start modeling “please” and “thank you” from infancy, even before they can talk Twin-to-twin empathy is a unique opportunity you won’t have with singletons Consistency between you and your partner is key as your twins will absolutely notice the difference Expect setbacks; toddler twins testing limits is completely normal You Have a Secret Weapon: Each Other Here’s something I noticed pretty early with my twin girls that I never experienced with my singleton boys. When one of our twin girls used “please” and got what she wanted, the other watched. And then tried it herself. Twins are each other’s constant social mirror. That’s a huge advantage when it comes to teaching manners, because you’re not just teaching one child. In a lot of ways, you’re teaching two who then teach each other. Twins develop social referencing (looking to others for cues on how to behave) earlier and more frequently than singletons, largely because they have a built-in peer from day one. That means the modeling you do (and that they do for each other) is amplified in a twin household. Start Before They Can Even Talk One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to start using “please” and “thank you” with your twins way earlier than feels necessary. I’m talking infancy. When I handed my girls their bottles, I’d say “Here you go, please enjoy!” and when they’d bat their little arms I’d say “Thank you for being such good eaters.” Silly? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely. The reason this works is that language development is built on repetition and exposure. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children begin understanding social language patterns long before they can produce words. By the time your twins start talking, “please” and “thank you” will already feel like a natural part of how the world works in your house. When to start expecting them to use it: Most toddlers can start signing or saying “please” around 18–24 months. With twins, I found that when one of my girls said it first, the other followed soon thereafter. Peer pressure, twin style. Make Manners Part of Your Daily Routine You don’t need special lessons or Pinterest-worthy activities to teach manners. You just need to weave them into the moments already happening a hundred times a day. At snack time, hold the crackers for a moment and ask, “What do we say?” At first, you’ll answer it yourself: “Please!” Then hand them over with a big smile. At pickup time after a mess, pause and say “Thank you for helping clean up, girls” even when the “help” made things worse. A few routines that worked really well in our house: Snack and mealtime prompts. Every hand-off of food became a “please” and “thank you” moment. Twins sitting together at a table makes it easy to do this with both at once. The morning greeting. We made “good morning” a thing. Two little voices saying it back to you at 6am is honestly one of the best parts of twin parenting. Sharing transitions. When one twin was done with a toy, we coached them to “offer it” rather than just dropping it. “Do you want to give that to your sister? Can you say here you go?” Small moments, big foundation. Twin-to-Twin Empathy: The Real Prize Here’s what genuinely surprised me about raising twin girls: the empathy that developed between them was something I didn’t expect to witness so early. When one of my daughters fell and scraped her knee, her sister (before she could even form a full sentence) walked over, crouched down, and patted her on the back. Nobody taught her that specific behavior. She had just watched us comfort her sister, and she replicated it. Empathy in twins develops through a combination of close observation, shared experience, and what researchers call “emotional contagion”. Essentially when one twin “catches” the feelings of the other. The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry has published research showing twins score higher on certain empathy measures early in life, likely because of this constant emotional feedback loop between them. What this means for you as a dad: You can actively cultivate this. When Twin A is upset, narrate it for Twin B. “Your sister is feeling sad right now. What do you think would make her feel better?” You’re building emotional vocabulary and empathy simultaneously. It works, and it’s something singleton parents genuinely can’t replicate the same way. When They Fight… Let me be real with you. Teaching manners doesn’t mean your twins won’t have Wrestlemania-style conflicts over who gets the red cup. They absolutely will. My girls could go from holding hands to full-on screaming in record time. The key is using those conflicts as teaching moments without turning every spat into a lecture. When things get heated, get down on their level and walk through it: “It looks like you both want the same toy. What’s a polite way to ask your sister for a turn?” A few things that actually helped us get through the rough patches: Coach, don’t referee. Your job isn’t to declare a winner. It’s to give them the language to work it out. “Can you ask her nicely?” goes further than “Give it back right now.” Acknowledge both feelings first. Before addressing behavior, name the emotion. “You’re frustrated because you wanted it first. And she’s frustrated too.” This teaches empathy even in the middle of conflict. Celebrate when they get it right. When your twins resolve something on their own (even messily), make a big deal of it. That positive reinforcement is everything at this age. Model It Constantly, Including with Each Other One thing my wife and I quickly learned is that our twins were watching us way more than we realized. If I said “Hey, pass the remote” without any niceties, I shouldn’t have been surprised when the same thing showed up at snack time. Kids learn what they live. That goes double (literally) with twins because you have two sets of eyes observing your social behavior all day long. So say “please” and “thank you” to your partner. Apologize when you make mistakes. Ask “How are you feeling today?” and actually listen to the answer. It sounds simple, but modeling is the single most powerful manners-teaching tool you have. Research from early childhood development consistently shows that children’s social behavior mirrors the adults in their environment more than any other factor. A Note on Expectations by Age Kids develop at different rates, and twins can add another layer of variability. Here’s a rough guide to what to reasonably expect: 12–18 Months: Begin signing “please” (place your dominant hand with fingers together on the center of your chest and rub it in a circular motion once or twice) and “thank you” (hand from chin outward). Don’t expect consistency. Just repeat, model, celebrate every instance. 18–24 Months: Start hearing verbal attempts at “pee” (please) and “tank you.” This is the sweet spot where the modeling you’ve done pays off. One twin saying it often triggers the other. 2–3 Years: Expect “please” and “thank you” to be fairly consistent with prompting. Begin introducing “excuse me” and basic greetings. Empathy coaching becomes much more effective at this stage because language is developed enough to talk through feelings. 3–4 Years: Many twins at this age will start reminding each other to use manners (without being asked). My girls did this, and honestly it was one of the funniest and most heartwarming things I’ve witnessed as a dad. You’re Building Something That Lasts Teaching twins manners isn’t just about avoiding embarrassing restaurant moments (though that’s a real benefit). It’s about shaping how they’ll treat each other, their friends, teachers, and eventually colleagues and partners for the rest of their lives. The twin bond gives you a unique head start. Use it. Two kids learning to say “please,” “thank you,” and “are you okay?” to each other from the time they’re toddlers? That’s the foundation of a relationship that can last a lifetime. And watching my girls check on each other, say “excuse me” before walking in front of the TV, and thank each other for sharing? It makes every exhausting day completely worth it. The post Teaching Early Manners to Twins: Nurturing Kindness in Your Dynamic Duo appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    11 min

