Dear Self,

Shelby Holteen

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Here is my word vomit. What I have been through but most of all what I have learned from it. With a focus on relationships - with myself, romantic, family and friends. How I let other people impact me and the love I have towards myself. I wanted to journal but if I can help others while helping myself, then there is two birds with one stone.

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2. Setting Standards

Keeping it going from last week, I talked about being the bigger person and sticking to your boundaries. But how do you set those boundaries and standards and stick to them? Once again, that is easier said than done but here is a tool that may help you navigate what your standards and boundaries are AND how to stick to them. Stop compromising things that are important to you.

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Bigger is Harder

Well, I am back! And although this podcast title surely captured your attention, I am going to warn you... it is not what you may be thinking or hoping. Bigger is Harder is referring to the fact that being the bigger person in situations is so much harder that being the one who lashes out. It is harder to have the self control when every ounce of your being wants to rant, vent and defend yourself. I struggle with this every day, but thankfully therapy has taught me some tools that I want to share with you.

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9. Toxic is Not Cute

In today's society this "Toxic" persona has been glorified, but all it is are a combination of these unhealthy habits and behaviors yet it is supposed to be the "hot" type of man or woman. The logic behind being a toxic person is flawed because you are selling false confidence, the fact you don't care, and you are a negative individual BUT then you expect a happy healthy relationship?! WHAT?! That make's no sense. Toxic does not equal happy, healthy, positive, and most of all it does not equal confidence or that "strong independent" type of person. Don't get it twisted.

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8. Fear of Failure

What is stopping you from applying for that dream job? Or why don't you shoot your shot? When it comes to progressing in life I think the biggest thing that inhibits our progress is ourselves and our fear or failure or rejection. But if you don't try then you will never know! And if you don't try then you will never learn from the experience or be able to grow as an individual. Like I have said before, every moment is a learning experience whether it's good or bad, and there is always something you can take away.

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7. Compromise

How do you know when you are compromising too much in your relationship? Well every relationship is different but ultimately I think it comes down to what is important to you and what is your gut telling you. Maybe you can avoid this question with a serious conversation or by paying attention to your partner's goals, desires and passions from the beginning.

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6. Picture Perfect

Social media plays a huge role in today's society, but how can it impact relationships and how do you manage that? Now I am no expert, but I think it comes down to knowing your worth, picking our battles, and establishing standards and expectations. I honestly think it also pays off in the long run to have that tough conversation of open communication with your partner about how YOU feel. But also don't forget to STOP comparing yourself to other people or other relationships you see on social media - because we all know that is a huge part.

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5. Sabotage

Sometimes we let our previous experiences, our fears or our pride get in the way of something good simply because we fear rejection or failure. But what if YOU are what is causing that failure and rejection? There is this quote that says "You are the only one standing in your way." And I never truly understood it until I realized that I was projecting my issues on to others.

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4. Let's Talk About S*x

A while back I asked folks to give me topics to cover and I was given "Sex" as a topic. Well that it pretty broad but I just went with the first thing that came to mind. In today's society hookup culture is so common that when we are genuinely interested in someone we feel the need to know their body count, but often I find others holding that information against each other. But who are we too judge? And if it was going to bother you then why even ask? Sex is supposed to be fun but you need to have and respect others boundaries and it is NOT the base of any relationship.

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Here is my word vomit. What I have been through but most of all what I have learned from it. With a focus on relationships - with myself, romantic, family and friends. How I let other people impact me and the love I have towards myself. I wanted to journal but if I can help others while helping myself, then there is two birds with one stone.

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Shelby Holteen
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© Shelby Holteen
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Dear Self,