Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Kathy O'Connell
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We offer strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. We talk about how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.

  1. 243 - One - or Many - No's Doesn't Mean Anything About You

    4D AGO

    243 - One - or Many - No's Doesn't Mean Anything About You

    Getting back into dating after time away — especially when navigating life with a disability — takes genuine courage. You made yourself vulnerable, put yourself out there, and someone said no. That moment can feel enormous, like a verdict on your worth or your lovability. But here's the truth: one person declining a coffee date or not even replying is simply one data point. It is not a pattern, not a prediction, and absolutely not a reflection of your value as a person or a partner. It's Rarely About You Think about all the reasons someone might decline that have nothing to do with you — healing from a breakup, overwhelmed at work, a family situation, or simply not in a headspace for dating. Different life timelines, communication styles, or geography can all make someone unavailable, and none of that is a commentary on who you are. Rejection is almost always far more about the other person's circumstances than your worth. The Story You Tell Yourself Resilience is built exactly here — in the moment after a "no," when you decide what story you tell yourself. Learning to ask "What's actually true here?" rather than "What does this mean about me?" is a skill that gets stronger with practice. One "no" is just one chapter of one sentence in a much longer story that hasn't been written yet. Download this guide to help with your thoughts on rejection. You Did the Hard Thing There's something worth acknowledging in the fact that you asked at all. Many people never get that far — anxiety and fear keep them frozen before they even try. You didn't freeze. Every time you extend an invitation and survive the answer, you prove to yourself that you can handle dating's uncertainty. That proof builds the durable confidence that comes from showing up repeatedly, not the fragile kind that only holds when people say yes. A No Redirects You Not every person will be the right match — that's true for everyone, with or without a disability. Two people can both be wonderful and still simply not be right for each other. A "no" — or even many — redirects you toward someone who actually is a match. Protecting your energy for people who genuinely want to show up for you isn't settling; it's knowing your worth. Get Back Out There So feel the sting — that's human. But then come back to this: one person said no. One. The world of people who haven't answered yet is still wide open. Your worth is not up for a vote, and it certainly isn't determined by a single response to a coffee invitation. Get back out there — not because it will always be easy, but because you are worth the effort of trying again. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    36 min
  2. 242 - Mind Your Dating Thoughts

    MAY 12

    242 - Mind Your Dating Thoughts

    Register here for the TODAY's free workshop, The Real Work of Dating with Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching. I'll be reviewing how to use a skill set approach to dating with a disability. The workshop will be geared toward  professionals but anyone is welcome to join. Dating and Mental Health May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and few things stir up our emotional world quite like dating. Rejection, vulnerability, self-doubt — dating touches some of our deepest places. But here's what can genuinely change how you experience it: your thoughts. Download this guide to help with your thoughts on dating. It's not the bad dates, the unanswered texts, or the awkward silences that make you feel bad. It's what you think about those moments. And when that really sinks in, it's a game changer — because it means you have far more control over how you feel than you might realize. Thoughts vs. Beliefs It helps to understand the difference between thoughts and beliefs. Thoughts are like the weather — always moving, easy to redirect once you notice them. Beliefs are more like the climate — deeply rooted and harder to shift. Because thoughts are so flexible, they're the perfect starting point for real change, right now, today. Your Inner Dialogue Shapes Your Reality Here's something worth sitting with: everything you've ever created in your life started as a thought first. Before the relationship, the date, even that first message — there was a thought. The quality of your inner dialogue matters more than you think. The Framework: How Thoughts Become Results A simple framework makes this concrete: Circumstance → Thought → Feeling → Action → Result. Something happens, you form an opinion about it, that creates a feeling, which drives your actions, which produce a result. The circumstance is neutral. Your thought sets everything in motion. Unintentional vs. Intentional Thinking Take someone who's single and has a disability. If their automatic thought is "nobody will want me," they feel defeated, pull back, and stay stuck. The circumstance didn't create that — the thought did. Flip the script: same person, same circumstance, but they choose the thought "I have so much to offer." Suddenly they feel confident, show up differently, and dating starts to feel full of possibility. Nothing outside changed. Just the thought. Choose Your Thought, Change Your Result One last trick: reverse engineer the process. Start with the result you want, then ask what thought would need to be true to get there. And whenever you catch yourself spiraling, pause and ask: "Is this thought actually getting me the feeling and result I want?" If the answer is no — that's your invitation to choose again. Download this guide to help with your thoughts on dating.

