feral but sober

feralbutsober

Welcome to the frontlines of recovery—where grit meets growth and every voice matters. Feral But Sober is a punk-fueled talk show and podcast that tears down stigma and builds connection through real, raw dialogue.No sugarcoating. No censorship. Just fierce conversations, sober truths, and rebellious hope. Whether you’re surviving, thriving, or somewhere in between—this is your space to show up, sound off, and help shape the show.We want your ideas. This show is built for—and shaped by—you. If there’s a segment you’d love to hear, a topic you want explored, or a story you think deserves a spotlight, reach out and get involved. Your voice matters, and your input helps guide the conversation.Above all, we are a listen-and-don’t-judge community. Everyone’s path is different, and not every perspective will resonate with every listener—and that’s okay. We ask only that all interactions come from a place of respect. Disagreements are welcome, but nasty or harmful comments aren’t.This is abou...

  1. FEB 20

    “The Day the Worm Wasn’t Real — But the Rock Bottom Was”-brianbodien-episode25

    Tonight’s episode, I’m sitting down with Brian Bodine — and I’m telling you right now, this man’s story is one of the wildest, most heartbreaking, and most honest journeys I’ve ever heard. Brian spent twenty‑two years in addiction, and he’s 43 now, finally living a life he never thought he’d get to see. Brian told me he knew he was “different” as a kid. While other kids were playing ball, he was hustling gum and pencils. By high school he was smoking weed, drinking, and selling. He went to Edinboro University to play baseball, but the grades didn’t hold, and by his second year he was suspended. That’s when the soul‑searching turned into using, and using turned into dealing. He met someone from Cleveland who introduced him to weed, coke, and drinking heavy. He told his family early on that pills were going to kill him — and honestly, he wasn’t wrong. After a car wreck, he got hooked. He made a lot of money, and addiction took every bit of it. His marriage fell apart. He did things in front of his kids that still haunt him. By 19 or 20, he was deep into pills for years. Then came the Fourth of July party — one twisted tea, and he spiraled into drinking again. After that came heroin. Three or four years of it. His wife found him overdosed in puddles of black. He gave everything away. Somehow, he got clean again for a few years. He coached baseball. He worked. He tried. But addiction wasn’t done with him yet. He got put on the run for five years over a $150 fine. In 2018, he accepted God, got another good job, started coaching again… and then a doctor handed him Adderall. Speed was his weakness. He always swore he’d never be like his dad — his dad had alcohol and strip clubs, and Brian had coke and strip clubs. But addiction doesn’t care about promises. One day his son, seven or eight years old, asked him why people always owed him money. That moment hit him hard. But the spiral was already happening. A friend handed him meth and told him it was coke. Brian went into a full psychosis — seeing worms, shaving his dog, cleaning his grill for hours, knocking on neighbors’ doors talking about things that weren’t real. His wife and kids watched him unravel. She begged him to go to the doctor. He refused. She researched vitamins and tried to save him herself. Then came the last run — crack. Two or three years of it. The darkest time of his life. He didn’t leave his basement for eight months. He was suicidal, violent, paranoid, convinced everyone was after him. One hit dropped him for eight or nine hours. He overdosed alone. Twice. Six months apart. His mother‑in‑law laid hands on him and prayed over him. He swears that moment changed something. On 9‑3‑23, he overdosed again, and they said he wasn’t going to make it. He ended up six hours away in treatment in Quakertown. He was so far gone he robbed his own house with a ski mask on and ripped the copper out of the walls. But he’s here. He’s alive. He’s sober. And he’s telling the truth about all of it — the shame, the chaos, the psychosis, the overdoses, the moments he should’ve died, and the grace that kept pulling him back. This episode is heavy, but it’s real. It’s the kind of story that reminds you addiction doesn’t care who you are — but recovery doesn’t either. Anyone can come back. Brian is proof.

