Mike, James, and Shée read old comic books and make themselves hate all forms of artistic expression in the process.
Prez No. 3 (1973)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée certify 1973's Prez no. 3! America has elected their first teenage president, and a right-wing militia is none too happy about it! The Prez plans to unilaterally take away all of the country's guns, which is pretty in line with how every eighteen-year-old assumes government works, so they're nailing this book so far. But things go wildly off the rails when insurgents attack the White House, leading to rampant bloodshed, an attempted coup, and probably more than a few stolen flagpoles. Realizing he's in way over his hormone-addled skull, Prez turns to Eagle Free, his Native American FBI chief who refuses to use indoor plumbing, to sort this mess out while he practices kissing girls in magazines. It's a tale so preposterous it could only happen in comics! And, sometimes, in real life, which is kind of like God's comics.
Mr. Muscles No. 22 (1956)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read Mr. Muscles no. 22 while waiting for the squat rack to open up! So who is Mr. Muscles? Why, he's a super fit guy who never passes up an opportunity to remind people of that fact, resulting in a seemingly-endless string of jealous beefs throughout the city! Afflicted with Polio at a young age, Mr. Muscles used the power of spite to heal himself and rub it in his stupid doctor's face! Realizing how good being an Alpha feels (hell yeah, bro!), he decided to dedicate the rest of his life to blasting those delts until the whole world bowed before his superior technique! Together with his sidekick Kid Muscles, they'll fight tigers, get roofied, interfere in conflicts without bothering to gather all of the facts first, and generally put out the numerous fires their hubris has caused! And don't worry, ladies; There's a Miss Muscles for you to identify with as well! Although she's only around for two Bechdel-failing pages, which were written by a man. It was the 1950s, after all.
(Outro music by Mr. Muscles.)
Robin No. 7 (1994)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée kick off the new year with Robin no. 7, a comic book about a delusional narcissist who refuses to leave his job after being fired for acting like a psychopath! Jean-Paul Valley has been Batman for a little while now, and things are going so terrific, you just wouldn't believe it. Every window in Gotham has been shattered, making it much easier for people to see if someone is committing a crime, the new Batsuit has endless merchandising possibilities, and Robin is finally wearing leggings. But for some reason Bruce Wayne, who's way too old to be Batman anyway, thinks this is HIS Batcave under HIS house and wants to take over again! Please! Bruce Wayne doesn't even have flamethrower claws, folks. Jean-Paul Valley has the BEST flamethrower claws, everyone says so!
Shazam! No. 11 (1973)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shout their magic word, "Podcast!" and suddenly find themselves reading Shazam! no. 11! As 1973 was drawing to a close, there was just enough time for a few more inexplicable adventures featuring Captain Marvel, the teenage boy who can transform into a burly man at will yet never thinks to try and get any. First, Cap must eat literal tons of cherry gelatin, despite the fact that it's going to throw his sugar intake way off and make him logy at the gym tomorrow. Then, a wannabe superhero proves that it takes more than a costume to do Captain Marvel's job: It also takes a willingness to use vigilante justice to flout the law. Finally, the evil Dr. Sivana attempts to shorten Christmas to ten minutes, while leaving Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan unaltered. So... is that culturally insensitive or not?
Jonah Hex No. 34 (1979)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the holidays with 1979's Jonah Hex no. 34! Hot on the trail of some yuletide bandits, the grizzled bounty hunter finds himself in a town populated by nothing but miscreants and lowlives! Assuming he's just wandered into Des Moines, Jonah is shocked to find out that he's actually discovered a genuine outlaw town, and it's run by his own dirtbag of a father! Papa Hex doesn't take too kindly to his boy bringing all this big city justice around and throws him in jail, which is exactly the kind of cold-blooded leadership that made him the mayor of a criminal settlement in the first place, so at least it's very on-brand. Jonah Hex may be the rootinest, tootinest, horrific-facial-disfigurementest lawman in all the land, but is he tough enough to deal with his unresolved daddy issues this Christmas? And did he remember to charge overtime for working on a federal holiday?
Street Sharks No. 3 (1996)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive into the sewers with 1996's Street Sharks no. 3! That's right, it's time to get totally tubular with the righteous kings of gnarly 90s underground anthropomorphic superdudes! No, not the ninja turtles, these guys are way cooler! They wear pants! They eat drywall! And their dumbass mutant villains are a lobster and a swordfish, not a rhino and a warthog! Seriously, a warthog? What's extreme about that? Do you even gene splice, bro? So take a property-damaging trip with the Street Sharks as they recklessly destroy Fission City in order to... save Fission City. Somehow. Which Shark is YOUR favorite? Trick question, they're all exactly the same.