36 episodes

Topic Lords, the only place on the Internet where you can hear topics discussed!

Topic Lords Jim Stormdancer

    • Comedy
    • 5.0, 9 Ratings

Topic Lords, the only place on the Internet where you can hear topics discussed!

    Look At An Octopus While You Shower

    Look At An Octopus While You Shower

    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

    This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! http://duckfeed.tv/duckfest


    Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com.

    Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/

    April is @aprilsaur on Twitter.


    Befriending ravens

    Just Say No. https://www.reddit.com/r/Ornithology/comments/29y31o/id_like_to_befriend_some_local_ravens_but_should/

    What if part of the government apparatus was a PVP mobile game & billionaires willingly sent in tax dollars in exchange for units to pwn everyone else but the game was balanced so they only had a tiny edge?
    Clone ethics: can you consent on behalf of your clone? What about a different person with the same name as you?
    Larry asks: "Best ways to meet your own death as part of a puzzle or game"

    Carnivorous mushroom death at 0:58. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=58

    My sister is doing her bathroom sea-monster themed; does anyone have unsolicited recommendations for sea monster bathroom amenities?
    The badger story.
    How do we survive from when we learn to climb on the furniture to when we get scared of climbing on the furniture?
    The white-spotted clearwing



    Plugging an activity nobody but you can do.
    Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses.
    Recognizing jerks and being rude to them.
    Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens.
    Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box.
    The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt.
    Meeting your shitting on things quota.
    Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin.
    Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship.
    Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk.
    Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk.
    Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world.
    Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship.
    Sharing DNA implying shared consent.
    Explaining parents.
    How consent works with conjoined twins.
    All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question.
    Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die.
    Cool ways to die in video games.
    A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child.
    Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom.
    A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup.
    All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm.
    Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill.
    Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it.
    A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom.
    Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later.
    A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making.
    Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party.
    Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster.
    Marrying an indie game developer for the money.
    Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot.
    Being a piler of things.
    Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist.
    Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge.
    Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people.
    The cons

    • 51 min
    Nick Cave's Meow Mix Murder Ballads

    Nick Cave's Meow Mix Murder Ballads

    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!


    Erica is @yerrikTRB on Twitter, and is thinking about birds
    Dan is @danlwarren on Twitter, and is at the Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology (https://www.oist.jp/). His soundcloud is https://soundcloud.com/danwarren. He is writing music for Hypnospace Outlaw https://store.steampowered.com/app/844590/Hypnospace_Outlaw/


    1:58 The unreliable narrator in songwriting and/or songs where the POV character is a jerk

    We all hope Ben Folds is an unreliable narrator in his song “Brick.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt5EHAqhR1c
    Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Murder Ballads https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzP977za2bJ8gj8pVmOxSCBNcVZjGy6D
    Moby Dick is bad https://medium.com/@jayshams/moby-dick-is-not-a-novel-e19e41fec946
    George Michael was maybe not that into monogamy https://www.songfacts.com/facts/george-michael/i-want-your-sex

    15:20 No one should live in this city (whatever city you're in edition)

    Chitras flies and things that sting you https://indacampo.wordpress.com/2012/10/13/why-you-should-never-fall-asleep-in-your-hammock-at-twilight-in-panama/
    Too much water all at once, monsoon edition https://www.kold.com/video/2019/07/31/watch-people-rescued-stranded-vehicle-tucson/
    The cheese guy in Okinawa fills in for a clear lack of cheese http://thecheeseguyinokinawa.com/about-us/
    Richard Lenski breeds 69,000 generations of E. coli (not yeast) https://twitter.com/relenski/status/993671677748838400

    38:51 Toddlers have incredible memories and if you put something somewhere once because you were lazy they'll remember it goes there forever

    Here’s the AI spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/1/d/e/2PACX-1vRPiprOaC3HsCf5Tuum8bRfzYUiKLRqJmbOoC-32JorNdfyTiRRsR7Ea5eWtvsWzuxo8bjOxCG84dAg/pubhtml
    AI evolves an organism that is tall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-wIZuAA3EY

    43:20 Kaz asks: You guys talked about simulating people's voices, and I'd like to point out that there's been a lot of progress in this area. Take a look here for some examples: https://google.github.io/tacotron/publications/speaker_adaptation