    32 min
  2. FEB 20

    “Locked In, Left for Dead, Still Chose to Rise”-mystic-episode-clawsout20

    Feral But Sober brings you into the world of Mystic — a mother of five, the oldest of three siblings, and a woman who has survived more violence, loss, and betrayal than most people could imagine. Her story is not easy to hear, but it is powerful, necessary, and a testament to the strength it takes to keep choosing life when everything around you is trying to take it. Mystic married young after moving to Colorado at 19. What looked like a fresh start quickly became a nightmare. Her first husband was violently abusive — locking her in cabinets and closets, starving her, feeding her meth, and beating her so severely she suffered a broken nose, eye socket, cauliflower ear, and multiple fractures. The day she tried to leave with her son, he attacked her again. Her little boy escaped and called for help, and that moment changed everything. Mystic soon learned she was pregnant, and with the support of her family, she finally got away. Their relationship dragged on in cycles until 2015, but by 2016 she was divorced and trying to rebuild. But trauma doesn’t disappear just because the paperwork does. After losing her mother, Mystic spiraled into addiction — heroin, coke, LSD — while trying to hold together a second marriage that was also abusive. She worked three jobs, kept a home, and still felt completely alone. Addiction pushed her family away, and she let people into her life who did not have her safety in mind. One of them injected her with a mixture of heroin and rat poison, locked her in a bathroom, and left her to die. Her son once again saved her life by calling for help. Her second husband used drugs with her oldest son. Mystic joined them. She lost control, lost her home, lost her job, and eventually lost her children to the state. Her family tried to intervene, but the damage and distrust ran deep. By July 21st, she had to say goodbye to her youngest boys as CPS took custody. She and her husband were homeless — sleeping under tarps, in trap houses, fighting each other, fighting withdrawal, fighting to survive. They divorced, he got sober, and she kept drifting. In April of 2025, Mystic told her dad she wanted to quit. He couldn’t help. Her sister moved their dad and stepmom in with her but told Mystic she had to get clean first. So Mystic went to rehab. And then the unthinkable happened: her oldest son overdosed on methamphetamine. She left treatment, rode eight hours in a taxi, and learned the truth. She relapsed that night and wanted to die too. But grief can break you open or break you down — and Mystic chose the first path. In May 2025, she flushed everything she had left and walked away from the life that was killing her. She moved states, lived with a church deacon when she had nowhere else to go, tried Mississippi, tried Oklahoma, and eventually found her way back to her family. She is rebuilding relationships, healing old wounds, and learning how to live without the substances that once numbed everything. Today, Mystic is sober. She has a boyfriend who treats her with care. She is reconnecting with her children. She is learning how to breathe again. And she is telling her story — not for pity, not for shock value, but because someone out there needs to know that even after the worst kind of loss, you can still choose to live. This episode is heavy, honest, and full of the kind of truth that changes people. Mystic’s story is a reminder that survival is messy, healing is not linear, and sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is stay alive long enough to become who they were meant to be.