  2. FEB 18

    When Twins Start Comparing: A Guide for Parents

    You’ve probably noticed it happening. One of your twins comes home from soccer practice and announces, “I’m not as fast as Emma.” Or maybe during dinner, one twin says, “Everyone likes Tyler better than me.” Welcome to the comparison phase. It’s completely normal, but it can be tough to watch. Quick Takeaways Twins naturally start comparing themselves around ages 4-7 as part of normal development Constant comparison can lock kids into narrow roles (the athletic one, the shy one) Minimize direct comparisons in your language and celebrate each child’s unique strengths One-on-one time and separate activities help each twin develop their own identity Focus on personal growth over competition (compare them to their past selves, not each other) Why This Happens (And Why It’s More Intense for Twins) Around ages 4 to 7, kids develop social comparison skills. They’re figuring out how they stack up against other kids, which is a totally normal part of growing up. But for twins? This process is on steroids. My girls have always had a built-in comparison point who’s the exact same age, in the same house, often in the same classroom, and looks just like them. When other kids compare themselves to random classmates, twins are comparing themselves to the person they have spent their entire life with. The comparison thing really kicks into high gear during elementary school. One twin gets picked first for kickball while the other waits. One breezes through reading while the other struggles. This is when peer relationships and visible abilities (athletic, academic) become hugely important to kids. For twins, every difference gets magnified. The Identity Problem Here’s what I’ve noticed with my girls and other twin families. When comparison becomes constant, twins often fall into complementary roles. You get the athletic one and the artistic one. The outgoing twin and the shy twin. Some specialization is fine. Actually, it’s normal. But it becomes a problem when a child feels stuck in their role or believes they can’t succeed in areas where their twin shines. Kids who are constantly compared to their sibling struggle more with self-esteem, particularly if they see themselves as coming up short. They might avoid new activities out of fear they won’t measure up, or they become overly competitive in ways that damage their relationship with their twin. Stop the Comparison Language (Even the Subtle Stuff) This seems obvious, but you’re probably doing it more than you realize. I know I was. Instead of “Your sister is so good at sharing, why can’t you be more like her?” try “I need you to take turns with the Legos.” Direct, specific, no comparison. Pay attention to how you describe your twins to other people while they’re listening. I caught myself calling one of my girls “my social butterfly” at a family gathering. Guess what that implicitly said about her sister? Yeah, not great. Here’s what helped me break the habit: Describe behaviors, not comparisons (“Please use your inside voice” vs. “Why can’t you be quiet like your brother?”) When praising one child, don’t reference the other at all If you’re about to say “more like” or “better than,” stop and rephrase Notice labels you’ve assigned and actively use different descriptions for each child Create Space for Individual Identities Each twin needs time to be seen as a whole person, not half of a pair. Regular one-on-one time with each parent is non-negotiable. Even 20 minutes of focused attention helps. For example, I’d take one daughter out to lunch with me and the other daughter the next week. Those individual conversations are where I really got to know each girl as herself. Consider separate activities based on individual interests. For example one twin does soccer while the other does gymnastics. You’ll see that each twin gets to develop skills and friendships independently. Sure, it’s more complex logistically (welcome to twin parenting), but the benefit to their individual development was huge. They don’t have to do everything separately. But at least one different activity gives them space to breathe. Celebrate Different Strengths (But Make It Real) Kids can smell fake praise from a mile away. Don’t manufacture equivalent compliments (“You’re both winners!”). They know it’s nonsense. Instead, notice genuine individual qualities. For example, one of your twins may be incredibly persistent when learning something new. She’ll practice the same piano piece 20 times until she nails it. Her sister demonstrates creativity in problem-solving. She’ll find three different ways to build the same Lego set. Point out character strengths like kindness, humor, curiosity, or courage. These aren’t directly comparable. You can’t measure who’s “more kind” the way you can measure who runs faster. When you shift from comparing achievements to noticing character, the competitive tension between your twins will noticeably decrease. Teach Personal Growth Over Competition This was a game-changer for us. The goal isn’t to be better than your twin. The goal is to improve your own skills over time. I ask questions like: “Can you do more push-ups than you could last month?” “What’s something you learned this year that was hard at first?” “How is your reading now compared to the beginning of the school year?” This shifts focus from external comparison to internal progress. This growth mindset approach leads to better long-term outcomes than competitive comparison. One of my girls was getting frustrated that her sister could swim faster. I started tracking her own swim times and celebrating when she beat her previous record. Her twin’s times became irrelevant. She was competing with herself. Handle the “It’s Not Fair” Comments When one twin says, “It’s not fair that he’s better at baseball,” validate the feeling while reframing. “I hear that it’s frustrating when something feels hard for you. Everyone has different things that come easily and things they have to work at. What’s something you’re proud of learning to do?” This acknowledges their emotion without reinforcing the comparison trap. You’re teaching them that different doesn’t mean better or worse. It just means different. Shut Down Other People’s Comparisons Family members, coaches, friends. They’ll compare your twins. Sometimes with good intentions, sometimes thoughtlessly. When you hear it, gently redirect: “They’re each working on different skills right now” or “We try not to compare them since they’re individuals with different strengths.” You may even have direct conversations with your own parents or family members about this. Your advocacy teaches your kids that they don’t need to accept others’ comparisons either. Watch for Warning Signs Some rivalry is normal and even healthy. But watch for these red flags: One child consistently holding back to avoid outshining their twin Intense distress when a twin succeeds at something Persistent negative self-talk related to comparisons (“I’m the dumb one,” “I’ll never be as good as her”) One twin becoming overly focused on beating the other rather than personal enjoyment Physical aggression that seems tied to competitive feelings If you’re seeing these patterns, consider consulting a child psychologist who understands twin dynamics. This isn’t failure on your part. It’s getting help early before patterns become entrenched. When One Twin Has Different Abilities This gets more complex when twins have different abilities due to developmental delays, learning differences, or physical disabilities. The typically developing twin may feel guilty about their advantages or face pressure to accomplish things more easily. The twin with challenges may struggle with self-esteem as differences become more pronounced. Honesty calibrated to developmental level is essential. Explain differences in age-appropriate terms. Emphasize that everyone needs different kinds of support. Ensure both children receive attention for their individual progress and efforts. I know families dealing with this. The ones doing it well connect with other families in similar situations through twin clubs or disability support organizations. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Build a Healthy Twin Relationship The twin bond can be one of the most significant relationships in a person’s life. Your goal isn’t to eliminate all comparison or competition. That’s impossible and probably undesirable. You’re helping your children develop a relationship where they can be genuinely happy for each other’s successes while pursuing their own paths. Encourage collaboration alongside healthy competition. My girls work together on projects, help each other with challenges, and have shared interests. This builds mutual support that coexists with individual achievement. Model celebrating others’ successes in your own life. When I’m genuinely happy about my friend’s promotion or marathon finish, my kids see that someone else’s win doesn’t diminish my own worth. What I’ve Learned The comparison phase hit hardest for us during ages 5-7. It’s gotten better as the girls have developed stronger individual identities. They still compare sometimes (they’re human), but it’s less fraught now. The foundation you build now by treating your twins as individuals, celebrating unique strengths, and minimizing comparison will serve them their entire lives. Here’s my rule of thumb: see each child fully, love each child completely, and trust that they each have their own path to follow. Your twins will spend their entire lives navigating their unique relationship. Your job is to give each child the tools to value themselves independently while appreciating the special bond they share. When in dou