    That Obama thing is called Son of Strelka, Son of God. There’s a Youtube playlist here where four of the nine chapters are illustrated/animated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Any38uNUelM&list=PLw-jIvFxpgIDIlxOnvHr9rN_2TUv87Ju_
    The album can be downloaded here: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Dan_Warren/Son_of_Strelka_Son_of_God
    The Trump thing is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGYeTmHHZQM
    Evolution Control Committee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DX4nsobHW8
    Negativland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6gPSSYxex0
    Cassetteboy is one of the most active and well-known people doing this stuff nowadays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI87PRgIKks

    55:48 ANTS

    Acromyrmex versicolor on the AntWiki https://www.antwiki.org/wiki/Acromyrmex_versicolor
    Walter Tschinkel’s aluminum ant colony casts https://www.core77.com/posts/23607/walter-tschinkels-aluminum-casts-of-ant-colonies-reveals-insect-architecture-23607
    Strangely named ant reproductive strategies https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamergate

    1:03:39 Pokemon Stay (the opposite of Pokemon Go): what's happening to outdoorsy AR games these days.



    Staying inside and definitely being to

    • 1 hr 12 min
    We Don't Talk About Poop Stonehenge

    We Don't Talk About Poop Stonehenge

    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!


    Elena is on the Topic Lords Discord and recommends https://buriedwithoutceremony.com/monsterhearts
    Shannon lives in a cave and recommends https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modelland


    2:14 Lucid dreaming and/or recurrent dreams - do you have them?

    Can't find the link for Dream Wikipedia here but I'll keep looking. https://wikimediafoundation.org/support/

    14:04 Eight kinds of fun.

    Real-play podcasts:
    The Kiri. https://criticalrole.fandom.com/wiki/Kiri

    30:05 Your favorite Dewey Decimal System category?


    43:55 NotAButtFace asks "Being 'The Guy With The Hats' to future proof your identity against going bald"


    55:25 Plants

    "Kale, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage are all varieties of a single magical plant species" https://www.vox.com/xpress/2014/8/6/5974989/kale-cauliflower-cabbage-broccoli-same-plant


    Not remembering what you were going to say about the topics you picked.
    Finding a tabletop RPG system to support your supernatural teen romance.
    A novel written by Tyra Banks that is basically Harry Potter but for supermodels.
    Being aware that you're dreaming but not having control and just being annoyed that you have to spend so long in your fake life.
    Dreaming about recording a podcast before waking up and recording the real world podcast and ending up with two podcasts.
    Your dream friends being rude to you because you are rude to yourself.
    Realizing you are in a dream and trying to convince your dream friends to do what you want but instead they convince you to do what they want because they will die as soon as you wake up.
    Improving your dream friend's lives in your recurring Disneyland dream until they have the perfect day and you never wake up.
    Careening off the cliff and going "zhoop" and uncrashing the car.
    Improving your dream friends' princess dress-up game by leaving the room and observing them from the security room instead.
    A creepy carnival in the hills that sometimes shows up.
    Remembering eight dreams in ten years.
    Jimmy Wales' appearing in your dream to ask for dream money to keep dream Wikipedia running.
    The real reason why there's no etymological connection between Samhain and the minced oath "Sam Hill."
    Poop Stonehenge.
    Ranking the eight kinds of fun.
    Everybody ranking submission/abnegation last when listing what they want out of a tabletop RPG.
    Submitting yourself to a ritualized task and discovering the pleasures of being clockwork.
    Deciding how you want to build your treehouse and then going to fight the moon.
    Whether a DM describing an axe swing exceptionally well counts as sensory pleasure.
    Listening to a lot of TTRPG podcasts but not playing a lot of TTRPGs yourself because who has the time and energy to organize it?
    Agreeing to role play all the people who are missing from this D&D session and immediately drowning everyone, making everything a lot politically simpler.
    Remembering everything your players say so you can role play a sapient bird who can only communicate by mimicking things it has heard.
    Leaving the elf in the cart because if you take him out everyone will want to interrogate him and you don't want to bother RPing that hard.
    Learning how to GM in LARPs where there are no NPCs and all you have to do is set up some plot hooks and then watch the players go wild.
    Saying "you are in a shed" and thereby declaring yourself the GM.
    Telling people in your RPG session that they're playing themselves and they're lik

    • 1 hr 8 min
    Two-Grass Of The Face

    Two-Grass Of The Face

    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

    Lords this week:

    Craig was Jim's collaborator on Glittermitten Grove.

    @craigtimpany on Twitter.

    Shannon does a lot of different stuff!

