Done Pretending

Susan Houston
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Done Pretending is a sanctuary for the soul where healing meets authentic living. Host Susan Houston shares powerful stories of courage, freedom, and truth that inspire you to drop the mask, embrace who you really are, and live the life you were created for.

  1. Episode 32 | Stop Pretending the Kids Are Fine: The Real Impacts of Divorce with Shannon Darrow

    1d ago

    Episode 32 | Stop Pretending the Kids Are Fine: The Real Impacts of Divorce with Shannon Darrow

    What if the moments you thought were small — a stepsibling sitting on dad's lap, a senior night photo, an offhand comment about child support — were the ones your child carried for the rest of their life? This episode stopped me in my tracks. And I think it will stop you too. I sat down with Shannon Darrow, a certified divorce coach and mediator who spent two decades in the golf industry after law school, navigated her own divorce with a three-month-old baby, and then did something most people in her field don't do: she went directly to the source. Shannon started interviewing adults who were children of divorce — not to relitigate the past, but to hand parents a mirror before it's too late. What she found wasn't what any of us expected. What We Talk About in This Episode Shannon and I go deep — and we go personal. This isn't a clinical conversation about divorce statistics. It's a human one. About the things kids see that we don't realize we're showing them. About the weight children carry silently so they don't make things worse. About senior nights where parents can't stand in the same photo. About a little girl watching her stepsister sit on her dad's lap and deciding in that single moment that she had been replaced. We talk about: The one thing kids hear over and over — and what it actually costs them. The "no disparaging comments" clause sits in nearly every divorce agreement. And nearly every parent ignores it. Shannon shares why this is the through line in almost every story she collects — and why the damage goes so much deeper than anyone realizes. Why "kids are resilient" is one of the most dangerous things we tell ourselves. The adults Shannon interviews are not fine. They're people pleasers. They're caretakers. They're in first marriages that mirror what they grew up in. They're working hard in therapy to undo what was done — not out of malice, but out of unconsciousness. The instability that rivals grief. Shannon explains why divorce and death rank nearly the same on the Adverse Childhood Experiences scale — and what parents can actually do to protect their children from the worst of it, even when everything else is falling apart. What a "good divorce" actually looks like. It exists. Shannon has seen it. It requires eating crow when you don't want to. It requires crying on the floor privately and showing up gracefully in public. It requires a daily decision to choose your child over your anger. Shannon shares a story from an upcoming episode that brought tears to my eyes — a woman who made that decision and never looked back. The Line That Will Stay With Me When I asked Shannon what one thing a child of divorce most needs to hear, she didn't hesitate: "None of this is your fault." She went on to explain that kids quietly convince themselves that if they just didn't need so much — didn't have soccer practice, didn't cost money, didn't exist — maybe their parents wouldn't fight. They shrink themselves. They become caretakers. They disappear into good behavior hoping that if they stop taking up space, the conflict will stop too. They need to know it was never theirs to carry. Connect With Shannon Darrow 🎙️ Podcast: In Between Them — [   / @inbetweenthempod  ]🌐 Website: [https://onward-mc.com/]📩 Reach out to Shannon directly: [shannon@onward-mc.com]If This Episode Hit Home Please share it. Send it to the parent who needs it. Send it to the adult child who's never been able to explain what they're carrying. Send it to the family that's about to go through something hard and still has time to do it differently. And if something in this conversation stirred something in you — I'd love to hear about it. DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn. This is the work. This is why we're here. — Susan

    48 min

  2. 6d ago

    Episode 32 | You've been asking the Wrong Question - the Law of Attraction

    What if you've been using the Law of Attraction wrong this whole time — not because you weren't believing hard enough, but because you were focused on the wrong question? In this solo episode, Susan brings in fascinating new research from Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Srini Pillay and the Gan & Chen (2017) authenticity study to reframe everything you thought you knew about manifesting, identity, and what it actually means to step into your next chapter. If you're a high-achieving woman, 50+, planning your reinvention, this one is for you. Plus — details on the Reinvention Roadmap live workshop happening THIS Thursday, July 9th, 4 PM PST. Register Here: https://form.jotform.com/Susan_susan969/Roadmap TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/sX3iqKmxarQ?si=nhQXrAMlwmbWyFm3 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Linked In https://www.linkedin.com/in/thesusanhouston Facebook https://www.facebook.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Website: https://www.thesusanhouston.com

