Drunk By Noon

Canadian Comedy Cartel
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Montreal's very own weekly comedy podcast where 3 stand-up comedians try to interview somebody they know. Usually it's another stand-up "comedian" but sometimes we get lucky and its somebody with an actual personality. There's an asian woman that sits in silence in the background for the first couple of episodes. Part of the Montreal Canadian Comedy Cartel

  1. 3D AGO

    The 1000$ Open Mic (Ep. 44)

    In this episode of the Drunk By Noon podcast, we are joined by Montreal's rising open mic comedy star, Jon Allen! Jon breaks down the unbelievable story of how a friend paid him a cool $1,000 just to do his very first stand-up set—and why that might end up being the financial peak of his comedy career. We also get into his agonizing ride through a brutal gallbladder attack that struck after eating an entire Domino's pizza, what it’s like being pumped full of hospital drugs, and the hilarious reality of airport security, working at a milk factory and when the last time the Colts won the Superbowl. Follow us on Instagram:@canadiancomedycartel Come see us live: comedycartel.ca Timestamps: 00:00 – Does Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Oz actually hold up? 01:30 – Jon Allen’s Gallbladder surgery 03:05 – Introducing Montreal’s rising comedy star Jon Allen 04:00 – The Domino’s Pizza Gallbladder attack 06:25 – Hospital Highs: Fentanyl, Morphine, and Surgeon stories 08:40 – Why Jon hasn't showered in a full week 10:45 – The "Microplastics & Intermittent Fasting" lifestyle 12:40 – How to get paid $1,000 for your first-ever comedy set 15:00 – Weird Airport Security: The fake Superman & Batman 16:45 – Attempted kidnappings and bizarre customs incidents 19:15 – Smuggling animals: Ants, turtles, and wooden statues 20:25 – Invasive species: Asian Lady Beetles & toxic vines 22:10 – Atlantic City: Boardwalk luxury vs. Hard Ghetto 23:30 – Why Jon Allen hates Toronto 24:05 – Working at the Lactalis Milk Factory (The Lactantia truth) 26:20 – "Milking" the clock on warehouse night shifts 29:00 – The most bizarre surgery story from Ontario 33:25 – Getting paid a lump sum of cash on stage 34:20 – The reality of Just For Laughs (JFL) auditions 37:45 – The Corey Holcomb & Christina Payne controversy 43:40 – Outro/Plugs

    44 min

  2. MAR 30

    Short Bus Hostages (Ep. 43)

    What happens when you mix magic mushrooms, a double-decker Toronto tour bus, and a hijacked cameraman? Peak West Island Cinema. In Episode 43, we're joined by Kevin Campbell to break down the wild backstory behind the cult classic docuseries P***y Patrol. We're also diving into the conspiracy behind the Just For Laughs showcases, Pecker's heroism when faced with genderfluid people in jorts, something about Samson and buses, and because it's us, we obviously debate the attractiveness of Lola Bunny from Space Jam. 00:00 - The JFL Audition Tape Conspiracy 03:54 - Pecker vs. Genderfluid Jorts 08:53 - How to Use a Belt in a Street Fight 11:02 - The Massive Bar Fredmir Brawl 13:15 - The Origins of Montreal's Cult Classic "P***y Patrol" 19:04 - Taking Shrooms on a Toronto Sightseeing Bus 19:39 - Hijacking a Cameraman (Gone Wrong) 23:30 - Cops React to a "Porn Addiction" Extortion Letter 28:12 - "S****y Cuisine" & Unhinged Comedy Shows 30:07 - Prank Calling Massage Parlors & The Space Jam Debate 38:12 - Tradesmen Asking for Opioids on the Line 39:47 - Plugs: Kevin's Show & Where to Watch P***y Patrol Follow Kevin on Instagram: @kevin_groovyguy Watch P***y Patrol on the Global Imperial YouTube Channel  @globalimperial  Follow Canadian Comedy Cartel for the best clips and stand-up bits on instagram or visit our site for live stand-up shows:https://comedycartel.ca/@canadiancomedycartel on Instagram.

