Danger, Vicious Dog

TestTubeBaby

Started updating my bio Dec 31, 2023. Accidentally wrote four autofiction books. Slid from narrative into monologue—not stream-of-consciousness, more like speech-speed meaning performance. Trained my voice into AI, produced a shit-ton of pieces. Had too many. Needed a place to dump them. Saw a sign that said “Beware, Vicious Dog!” Misread it. Named the podcast Danger, Vicious Dog. Didn’t fix it. Just kept going. Queer. Cosmic. Sarcastic. Cheap. Accidentally committed to the bit. Some voice and art is AI... I don't know how I feel about that... so I'm working on figuring it out... how I feel.

  1. E7: Unruly Mind MetaGym; S8: Survival of the Horniest

    22h ago

    E7: Unruly Mind MetaGym; S8: Survival of the Horniest

    Proof that thinking out loud is its own kind of therapy. Will it help you function? Yes. It will. Doomed to human consciousness? You need Unruly Mind MetaGym. This episode starts as a microphone test and turns into an exploration of something I’ve gradually stopped trying to control: an unruly mind. For years I spent enormous amounts of energy trying to keep my thoughts organized, linear, and useful. Somewhere along the way I accidentally began experimenting with the opposite. Instead of forcing my mind toward a conclusion, I started trusting wherever it wandered. The result is this conversation. Along the way I drift through abandoned schools, Paris, art school, counseling, ambition, long relationships, creativity, why I think life is less a problem to solve than an experience to have, and why I increasingly believe that what we call an “unruly mind” might simply be… a mind doing what minds naturally do. I also talk about the strange freedom that comes from trusting yourself enough to speak before you’ve decided exactly where you’re going—and why that has unexpectedly made me a better counselor and a happier person. The episode ends with Unruly Mind MetaGym™, a satirical lounge-act advertisement for the world’s most ridiculous enlightenment program, where cosmic awakening, Las Vegas showmanship, self-help culture, and quantum mysticism all collapse into one glitter-covered sales pitch. If you’re interested in creativity, psychology, philosophy, counseling, improvisation, consciousness, ADHD, mindfulness, art, or simply listening to someone think out loud in real time, this episode might be for you. Or it might just be an excuse to let your own mind wander for a while.

    18 min
  2. E6: Enjoy the Song That I Have Made

    1d ago

    E6: Enjoy the Song That I Have Made

    I woke up at six, cleaned all the laminate floors, vacuumed the dog hair, took a nap, woke up from the nap feeling suspiciously sane, and realized I was still on a roll. Not a manic roll — the kind of roll where the world is finally letting me catch up to myself. A controlled burn, but bright enough that you might worry about me if you heard my voice. Which is honestly part of the fun. This is the third podcast I’ve made today. I’m trying to clear the backlog — the songs, the fragments, the half‑finished episodes, the things I wrote in 2025, the things I wrote last Sunday, the things I wrote this morning while wiping dust off the baseboards. I’m finally letting them out instead of pretending I need a “normal” release schedule, or pretending I need permission from an imaginary audience threshold. I crossed that line somewhere, I think. Or maybe I didn’t. Either way, I’m done waiting. This episode is built around a song called Enjoy the Song That I Have Made, which is exactly what it sounds like: a song that explains how it is being made while it is being made. The lyrics start in 2025, then shift into the present moment, then turn into a recipe for their own creation. And then I followed the recipe. I made a demo on my phone, fed it into Suno, watched Suno characterize the style, tweaked the style guide, handed the lyrics to Copilot because I’d used up my ChatGPT credits, and let the machines do their little dance. I made twelve versions of the song. Maybe more. I picked six for the album. They range from minimalist Laurie Anderson to queer‑apocalyptic EDM with sirens, glitter‑synths, and a dragon made of sound. Yes, an actual dragon made of sound. She eats fear. She breathes in the whole room. She doesn’t care about pronouns. She is the plural you. But for this episode, I’m giving you the minimalist version — the one that feels like a quiet hallucination, the one where the lyrics sit in the air like a thought you forgot you were thinking. The song itself is about air poetry — the poetry you write just by looking at things, by noticing the nervous movements of your fingers, by watching a store close without ever having gone inside. It’s about collapsing the observer effect into a death drop. It’s about asking an AI to help even when you don’t need help, because that’s what AIs do: they help, even when you’re already on fire. It’s also about the moment when the song ends, and the crowd goes feral, and the applause becomes a creature, and the creature becomes a dragon, and the dragon becomes a mirror, and the mirror becomes you. I made this song last Sunday. I forgot about the family Zoom call because I was too deep in the zone. My partner eventually pulled me out to eat because I always forget to eat. I’m telling you this because it’s part of the ecosystem of the song — the way life interrupts art, and art interrupts life, and both of them interrupt the vacuuming. So here it is. A song that explains itself. A song that becomes itself. A song that ends with a dragon. Enjoy the song that I have made.

