Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Kathy O'Connell
  • 5.0 (2)
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We offer strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. We talk about how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.

  1. 238 - The Real Work of Dating with a Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching

    5D AGO

    238 - The Real Work of Dating with a Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching

    The Five Stages of Dating Success is a rigorous, sequential curriculum for navigating the dating world. This isn't a feel-good framework—it's a skills-based approach addressing real challenges that many daters face. If you're tired of surface-level dating advice and ready for a strategic system that builds genuine confidence, addresses internalized doubts, and creates sustainable success, this framework offers the concrete tools and honest guidance most dating content avoids. The Core Problem: Most people struggle in dating not because they haven't found the right person, but because they're attempting Stage 4 work (actual dating) without completing Stages 1-3. They're swiping on apps while carrying unexamined shame and uncertainty about their worthiness of connection. Stage 1: Self-Worth This requires unflinching self-examination—naming negative beliefs about yourself as a partner and writing genuinely true counter-statements. Build a Whole Person Asset List that includes strengths born from disability experience. Follow disability-positive role models to recalibrate what's possible. Stage 2: Building Resilience Practice difficulty before experiencing it. Role-play rejection, develop your Reality Check Method, and master anxiety management tools before high-stakes moments demand them. Build an intentional support network—accountability partners, disability community peers, mentors. Stage 3: Infrastructure Create systems that enable authentic connection: a three-tiered disclosure framework, accessible venue database, comprehensive safety protocol, and realistic budget including the "accessibility tax." Remove variables that interfere with genuine connection. Stage 4: Consistent Action Maintain thirty minutes of daily intentional engagement. Document insights in a dating journal as a strategic tool. Identify three ways you might compromise your authenticity under pressure and develop response strategies. Your values are non-negotiable. Stage 5: Giving Back When you achieve dating confidence, you acquire an obligation: become evidence for those in Stage 1 who believe they're undateable. Your story becomes their proof that disability doesn't disqualify anyone from love and partnership. This curriculum moves from self-discovery to self-mastery to mentorship. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    41 min
  2. 237 - Making Friends as an Adult: Why It's Hard and How Friending Helps

    APR 7

    237 - Making Friends as an Adult: Why It's Hard and How Friending Helps

    Friending App: Combating Loneliness Through Authentic Connections Gabor Kadas, founder of Friending Inc., appeared on the "Dating, Relationships and Disability" podcast to discuss his innovative friendship-focused app launching in March 2026. The app addresses a critical social issue: 50-60 million Americans report feeling lonely. Key Features: Friending differs fundamentally from dating apps by emphasizing verified, in-person connections. Every user must verify their identity through Persona using government-issued ID, eliminating fake profiles and bots. The app limits users to 10 messages before requiring face-to-face meetings with people within 50 miles, forcing genuine connections rather than endless online chatting. Safety features include an emergency response system where users can tap their screen three times to alert police, notify a friend, or send push notifications to nearby Friending users if they feel uncomfortable during meetups. Beyond the App: Friending extends into physical products, including branded coffee with QR codes for personal messages, and "Are You In?" activity cards launching later in 2026. These encourage offline activities and shared experiences. Disability Inclusion: When asked about accessibility for people with disabilities, Kadas acknowledged that loneliness affects everyone over 28, regardless of disability status. The app allows users to create custom activity cards tailored to their abilities and accessibility needs. Users can specify wheelchair-accessible locations or activities suited to limited mobility. Kadas invited suggestions via podcast@friending.com to better serve the disability community. COVID's Impact: The app addresses post-pandemic isolation, particularly for those working from home who lost daily social interactions. Kadas emphasized that loneliness affects both mental and physical health, costing the economy $150 billion in reduced productivity. Availability: Currently iOS-only, with Android and web versions planned for later in 2026. The web version will improve accessibility for users with disabilities. Download at Friending.com or the App Store. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    32 min
  3. 236 - You're Not Behind: Building Dating Confidence Stage by Stage

