feral but sober

feralbutsober

Welcome to the frontlines of recovery—where grit meets growth and every voice matters. Feral But Sober is a punk-fueled talk show and podcast that tears down stigma and builds connection through real, raw dialogue. No sugarcoating. No censorship. Just fierce conversations, sober truths, and rebellious hope. Whether you’re surviving, thriving, or somewhere in between—this is your space to show up, sound off, and help shape the show. We want your ideas. This show is built for—and shaped by—you. If there’s a segment you’d love to hear, a topic you want explored, or a story you think deserves a spotlight, reach out and get involved. Your voice matters, and your input helps guide the conversation. Above all, we are a listen-and-don’t-judge community. Everyone’s path is different, and not every perspective will resonate with every listener—and that’s okay. We ask only that all interactions come from a place of respect. Disagreements are welcome, but nasty or harmful comments aren’t. This is about building a community. A place where we come together to support, learn, and uplift each other. I have many ideas for how to foster this collective connection—and I’d love for you to be part of it. Join me as I explore self-discovery, healing, and the unfiltered truth behind addiction and recovery. Recovery isn’t quiet. It’s feral. It’s bold. It’s yours.

  1. JAN 29 · VIDEO

    - From Juvenile Cells to Studio Booths -Matt's Story-clawsout19

    Matty Ice 1990 isn’t just another up‑and‑coming rapper — he’s a survivor who turned a lifetime of chaos into a catalog of raw, emotional, recovery‑driven music. His story starts in instability: no steady father figure, early exposure to drugs, and a childhood that pushed him into the streets long before he ever had a chance to grow up. He was in and out of juvenile facilities and later adult prison, cycling through the system the way so many kids from chaotic homes do. But everything changed the moment music entered his life. According to his public platforms, Matty Ice 1990 openly raps about trauma, addiction, mental health, and recovery, using his story as a lifeline for others walking the same path. His music journey began during treatment — in the quiet moments when he finally had space to breathe. Counselors noticed the shift in him. Music wasn’t just a hobby; it was the first thing that ever gave him direction, purpose, and a sense of identity outside of survival mode. Today, he’s not just creating — he’s thriving. On TikTok, he’s built a community around honesty, recovery, and storytelling through rap, with thousands of followers engaging with his content. On YouTube, he releases songs, live performances, and recovery‑centered content, consistently dropping new music and showing up for his audience. His tracks span everything from love stories (“Sarina”), to mental health, to addiction, to lifestyle choices like his “Cali Sober” pathway. He promised that in 2026 he would release a new song every single week — and so far, he’s kept that promise, dropping tracks like “Be Patient,” “Cali Sober,” “No Hook,” “LOUD,” and more across Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube. His music blends vulnerability with grit, giving listeners a window into the life he escaped and the recovery he’s building. And now, he’s sharing that life with someone he loves — a young woman who appears in his posts and videos, showing a softer, grounded side of him as he continues to grow personally and artistically. This episode dives into Matty Ice 1990’s evolution: from a kid lost in addiction and incarceration to a man using his voice, his pain, and his platform to help others rise. It’s a story of redemption, rhythm, and rebuilding — one track at a time.