    40 min

  3. MAR 23

    Big Insane Capitalism (Ep. 42)

    Welcome back to Drunk By Noon, Episode 42! In this episode, the crew is joined by guest Jonathan Burrello, creator of the comic series Big Insane Happy, to discuss the grind of self-publishing graphic novels and building a weird creative "ecosystem".We dive deep into why Jonathan prefers local printing over Amazon KDP, the bizarre "Wolf of Vending Machines" story, and the legendary tale of hiring a college paper writer who lived in a room filled with static TVs and raw pasta. Plus, we get into 90s nostalgia with "Little Homies," the return of Chris Hansen, and the terrifying reality of Temu capsule houses. Follow Jonathan Burrello (Big Insane Happy): Instagram/Socials: @biginsanehappy Latest Book: Monsters Paradise Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome back to Drunk By Noon Episode 42 02:02 – The Pickleball Coach scandal 03:20 – Jonathan’s book "Recently Single" & Monsters Paradise 05:35 – The high cost of local printing vs. Amazon KDP 07:45 – Creating a comic "ecosystem" & four-panel gag strips 09:31 – Turning down money for fan-made stuffed animals 10:43 – The "Wolf of Vending Machines" legend 11:16 – 90s "Little Homies" figurines & grocery store nostalgia 14:02 – Hiring a guy with raw pasta on his bed to write a Watchmen paper 15:57 – Big Spoon vs. Little Spoon & the Scary Movie franchise 17:35 – The Chucky TV show & Gen Z updates 19:15 – Creepy dolls, baby Kaijus, and The Suckling 21:07 – Killer Klowns from Outer Space & Death Race 2000 25:44 – Chris Hansen’s new "Gen Z" lingo 28:23 – Clint Eastwood’s 93-year-old grind & Acorn stairlifts 32:03 – Temu capsule houses & $500 dirt bikes 34:22 – The Oscars & Marty Supreme 35:09 – Where to follow "Big Insane Happy"

    36 min

  4. MAR 16

    RIP Future Shop (Ep. 41)

    Is it a scam if it’s legal? Today we're joined by Montreal's own JFL comic Jason Houle to discuss starting a comedy career out of pure spite. We also take a deep dive into Jason’s unique upbringing in a single-dad household, his father's passion for photography, the Future Shop refund scam, billionaire creeps, signing slurs and the terrifying reality of modern drone warfare. In this episode, we discuss: The "technical" truth behind Jason's Just For Laughs (JFL) credit . How to return anything in Quebec after 29 days of use . The disturbing history of the Future Shop founder . Why drone warfare in Ukraine looks like a sci-fi spiderweb. The social friction of McDonald's kiosks vs. the distancing of modern murder Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome Jason Houle: The "JFL Guy" 01:30 – First Impressions: Insane at Barfly vs. Comedy Pillar 04:27 – Jason’s Dad: Minority Photography & Small Town Ontario 05:56 – The Quadruple Bypass & The Burrito Diet 07:32 – Growing up in a Single-Dad "Boy Zone" 12:30 – The Future Shop "Refund Scam" Legend 13:46 – The Dark Side of Future Shop: Robert Miller 15:57 – Mexico Trip: The Passport Panic 20:12 – Sign Language Slurs & Hateful Caricatures 23:18 – Samson’s Scissor Lift Near-Death Experience 28:12 – The Mystery of the Disappeared DHL Founder 31:35 – The Six-Week AC Rental Hack 34:44 – Jack Ma, Chinese Billionaires, & House Arrest 38:12 – Drone Warfare: Fiber Optics & Spiderweb Towns 40:44 – Gamification of War: Xbox Controllers & Pilot PTSD 43:05 – The Social Friction of McDonald’s Kiosks 44:26 – Learning French & "Dunking on Immigrants"

    45 min

  5. MAR 9

    Latinas and Wrestling ft. HashThe1 (Ep. 40)

    In Episode 40 of the Drunk By Noon Podcast, the crew sits down with the man, the myth, and the viral TikTok legend from seven years ago: HashThe1. Introduced as the "funniest man under five feet in the province," Hash opens up about his recent transition from internet sensation to the world of professional wrestling. We dive deep into the chaotic world of independent wrestling, discussing the difference between a wrestler and a manager (think Paul Bearer energy), the dangers of "going off-script" in the ring, and the tragic true stories of wrestling moves gone wrong. Whether he's being recognized as the "King of Saint Laurent" or getting freebies on the street, hashthe1 remains one of the most unique voices in the scene. 00:00 - Introduction of guest Hashthe1 05:51 - The brutality of wrestling, including the "Mass Transit" incident. 10:50 - Reacting to a video of a wrestling move gone wrong that resulted in a tragic injury. 12:18 - Hash’s fitness routine at Tristar Gym 16:23 - The "Boxed Water" debate: Microplastics part 231 21:08 - Hash shares a candid health update 22:32 - The "End of Life" plan: Hash discusses his bucket list. 31:02 - The origin story of the name "HashThe1" and his history with rap groups. 32:52 - Crazy Cameo stories *** CORRECTION *** Hasher's next IWS wrestling show is March 21st NOT 31st.