    MAR 31

    236 - You're Not Behind: Building Dating Confidence Stage by Stage

    The Five Stages of Dating Success: What Transformation Actually Looks Like Dating with a disability isn't luck—it's a learnable skill set that can be developed, refined, and mastered. Here's what real transformation looks like through the Five Stages framework. The Foundation Problem Most people start dating without inner work, bringing unexamined negative beliefs, unprocessed shame, and desperate need for external validation. Dating becomes exhausting auditions instead of adventure. Stage 1 interrupts this cycle—the inner work isn't optional, it's the entire foundation. What Stage 1 Actually Builds Not vague self-improvement, but concrete outcomes: clear values and relationship goals; targeted belief-rewriting with specific counter-statements rooted in truth; a Whole Person Asset List proving what you bring (including resilience and advocacy skills forged by disability); and a Possibility Feed—living evidence that people with disabilities build beautiful relationships. You don't hope you're dateable—you know it and can articulate why. Stage 2: Resilience as Practice Resilience isn't a trait you have or don't have—it's built systematically through practice before you need it. Practice assertiveness in low-stakes situations before dates. Role-play difficult scenarios. Develop your Reality Check Method before rejection hits. Learn anxiety management daily. Confidence isn't absence of fear—it's accumulated evidence you can handle what comes. Stage 3: Strategy as Self-Respect Your disclosure framework, accessible venue database, safety protocols, dating budget—this isn't overhead, it's self-respect made practical. You're saying: my time, energy, and safety matter. When done well, you walk into dates focused on connection—logistics are handled. Stage 4: Dating as Data Treat dating as information, not verdict. Every interaction generates learning: What conversations feel alive? What qualities draw you in? What brings out your authentic self? Your insights journal is strategic, not a disappointment diary. Celebrate wins beyond relationship status—dating becomes continuous education in yourself and connection. Stage 5: Mastery & Meaning Your journey becomes someone else's map. Conduct regular reviews. Try new approaches with curiosity. Mentor others. Sharing your story affirms your own journey—you become evidence of possibility. You're Not Behind You're exactly where your history brought you—a legitimate starting place. You're not starting from zero. You're starting from yourself. And that's more than enough. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    32 min
  4. 235 - Building Confidence in Dating: A Sex Therapist's Perspective

    MAR 24

    235 - Building Confidence in Dating: A Sex Therapist's Perspective

    Keri Green is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 20 years of experience and a certified sex therapist (AASECT). She specializes in relationships, sex, and intimacy, working daily with individuals and couples on their most vulnerable topics around dating and sexuality. Why Sex Therapy? Keri saw a need to normalize sex and validate sexual identity. Whether someone grows up in a sex-shamed or sex-positive home, most still feel uncertain about their needs. "If we struggle having that conversation with ourselves, it's overwhelming to have it with a partner." Everyone deserves to explore their body sexually—if they choose to. Asexuality & Empowerment Keri emphasizes client-defined sexuality. Whether someone identifies as asexual (no interest in sex) or highly sexual, empowerment comes from owning your choice confidently. Asexual people can absolutely date and form meaningful connections—it's about honest communication about what you want: companionship, cuddling, travel, without sex being the endpoint. Biggest Misconception That people with disabilities don't want or can't have sex. "Everybody deserves to have sex." We all have limitations—physical, emotional, mental. Sex can be defined however works for you: not just penetration, but connection, pleasure, affection, vulnerability. Late Sexual/Dating Experience For adults without sexual experience who want it: name it, don't shame it. Explore barriers. Often involves grief work—grieving lost opportunities or capabilities. Then focus forward: "What kind of partner do I want? Let's make it happen." Building Dating Confidence Start small. Dating is one step beyond friendship—same skills apply. Be kind, ask questions, give eye contact. Don't label everything a "date" immediately. Low pressure builds comfort, which builds confidence. The right person respects your pace. Handling Rejection Fear Go slow. First date can be a phone call or FaceTime. The right person won't pressure you. You deserve to have needs met—don't people-please into discomfort. Online Dating Drama Disappointment happens everywhere—apps, dog parks, book clubs. Love is a risk and takes time. You deserve to find the right match. Final Advice Normalize and validate anxiety, but remember: confidence is the #1 trait people seek. Come across as someone who knows what they bring. "You would be lucky to spend time with me." You can be both anxious AND confident. Own it. Contact: kerigreenLMFT.com (licensed in California and Colorado, telehealth available) Resources: The Power to Attract guide Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    36 min
  5. 234 - The Roadmap You Never Had

