Parenting teenagers untangled - The science-backed hug for parents of tweens and teens

Rachel Richards

Hello, I'm Rachel Richards, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable.  Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? Firstly, have a big hug from me. Secondly, you’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together. I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time. Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’ Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs. So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together. The Podcast: A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination. Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode. If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers. My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things. JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK: For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual. ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you. COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters. All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear. PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes. Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them. POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.

  1. Cutting it as a parent? Life as a surgeon, author and mother of four with Gabriel Weston

    5D AGO

    Cutting it as a parent? Life as a surgeon, author and mother of four with Gabriel Weston

    Ask Rachel anything If you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston. Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about: How she parents without pretending to be endlessly patient or perfectWhy it’s okay to have limits to how much joy you get from parentingThe very real ways she sometimes gets it wrong, and how her kids now call her outWhat her son’s life‑threatening brain condition and her own health scares have taught her about seeing all of us – including our teens – as “beautifully broken” humansHow she and her husband navigate very different parenting styles, from strict boundaries to snacks and softnessWhat I love about Gabriel is that she says the quiet things out loud – the thoughts so many parents have but feel too guilty to admit. She’s funny, wise, and completely unpretentious, and by the end you may feel surprisingly lighter about your own “failings” as a parent. If you’ve ever worried that you’re too controlling, not present enough, not soft enough, or simply not “motherly” in the way you think you’re supposed to be, this episode will help you see that you are probably doing far better than you think.  Find Gabriel here: https://www.instagram.com/gabrielwestonalive/ Buy her books: https://www.waterstones.com/author/gabriel-weston/6579 https://amzn.eu/d/0cGm5jnK Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    1h 18m
  2. Teenagers, AI, Nudes and Online Blackmail: What You Need to Know

    MAR 4

    Teenagers, AI, Nudes and Online Blackmail: What You Need to Know

    Ask Rachel anything There's been a dramatic increase in reports of grooming, sextortion and AI generated child sexual abuse material in recent years, and most parents believe politicans and technology companies aren't doing enough to protect kids. The UK government recently announced that makers of AI chatbots that put children at risk will face massive fines or even see their services blocked in the UK under law changes. And the French offices of Elon Musk's X were recently raided by the Paris prosecutor's cyber-crime unit, as part of an investigation into suspected offences including complicity in the possession of child sexual abuse material (CSAM).  Four in five EU citizens support requiring online service providers to detect, report and remove child sexual abuse material, but while governments and technology companies wrangle over a fast-developing issue, we parents need accurate information and support on how best to keep our kids safe if they are online.  The Internet Watch Foundation has been around for 30 years and works alongside the UK charity Childline to protect children who have been affected, by offering emotional support and a means of tagging and removing images that predators use to extort and make money online. THE BEST PROTECTION: Keep devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms. Read my devices guide, with links to all of the relevant episodes, here Top tips from this episode KEY RESOURCES: TALK resource Report Remove tool  Create a Family AgreementUK Safer Internet Centre website - https://saferinternet.org.uk/Internet Matters website https://www.internetmatters.org/Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    33 min
  3. The Thing We All Need Most: Mattering

    FEB 25

    The Thing We All Need Most: Mattering

    Ask Rachel anything Mattering is a deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it? The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need.  She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children.  Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships.  She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children. FIND JENNIFER HERE: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/ BUY MATTERING HERE: https://amzn.eu/d/0fX3Q4Kd FIND RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE: https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/you-matter-no-matter-what?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web Mattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    27 min
  4. Why Some Kids Stop Talking to Their Parents

    FEB 18

    Why Some Kids Stop Talking to Their Parents

    Ask Rachel anything When Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong.  Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it?  Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences.  Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism.  Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.   Dr Joshua Coleman: Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/ https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estranged https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/ Teenagers Untangled Community Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    35 min
  5. Body image, and getting teens to do chores. Vintage

    FEB 11

    Body image, and getting teens to do chores. Vintage

    Ask Rachel anything For all of the tips click here: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-body https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do.  An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it.  Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group. Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image. Resources: https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teens The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor  I Thought it was just me by Brené Brown Previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/ Chores:  Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team. The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    31 min
  6. Why teen friendships feel so intense, and the most important thing to say

    FEB 4

    Why teen friendships feel so intense, and the most important thing to say

    Ask Rachel anything 'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!   Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously. In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse. The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%. We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline. Megan Saxelby: https://wildfeelings.substack.com/  Rachel's Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ The Study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s44220-022-00009-5 This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    55 min
  7. Positive Parenting: Using Strengths to Motivate and Understand our Kids

    JAN 28

    Positive Parenting: Using Strengths to Motivate and Understand our Kids

    Ask Rachel anything We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead.  Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths. Coming from a  neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus, and emotional regulation. Naomi believes that once we understand how our brain works, we can work with it—not against it this episode gives us those tips. Naomi Glover: https://neuro-informed.com Find your strengths: PARENTS:  https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/pro/parentingstrengths/account/register UNDER 18'S: https://StrengthBoostU18.pro.viasurvey.org/ Top tips: Lead with strengths, not deficitsRegularly name what your teen does well (kindness, perseverance, curiosity, humour, etc.) instead of only correcting what’s missing.Swap judgment for curiosityUse phrases like “I noticed…”, “Tell me more about what happened”, and “What could we do differently next time?” to keep conversations safe and open.Use recognition as rocket fuel (especially with ADHD/RSD)Give specific, genuine praise:“That was really kind leadership when you…”“I really appreciated you helping with the washing up – that was great teamwork.”Reduce brain overload with routines and single-taskingBuild simple, predictable habits (e.g. “Saturday is bed-linen day”).Avoid multitasking; do one thing at a time and protect focus where possible.Teach nervous-system resetsUse quick tools for you and your teen:Breathing: in for 4, out for 8, 3–5 times.Nature breaks: ~20 minutes outside to reset attention and mood.Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

    39 min
5
out of 5
23 Ratings

About

Hello, I'm Rachel Richards, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable.  Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? Firstly, have a big hug from me. Secondly, you’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together. I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time. Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’ Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs. So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together. The Podcast: A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination. Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode. If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers. My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things. JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK: For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual. ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you. COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters. All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear. PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes. Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them. POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.

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