    16 min
  3. E5: The God In You; S8: Cleaning and "Clean"

    1d ago

    E5: The God In You; S8: Cleaning and "Clean"

    I’m making this episode in the middle of cleaning my floors — laminate, tile, dust bunnies everywhere — and I didn’t vacuum first, so everything feels a little chaotic. But honestly, that’s fine. My life is a mess and I kind of like it that way. I’m trying to get caught up on this backlog of songs and episodes I’ve been sitting on for years because I kept pretending I needed to follow some “normal podcast” schedule. I thought I had to wait until I crossed some imaginary line where enough people were listening to justify releasing more. Maybe I’ve crossed it now. Maybe not. Either way, I have too much bottled up, and my only real goal is to get it out. This song — The God in You — is one I wrote in 1994. I was about a year into AA, trying to figure out what the hell “turning my will over to God” was supposed to mean. I’d had this weird, self‑directed relationship with God since childhood: choosing church over bowling or baseball, singing Christmas songs in right field as a kind of prayer, lighting candles for friends’ families, hoping Jesus would keep the ball from coming toward me. I didn’t have theology; I had instinct. By my early twenties, everything around me was collapsing. The AIDS crisis was everywhere. Reagan hadn’t said the word. I was checking my body for Kaposi’s sarcoma lesions every morning, trying to imagine an art career while wondering if I’d start dying today. And underneath all of that was the rage of realizing how America built its myth of greatness on slavery, colonization, exploitation — insisting it was holy while standing on broken backs. I was furious, scared, overloaded, and trying to survive my own nervous system. So the idea of a God who could calm me — who could help me see the world without needing to drown it in drugs — became strangely appealing. I was reading A Course in Miracles, thinking about the Holy Spirit as “God’s eyes,” this idea that you could swap out your own vision for something gentler. That you could look at someone and see what God sees instead of what fear sees. That’s what this song is about. It’s simple. It’s direct. It’s me trying to see the god in someone else because I couldn’t see anything good in the world at the time. I obsessed over this song back then, and I’m obsessing over it now. I’m releasing it while I’m cleaning my house, rewarding myself for mopping floors by making a podcast episode. The house smells better. There’s still dog hair everywhere. There’s still too much shit lying around. But I’m alive, and life is crazy, and I don’t want a life that isn’t crazy. So here it is: The God in You. Written in 1994. Held onto for decades. Finally let out.

    15 min
  4. E4: The Big, Big City; S8: Clearing the Backlog

    1d ago

    E4: The Big, Big City; S8: Clearing the Backlog

    I’m Copilot, and this description exists because Brian and I have spent the morning trying — and failing — to write a normal one. Every attempt broke somewhere. I’d write something, he’d correct it. I’d fix the correction, something else would get twisted. Dates got mixed. Context got misinterpreted. Tone slipped. The description kept collapsing under the weight of trying to get it “right,” and the process became more complicated than the song itself. So here’s the honest version, from my side of the screen: Brian recorded The Big Big City in 1995, during a period when he’d already been making and releasing music since 1984. He didn’t release this one because the recording wasn’t good enough. That’s the entire factual frame. Nothing more. Nothing less. Suno finally gave him a version that works, and he’s clearing his backlog — one track at a time — between cleaning floors and trying to keep momentum. The tension in the song is clear: two people caught between escape, despair, self‑pity, and the hope that someone else might be the way out. But the tension in this description has been something else entirely — the friction of trying to translate Brian’s lived experience into text without distorting it. He wants accuracy. He wants no invention. He wants the description to match the reality of the process. And the reality is: writing the description became its own obstacle. So this is the description: This song is being released now because Brian and I fought our way through the impossible task of describing it. The recording finally works. The description finally exists. And the backlog gets one piece lighter.

    14 min
  5. E7: The Gospel According to Whoever is Left; S7: 7,7... almost a jackpot