    54 min
  2. JAN 29 · VIDEO

    Addiction Didn’t Start Her Story, But Recovery Will Finish It-Angela-episode24

    Tonight on Feral But Sober: Claws Out, we sit down with Angela — a woman whose story reminds us that addiction doesn’t care how you were raised, what kind of family you came from, or how “put together” your life looked from the outside. Her path into addiction didn’t begin in childhood or adolescence. It didn’t come from chaos, trauma, or instability. It came later — in her 40s — after a lifetime of doing everything “right.” Angela grew up in a loving home with supportive parents, a stable childhood, and a strong foundation. She played sports, stayed active, and had the kind of upbringing people assume protects you from ever falling into addiction. She met her husband, built a life, and eventually experienced something she never thought would happen: she became a mother. Her daughter was her miracle baby — the child she believed she might never have. But life has a way of shifting without warning. After a series of medical issues and a surgery, Angela was prescribed painkillers. What started as legitimate medical treatment slowly became dependency. And then came the moment that changed everything. A close friend — someone she trusted, someone who worked as a nurse — told Angela she could help her “wean off” the pills. What Angela didn’t know was that this friend was giving her heroin. By the time the truth came out, Angela’s body was already in withdrawal, already hooked, already trapped in a cycle she never saw coming. The betrayal cut deep, but the addiction cut deeper. For a while, Angela managed to keep up appearances. She maintained her routines, fooled the people around her, and hid the truth behind a mask of normalcy. Until she couldn’t anymore. Eventually, she was arrested — and her secret was exposed to everyone. She got clean for a while, but recovery is rarely a straight line. Her husband didn’t understand addiction, didn’t know how to support her, and the lack of emotional safety pushed her into another spiral. She relapsed, and the shame that followed nearly swallowed her whole. But Angela didn’t stay down. She made a life‑changing decision: she left her hometown, moved to another state, and entered treatment far away from the people, places, and patterns that kept her stuck. And she stayed. She rebuilt. She learned. She healed. Today, Angela works in the recovery field, helping others navigate the same darkness she once walked through alone. She’s repairing her relationship with her daughter, showing up with honesty and accountability. She co‑parents successfully with her ex‑husband, proving that healing doesn’t always mean going back — sometimes it means moving forward with clarity and boundaries. Angela’s story is a reminder that addiction can happen to anyone, but recovery can, too. It’s a story of betrayal, resilience, reinvention, and the courage to start over in a place where no one knew her past. Tonight, she brings her truth to the mic — and she brings it with claws out.

    1h 4m
  3. JAN 29 · VIDEO

    Caged, Starved, Surviving: Chrissy’s Rebellion-clawsout18

    Tonight, we’re bringing the claws out for a woman who has survived more than most people can imagine. Chrissy grew up in a world where chaos wasn’t an event — it was the atmosphere. Her parents were deeply involved in biker culture, and the lifestyle that surrounded her childhood exposed her to things no child should ever have to witness. Sex parties, violence, addiction, and instability were the backdrop of her earliest memories. That environment didn’t just shape her childhood; it set the stage for the battles she would face for decades. As a young girl, Chrissy endured a horrific sexual assault by several men — an experience that would have shattered many. Instead, she carried that pain silently, trying to navigate a world that had never protected her. With no real model of safety or love, she entered her first marriage young. Her first husband was abusive, but she stayed, trying to build a family and hold on to the only version of “normal” she had ever known. She had her children with him, even as the violence continued. Her second marriage took the abuse to an even darker level. This man isolated her completely — locking her in a room for days without food or water, and at times forcing her into a dog cage for weeks. He controlled her through the drugs her body had become dependent on, withholding them as punishment. It was torture disguised as a relationship, and Chrissy survived it. Despite everything, Chrissy is still here. She has two children, and she is actively rebuilding those relationships with honesty, accountability, and love. She’s living with family now, surrounded by people who actually want her safe and well. Her body has been through hell — multiple medical issues, several surgeries, and even a period where she had to stay in a nursing home because her health had deteriorated so badly. Her drug of choice was painkillers, and the medical system only deepened that dependency. But today, Chrissy is choosing a different path. She’s in recovery through a medicated‑assisted treatment pathway, and she’s doing the work — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She’s learning what safety feels like. She’s learning what autonomy feels like. She’s learning what life looks like when you’re no longer surviving someone else’s chaos, but building your own peace. Chrissy’s story is not just about trauma — it’s about endurance, reclamation, and the slow, fierce rebuilding of a life that was stolen from her over and over again. Tonight, she’s telling her truth with claws out, and she’s not hiding from any of it.