    14 min

  3. FEB 11

    Helping Your Twins Build Friendships with Other Children

    When my twin girls were toddlers, I’d take them to the park and watch something fascinating happen. Other kids would be running around, forming little groups, negotiating who got the swing next. Meanwhile, my girls would find a quiet corner of the sandbox and build elaborate castles together, completely content in their world of two. It was sweet. It was also a little concerning. Here’s the thing about twins: they come with a built-in best friend. That’s amazing, but it can also become a comfortable bubble that keeps them from developing friendships with other kids. I learned this the hard way when one of my daughters had a meltdown at a birthday party because her sister was playing with someone else. Why Outside Friendships Matter (Even When Twins Have Each Other) My wife and I used to joke that our girls were set for life. They’d always have a playmate, always have someone who understood them, always have backup. And while that’s true, we realized they also needed to learn how to be interesting, capable people on their own. When twins build friendships outside their twin relationship, they will develop stronger individual identities and more diverse social skills. They learn to navigate different personalities, practice introducing themselves (a skill my girls literally never needed with each other), and discover they can be valued for who they are individually. Plus they can see other benefits like: Each twin develops confidence in social situations without relying on their sibling They practice different social roles (sometimes the leader, sometimes the follower) They bring new ideas and games home from their individual friendships They learn that being apart doesn’t mean being alone or unloved They develop resilience for future separations (different classes, different interests as they age) Understanding Why Twins Stick Together Before I share what worked for us, it helps to understand why twins gravitate toward each other. It’s not stubbornness or social anxiety (though those can be factors). It’s perfectly logical. My girls shared everything from day one. Same womb, same nursery, same developmental stage, same inside jokes. When faced with a playground full of unfamiliar kids, retreating to each other made complete sense. They had a shared language, shared history, and zero uncertainty about how the other would respond. Dealing with the Tough Stuff When one twin is more social than the other. This was us. One daughter made friends easily. The other struggled and would cry that nobody liked her (even though that wasn’t true). My instinct was to have the social twin help her sister. Bad idea. This created dependency and prevented the quieter twin from developing her own skills. Instead, I worked with my quieter daughter separately. We practiced conversation starters. We talked about how to join a game already in progress. We built her confidence through role-play when there was no social pressure. I also had to accept that she’s naturally more introverted. The goal isn’t to turn her into her sister. It’s to give her the skills to make friends when she wants to, even if she’ll always have a smaller circle. When they melt down over separation. The first time we tried individual playdates, it did not go well. Tears, protests, the whole thing. We started smaller. One twin helped me make cookies in the kitchen while the other read with Grandma in the living room. Same house, different rooms. Then we gradually increased the distance and duration. I acknowledged their feelings without immediately rescuing them. “I know you miss your sister. She’s in the backyard with Mom. You’ll see her at lunch. Right now, you get special time with me.” The key word is “gradual.” We didn’t force dramatic separations overnight. When they genuinely prefer each other. Look, some twin pairs are truly best friends. That’s not a problem to fix. The goal isn’t to make them prefer other kids or to force them apart. It’s to make sure they have the skills to engage with others when needed (school, sports, eventually jobs and relationships). Think of it as expanding their toolkit, not replacing their favorite tool. What Works at Different Ages Toddler stage (18 months to 3 years): At this age, we focused on parallel play and didn’t expect much actual interaction. We attended toddler playgroups where the emphasis was on free play with parents nearby. The twins got comfortable being around other kids without pressure to engage. We’d bring toys to share (bubbles were a hit) and just let proximity do its work. Preschool years (3 to 5 years): This is when outside friendships really started to matter. We got more intentional about creating situations where each twin played with different kids. Birthday parties, preschool friendships, and neighborhood playmates became important. We also started talking about friends at dinner. “Who did you play with today?” Not “Did you and your sister play together?” but “Who was fun to play with?” Early elementary (5 to 8 years): We advocated for separate classrooms. This was huge. It naturally created different social circles and forced both girls to make their own friends. We also supported different after-school activities based on individual interests. Soccer for one, art club for the other. This led to separate friend groups that sometimes overlapped but weren’t identical. Working with Teachers and Caregivers We learned to communicate clearly with teachers about our goals. Most educators are happy to support twin social development when parents are specific about what they want. We asked teachers to: Intentionally pair our twins with different partners during activities Assign them to different small groups for projects Seat them separately (not as punishment, but to encourage broader friendships) Help facilitate situations where each twin develops individual friendships When to Get Professional Help Most twins develop healthy outside friendships with some parental encouragement. But sometimes you need backup. Consider talking to your pediatrician if: Your twins can’t separate without extreme distress beyond age four Neither twin shows any interest in other children, even in structured settings They’ve developed their own language that excludes typical speech Their exclusive bond seems to interfere with other developmental milestones Sometimes anxiety, autism spectrum characteristics, or language delays show up as excessive twin dependence. A professional can help you figure out what’s typical twin behavior versus something requiring intervention. Always consult with your pediatrician about your twins’ specific situation. Keeping the Balance Right Here’s what I remind myself regularly: the goal isn’t to weaken the twin bond. My girls’ relationship with each other is a gift. What we’re doing is making sure they can build other meaningful relationships too. Some days go great. I’ll watch one daughter happily play with a neighborhood kid while the other plays with a different friend, and I’ll feel like we’ve figured it out. Other days, they’re inseparable at the park, ignoring every other child, and I wonder if we’ve made any progress at all. This is normal. Social development isn’t a straight line, especially for twins who have the comfort of a built-in companion. Be patient with yourself too. Managing twin social dynamics is genuinely more complex than parenting a singleton. Separate playdates mean double the scheduling, double the driving, double the mental energy. I try to remember we’re investing in their long-term social health, not orchestrating perfect social opportunities every single day. The Payoff My girls are older now, and I can see how the effort paid off. They still have an incredibly close twin bond (they share secrets, defend each other fiercely, and prefer each other’s company in certain situations). But they also have rich, independent social lives. They’re still twins. But they’re also individuals with their own friendships, social identities, and confidence in navigating the world without always having their built-in backup. That’s the goal. Not separation, but expansion. The post Helping Your Twins Build Friendships with Other Children appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    12 min