    MAR 17

    234 - The Roadmap You Never Had

    The Five Stages of Dating Success: A Complete Roadmap Most people skip straight to action—download apps, create profiles, go on dates—then wonder why rejection stings so much or why they keep attracting the wrong people. For those with disabilities, add layers of disclosure anxiety, accessibility challenges, and navigating others' biases. Sustainable dating confidence can't be built from the outside in. Each stage builds on the last, creating a coherent journey instead of scattered obstacles. Stage 1: Building the Foundation (4-6 months) Stop asking "Will someone accept me despite my disability?" Start asking "Are we compatible?" Clarify your values. Build a Possibility Feed of people with disabilities thriving in relationships. Create your Whole Person Asset List—everything you bring to a partnership, including strengths forged by your disability experience. You can't build a healthy relationship with someone else until you've built one with yourself. Stage 2: Building Confidence (3-4 months) Make your internal foundation externally durable. Practice assertiveness using frameworks like DESC. Build rejection resilience through role-play. Develop a Reality Check Method to stop attributing every disappointment to your disability. Learn anxiety management tools. Build your support network. The goal isn't eliminating fear—it's acting authentically despite it. Stage 3: Getting Strategic (2 months) Remove barriers to authentic connection. Audit dating platforms for accessibility. Develop a three-tiered disclosure framework. Build a database of accessible venues. Create a realistic budget accounting for the accessibility tax. Enter every interaction focused on connection, not logistics. Stage 4: Taking Action (Ongoing) Show up consistently and authentically. Engage intentionally daily. Maintain a dating insights journal. Redefine wins beyond relationship status—celebrate growth, boundaries honored, authentic conversations. Stage 5: Mastery & Mentorship (Lifelong) Refine your confidence. Share your journey. Your story becomes someone else's evidence that this is possible. You're not behind. You're not broken. You're building something that lasts. Start where you are, stay in your stage, trust the process. The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum will be released April 15, 2026. The presale price is just $97 (you save $78). Get it here. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

    39 min
  6. 233 - A Dating App For People Wanting to Marry

    MAR 10

    233 - A Dating App For People Wanting to Marry

    Marrying America isn't another dating app—it's an intentional courting website designed for people seeking their forever person. Founded by Jeremy Nelson, the platform addresses a critical gap: too many dating platforms mix people with completely different intentions, leaving serious relationship-seekers frustrated by matches who aren't looking for commitment. How the Match System Works The platform's design ensures intentionality through strategic limitations. Users can only send five match requests per month—that's it. When you send a request, you reserve a credit that goes into escrow. The recipient has seven days to evaluate your profile. If they decline, you get your credit back at no cost to them. If they accept, both parties spend a credit, creating mutual financial investment that signals genuine interest from day one. This isn't about profit—it's about commitment. Dating Versus Courting Jeremy distinguishes clearly between dating and courting. Dating is about having fun with no particular destination in mind. Courting means you're looking for a specific outcome: a serious, sustained, lifelong partnership. Marrying America facilitates courting, not casual dating. Every person on the platform has explicitly joined to find their forever relationship, eliminating the guesswork about intentions. Built for Everyone The platform is completely inclusive—open to all races, orientations, abilities, and disabilities. "No matter what makes you you," the site welcomes anyone seeking serious commitment. It's web-based (not an app) and accessible through any browser on phones, computers, or tablets. Joining is free, and users get their first three credits at no cost with access to 100% of features. Safety Through Intentionality The five-match monthly limit serves a dual purpose: it ensures thoughtful selection and discourages scammers. Bad actors need volume to operate effectively; limiting matches to five per month makes the platform inefficient for anyone with dishonest intentions. While you can only send five requests monthly, you can receive unlimited requests—then decide which to accept. Simple and No-Risk Creating a profile takes just 10-15 minutes. There's no monthly subscription, no recurring fees, no ongoing costs. You can actively search or simply let others find you. Visit marryamerica.com to join. Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz.