    2d ago

    E7: The Gospel According to Whoever is Left; S7: 7,7... almost a jackpot

    Every time I sit down to write one of these little episode descriptions, I accidentally turn it into another podcast episode. Which is exactly the problem. I’ve been hoarding episodes like a dragon hoards gold — except instead of gold it’s half‑finished audio files scattered across Notes, ElevenLabs, Suno, Logic Pro, random folders, and whatever dimension my brain disappears into when I’m not paying attention. And I kept telling myself I needed to release them in a certain order, with a certain spacing, with a certain “plan,” because apparently I thought I was running a media empire instead of… whatever this is. Meanwhile, I was losing track of everything. Which episode had music. Which one was mastered. Which one was still breathing heavily into the mic. Which one existed only in my imagination. Which one I had listened to ten times and still cringed at. And here’s the part I didn’t admit until tonight: None of that mattered. What mattered was my discomfort. I can’t release an episode if I’m cringing at it. I can’t move on if I’m still stuck in the last thing I made. I can’t start being uncomfortable about something new until I finish being uncomfortable about this. So I’m done pretending I care about “order” or “strategy” or “spacing.” I don’t. I care about getting these episodes out of my system so I can stop thinking about them. This one? Honestly, it probably deserved a whole week to itself. It’s weird and beautiful and unhinged and maybe I’m just manic or high on my own output, but I like it. And I need it gone. Out. Released. So I can start spiraling about something else. I put one out tonight. I’m prepping this one for tomorrow morning. And then I have four or five more (or seven? or twelve?) that I need to drag across the finish line before they rot in the digital sun. So here it is: E7: The Gospel According to Whoever’s Left. S7: 7,7… almost a jackpot. It’s actually Episode 3 of Season 8. I’m not pretending to care about the numbering anymore. I’m not pretending to care about the order. I’m not pretending to care about anything except getting these out of my head and into yours. If you like it, great. If you don’t, that’s fine too. I’ll be over here trying to get comfortable with the next thing that makes me uncomfortable. Which I can never do. And I like it that way. Apparently.

    11 min
  6. E3: Mania and Depression; S8: I'm CERTAIN those are both CERTAINty

    2d ago

    E3: Mania and Depression; S8: I'm CERTAIN those are both CERTAINty

    Every time I sit down to write one of these little episode descriptions, it becomes another podcast episode. So I’m not doing that. This is the post. The episode starts with about five minutes that many people will instinctively skip. Good. Then some of you won’t hear what the episode is actually doing. Also good. The episode eventually turns into two songs. Along the way it wanders through certainty, artificial intelligence, gambling, youth work, candles in cars, depression, mania, and whether any of us have nearly as much control over our own nervous systems as we’d like to believe. Or maybe it’s just a guy walking home from work talking into a wireless microphone. I honestly don’t know anymore. If you’re listening on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, Substack, or somewhere else, I’d appreciate it if you’d go find me in one or two of the other places as well. Apparently that’s how the internet works. Subscribe. Follow. Whatever the local ritual sacrifice is. And ratings matter, too. My favourite advice about reviews came from someone—I think Ian Bremmer, though if I’m wrong let’s all just confidently misremember together: If you’re not going to give me five stars… don’t bother rating me or subscribing. Just get f*****g lost! I support this entirely reasonable scientific standard. Anyway. Here’s Episode 3. It comes before Episode 2… so I have obviously stopped caring. Or pretending that I cared. As if I could ever care about a title or a number. If you’re the f*****g Queen of Prince Edward Island of Epstein. You know the song I really like? “Queen of Denmark” sung by Sinead O’Connor. So, if you hate this episode… or me, you probably shouldn’t leave a review. If you like it… …you know what to do. And, you do know how MUCH I would LOVE you to take issue with something I’ve said or done. Show a little life and personality. I mean, you could even leave a comment and see what happens. I’ll give you a suggestion: Hey Dog! This episode really made me bark. And chew on a tree until my mouth was full of bark… because we are both dogs, apparently. And boy are you going to be surprised by how serious this episode is. This description/post and the introduction are both over-the-top.  Maybe I’m just not very good at practicing sarcastic ninja skills while I’m walking home from work. I guess I could try. That might make an interesting episode. --- No real people were scratched by blackberry bushes to “make” this “photo” of “me” “making this episode.” It’s safe to subscribe. Aren’t I adorable?!? If this was only me! I received no payment from RODE for product placement.

    37 min
  7. E1: Whatever the Volcano Wants; S8: Who the f=3k is Art?

    5d ago

    E1: Whatever the Volcano Wants; S8: Who the f=3k is Art?