  4. FEB 4

    Teaching Toddler Twins to Stay Close to Parents

    That double stroller has been your best friend for two years. But now your twins are getting bigger, more independent, and honestly, wrestling two squirming toddlers into that beast for a quick Target run feels harder than just letting them walk. Except walking means you’ve got two little people who can dart in opposite directions while you’re standing there with exactly two hands. I’ve been there with my twin girls. That transition from strapped-in-the-stroller to walking-beside-me-in-the-parking-lot was genuinely terrifying at first. But here’s what I learned: most twins between 18 months and 3 years can master staying close through consistent verbal cues and clear boundaries. It takes patience and plenty of practice runs, but it absolutely works. Why This Stage Feels So Overwhelming Parents of singletons have it easier here, and that’s just math. They’ve got one kid and two hands. You’ve got two kids who can run in completely opposite directions, both with the impulse control of, well, toddlers. When my girls first started wanting to walk everywhere, I felt like I was constantly choosing which child to chase down while the other one headed toward traffic. Not a great feeling. You’re not being overprotective. You’re being realistic about the fact that toddlers have zero danger awareness and maximum confidence. Start Practicing at Home First Before you expect your twins to stay close at the grocery store with all its colors and excitement, practice in your own driveway. This is where they build the muscle memory without the high stakes. Pick one simple phrase and stick with it. We used “stay close” with our girls. Some families say “stay in the bubble” or “be my shadow.” Whatever you choose, use that exact phrase every single time. Don’t switch between “stay here,” “come back,” and “don’t run off.” Toddlers need that repetition. I practiced with my girls every time we walked from the car to the front door. “Okay, we’re going to practice staying close. Show me how you stay right next to Daddy.” Then I’d narrate what I saw: “Look at that! You’re both staying close. Your feet are right next to mine.” The advantage here is that home practice is low pressure. Nobody’s watching, you’re not trying to actually accomplish an errand, and if it goes badly, you’re already home. The One Non-Negotiable Rule In parking lots and crossing streets, everyone holds hands or touches the cart. Period. No exceptions, no negotiations, no “just this once.” Present this to your twins as a simple fact of life, like gravity. “In parking lots, we always hold hands. That’s the rule for everyone, always.” If one of them refuses, pick her up and carry her, saying calmly, “I see you’re having trouble with the parking lot rule. I’ll carry you to keep you safe.” Turns out, being carried is way less fun than walking. After a couple times, both your twins will chose to hold hands. Natural consequences are powerful teachers. Your First Public Outings Start small. Really small. Your first practice run shouldn’t be a full grocery trip. It should be a five-minute walk to check the mailbox together, or running into the gas station to pay. Before you get out of the car, state your expectations clearly: “When we get out, you’re both going to hold the cart with both hands. We’re going to walk together to get milk, then come right back. If you let go of the cart, we go back to the car.” Then follow through exactly. The first time one of your twins lets go, scoop her up, grab her sister, and go straight back to the car. No milk. The lesson is more important than the errand. Position yourself strategically. I kept one girl on each side of the cart. Some twin dads have each kid hold a different part of the cart. Others do a “hand chain” where one twin holds Dad’s hand and the other twin holds their sibling’s hand. Experiment to find what works for your specific twins. When They Go in Different Directions Here’s the twin-specific nightmare scenario: one bolts left toward the toy aisle while the other sprints right toward the automatic doors. Your response depends on the danger level. In low-danger settings like a fenced playground, let one twin explore briefly while you retrieve the other, then sit together for a minute. “I had to stop playing with Emma to go get Jack because he didn’t stay close. Now we all have to sit together.” Natural consequence, lesson learned. In high-danger environments like parking lots, scoop up both and carry them back to the car, one under each arm, regardless of who did what. The rule was simple: if anyone lets go, everyone gets picked up. Catch Them Doing It Right I praised my girls constantly when they stayed close. “You stayed right next to the cart through the whole cereal aisle! Well done!” This worked way better than only giving attention when they ran off. I also framed it as teamwork. “You two are such a great staying-close team today! You’re both helping keep each other safe.” Twins often motivate each other when you make safety a team effort. We find that positive reinforcement is significantly more effective than punishment for teaching toddlers new behaviors. I saw this firsthand with my girls. The more I celebrated their success, the more they wanted to succeed. What to Expect at Different Ages Understanding what’s developmentally realistic saved me a lot of frustration. At 18 months, my girls could hold my hand and walk beside me for brief periods, but they needed constant physical redirection. Expecting them to stay close through verbal commands alone was setting us all up for failure. Yes, we even used child leashes when they were prone to bolting different directions. By age 2, they could respond to “stop” or “freeze” pretty consistently, especially because we’d practiced so much. They were starting to understand cause and effect, so natural consequences actually made sense to them. By 2.5 to 3 years, both girls could internalize rules and follow them with occasional reminders. They understood “if you stay close at the store, we’ll have time to play at the park after.” But even at three, they were still toddlers. A butterfly might prove irresistible despite perfect understanding of the rules. That’s not defiance. That’s just being a toddler. Teaching Danger Awareness Along the Way While teaching my girls to stay close, I also built their understanding of why it mattered. I’d point out cars backing up: “See that car? The driver can’t see you if you’re behind it. That’s why we stay close to Daddy.” I’d notice bikes on the sidewalk: “Bikes move fast! We stand still when bikes pass.” This developed their internal safety radar rather than just teaching blind obedience. Eventually, I wanted them to recognize danger and choose safe behavior on their own, not just follow my commands without understanding why. Gradually Giving More Freedom As my girls demonstrated consistent staying-close behavior in safe environments like our neighborhood, I slowly extended their range. “You can walk three steps ahead, but when I say ‘check,’ you stop and look back at me.” We practiced this extensively before trying it anywhere with cars. I also used a visual marker: “You can go as far as you can still see my red jacket.” This gave them agency while keeping them safe. The goal was never perfect obedience at age two. The goal was building habits that would keep them safe as they grew more independent. The Good News Your twins can absolutely learn these skills. It requires consistency, patience, and probably more abandoned shopping trips than you’d like. But one day, sooner than you expect, you’ll realize you made it through Target without incident and your kids are proudly staying close. Give yourself grace. Use whatever tools work. Practice in safe spaces. Follow through with consequences every single time. Celebrate the small victories. You’re teaching two small people to navigate the world safely and simultaneously. That’s genuinely hard work. But you’re doing it, one parking lot at a time. The post Teaching Toddler Twins to Stay Close to Parents appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    11 min