    36 min
  3. 241 - The SwagAbility of Love: Stephen and Julie

    MAY 5

    241 - The SwagAbility of Love: Stephen and Julie

    Register here for the upcoming free workshop on May 12, The Real Work of Dating with Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching. I'll be reviewing how to use a skill set approach to dating with a disability. The workshop will be geared toward  professionals but anyone is welcome to join. Steve and Julie Wagstaff are the married founders of SwagAbility, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people navigate life after sudden, life-altering circumstances — primarily health-related. Steve became a C5 quadriplegic at 19 after diving into a river and striking a sandbar. Julie, who had a crush on Steve before his accident (while he was dating her best friend), began dating him afterward, and the two married after a three-year relationship. They have been married 26 years. What Is SwagAbility? SwagAbility — a blend of "Steven Wagstaff" and Steve's old nickname "Swag" — was born during a seven-month hospital stay when Steve confronted his own mortality and asked what lasting legacy he could leave. The mission: walk alongside people whose lives were suddenly turned upside down, showing them that thriving is still possible. They run three podcasts — Interrupted by Adversity, The SwagAbility Show (covering health, assistive technology, and caregiver burnout), and Spiritually Starved, a daily Bible-based show. Love, Vulnerability & Disability Steve initially wrote off romance entirely, seeing himself as no longer the strong, athletic man he once was. A phone call from a friend revealed that Julie's visits weren't out of pity — she genuinely liked him. That revelation shifted everything. Over three years of dating, Steve learned that manhood wasn't about physical ability but about what he carried in his heart and mind. Julie never saw the wheelchair as an obstacle; she saw the person. Myths They Want to Dispel The couple pushes back hard against common assumptions: that people in wheelchairs can't speak for themselves, that disability equals inability, and that partners of disabled people deserve a "hero" label. Their core message — disability doesn't mean inability — extends to intimacy, joy, and purpose. They emphasize creativity, humor, and radical honesty as the foundations of their relationship. Advice for the Newly Injured Steve urges people to reject the lie that they are now broken or inferior. Julie adds: don't hide, stay visible, and remember you were born with innate worth and the capacity to love and be loved. Both stress the critical importance of a strong support system — and invite anyone struggling to reach SwagAbility at info@swagability.com or 506-375-4418. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum is now available at the introductory price of $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

    52 min
  4. 240 - What Our Parents Taught Us About Love

    APR 28

    240 - What Our Parents Taught Us About Love

    Register here for the upcoming free workshop on May 12, The Real Work of Dating with Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching. I'll be reviewing how to use a skill set approach to dating with a disability. The workshop will be geared toward  professionals but anyone is welcome to join. Today will be more of a personal episode as the day this podcast publishes, is my parents' 75th wedding anniversary. Now they have both been gone for several years and I'm sure they're having a heavenly celebration. But the milestone of 75 years has given me pause to reflect on how we desire or certainly not desire certain relationships based on what we see in our parents' relationship. A Love That Lasted 65 Years My parents were married 65 years when my father died. That is such an unfathomable amount of time for most of us to be committed to just one person. Yet when my dad passed, my mother in her grieving process said to me, "I just wanted more time with him." Can you imagine? In reality, though, my parents had a genuinely happy marriage and just really liked being with the other. I remember growing up having a friend comment that my parents did everything together. Except dad was an avid hunter and mom drew the line there. 😉 Why I'm So Passionate About Relationships I'm sharing all this because sometimes when I'm deep in creating resources to help people with dating and relationships or doing another live video on why relationships matter for people with disabilities or preparing a talk on it, I pause and think, is my passion about people finding love abnormal? Seriously I wonder at times. Then I remember most people who can completely nerd out on their work have these moments of doubt and it's totally normal. How Our Parents Shape What We Want I think for better or worse, our parents' relationship influences a great deal of our desire for our own intimate relationships. Maybe if your parents had a bad relationship, you learned what you don't want from your primary relationship. Maybe your parents' relationship caused you to be very hesitant to commit to one person. If you're someone like me who grew up with a model of a loving relationship between my parents, maybe the respect, nurturing, and friendship you witnessed planted the seed of desire for a similar kind of loving intimacy in your life. I would encourage you to spend some time thinking about it. Ask yourself, whether it's with the intention to not replicate what you saw in your parents' relationship but attract the goodness and healthy qualities you saw and felt into your own life. That, my friend, I believe is your heart calling you to what you know you deserve. If you're someone who definitely doesn't want what your parents had in their relationship, honor it. That's telling you something vital that you need to listen to as well, that you want better for yourself. Check out my instagram to see a photo of my parents in 1951 on their wedding day. Coming Up Next Week Thank you for letting me share a more personal message with you today. I hope it resonated. Next week on the show we're going to have one of my favorite topics. I'm interviewing a couple who have been married 26 years and we'll talk about love, commitment, and disability.