    57 min
  3. JAN 29

    - From Juvenile Cells to Studio Booths claws out19

    Matty Ice 1990 isn’t just another up‑and‑coming rapper — he’s a survivor who turned a lifetime of chaos into a catalog of raw, emotional, recovery‑driven music. His story starts in instability: no steady father figure, early exposure to drugs, and a childhood that pushed him into the streets long before he ever had a chance to grow up. He was in and out of juvenile facilities and later adult prison, cycling through the system the way so many kids from chaotic homes do. But everything changed the moment music entered his life. According to his public platforms, Matty Ice 1990 openly raps about trauma, addiction, mental health, and recovery, using his story as a lifeline for others walking the same path. His music journey began during treatment — in the quiet moments when he finally had space to breathe. Counselors noticed the shift in him. Music wasn’t just a hobby; it was the first thing that ever gave him direction, purpose, and a sense of identity outside of survival mode. Today, he’s not just creating — he’s thriving. On TikTok, he’s built a community around honesty, recovery, and storytelling through rap, with thousands of followers engaging with his content. On YouTube, he releases songs, live performances, and recovery‑centered content, consistently dropping new music and showing up for his audience. His tracks span everything from love stories (“Sarina”), to mental health, to addiction, to lifestyle choices like his “Cali Sober” pathway. He promised that in 2026 he would release a new song every single week — and so far, he’s kept that promise, dropping tracks like “Be Patient,” “Cali Sober,” “No Hook,” “LOUD,” and more across Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube. His music blends vulnerability with grit, giving listeners a window into the life he escaped and the recovery he’s building. And now, he’s sharing that life with someone he loves — a young woman who appears in his posts and videos, showing a softer, grounded side of him as he continues to grow personally and artistically. This episode dives into Matty Ice 1990’s evolution: from a kid lost in addiction and incarceration to a man using his voice, his pain, and his platform to help others rise. It’s a story of redemption, rhythm, and rebuilding — one track at a time.

    54 min
  4. JAN 29

    Addiction Didn’t Start Her Story, But Recovery Will Finish It-episode24

    Tonight on Feral But Sober: Claws Out, we sit down with Angela — a woman whose story reminds us that addiction doesn’t care how you were raised, what kind of family you came from, or how “put together” your life looked from the outside. Her path into addiction didn’t begin in childhood or adolescence. It didn’t come from chaos, trauma, or instability. It came later — in her 40s — after a lifetime of doing everything “right.” Angela grew up in a loving home with supportive parents, a stable childhood, and a strong foundation. She played sports, stayed active, and had the kind of upbringing people assume protects you from ever falling into addiction. She met her husband, built a life, and eventually experienced something she never thought would happen: she became a mother. Her daughter was her miracle baby — the child she believed she might never have. But life has a way of shifting without warning. After a series of medical issues and a surgery, Angela was prescribed painkillers. What started as legitimate medical treatment slowly became dependency. And then came the moment that changed everything. A close friend — someone she trusted, someone who worked as a nurse — told Angela she could help her “wean off” the pills. What Angela didn’t know was that this friend was giving her heroin. By the time the truth came out, Angela’s body was already in withdrawal, already hooked, already trapped in a cycle she never saw coming. The betrayal cut deep, but the addiction cut deeper. For a while, Angela managed to keep up appearances. She maintained her routines, fooled the people around her, and hid the truth behind a mask of normalcy. Until she couldn’t anymore. Eventually, she was arrested — and her secret was exposed to everyone. She got clean for a while, but recovery is rarely a straight line. Her husband didn’t understand addiction, didn’t know how to support her, and the lack of emotional safety pushed her into another spiral. She relapsed, and the shame that followed nearly swallowed her whole. But Angela didn’t stay down. She made a life‑changing decision: she left her hometown, moved to another state, and entered treatment far away from the people, places, and patterns that kept her stuck. And she stayed. She rebuilt. She learned. She healed. Today, Angela works in the recovery field, helping others navigate the same darkness she once walked through alone. She’s repairing her relationship with her daughter, showing up with honesty and accountability. She co‑parents successfully with her ex‑husband, proving that healing doesn’t always mean going back — sometimes it means moving forward with clarity and boundaries. Angela’s story is a reminder that addiction can happen to anyone, but recovery can, too. It’s a story of betrayal, resilience, reinvention, and the courage to start over in a place where no one knew her past. Tonight, she brings her truth to the mic — and she brings it with claws out.