  5. JAN 28

    Navigating the Two-to-One Nap Transition with Twins

    The transition from two naps to one is honestly one of the trickier phases of twin parenting. I remember when my girls hit this stage around 16 months, and suddenly our predictable rhythm fell apart for a few weeks. One twin was ready, the other wasn’t, and we found ourselves managing different schedules while also trying to keep everyone from melting down by 4 p.m. Here’s what I learned from our experience and what actually works when your twins are making this shift. Quick Takeaways Most twins transition between 15-18 months, but they don’t always do it at the same time The transition period usually lasts 2-6 weeks of some days needing two naps, other days just one Aim for a midday nap around 12:30-1:00 p.m. once they’re fully transitioned Early bedtimes (sometimes 30-60 minutes earlier) can save you on rough one-nap days Your twins will eventually sync up, even if they’re on different schedules temporarily How You Know They’re Ready For One Nap Your twins might be ready to drop that morning nap when they start fighting it consistently, taking forever to fall asleep, or when one nap becomes ridiculously short (like 20 minutes). With my girls, one would lie in her crib talking to herself for 45 minutes while her sister crashed immediately. Here’s the thing though. Your twins won’t necessarily be ready at the same time. One of my daughters was clearly done with two naps a solid three weeks before her sister. This is completely normal, even though it feels frustrating when you’re trying to manage two different schedules. Research shows that even identical twins can hit developmental milestones at different times (and sleep transitions definitely count as milestones). If one twin is ready and the other isn’t, resist the urge to force them onto the same schedule right away. A twin who drops a nap too early becomes overtired, which paradoxically makes everything worse. They fight sleep harder, wake up more at night, and turn into tiny cranky humans by dinner. I learned this the hard way. What the Nap Transition Actually Looks Like The switch from two naps to one rarely happens cleanly. Most kids (twins included) go through this weird in-between phase where some days they need two naps and other days they can handle just one. This phase lasted about a month with my girls, and I honestly thought it would never end. You’ll know you’re in the transition when your twins are cranky, clumsy, rubbing their eyes constantly, or getting weirdly hyperactive in the late afternoon. These are classic overtired signs. When you see them, move bedtime earlier that night. Sometimes we’d do bedtime at 6:30 p.m. instead of our usual 7:30 p.m., and it made a huge difference. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers this age still need 11-14 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period. If they’re only napping once, that single nap needs to be solid (usually 1.5 to 3 hours), and nighttime sleep becomes even more important. Creating a Schedule That Actually Works Once both twins are fully on one nap, you’re aiming for that nap to fall right in the middle of the day. We landed on 12:30 p.m. as our sweet spot, but anywhere between noon and 1 p.m. works for most families. Here’s what our typical day looked like: Wake up: 6:30-7:00 a.m. Nap: 12:30-2:30 or 3:00 p.m. Bedtime: 7:00-7:30 p.m. Your twins can probably handle about 5-6 hours of awake time before they need sleep at this age. So if they wake at 7 a.m., they’re ready for a nap by 12:30 p.m., then can stay up until 7:30 p.m. for bed. Adjust based on what you’re seeing from your own kids. The length of that single nap varies a lot between twins. One of my girls would sleep for three hours straight, while her sister topped out at two hours. As long as they’re getting enough total sleep and seem happy, you’re golden. When They’re on Different Schedules If your twins stay on different schedules for a while, you’re going to need some creative solutions. When one of my daughters still needed that morning nap and the other didn’t, we’d put the sleepy twin down in our bedroom while her sister had independent play time in the living room (with my wife or I nearby, supervising). Here’s what worked for us: Morning nap twin slept in a different room temporarily Non-napping twin got special “quiet time” with books or puzzles Afternoon nap stayed synchronized for both in their shared room We maintained this split schedule for about three weeks Yes, this is more work for you. There’s no getting around that. But it respects where each twin is developmentally, and honestly, they did sync up eventually. Most twins align their schedules once they’re both fully established on one nap. During this phase, the afternoon nap when both twins were sleeping can become a much needed lifeline. That is your time to recharge, get things done, or just sit quietly with a cup of coffee. Surviving the Late Afternoon Danger Zone The hours between 4 p.m. and bedtime can get rough during this transition. Your twins are tired but not quite ready for bed, and everyone’s patience is wearing thin. What helped us get through: Moving dinner earlier (sometimes as early as 5:30 p.m.) Going outside for a walk or backyard play Giving a small snack to stabilize blood sugar Starting the bedtime routine earlier than usual Doing a warm bath to help them relax If one of your twins falls asleep in the car at 5 p.m. on the way home from somewhere, wake them gently when you arrive. I know this feels wrong (who wants to wake a sleeping baby?), but a 20-minute car nap at that time will push bedtime back significantly and mess up nighttime sleep. Your evening will go much smoother if you keep them awake until proper bedtime. Managing Naps When You’re Out Life doesn’t stop just because your twins are transitioning naps. You’ll have appointments, errands, and older kids’ activities to manage. On days when you need to be out during nap time, try to preserve at least part of the nap, even if it happens in the stroller or car. I’m not going to tell you that car naps are ideal, because they’re not. But they’re better than completely skipping the nap and dealing with two meltdowns by 3 p.m. If you know you’ll be out, consider shifting the nap slightly earlier or later to capture some sleep time at home first. We also got strategic about scheduling. Doctor appointments went in the morning. Grocery runs happened right after the twins woke up from their nap. Playdates with other families? Those happened during the late morning when everyone was awake but not yet losing it. What Worked in Our House My wife and I developed a few strategies that genuinely helped during those transition weeks. We built in “bridge activities” for late morning when the girls were getting tired but weren’t quite ready for their midday nap. Our go-to quiet activities: Reading books on the couch (all of us piled together) Doing simple puzzles on the floor Playing with playdough at the kitchen table Looking at pictures from past family trips These activities were calm enough that they didn’t wind the girls up, but engaging enough that they made it to nap time without someone falling asleep on the living room floor at 11 a.m. For room-sharing twins (like ours), the single nap usually works smoothly because they’re already used to sleeping in each other’s presence. But if one twin consistently wakes the other, you might need to temporarily separate them until they’re both sleeping more soundly through the nap. The Research on Twin Sleep Development Turns out, the timing of this nap transition isn’t random. Studies show that most children drop to one nap between 15-18 months as their circadian rhythms mature and they can handle longer wake periods. What this meant for us was that even though my daughters were three weeks apart in dropping that morning nap, they both settled into a solid one-nap routine by the time they were 17 months old. The transition period felt long while we were in it, but it was actually pretty typical. The key is that total sleep matters more than when that sleep happens. According to sleep researchers, as long as your twins are getting their 11-14 hours combined between nighttime and that one nap, their brains and bodies are getting what they need to develop properly. Taking Care of Yourself This transition is exhausting for you too. You’re managing two toddlers who might be out of sorts, possibly on different schedules, and dealing with the unpredictability of not knowing if today is a one-nap day or a two-nap day. Give yourself permission to simplify everything else. When my girls were going through this, we had more screen time than usual, ate simpler meals (hello, pasta with butter three nights a week), and I said no to pretty much every optional commitment. Your twins are working hard to adjust to a new sleep pattern, and you’re working hard to help them through it. We also learned to take advantage of any overlapping sleep time, even if it was just 45 minutes to have some down time for ourselves. What Comes After Once your twins successfully transition to one nap (and they will, I promise), you’ll settle into a new rhythm that often works really well for the whole family. That single midday nap provides a predictable chunk of time in the middle of the day when you can recharge, get things done, or spend time with other kids if you have them. Most children stay on this one-nap schedule until somewhere between ages three and five. With my girls, we had nearly two years of this routine before they dropped naps entirely (which is a whole different transition I wasn’t ready for). The beautiful part is that once you’re past those transitional weeks, life gets more predictable again. You can plan your days around one nap instead of two, which actually opens up more possibilities for morning outin