    58 min
  4. JAN 19 · VIDEO

    “Through Fire Together: The 24‑Year Love Story of Keisha & Ronnie”episode23

    Today on Feral But Sober, we sit down with Keisha and Ronnie — a couple who walked through fire separately, together, and sometimes against each other, yet somehow found their way back to healing, recovery, and each other. Their story spans childhood trauma, addiction, loss, violence, relapse, jail time, and the kind of love that almost didn’t survive… but did. Ronnie’s story begins at just 13 years old, smoking weed and slipping into prescription pills that were handed to him like candy. By 16, surgeries and pain meds became his escape, and he learned how to manipulate the system to keep the high going. His health spiraled — infections, collapsed lungs, and constant medical crises — but the addiction kept tightening its grip. He met Keisha when he was 11, but their paths didn’t fully cross until their late teens. They used pills recreationally, drifted apart, came back together, had a child, and still couldn’t commit. Ronnie’s addiction deepened, and when a doctor cut him off cold turkey, he didn’t even know he was dope sick until a friend explained it — then shot him up with his first perk 30. Heroin followed soon after. Keisha’s story is its own storm. She grew up in a home with an abusive father who beat her mother. Her mother struggled with her own addictions and died in 2017. At just 13, Keisha smoked weed for the first time — in a joint laced with cocaine. Her teenage years were filled with fights, arrests, depression, and trauma, including sexual assault by her step‑grandfather at age 8. Her sister became pregnant at 14, then died in a car accident at 15, leaving Keisha shattered. She met Ronnie young, but their lives kept pulling them in and out of each other’s orbit. She lost her virginity at 13 to an older guy. She and Ronnie eventually ran pills from state to state. She had HPV, needed cervical surgery, and quit drugs during pregnancy — but relapsed after giving birth. Ronnie tried to “protect” her from addiction by telling her to take breaks, but he couldn’t stop himself. Keisha later married another man and had two more children, but he was abusive. Meanwhile, Ronnie spiraled deeper into heroin. Even when they weren’t together, they co‑parented their daughter and stayed connected through chaos. In 2017, Keisha left rehab and fell into meth. She met another man who pulled her away from the methadone clinic and into more abuse. She lived under control, fear, and manipulation. Ronnie went to jail for 34 months. On her deathbed, Keisha’s mother made Ronnie promise to always help Keisha — no matter what. Ronnie nearly died from lung infections and was put on medication-assisted treatment. When he got out, he returned to the clinic. Keisha visited him in the hospital, and even in their addiction, he helped her inject because she couldn’t do it herself. In 2020, they moved to Danville and tried again. They got into a clinic together. In 2025, they tried to buy a house, but the deal fell through. They ended up staying with a friend who was using cocaine. Depression hit Keisha hard. Ronnie went back to jail. Keisha went to treatment alone — and something finally clicked. Ronnie saw a spark in her he hadn’t seen in years. He asked if he should go to treatment “for her.” She told him the truth: “It won’t work unless you do it for yourself.” So he did. They entered couples treatment — a program that told them it would either make them or break them. It made them. After 24 years of knowing each other, they are finally meeting each other as the people they were always meant to be. Keisha leads with strength, Ronnie follows with humility, and together they walk side by side. They’ve applied for their first apartment as a sober couple. They’re rebuilding their family, their future, and their faith. Their story is messy, painful, beautiful, and real — a testament to what happens when two people refuse to give up on themselves or each other.

    59 min
  5. JAN 19 · VIDEO

    “Inside the System: A Counselor Who Never Gave Up on People Mr AJs story" claws out 17

    Today on Feral But Sober, we sit down with Mr. AJ—one of the most seasoned, multidimensional voices to ever come out of our TikTok recovery community. This episode takes a different turn as we step into the world of a man who has spent decades on the front lines of human struggle, accountability, and change. Mr. AJ grew up in New York City during the 1980s crack boom, witnessing firsthand the devastation, danger, and generational impact of addiction long before he ever stepped into the counseling field. Those early experiences shaped his understanding of survival, resilience, and the realities people face long before they ever walk into treatment. With 27 years working inside the prison system, Mr. AJ has counseled both male and female inmates across every custody level. He began as a general counselor, spending 10 years helping individuals navigate trauma, conflict, and life transitions. Eventually, he discovered he was qualified to become a substance abuse counselor—despite having no formal experience in that specialty. Instead of turning him away, they told him, “We’ll teach you how to be a counselor.” And he ran with it. Today, he carries a caseload of 25 clients, has spent 6 years teaching transition programs, and has facilitated individual and group sessions for nearly a decade. His work has earned him recognition, including a professional award in 2014. His academic journey is just as impressive: •  Bachelor’s degree (1995) •  Master’s degree (2005) •  22 years of military service Outside of the correctional system, he is the host of the Three 13 Men: Money and Marriage Podcast, where he explores manhood, relationships, financial stability, and personal growth with honesty and depth. He is also a husband and father of two, grounding his work in family, responsibility, and lived wisdom. Throughout this conversation, Mr. AJ offers stories of inspiration and hope, drawn from decades of witnessing transformation in some of the hardest environments imaginable. His perspective is shaped by service, discipline, compassion, and a deep belief that people can change—even when the world has written them off. This is an episode for anyone who wants to understand recovery, accountability, and healing from a counselor who has seen it all and still chooses to believe in people.