    34 min

  6. MAR 2

    The 6 Million Dollar Man (Accounts Payable) (Ep. 39)

    In this episode of Drunk by Noon, we sit down with local Montreal comedy legend Richard Mullen. With 20 years in the game, Richard has performed everywhere in Canada from the auditorium of a hospital in Iqaluit to military crowds in Pembroke, OntarioRichard opens up about his incredible medical journey: living with Type 1 diabetes, surviving a world-first double transplant, and even suffering a heart attack while performing on stage. He also takes us back to his days as a baseball pitcher in the minors, where he struck out Ken Griffey Jr.Whether discussing his "professional patient" status or a near-death experience where he died for three minutes, Richard’s dark humour and optimism are unmatched.

    40 min

  7. FEB 23

    A Clockwork Pickleball Coach (Ep. 38)

    Returning crowd favourite Dean Bertoia joins the boys to discuss his social media hiatus, the Harry Potter series, why he's seasonally unemployed and the tragic reason he’ll never play pickleball again.From the graphic newspapers of Cancun to the Siberian "waterboarding" cure that saved Peker's life as a baby, the boys are back with some of their wildest stories yet. We dive deep into why cartel members only make $600 a week, the logistics of inheriting a "family dwarf" and the slow-burn heartbreak of losing a girl to a professional pickleball coach.00:00 – Dean is back & seasonally unemployed05:10 – The graphic reality of Cancun newspapers08:45 – The $600/week Cartel salary15:20 – The "Family Midget" & Home Depot pranks22:15 – Peker's Russian origin: The doctor’s grim diagnosis25:30 – The Siberian Witch Doctor & the "Waterboarding" cure30:10 – The Pickleball Saga: A Clockwork Black35:45 – Connecting the dots: Why Dean is hot and single40:22 – Hooking birds and squirrel stories41:11 – Outro: Dating applications for Dean

    42 min

  8. FEB 16

    The Buffalo Soldier Jacob Silva (Ep. 37)

    Comedian Jacob Silva joins the podcast this week to air out some major grievances and share insane stories from the road. From opening for Mark Normand and Rich Vos and the mystery of the missing shoes to chilling with Dan Soder Jacob holds nothing back.We dive into the differences between the Montreal and Toronto comedy scenes, his time managing a vape store, and why he decided to move back home. Plus Jacob tells the legendary story of the "nightmare roommate" that ended with a hilarious act of revenge involving a bong. In This Episode: The Mark Normand Incident: Jacob explains why he has beef with Mark Normand, detailing a trip to Buffalo involving $1,000 worth of edibles and some uncomfortable car moments . Rich Vos & Dan Soder: Stories about opening for Rich Vos (and getting his hotel key) vs. the chill experience of driving Dan Soder . Toronto vs. Montreal: Why Jacob moved back to Montreal after 6 years and his "stagnant" career in Toronto . Vape Store Chronicles: Dealing with customers asking which vape is best for smoking crack . The Roommate From Hell: The story of "Rob," the roommate who stole $30,000 in rent, and how Jacob got revenge . 0:00 - Glenn Foster Again3:46 - Jacob Silva Intro5:12 - Vape Store Horror Stories9:26 - Comedy School at Humber & Second City13:00 - Opening for Rich Vos & The "Dirty Shoes"16:07 - The Mark Normand Saga: Edibles at the Border21:33 - Dan Soder is the Chillest Comic27:32 - Calling Steve Hofstetter32:53 - The "Genocide Joke" Incident41:22 - NIGHTMARE Roommate Story: Fk Rob Mailloux44:19 - Yucks & Mark Breslin49:33 - Dating Life52:44 - We Love Ian Fidance

    53 min
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About

Montreal's very own weekly comedy podcast where 3 stand-up comedians try to interview somebody they know. Usually it's another stand-up "comedian" but sometimes we get lucky and its somebody with an actual personality. There's an asian woman that sits in silence in the background for the first couple of episodes. Part of the Montreal Canadian Comedy Cartel

Information

  • Creator
    Canadian Comedy Cartel
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    44
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Canadian Comedy Cartel
  • Show Website
    Drunk By Noon