    11 min

  6. 10/29/2025

    Why you need a daily log for your twins

    Let’s be honest: even if you think you have an excellent memory, the combination of sleep deprivation and caring for two babies will quickly prove you wrong. Those early weeks with twins at home create a perfect storm of exhaustion that makes even the simplest details slip away. Here’s the reality: you’re responsible for keeping two little humans alive and thriving, but your brain feels like it’s running on fumes. That’s where logging becomes your lifeline. Why You Need to Track Everything In those first weeks, you’ll find yourself asking: Which baby ate last, and when? Who had the messy diaper an hour ago? How long have they been napping? When is the next feeding due? Did we give them their medication today? Without a system to track these details, you’ll spend precious energy trying to remember information your tired brain simply can’t hold onto reliably. The Simple Solution: Write It All Down The rule is beautifully straightforward: Just fed a baby? Write it down. Just changed a diaper? Write it down. Put them down for a nap? Write it down. Gave medication? Write it down. Choose Your Logging Method The best logging system is the one you’ll actually use consistently. Here are several options to consider: Traditional Pen and Paper Always available, no battery required Easy to leave by the changing station or nursing area Both parents can quickly jot down information Can use a twin tracking log like these Mobile Apps Baby Tracker, Glow Baby, and similar apps designed for new parents Often include helpful features like growth tracking and feeding timers Can send notifications for upcoming feedings or medication times Digital Spreadsheets Excel or Google Sheets allow for easy data analysis later Can be shared between parents for real-time updates Great for parents who love organizing data Shared Documents Google Docs or similar platforms let both parents access and update from anywhere Perfect for when one parent is at work and wants to check in on the day’s progress Father of twins Chris Wejr shared that his “mirror was covered with times as we’re trying to figure who fed at what time and how long and all those sort of things” during the chaotic first few months with his twin girls. A visible, low-tech system for tracking feeding times and durations might be all you need. Personalize Your Log for Maximum Value Eric Langenderfer, a father of identical twin boys, mentioned that while in the hospital, they were required to chart everything, which he found inconvenient on paper. When they brought the babies home, he created a small online database where he and his wife could log feedings and other activities from their phones, including timestamps. Make your logging system work for your family by including: Essential Daily Tracking Feeding times and amounts Diaper changes (wet/dirty) Sleep periods Medication schedules Special Moments First smiles, coos, or other milestones Unique twin interactions (like holding hands) Funny or memorable moments from each day Health and Development Notes Questions for the pediatrician Concerns or observations about either baby Growth measurements and appointment reminders Parent Check-ins Simple mood tracker for both parents Notes about what’s working well or causing stress Reminders to support each other Turn Your Log into a Powerful Tool Your log isn’t just a record, it’s a valuable analytical resource. After a few weeks of consistent tracking, look for patterns: Fussy periods: Does one baby get cranky at the same time each day? Sleep patterns: Are there natural rhythms you can build routines around? Feeding issues: Could certain times or amounts be causing problems? Growth trends: Are both babies developing at healthy rates? These insights can help you anticipate needs, adjust schedules, and even identify potential health concerns early. Avoid Common Logging Pitfalls Don’t aim for perfection: Missing an entry here and there won’t ruin anything. Focus on consistency over completeness. Don’t let it create stress: The log should make your life easier, not become another source of anxiety. If you’re spending more time logging than caring for your babies, scale back. Know when to ease up: As your twins develop predictable routines (usually around 8-12 weeks), you can gradually reduce the detail of your logging. Your Communication Lifeline Perhaps most importantly, your log serves as a crucial communication tool between caregivers. Instead of trying to remember and relay every detail when your partner comes home, they can quickly scan the log to understand the day’s events. This eliminates the constant “Did you feed them?” questions and helps everyone stay informed without lengthy explanations. The Bottom Line Those first weeks with twins can feel overwhelming, but a simple logging system will help you: Keep your sanity by eliminating the mental burden of remembering everything Keep your babies safe by ensuring consistent care and catching potential issues early Keep your partnership strong by improving communication and reducing stress Remember: this intense logging phase is temporary. Once routines establish and you’re getting more sleep, you’ll naturally need less detailed tracking. But during those crucial early weeks, your log will be the anchor that keeps everything organized and everyone healthy. Trust the system, write it down, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to worry about during this beautiful but challenging time. The post Why you need a daily log for your twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    8 min

  7. 10/15/2025

    How to Teach Your Twins to Share