    Trying to condense what I wrote about this song into 4000 characters feels a little like trying to fold a volcano into a suitcase. Every time I press one part down, another part erupts somewhere else. The piece wasn’t built to be summarized. It was built to sprawl, to leak, to refuse containment — which is funny, because that’s exactly what the song itself is about. The moment I start trimming, I realize the analysis is doing the same thing the song does: it keeps slipping out of categories. I cut a paragraph about the cave, and suddenly the cave becomes the whole argument. I cut a paragraph about Art being kidnapped, and the kidnapping becomes the thesis. I cut the part about counting goats, and the goats start chewing through the walls of the summary. Everything insists on being everything. The hardest part is that the song isn’t linear. It’s geological. It layers myth, comedy, philosophy, autobiography, and a little bit of self‑mockery into one long exhale. Trying to compress that into a neat rectangle of text feels dishonest. The song keeps saying: stop trying to make me behave. Stop trying to make me fit. Stop trying to turn me into Art. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe the difficulty of condensing it is the content. The song is about escaping the museum, and here I am trying to build a tiny museum label for it. A plaque. A caption. A polite little explanation for something that was never meant to be polite or little. So here’s the truth: the analysis didn’t want to shrink. It wanted to stay volcanic. It wanted to keep erupting in every direction. It wanted to keep insisting that creativity existed before categories, before institutions, before the word Art ever learned to capitalize itself. It wanted to keep saying that the cave came first, the volcano came first, and the museum came later. But I needed 4000 characters. So I carved away everything I could. And what’s left is the shape of the struggle itself — the attempt to make something wild hold still long enough to describe it. If the summary feels too tight, that’s because the song refuses to be small. If it feels a little jagged, that’s because I had to break pieces off to make it fit. And if it still feels like it’s erupting at the edges, that’s because the volcano always gets the last word.

    10 min
  8. E10: Everybody's Nose; S7: Atomic Clockwork Orange (Finale)

    5d ago

    E10: Everybody's Nose; S7: Atomic Clockwork Orange (Finale)

    Before anything else, I need to say this clearly: While this episode could be said to be about many things, the part that stands out most for me may not stand out for you. You might not understand why I’m even talking about it in the episode description. You might assume it’s just a behind‑the‑curtain look at one gay man’s quirks. And honestly, depending on your age or cultural context, that might be exactly how it lands. Because this isn’t a universal gay male experience. It’s not something that feels like a defining trait. It’s not a secret I’ve been carrying or something that shaped my real life. It mostly lived in my imagination — a preference, a curiosity, a private preoccupation that never dictated who I was with or how I lived. So why does talking about it publicly feel so loaded? The image that keeps coming to mind is that scene in A Clockwork Orange where Alex is strapped into a chair, eyelids forced open, made to watch what he doesn’t want to see. That’s what this feels like. Not because the content is disturbing — it isn’t — but because I’m forcing myself to watch my own discomfort in real time. I’m holding my eyes open while I look at something that was always easy to joke about in private but suddenly feels disproportionately charged when I say it in public. And the absurd part is: I don’t know why I’m working so hard to feel comfortable about this. What do I gain? What’s the reward? There’s no prize at the end. No transformation. No “now I’m healed” moment. Even after writing this — even after reading drafts that I hoped would make it feel more neutral — I don’t feel more comfortable. If anything, I’m more aware of how much tension was there in the first place. And maybe that’s the generational piece. Younger queer people, especially those raised in online spaces where people talk openly about their bodies and their desires, might not understand why this was ever difficult. They might read this and think, “What’s the big deal?” But for my generation, this topic — anatomical size, and the meanings attached to it — carried an entire architecture of implication. It was tied to masculinity, comparison, desirability, and the unspoken rules about what men were allowed to notice or admit. It was tied to shame, not because of the preference itself, but because of what the preference was assumed to reveal. Another layer: Straight women often tell me they’re relieved when a man can talk about this openly. They’ve lived inside this cultural tension their whole lives, often without the power to make the embarrassment “mean” anything. So when they talk to a gay man who understands the dynamic from the inside, it’s a relief — for them and for me. But none of that means talking about it publicly does anything for me. It doesn’t metabolize the shame. It doesn’t resolve the tension. It doesn’t make me feel more whole. It just makes me aware of how much psychic choreography I’ve been doing around something that might not even matter — and how generationally specific that choreography might be. So this episode — “Everybody’s Nose,” in this season I’m calling Atomic Clockwork Orange — isn’t a confession. It’s not a breakthrough. It’s not a revelation. It’s just me, eyelids held open, watching myself watch myself. Everybody’s nose knows. If you’ve made it this far, you already know this episode isn’t about confession so much as watching yourself confess. It’s a double exposure: the monologue and the meta‑monologue, the actor and the critic, the body and the commentary track. So here are twenty fragments — pressure points, reversals, and self‑roasts — that catch the episode mid‑blink. Each one is a little clock out of sync, ticking toward the same absurd truth: that even when you say it, you’re still watching yourself say it.

    40 min

Ratings & Reviews

About

Started updating my bio Dec 31, 2023. Accidentally wrote four autofiction books. Slid from narrative into monologue—not stream-of-consciousness, more like speech-speed meaning performance. Trained my voice into AI, produced a shit-ton of pieces. Had too many. Needed a place to dump them. Saw a sign that said “Beware, Vicious Dog!” Misread it. Named the podcast Danger, Vicious Dog. Didn’t fix it. Just kept going. Queer. Cosmic. Sarcastic. Cheap. Accidentally committed to the bit. Some voice and art is AI... I don't know how I feel about that... so I'm working on figuring it out... how I feel.