    26 min

  3. Jul 2

    Episode 31 | Real Self-Care for Women Who Are Done Being Last on Their Own List

    If you've ever felt guilty for taking a walk while someone you love needed you — this episode is for you. This week on Done Pretending, I'm joined by Lani Almanza, wellness coach, author, and founder of Alakai Associates in Hawaii. Lani has spent decades helping caregivers, women, and midlife professionals rediscover themselves through simple, grounded self-care — not the bubble bath kind, but the kind that actually holds you together when life gets heavy. We talk about losing yourself inside the roles you show up for every day — the wife, the mom, the professional, the caregiver — and what it really takes to find your way back. Lani shares the tools that pulled her through caring for her late son Jacob, and then again through caring for her parents. And spoiler: none of them require a full afternoon or a spa appointment. This conversation hit close to home. I'm in the thick of caregiving for my mom right now, and this one gave me language for things I've been feeling but couldn't name — including that very specific guilt that shows up the moment you try to do something for yourself. Social Media links:Website: www.alakaiassociates.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/lani.almanza https://www.facebook.com/alakaiassociates  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lani_almanza Instagram: @honumom1_

    27 min

  4. Jun 25

    The Reinvention Roadmap ~ Done Pretending Podcast

    You did the math. You can afford to leave. So why does walking away from your career feel so terrifying? Because it was never really about the money. In this solo episode, Susan opens with the Tuesday she cried in her car — the day she got everything she'd asked for and realized she had no idea who she was. From there she names the four fears every high-achieving woman over 50 faces when she finally leaves a long career: the loss of identity when the title comes off, the free-fall of a blank calendar, the inherited voice whispering it's too late, and the loneliness of navigating the hardest terrain of her life with no map and no company. More than 20 million American women will leave the workforce in the next five years — and almost none of them are being prepared for what's on the other side. If you're within five or ten years of your own exit, or you've already been laid off and you're standing in the rubble of it, this episode will make you feel seen — and show you that what you're feeling isn't weakness. It's a map. 🌲 Ready for the full map? Susan teaches her free Reinvention Roadmap workshop live next Tuesday at 11am Pacific — the actual roadmap for navigating this transition, plus live Q&A. Seats are limited.👉 Save your seat: https://form.jotform.com/Susan_susan_susan346/Register-for-ReinventionRoadmap

    24 min

  5. Jun 16

    Stop Ghosting Yourself: What Your Body Already Knows

    Have you ever ghosted yourself? In this powerful episode of Done Pretending, host Susan Houston sits down with Dr. Sarah Jefferis — poet, PhD, yoga instructor, and writing coach — for a conversation that will stop you mid-scroll and make you rethink everything about relationships, authenticity, and self-abandonment. Sarah shares why she believes writing is a full body sport, how yoga unlocks memories your mind has buried, and why the page is the one place you never have to pretend. But the real mic-drop moment? The realization that she had been ghosting herself for years — and how stopping that pattern completely changed the relationships she attracts. Whether you're a writer or have never touched a journal in your life, this episode will hit different. In this episode we cover:✍️ Writing as a prescription for healing (her TEDx topic)🧘 Why your body holds stories your mind can't access💔 Luck, loss & her poetry collection Lucky to Have You😶 What "I'm fine" is really costing you🚪 Why rejection IS protection — and how to believe it💡 How self-abandonment quietly destroys your relationships 🔗 Connect with Dr. Sarah Jefferis:🌐 sarajefferis.com📧 sarah@sarajefferis.com📸 IG: @DrJefferisRightNow 📖 Get her poetry collection: Lucky to Have You — Finishing Line Press🎤 Watch her TEDx: Writing as a Prescription for Healing 💬 Drop a comment below: Where in your life have YOU been pretending to be fine? 👍 Like, Subscribe & hit the 🔔 so you never miss an episode of Done Pretending — where real conversations lead to real freedom.

    35 min

  6. Jun 2

    Episode 28 | The Relapse No One Warns You About After Loss

    After 43 years of marriage, life as she knew it disappeared in just 24 hours. Most people would tell you to get back to normal, to push through, to stay productive. Bridget Williams-Frazier will tell you that's exactly how you make it worse. In this conversation, she walks us through the moment she cried out to God in a church and felt fire move through her body. She talks about the danger of rushing back to work, the triggers that send you back to square one, and why affirmations aren't just feel-good fluff when you're standing in the wreckage of your old life. This isn't about moving on, but moving forward with faith as your foundation, not your fallback. Key Timestamps:  [00:00:00] Introduction [01:56:00] Meeting Bridget Williams-Frazier [04:14:00] God Meets Us in the Pain [06:22:00] Losing a Spouse in 24 Hours [08:08:00] Grief in the Corporate World [11:08:00] Why People Return Too Soon [14:13:00] Faith, Grief & Personal Growth [17:42:00] When Setbacks Protect You [21:32:00] Living Amazingly Through Faith Memorable Quotes: "When you lose a loved one, it's a process you gotta go through, and it's not a quick two-day or three-day process. It could be a lifetime process." [00:11:44] – Bridget Williams Frazier "Sometimes things happen bad, but it's not really a bad thing. It's a good thing if you see the goodness out of it, because bad things have to happen because God is protecting you from the worst." [00:18:25] – Bridget Williams Frazier And if you're ready to break free from the doubts, judgments, and limiting beliefs that keep you stuck, join my Weekly Wisdom at www.thesusanhouston.com, where I share insights and encouragement to help you step into the person you were always meant to be. Connect with Bridget Williams Frazieri: Website: https://bridgetwilliamsfrazier.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bridgetfrazierauthor/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BridgetFrazierAuthor/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBYs58CNrEBc40yH4hKyGjIrymQRRIfkw Connect with Susan Houston: Website: www.thesusanhouston.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Produced by Evolved Podcasting: www.evolvedpodcasting.com