    With twins in the house a big point of contention will be sharing. You might think that the easy way for you as the parent would be to get two of everything. However, this surely won’t work all the time and definitely doesn’t build character. And as we all know, your job as a dad, of course, is to “build character.” Right? Twin dad Kris Lloyd noticed that even when he bought “two of everything” for his non-identical twin girls, they wouldn’t necessarily use them at the same time, and “they always want the same exact” item the other twin is currently using. He found that the second item often “hardly got used much”. This was often the case in our home where one girl always wanted what the other had even if there were two identical items. So you have to solve the root problem to get a peaceful and happy home: teach your twins how to share from a very early age. Turn Timer Be careful when trying to force sharing. Instead of forcing one twin to hand over a toy to the other, focus on the concept of taking turns between twins. One trick that worked for us was the turn timer. We used a portable kitchen timer as the “turn timer”. When our girls would fight over something we’d pull out the timer, declare that it was so-and-so’s turn now and that it would be the other’s turn when the timer went ding. We’d set the timer for a minute or two based on how long we thought our child’s attention span was. After starting the timer, we’d ask the kid with the coveted item: “What happens when the timer dings?” and make sure they understand the turn-taking process. Yes, your twins get plenty of opportunities to share between themselves and other siblings. However, they still need some help and structure to get them in the good habits you are hoping to help them develop. It does baffle me that the kids will often listen to a small kitchen timer instead of just being obedient when my wife or I ask them to do something. Oh, well. There is nothing wrong with some extra tools in the parenting toolbox. Distract If taking turns isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, then try the old distraction technique. Say, “Hey, look at that!” or pull out another toy or delicious food item to distract the sad, I-didn’t-get-what-I-want twin. Wait a Minute Especially when your twins are young, their attention span is extremely short. This means two things: First, set the turn timer for a very short time. Second, don’t be surprised if the item they were fighting over is discarded and your twins have moved on to something else rather quickly. The good news about sharing is that typically, your twins will be sharing better and earlier when compared to other singletons their same age. Here are those tips rewritten specifically for helping twins learn to share: Model the Behavior Your twins learn by watching adults and each other. Make a point of visibly and verbally sharing things with your twins and between family members. For example, say, “I’m going to share some of my popcorn with both of you,” or “I’m sharing my book with Mommy so we can read together.” Father of twins Tim Robinson emphasizes teaching good manners and communication from a young age. He insists on phrases like “Milk please” or “Excuse me, Mommy/Daddy”. He observes that this approach helps them interact, sometimes resulting in one twin saying, “Excuse me, brother, can I have that toy please?” which he finds “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”. Use Positive Reinforcement Praise your twins when you see them sharing with each other, even if it’s a small act. Use descriptive praise, such as, “I love how you shared your blocks with your sister. It made her so happy to build that tower together with you!” You should verbally praise your kids when they share. That will encourage this good behavior. Encourage Empathy Help your twins understand each other’s feelings. Once they are old enough to express their feelings, you can ask, “How do you think your sister (or insert the twin’s name) feels when they don’t get a turn?” or “Look how happy your brother is now that they get to play with the toy car too.” Respect Their Individual Possessions Give each twin a choice about what they are willing to share. Before playtime, let them each put away any special toys they don’t want to share with their twin. This teaches them that their individual possessions are respected and may make them more willing to share other items. Help your twins understand that some items belong specifically to each of them, while others are family toys meant for sharing. Use labels, special boxes, or designated spaces to make these boundaries clear. Play Cooperative Games Engage your twins in games that require teamwork and turn-taking, such as building a tower with blocks together, doing a puzzle as a team, or playing simple board games. This helps them practice working together as twins in a fun, low-pressure environment. Read Books About Sharing Use story time as an opportunity to teach your twins about sharing and kindness together. Many children’s books feature siblings or characters who learn the importance of sharing, which can be especially relatable for twins navigating their unique relationship. Create “Twin Time” and “Individual Time” Set aside specific periods where twins must share and play together, but also ensure each twin gets individual time with toys and activities. This balance helps them appreciate both togetherness and personal space. Teach “Twin Negotiation” Skills Since twins will be navigating shared resources their whole lives, teach them phrases like “Can we take turns?” or “How about we play together?” rather than just taking toys from each other. Be Mindful of Comparison Avoid saying things like “Why can’t you share like your sister does?” Instead, focus on each child’s individual growth in sharing skills. Twins Advantage: Learning to Share Early Your twins have shared even the very basics of life since they were in-utero and waiting to be born. There they shared nourishment from mother as well as very tight living quarters. After birth, your twins will share feeding times, cribs, clothes, and toys. Out of necessity and circumstances, your twins have been sharing from the very beginning. This is a great advantage to them, and to you as the twin parent, as it will accustom your twins to both the need to share and their ability to do so. Technically, you can probably buy duplicates of many things and avoid sharing. But that won’t work for everything. The biggest thing that your twins will share is your time. You can’t buy any more of this precious resource. You will have to split your attention between your twin little ones on many occasions. There are some things in life that your twins will always have to share, and this is one of those things. We’ve seen our girls have a great propensity to share and help each other even from a very young age. Take advantage of the sharing situation your twins will have and help reinforce and nurture this sharing characteristic in your twins. The sharing habit will benefit them (and you) throughout their lives. Pictures by Nate Davis and surlygirl The post How to Teach Your Twins to Share appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    11 min