    27 min
  7. 232 - When You Feel Invisible in Dating

    MAR 3

    232 - When You Feel Invisible in Dating

    Being overlooked in dating—especially when experiencing sexual ableism—hurts deeply. Your pain is valid. But understand this: being overlooked reflects others' limited perspectives and society's narrow view of desirability, not your actual worth. You're not the problem; their inability to see beyond surface judgments is. Recognize Your Own Value First Stop questioning if you're "dateable enough." Instead, create a concrete list of twenty-five attractive qualities: your humor, resilience, compassion, intelligence, unique perspectives, and strengths developed through life experience. Choose your top five and read them daily for thirty days. This rewires your brain to recognize your value first, which fundamentally changes how you show up and how others perceive you. Your Disability Adds to Your Value Reject the narrative that your disability is something to overcome. The determination, empathy, problem-solving skills, and depth of character that come from navigating the world with a disability are genuine assets. You're whole and complete as you are—not broken. The right partner will see your disability not as a deficit but as one aspect of the complex, valuable person you are. Set Boundaries and Refuse to Settle When you've felt invisible, there's temptation to accept any attention, even from people who don't treat you well. Decide now: you'll only accept people who genuinely respect you and see your value. Trust your intuition about who truly "gets" you. Saying no to those who treat you as an afterthought isn't demanding—it's self-respect, clearing space for the right people. Take Action and Seek Your People Don't withdraw—actively put yourself out there. Focus on enjoying the process rather than fixating on outcomes. Try different approaches: online platforms, social activities, disability-focused communities, expanding your circle through hobbies. Not everyone will be your match, and that's fine. You're looking for your people who recognize what makes you special. Build Independent Self-Worth Cultivate self-esteem that exists independently of dating success. Surround yourself with supportive people, pursue passions, build a meaningful life. When you develop this foundation, you stop radiating doubt and start emanating confidence—making you more attractive while ensuring your happiness doesn't depend on someone else choosing you. You've already chosen yourself. Resources The Power to Attract guide can help breaking through feeling invisible.  Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want. Take our Dating Success quiz.

    33 min
  8. 231 - Eat Something Sexy!

    FEB 24

    231 - Eat Something Sexy!

    About Amy Reiley Amy Reiley holds a master's degree in gastronomy and is a nutrition coach who has authored 5 cookbooks. She runs EatSomethingsexy.com, where she explores the connection between food and sexuality, having studied aphrodisiac foods for over 20 years. The Food-Sexuality Connection Amy explains that food affects sexuality through multiple pathways: nutrition, physiological effects, and sensory experiences. For example, chili peppers raise body temperature and cause physical reactions that can enhance arousal. The key is personalizing food choices to the individual rather than following generic aphrodisiac lists. Romantic Meal Planning For romantic dinners, Amy recommends keeping meals simple and light. Heavy foods like cream-based pasta can make people tired rather than energized. Better choices include fish, mushroom-stuffed ravioli, or wild game (lower in saturated fat, higher in protein). Budget-friendly options include roasted whole chicken instead of expensive cuts. Disability and Intimacy When addressing intimacy for people with disabilities who face assumptions about their sexuality, Amy suggests using intentional food choices and classic aphrodisiacs like sparkling wine (Spanish Cava is affordable), oysters, and chocolate as conversation starters to challenge these misconceptions. Dietary Restrictions Aphrodisiac eating works with any dietary restriction. Amy's website lists 88 aphrodisiac foods accommodating various needs. She emphasizes asking partners about their restrictions shows care—part of food as a love language. Resources Amy offers a free guide called "What Turns You On at the Table" at eatsomethingsexy.com/podcast, encouraging couples to explore how foods make them feel and connect mindfully around eating.

    30 min
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We offer strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. We talk about how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.

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