    53 min
  6. JAN 12 · VIDEO

    “No More Shame: Tracy’s Fight From Chaos to Calling”-episode22

    Tonight on Feral But Sober, Tracy steps into the light and tells a story that almost no one survives — but she did, and she turned it into purpose. Tracy grew up in a home where nothing was safe and nothing made sense. Her mother struggled with severe mental illness and Munchausen by proxy, keeping the kids sick for sympathy. Her father was never home. Violence, chaos, and addiction were the air she breathed. By the time she was a teenager, Tracy was smoking just to feel pretty, accepted, and comfortable in her own skin. She fell into her first abusive relationship in high school — a drug‑dealing boyfriend who became her first husband. At 17, pregnant and terrified, she was sent away to give her baby up for adoption. When the baby’s father’s family offered her a home and a chance to keep her child, her own mother threatened to disown her. Tracy chose her baby and didn’t speak to her parents for over two years. But that home came with its own dangers. Pain pills were handed out like candy, domestic violence was constant, and Tracy had no language for what was happening to her. She had three kids with him before he went to jail, leaving her 19 years old, addicted, and running for her life. Her second husband brought more meth, more violence, and even a DEA raid. Her third husband was someone she met in treatment — and for a while, she rebuilt. She got her kids back. She stayed off meth and Xanax. She went to church. She tried to hold everything together. But untreated pain, shame, and a broken medical system pulled her back into doctor‑shopping and pills. A devastating car wreck, multiple surgeries, and 11 rounds of electric shock therapy only deepened the spiral. She was arrested for prescription fraud. She attempted suicide multiple times. Her own daughter had to resuscitate her — twice. Doctors said she should be brain‑dead. She had to relearn how to walk and talk. And still, addiction pulled her back. Her clean date is March 12, 2012 — the day her daughter saved her life for the last time. Today, Tracy has 13 years in recovery. She lives with lupus, but she lives with purpose. She did a meeting a day for almost five years. She worked the steps. She sponsors women across the state and online. She divorced the husband who wouldn’t stop drinking and married a man she met in AA — a man with 22 years in recovery who stands beside her in the life they rebuilt together. They own a body shop. She’s a CCAR‑certified interventionist. And she wrote a book called No More Shame: From Victim to Victorious. Tracy says, “When shame said stay down, grace said get up.” And tonight, she tells the truth about what it took to rise.

    59 min
  7. JAN 3 · VIDEO

    “Welcome Home: The Greeting That Changed Keith’s Life Forever”-clawsout16

    Today’s episode features Keith — a man who survived childhood cruelty, addiction, shame, and a near-suicide attempt, and somehow turned all of it into a life of service. With 14 years in recovery, Keith is now a certified peer recovery coach at a regional hub in Indiana, endorsed in mental health, gambling, MRT, and forensic support. He also facilitates “Alternatives to Suicide,” a harm‑reduction‑based support group offering space for people who feel unseen and unheard. Keith opens up about growing up in poverty, being labeled “slow,” riding the short bus, and enduring emotional abuse that dimmed his childhood light. He shares the moment he believes his innocence was stolen — a moment so cruel it shaped decades of self-worth. By age 12 he was exposed to drugs, porn, and chaos, setting the stage for addictions that followed him into adulthood. His story moves through two divorces, fatherhood, doctor shopping, and the day he swallowed a whole bottle of pills on the way to work. He quit opiates, but white‑knuckling recovery pushed him into a mental health spiral that ended with a gun in his mouth — and one thought that stopped him from pulling the trigger. Two months later, a move to Terre Haute and a quiet inner voice led him into a church where a greeter said two words that changed everything: “Welcome home.” Keith got saved, got baptized, and eventually felt called to work with justice‑involved individuals. Today he mentors men inside a level‑4 maximum security prison, teaches addiction classes, serves as a Deacon, and is working toward becoming a nationally accredited peer support specialist in 2026. This episode is about trauma, faith, recovery, and the unexpected ways purpose finds us. Keith’s story is proof that even when the light goes out, it can be reignited — and used to guide others out of the dark.