    @plentyofalcoves on Twitter.
    Strucci Movies. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh9DnjvObUcvvwrYbJ4-cLQ
    Hbomberguy. https://www.youtube.com/user/hbomberguy
    Struggle Sessions. http://www.strugglesession.us/
    Critical Bits. https://www.criticalbitcast.com/


    2:51 What are the best attributes for a collaborator to have? The worst?
    10:45 Craig's favourite language, Tok Pisin of Papua New Guinea.


    18:17 TempleOS

    TempleOS games. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQtLv9GizKM

    31:28 Quill asks: "What's your first memory being exposed to a computer?"
    35:30 Why faking one's non-existence might not be a great career move.
    41:32 Re: media consumption- "there are no guilty pleasures"- do you agree?
    49:26 Did you know that daytime soaps air a new episode every weekday? How is this possible?

    Every episode of Passions, on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu1cfjN6h09z6ssQcRwsJ8A/videos?view=0&sort=da&flow=grid


    Getting some emails in six weeks.
    Tweeting about a book about olives and getting in touch with the author and starting a podcast about olives.
    A dumb joke that you are taking very seriously.
    Creating one podcast episode per olive cultivar.
    Deciding that you'd rather work with people you like than talented people.
    The hypothetical coworker who is sufficiently good at their job that you put up with the death of everyone who enters the room with them.
    The origin of the 10x programmer myth.
    Never having met a 10x programmer, but having met a 10x QA tester.
    The 10x singer who sings at 10x the pitch of regular singers.
    Noodling vs. deliberate, thoughtful creation.
    Whether having rock stars in your rock band is worth all the trashed hotel rooms.
    A language derived from Australian sailor slang.
    Mouth grass.
    Trying to express a technical idea without using technical vocabulary.
    The correspondence between the simplicity of vocabulary and the speed of spoken language.
    Leaving space for audience participation.
    A language that isn't a big compost heap like English.
    English 2, where every single word is a swear word.
    Making an operating system because God told you to.
    Making a new operating system to talk to God because you don't trust MS-DOS.
    Whether talking to God has more or less stringent security requirements than a voting machine.
    Which mental illnesses make you a better programmer.
    Implementing Minesweeper in your new OS in case you get bored talking to God.
    The TempleOS indie game scene.
    The music video generator Jim is never going to make.
    Reconciling how you feel about a mentally ill a*****e.
    Being very online and really into the N-word.
    Everyone loving your forum posts about weird bespoke operating system but being less into your race war posts.
    Art and technology paradropped in from an alternate timeline.
    Outsider art suspension bridges.
    A trash peninsula that no longer has any homeless encampments on it.
    Building a castle out of shopping carts and reclaimed concrete.
    The text adventure that they named the genre after.
    Dad bringing home an Amiga 500 and playing Marble Madness with you.
    Accidentally flood-filling the wrong place and getting really upset because you don't know about the undo button.
    The cool kid with the advanced Amiga 500 who becomes progressively less cool over time because his dad refuses to get a new computer.
    Seeing Doom and realizing that your beloved Amiga is done for, and Commodore going out of business later that year.
    Telling journalists that you don't exist when they approach you for an interv

    • 59 min
    Tandem CPAP

    Tandem CPAP

    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!


    Rachel is on Twitter as @rachel_sala. Check out Glitch CIty! https://glitch.city/
    Laura is on Twitter as @lmichet and the web at http://lauramichet.com/. Check out Industries of Titan! https://braceyourselfgames.com/industries-of-titan/


    4:10 All clothes hangers should be made of wood rather than wire or plastic.
    8:32 How do you feel about food mascots shaped like the food you're about to eat?

    Will Graham discovers Hannibal's love for sweetbreads at ~3:10 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbcI6h1_bHg

    12:31 I could put any liquid in my CPAP humidifier.
    18:21 Mallow asks: "Sliding doors. Are people in favor? Opposed? Terrified of them? Feels like in the US we've converged on a kind of door that just isn't that great."
    23:48 If there was one silly skill you could acquire with no effort, like being good at karaoke, what would it be?


    34:08 People in different eras interpreting subtleties in media differently--for example, people not "getting" all of Shakespeare's jokes, interpreting the ending of The Wicker Man differently, etc.


    45:07 Multi-Mario races.