    36 min
  5. 239 - The Courage to Connect with Emily Beecher

    APR 21

    239 - The Courage to Connect with Emily Beecher

    Emily Beecher is a 50-year-old single mom and certified coach who specializes in working with neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with autism and ADHD. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 44 after her daughter received her diagnosis. With a 25-year career in media and arts, Emily discovered her passion for developing people and transitioned into coaching. Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) RSD is a common challenge in ADHD that causes intense emotional reactions to perceived rejection. While neurotypical people might quickly move past an awkward moment, someone with RSD may ruminate on it for years. Emily's key advice: ask yourself if someone is truly rejecting you or simply stating a preference. More importantly, evaluate whether you're actually interested in them—don't let RSD override your own feelings. Disclosure and Dating Authenticity Emily recommends a flexible approach to disclosing disabilities. You can change your strategy with each person and date based on comfort and safety. She typically mentions her ADHD casually on first dates to gauge reactions early. However, she emphasizes trusting your instincts—if you feel unsafe disclosing, don't. When people minimize or dismiss your diagnosis, they're showing you who they are. The "Too Much" Revelation Emily had a breakthrough realization: she was the source of her amazing first dates, not her dates. She brought the fun, playful energy. This insight helped her stop making herself smaller and instead seek partners who could match her energy level. The key indicator? How you feel after the date—energized or drained. Building Attractiveness from Within Feeling attractive starts with self-compassion and self-care. Emily emphasizes finding what makes you feel good—whether clothing, music, or hobbies—and prioritizing those things. Attractiveness isn't about being attractive to others; it's about feeling attractive yourself. Getting Back into Dating For those scared to start dating, Emily advises: acknowledge your fear, skip the apps if they feel overwhelming, and tell your friends you're ready. Friends know you well and can make introductions. Approach dating as an experiment—gather data, stay curious, and remember nothing has to be forever. Consider alternatives like speed dating, hobby groups, museum events, or themed meetups where you can be authentic while doing something you enjoy. Connect with Emily The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum is now available at the introductory price of $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

    46 min
  6. 238 - The Real Work of Dating with a Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching

    APR 14

    238 - The Real Work of Dating with a Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching

    The Five Stages of Dating Success is a rigorous, sequential curriculum for navigating the dating world. This isn't a feel-good framework—it's a skills-based approach addressing real challenges that many daters face. If you're tired of surface-level dating advice and ready for a strategic system that builds genuine confidence, addresses internalized doubts, and creates sustainable success, this framework offers the concrete tools and honest guidance most dating content avoids. The Core Problem: Most people struggle in dating not because they haven't found the right person, but because they're attempting Stage 4 work (actual dating) without completing Stages 1-3. They're swiping on apps while carrying unexamined shame and uncertainty about their worthiness of connection. Stage 1: Self-Worth This requires unflinching self-examination—naming negative beliefs about yourself as a partner and writing genuinely true counter-statements. Build a Whole Person Asset List that includes strengths born from disability experience. Follow disability-positive role models to recalibrate what's possible. Stage 2: Building Resilience Practice difficulty before experiencing it. Role-play rejection, develop your Reality Check Method, and master anxiety management tools before high-stakes moments demand them. Build an intentional support network—accountability partners, disability community peers, mentors. Stage 3: Infrastructure Create systems that enable authentic connection: a three-tiered disclosure framework, accessible venue database, comprehensive safety protocol, and realistic budget including the "accessibility tax." Remove variables that interfere with genuine connection. Stage 4: Consistent Action Maintain thirty minutes of daily intentional engagement. Document insights in a dating journal as a strategic tool. Identify three ways you might compromise your authenticity under pressure and develop response strategies. Your values are non-negotiable. Stage 5: Giving Back When you achieve dating confidence, you acquire an obligation: become evidence for those in Stage 1 who believe they're undateable. Your story becomes their proof that disability doesn't disqualify anyone from love and partnership. This curriculum moves from self-discovery to self-mastery to mentorship. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    41 min
  7. 237 - Making Friends as an Adult: Why It's Hard and How Friending Helps