    27 min

  7. May 26

    Episode 27 | When Safety Becomes a Cage: Rewriting the Stories That Keep You Small

    Your ego isn't trying to ruin your life. It's trying to save it. But somewhere along the way, it started protecting you from the wrong things: growth, risk, visibility, and the vulnerability required to become who you're meant to be. In this conversation, Allison Manzi, a certified Cognitive Behavioral Specialist and Polyvagal Therapy Practitioner, breaks down the biology behind self-sabotage, the ancient wiring that keeps us small, and why the whispers of doubt are actually a sign you're doing something big enough to matter. She doesn't sugarcoat it. Change is vulnerable. Effort is exposed. And your nervous system will fight you every step of the way, unless you learn to reframe your relationship with fear. This isn't about crushing your ego or pretending confidence exists without evidence, but about discernment, duality, and learning to hear the difference between protection and paralysis. Key Timestamps:  [00:00:00] Introduction [00:01:45] From fitness coaching to behavioral psychology [00:04:12] Why we sabotage what we want [00:06:30] When the ego turns safety into a cage [00:09:15] Why change feels unsafe to your nervous system [00:11:40] Entrepreneurship and the paradox of risk [00:13:38] When others project fear onto your dreams [00:15:54] A sign you’re doing something big [00:18:41] Why the ego hates seeing you try [00:21:30] Refuting fear with evidence [00:24:49] Confidence without evidence is delusion [00:27:06] Redefining your relationship with your ego Memorable Quotes: "When we talk about the ego being the protector, but the ego can also be a deterrent to being our best self. And change is vulnerable. Anything new is vulnerable. We have to come up against fear, insecurity, uncertainty, risk, potential failure to change our habits, identity, lifestyle, environment." [00:03:42] – Allison Manzi "Thank God I'm hearing this, because that means I'm doing something new. That means I'm doing something big enough and risky enough that my ego is freaking out, which means I'm making a change." [00:15:49] – Allison Manzi If you're ready to break free from the destructive self-talk that's been keeping you stuck, my Weekly Wisdom was created for exactly that: helping you step out of doubt, leave old judgments behind, and become the person you were always meant to be. Join here: www.thesusanhouston.com. Connect with Allison Manzi: Website: https://www.aionlifestyle.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aion_wellness Connect with Susan Houston: Website: www.thesusanhouston.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Produced by Evolved Podcasting: www.evolvedpodcasting.com

    29 min

  8. May 19

    Episode 26 | The Emptiness You Feel at 50 Isn't Absence. It's Space.

    There's a text message women send late at night when everyone else is asleep. It usually starts with "I should feel fine, but I don't." The promotion came through. The kids are launched. The marriage is stable. So why does it feel like nothing? I call it what it is: not a breakdown, but a breakthrough. Midlife doesn't take things away from you. It asks you to stop pretending that the things that were never really yours need to be carried. This episode dismantles the cultural lie that aging makes you less and replaces it with something truer: you're not fading, you're clarifying. If you've been making yourself smaller before anyone even asked you to, this one's for you. Key Timestamps:  [00:00:00] Introduction [00:01:15] The text that changed everything [00:04:30] Carl Jung and midlife [00:05:34] Inherited roles vs. chosen roles [00:10:19] When identity starts to fall away [00:10:56] The story culture tells women about aging [00:14:11] Why the “less” narrative is a lie [00:15:25] Women aren’t fading, they’re clarifying Memorable Quotes: "The most disorienting thing about midlife is not that you lose yourself. It's that you realize you've been performing yourself for so long that you forgot you had a choice." [00:09:43] – Susan Houston "You cannot always control what the world tells you about your worth, but you absolutely get to decide whether you repeat it to yourself." [00:17:18] – Susan Houston If you're ready to stop living inside old judgments and finally step into the life that actually feels like yours, join my Weekly Wisdom at www.thesusanhouston.com, where I share the shifts that helped me move beyond doubt and into the person I was always meant to be. Connect with Susan Houston: Website: www.thesusanhouston.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susanhouston.kienitz/ Produced by Evolved Podcasting: www.evolvedpodcasting.com

    23 min
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out of 5
5 Ratings

About

Done Pretending is a sanctuary for the soul where healing meets authentic living. Host Susan Houston shares powerful stories of courage, freedom, and truth that inspire you to drop the mask, embrace who you really are, and live the life you were created for.

Information

  • Creator
    Susan Houston
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    34
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Susan Houston
  • Show Website
    Done Pretending