  8. 10/01/2025

    How to Keep One Twin Healthy When the Other is Sick

    One of the challenges with twins is that they get sick. Sickness doesn’t always strike both twins simultaneously. Your twins will catch a cold, get the flu, have a stomach bug, or come down with any number of other contagious illnesses. This brings up the question: how do you keep one twin healthy when the other is sick? Is it Worth it? Every time one of our twins get sick, we have to ask ourselves: does it matter if the other kids get sick too? Is this one of those colds or stomach bugs that they’ll get eventually anyway? Does this “build their immunity”? These are very subjective questions and the answers really depend on your parenting style. Generally speaking in our house, if the child doesn’t have a fever, we aren’t too concerned if the other kids catch it. That said, when in doubt, always give your pediatrician a call. Many parents of twins find it’s often a losing battle to prevent the healthy twin from getting sick. Rather than focusing solely on prevention, it may be more helpful to also prepare for the inevitable, such as by stocking up on sick-day essentials for both children. Father of twins Aaron Ameen shared his experience that since all three of his young children attend daycare, they experience a “revolving door of sickness”. He observed that illness completely overthrows any established routines and systems, making it a particularly tough time for parents, especially if the parents also fall sick. When the children are sick, they don’t sleep as well, requiring one or both parents to take time off work, which creates practical challenges for working parents. Separate Them Keeping your twins from spreading their germs is an almost impossible task. When your twins are infants, you can’t teach them good health habits and they can’t take care of themselves. Toddlers and older kids don’t always practice good hygiene, will forget to cover their coughs and sneezes, and tend to do a poor job washing their hands. If you want to improve your odds of preventing the spread of the illness, you could isolate your sick twin in his or her room. Avoid sharing clothes, toys, towels, kitchen supplies, etc. that the sick twin uses. Twin dad Tim Brien shared that when one of his kindergarten-aged twins gets sick, the other also has a “really, really hard time,” and they usually keep both children home from school. He also mentioned that when both of his two-and-a-half-year-old twins were sick, they amazingly tried to take care of each other. Think Sanitation Keeping your whole family healthy starts before anyone gets sick. Teach your twins good practices like how to effectively wash their hands. We like to have our kids sing “Happy Birthday” twice while scrubbing their hands so they know they washed long enough. Teach your twins to cough or sneeze into a tissue or into their elbow or sleeve. They should never sneeze or cough into their hands. You should not stress excessively about sanitizing the entire house. It’s okay to let everyone get sick and recover, rather than making yourself crazy trying to prevent it. Balance what is right for your family and situation. Lower Your Expectations During a sick period, it’s okay to let routines and schedules slide. The focus should be on getting everyone through the illness, not on maintaining a perfect schedule. This includes being more relaxed about screen time or a lack of routine. Keep Yourself Healthy You are the primary caregiver, and if you get sick, it makes caring for your twins (especially if one or both is sick) much more difficult. While caring for your sick twin(s) make sure that you do everything you can to stay healthy. Eat well, get your rest, and wash your hands. If you get sick on top of having to care for sick kids, things will get really tough. The best sick times in our family are when my wife and I take turns being sick. This way there is always a parent available to carry the load while the other recovers. Father of twins Chris Titus described an instance where his wife was sick, and he took over the entire nighttime shift to care for their twin infants so she could get a full night’s rest and recover. This highlights the importance of proactive teamwork between you and your partner, especially when one parent is ill. Sometimes instead of an illness, one twin gets injured and the other twin is totally fine. Instead of worrying about cross contamination, you’ll need to shift attention to care and recovery. Here’s an example of when one of our twin daughters needed stitches. Picture by Kourtlyn Lott The post How to Keep One Twin Healthy When the Other is Sick appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

    7 min
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About

Survive the twin pregnancy and thrive as a father of twins

Information

  • Creator
    Joe Rawlinson, twin pregnancy and raising twins expert
  • Years Active
    2012 - 2026
  • Episodes
    100
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Joe Rawlinson
  • Show Website
    Dad's Guide to Twins

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