Espresso

Benedict Polizzi
  • 4.9 (177)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

Stand Up Comedian Benedict Polizzi gives listeners horrendous advice

  1. 2d ago

    Olive Garden Bread Bowls (Inventions) Espresso Pod 421

    Killing thousands of mad guests on Rollercoaster Tycoon and installing a functioning toilet directly into your car passenger seat? Sounds like a spress pod to me babe. We’re ending our lives over Olive Garden refusing to make garlic bread bowls and why can’t we pull up to an AMC theater to watch the super bowl? One sec i’m scheduling a robot to walk my dog at 1:30pm🦮 ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/ -------------------------------------------------

    1h 10m

  2. May 14

    Seth Rogen is a bad actor (Done Pretending) | Espresso Pod 419

    Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth at the lunch table and screaming at your coworker's dog is just what happens when you finally stop pretending. We realize putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer is a crime against humanity and throwing down a five dollar bill for Little Caesars pizza is the ultimate flex. Stop acting like you don’t sneak 8 leftover donuts from your car after a first date and blast divorced dad rock otw home ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/ ------------------------------------------------- TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS 0:00 - Intro3:24 - Fruit punch is the worst flavor8:08 - Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth9:35 - Putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer13:11 - Done pretending about hockey games20:41 - Fast food limited time items32:33 - Seth Rogen is not a good actor33:14 - The zig zag hair part39:20 - Asking how is everything45:02 - Pretending to care about your dog52:30 - Quitting your eighth grade math job57:28 - Glazing divorced dad rock59:44 - Apple watch rings and running stats1:08:05 - Ozempic weight loss shortcuts1:12:10 - Little Caesars is the best pizza -------------------------------------------------

    1h 32m

  3. Apr 30

    answering the phone as a sex shop employee (What's Your Bit?)

    Taking football snaps underneath the lowest object possible and telling customer service reps u love them is how you commit to the bit. Stop acting like you don't spam Monster Mash seventeen times on tuchtunes at the bar while secretly pretending to be a sex shop employee on phone calls with your boys. ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/ ------------------------------------------------- TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS 0:00 - Intro4:01 - What is your bit7:54 - Screaming is that a beer9:46 - Blaming farts on the dog16:07 - Cracking on people with your boys19:44 - Public property fridge leftovers30:33 - Big shoes Kevin at the gym32:35 - Taking football snaps anywhere45:44 - The sex shop employee phone pitch50:26 - Chips and salsa at the Italian restaurant53:50 - Stealing raisins after the salt trick54:39 - Spamming Monster Mash on TouchTunes1:02:11 - Saying mine as well ironically1:13:16 - The McDonald's parfait calorie scam1:17:01 - Holding hands at Catholic church

    1h 29m

  4. Apr 16

    Locked In On Caitlin Clark (Hear Me Out)

    Eating ground turkey birthday dog food and sucking the ink out of a gold gel pen is exactly what happens when you get completely faded on a Tuesday. We are losing our minds over why having a baby with Caitlin Clark is strictly a business decision and how sleeping in a water bed is the ultimate flex. P.S. I'm tired of acting like circus peanuts don't absolutely slap😘  ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/ ------------------------------------------------- TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS 0:00 - Intro1:16 - Fboy Island and Patreon2:53 - What is your hear me out6:41 - The jelly donut agenda8:06 - Cooking birthday dog food11:12 - Patio furniture in the living room12:36 - Fumbling the eighth grade aim voicemail16:52 - Sleeping in a Murphy bed20:51 - Crushing Cheetos into a PB and J31:33 - Circus peanuts and black licorice43:42 - Fox McCloud from Super Mario Galaxy46:30 - Aggressive foxes as house pets54:53 - Local news weather girls59:40 - Yellow mustard on avocados1:03:53 - Stale chips are better than fresh -------------------------------------------------

    1h 26m

  5. Apr 2

    thing ur ex did that u liked?

    Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

    1h 9m

  6. Mar 19

    what's ur last meal?

    Planning out your last meal on Earth gets completely cooked when you realize crumbling a Kraft single over a sloppy joe is the ultimate flex. We are crashing out over girls complaining about tomato texture while drinking boba tea and why taking a girl in heels to Benihana is a massive fumble. Stop acting like you didn't drink cold Chef Boyardee ravioli straight from the can in your childhood garage. ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/ ------------------------------------------------- TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS 0:00 - Intro3:10 - What's ur last meal on Earth6:45 - The Crumbl cookie delivery scam9:15 - Using lactose intolerance as a weapon of war14:30 - McDonald's sausage biscuits with grape jelly20:15 - Cookie cake lasagna and the butt of the bread26:40 - Girls complaining about tomato texture31:20 - Dying from frozen cookie dough in the garage38:50 - Choking on three cinnamon donut holes46:10 - Six Flags fits and King's Island hype51:30 - Taking a girl in heels to Benihana55:45 - Putting a Kraft single on a sloppy joe1:01:20 - Drinking Chef Boyardee ravioli from the can1:04:15 - Proposals in the woods are completely staged

    1h 32m

  7. Mar 5

    what had the biggest come up?

    Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

    1h 32m

  8. Feb 20

    what are u asking at the gates of heaven?

    Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

    1h 23m
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4.9
out of 5
177 Ratings

About

Stand Up Comedian Benedict Polizzi gives listeners horrendous advice

Information

  • Creator
    Benedict Polizzi
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    253
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2020 Benedict Polizzi

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