    World record Mario 1862 run in 37h57m. https://www.twitch.tv/videos/588944589


    The comfort of a Discord voice channel where everyone is muted.
    A Discord voice channel where you go to poop.
    Perceiving a pun and wanting to forget it.
    Being in total agreement as to whether we should discuss topics.
    The hidden cost of plastic coat hangers.
    Contemplating the luxury of your collection of fancy wooden coat hangers.
    Never having purchased coat hangers in your life but still ending up with a bunch of them.
    Accruing heavier and heavier clothing as you age.
    Not needing coat hangers because you just drape all your clothes over the back of a folding chair.
    A barbecue joint where the mascot is a sapient pig that is super thrilled that you're about to eat him.
    Alienation from the food production process.
    The weird zone where pigs are slaughtered in an alternate dimension outside our ken.
    Chuck E. Cheese's real name.
    The sweetest meat you'll ever eat.
    Sweetmeats vs. sweetbreads.
    A restaurant with the slogan "the sweetest bread you'll ever eat" and the mascot is a talking Thymus gland.
    Thymus glands just being in you someplace.
    Putting soup in your humidifier and saving yourself the trouble of making breakfast.
    Accidentally blasting yourself with mold all night.
    Sharing a CPAP machine with your life partner, like a tandem bike.
    Adding a splash of bleach to your soup so it won't grow mold in your humidifier overnight.
    Taking action to ensure huge amounts of water enters your body because otherwise the water will probably just sit there.
    Every sliding glass door having a big colorful sticker on it because once someone ran into it and broke their nose or crashed through or both.
    The worst-designed lateral thinking puzzle exacerbating your fear of heights.
    All the rollers in the sliding glass door being crushed so you're just dragging a huge pane of glass along the ground.
    Sliding glass doors being perfectly safe because they cannot break; they can only become windows.
    Increasing the amount of natural light in your home via strategic placement of mirrors.
    Holding a mirror and pointing the sun at your face.
    Everyone loving your ukulele cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but only the first time they hear it.
    Knowing how to play a bunch of instruments but they all weigh 300 pounds.
    Making a xylophone out PVC pipes you found in a dumpster and playing Ode to Joy on it.
    Solving this portable xylophone problem once and for all by googling "portable xylophone."
    A gigantic marimba that is built into the room it's in like a supercomputer of sound.

    • 1 hr 4 min


    Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!


    Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com.
    Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/


    2:42 Suddenly Anxiety and OCD are culturally adaptive behaviors.
    8:16 Opening negotiations with your real-life employer to get them to pay you in Nook Miles
    13:44 Animal Crossing speed runs

    Animal Crossing 100% in 19h25m. https://www.speedrun.com/ac/run/y21ejk7z
    Animal Crossing New Horizons All Debts in 1h52m. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdH-pj1ZUac
    Super Mario Sunshine Lockout Bingo at AGDQ 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3eSzem1v4
    Animal Crossing Lockout Bingo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hhgu-fObME

    20:23 Gary asks: "Printing Toilet Paper at Home"

    How to make paper out of blue jeans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPdZPvMVMZk

    26:54 Owning 5.25" floppies & suddenly having to be aware of magnets again as a threat in your life

    Masquerade. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade_%28book%29
    France's 25-year treasure hunt for a golden owl. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45005072

    32:20 Apocalypse gardening and warlord potential
    37:52 Amazon took Murder She Wrote away from us
    47:07 Winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine


    Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it.
    The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking.
    Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago.
    The subtle distinction between self care and overeating.
    Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood.
    A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia.
    A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off.
    Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens.
    Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.
    Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain.
    Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist.
    Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way.
    A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles.
    Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there.
    100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible.
    Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch.
    Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs.
    Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode.
    Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with.
    Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper.
    Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead.
    Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks.
    Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper.
    Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet.
    Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence.
    The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper.
    Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper.
    Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA.
    Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic.
    Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "f**k you" into it.
    Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo beca

    • 54 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
9 Ratings

9 Ratings

Zelrain ,

great lords, sufficiently topical

i grew eager to listen to this podcast when i saw that someone named the second episode “Conjure a False Godot” because i thought maybe these lords might offer some engaging Beckett discussion.

only upon reaching the end of the aforementioned episode featuring, rather than Beckett, an explanation of False Gobots did i realize my mistake:

by reversing the title’s b and reading it as a d, i conjured a false Godot to wait for while enjoying “Conjure a False Gobot”

five stars - very good podcast

Zak Blankenship ,

I like it

I like it

YerrikTRB ,

topics don't stand a chance

5/5 would listen again, but will instead listen to the next episode

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