    54 min
  8. 12/30/2025 · VIDEO

    “From Meth at 12 to Fatherhood at Full Strength: Shiloh’s Redemption Story”-episode21

    In today’s episode, I’m sharing the story of someone I respect deeply — my friend Shiloh. He’s part of my TikTok community, and he’s one of those people you can always count on to show up with steady, level‑headed advice and a whole lot of heart. But the life he came from… most people wouldn’t have survived it. Shiloh’s story starts with abandonment. His mother left when he was a baby, and he was handed off to a father who was deep in addiction. By the time Shiloh was 12, his dad was letting him shoot meth. At 15 or 16, he was cooking it, selling it at school, and hustling money out of the concession stand with a friend. His behavior spiraled so far out of control that his aunt used her connections to get him into a youth ranch. It went okay for a while — until a fight ended with Shiloh stabbing another boy. The wound was superficial, but it was enough to send him to prison for the first time. When he got out, nothing had changed. Same dad. Same drugs. Same chaos. Jail became a pattern. Even when he tried to settle down with the mother of his first child, the stealing and using never stopped. He missed his first child’s birth, and that moment hit him hard. He swore he’d never go back to jail again — and he kept that promise — but sobriety was still a long way off. Things got even messier when Shiloh, an ex, her new partner, and all the kids ended up living under one roof. Jealousy, chaos, and crime took over. They were running a whole operation together until the cops showed up. They didn’t have a warrant the first time, but Shiloh knew they’d be back. He got out of there, but the damage was done. His kids went into the system, and that was the moment that broke him open. That was the moment he said, “Enough.” Shiloh went into treatment and did something most people don’t — he completed every requirement and then went beyond it. He fought for his kids, and he got them back. Today, he’s raising all five children on his own. Both mothers are mostly out of the picture, but Shiloh shows up every single day. He’s active in church, grounded in recovery, and determined to break the cycle that nobody broke for him. He tells his kids the truth: “You lived my addiction. You’re part of my recovery.” And he means every word. Shiloh is one of the most open, vulnerable, emotionally honest men I’ve ever met. He reaches out to people who are struggling, he doesn’t hide his past, and he uses his story to lift others up. I’m proud to know him, and I’m honored to share his journey with you

    58 min

About

Welcome to the frontlines of recovery—where grit meets growth and every voice matters. Feral But Sober is a punk-fueled talk show and podcast that tears down stigma and builds connection through real, raw dialogue. No sugarcoating. No censorship. Just fierce conversations, sober truths, and rebellious hope. Whether you’re surviving, thriving, or somewhere in between—this is your space to show up, sound off, and help shape the show. We want your ideas. This show is built for—and shaped by—you. If there’s a segment you’d love to hear, a topic you want explored, or a story you think deserves a spotlight, reach out and get involved. Your voice matters, and your input helps guide the conversation. Above all, we are a listen-and-don’t-judge community. Everyone’s path is different, and not every perspective will resonate with every listener—and that’s okay. We ask only that all interactions come from a place of respect. Disagreements are welcome, but nasty or harmful comments aren’t. This is about building a community. A place where we come together to support, learn, and uplift each other. I have many ideas for how to foster this collective connection—and I’d love for you to be part of it. Join me as I explore self-discovery, healing, and the unfiltered truth behind addiction and recovery. Recovery isn’t quiet. It’s feral. It’s bold. It’s yours.