    APR 7

    237 - Making Friends as an Adult: Why It's Hard and How Friending Helps

    Friending App: Combating Loneliness Through Authentic Connections Gabor Kadas, founder of Friending Inc., appeared on the "Dating, Relationships and Disability" podcast to discuss his innovative friendship-focused app launching in March 2026. The app addresses a critical social issue: 50-60 million Americans report feeling lonely. Key Features: Friending differs fundamentally from dating apps by emphasizing verified, in-person connections. Every user must verify their identity through Persona using government-issued ID, eliminating fake profiles and bots. The app limits users to 10 messages before requiring face-to-face meetings with people within 50 miles, forcing genuine connections rather than endless online chatting. Safety features include an emergency response system where users can tap their screen three times to alert police, notify a friend, or send push notifications to nearby Friending users if they feel uncomfortable during meetups. Beyond the App: Friending extends into physical products, including branded coffee with QR codes for personal messages, and "Are You In?" activity cards launching later in 2026. These encourage offline activities and shared experiences. Disability Inclusion: When asked about accessibility for people with disabilities, Kadas acknowledged that loneliness affects everyone over 28, regardless of disability status. The app allows users to create custom activity cards tailored to their abilities and accessibility needs. Users can specify wheelchair-accessible locations or activities suited to limited mobility. Kadas invited suggestions via podcast@friending.com to better serve the disability community. COVID's Impact: The app addresses post-pandemic isolation, particularly for those working from home who lost daily social interactions. Kadas emphasized that loneliness affects both mental and physical health, costing the economy $150 billion in reduced productivity. Availability: Currently iOS-only, with Android and web versions planned for later in 2026. The web version will improve accessibility for users with disabilities. Download at Friending.com or the App Store. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    32 min
  8. 236 - You're Not Behind: Building Dating Confidence Stage by Stage

    MAR 31

    236 - You're Not Behind: Building Dating Confidence Stage by Stage

    The Five Stages of Dating Success: What Transformation Actually Looks Like Dating with a disability isn't luck—it's a learnable skill set that can be developed, refined, and mastered. Here's what real transformation looks like through the Five Stages framework. The Foundation Problem Most people start dating without inner work, bringing unexamined negative beliefs, unprocessed shame, and desperate need for external validation. Dating becomes exhausting auditions instead of adventure. Stage 1 interrupts this cycle—the inner work isn't optional, it's the entire foundation. What Stage 1 Actually Builds Not vague self-improvement, but concrete outcomes: clear values and relationship goals; targeted belief-rewriting with specific counter-statements rooted in truth; a Whole Person Asset List proving what you bring (including resilience and advocacy skills forged by disability); and a Possibility Feed—living evidence that people with disabilities build beautiful relationships. You don't hope you're dateable—you know it and can articulate why. Stage 2: Resilience as Practice Resilience isn't a trait you have or don't have—it's built systematically through practice before you need it. Practice assertiveness in low-stakes situations before dates. Role-play difficult scenarios. Develop your Reality Check Method before rejection hits. Learn anxiety management daily. Confidence isn't absence of fear—it's accumulated evidence you can handle what comes. Stage 3: Strategy as Self-Respect Your disclosure framework, accessible venue database, safety protocols, dating budget—this isn't overhead, it's self-respect made practical. You're saying: my time, energy, and safety matter. When done well, you walk into dates focused on connection—logistics are handled. Stage 4: Dating as Data Treat dating as information, not verdict. Every interaction generates learning: What conversations feel alive? What qualities draw you in? What brings out your authentic self? Your insights journal is strategic, not a disappointment diary. Celebrate wins beyond relationship status—dating becomes continuous education in yourself and connection. Stage 5: Mastery & Meaning Your journey becomes someone else's map. Conduct regular reviews. Try new approaches with curiosity. Mentor others. Sharing your story affirms your own journey—you become evidence of possibility. You're Not Behind You're exactly where your history brought you—a legitimate starting place. You're not starting from zero. You're starting from yourself. And that's more than enough. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    32 min
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We offer strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. We talk about how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.

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