    1h 4m
  5. JAN 29

    Caged, Starved, Surviving: Chrissy’s Rebellion-clawsout18

    Tonight, we’re bringing the claws out for a woman who has survived more than most people can imagine. Chrissy grew up in a world where chaos wasn’t an event — it was the atmosphere. Her parents were deeply involved in biker culture, and the lifestyle that surrounded her childhood exposed her to things no child should ever have to witness. Sex parties, violence, addiction, and instability were the backdrop of her earliest memories. That environment didn’t just shape her childhood; it set the stage for the battles she would face for decades. As a young girl, Chrissy endured a horrific sexual assault by several men — an experience that would have shattered many. Instead, she carried that pain silently, trying to navigate a world that had never protected her. With no real model of safety or love, she entered her first marriage young. Her first husband was abusive, but she stayed, trying to build a family and hold on to the only version of “normal” she had ever known. She had her children with him, even as the violence continued. Her second marriage took the abuse to an even darker level. This man isolated her completely — locking her in a room for days without food or water, and at times forcing her into a dog cage for weeks. He controlled her through the drugs her body had become dependent on, withholding them as punishment. It was torture disguised as a relationship, and Chrissy survived it. Despite everything, Chrissy is still here. She has two children, and she is actively rebuilding those relationships with honesty, accountability, and love. She’s living with family now, surrounded by people who actually want her safe and well. Her body has been through hell — multiple medical issues, several surgeries, and even a period where she had to stay in a nursing home because her health had deteriorated so badly. Her drug of choice was painkillers, and the medical system only deepened that dependency. But today, Chrissy is choosing a different path. She’s in recovery through a medicated‑assisted treatment pathway, and she’s doing the work — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She’s learning what safety feels like. She’s learning what autonomy feels like. She’s learning what life looks like when you’re no longer surviving someone else’s chaos, but building your own peace. Chrissy’s story is not just about trauma — it’s about endurance, reclamation, and the slow, fierce rebuilding of a life that was stolen from her over and over again. Tonight, she’s telling her truth with claws out, and she’s not hiding from any of it.

    58 min
  6. JAN 19

    “Through Fire Together: The 24‑Year Love Story of Keisha & Ronnie”episode23

    Today on Feral But Sober, we sit down with Keisha and Ronnie — a couple who walked through fire separately, together, and sometimes against each other, yet somehow found their way back to healing, recovery, and each other. Their story spans childhood trauma, addiction, loss, violence, relapse, jail time, and the kind of love that almost didn’t survive… but did. Ronnie’s story begins at just 13 years old, smoking weed and slipping into prescription pills that were handed to him like candy. By 16, surgeries and pain meds became his escape, and he learned how to manipulate the system to keep the high going. His health spiraled — infections, collapsed lungs, and constant medical crises — but the addiction kept tightening its grip. He met Keisha when he was 11, but their paths didn’t fully cross until their late teens. They used pills recreationally, drifted apart, came back together, had a child, and still couldn’t commit. Ronnie’s addiction deepened, and when a doctor cut him off cold turkey, he didn’t even know he was dope sick until a friend explained it — then shot him up with his first perk 30. Heroin followed soon after. Keisha’s story is its own storm. She grew up in a home with an abusive father who beat her mother. Her mother struggled with her own addictions and died in 2017. At just 13, Keisha smoked weed for the first time — in a joint laced with cocaine. Her teenage years were filled with fights, arrests, depression, and trauma, including sexual assault by her step‑grandfather at age 8. Her sister became pregnant at 14, then died in a car accident at 15, leaving Keisha shattered. She met Ronnie young, but their lives kept pulling them in and out of each other’s orbit. She lost her virginity at 13 to an older guy. She and Ronnie eventually ran pills from state to state. She had HPV, needed cervical surgery, and quit drugs during pregnancy — but relapsed after giving birth. Ronnie tried to “protect” her from addiction by telling her to take breaks, but he couldn’t stop himself. Keisha later married another man and had two more children, but he was abusive. Meanwhile, Ronnie spiraled deeper into heroin. Even when they weren’t together, they co‑parented their daughter and stayed connected through chaos. In 2017, Keisha left rehab and fell into meth. She met another man who pulled her away from the methadone clinic and into more abuse. She lived under control, fear, and manipulation. Ronnie went to jail for 34 months. On her deathbed, Keisha’s mother made Ronnie promise to always help Keisha — no matter what. Ronnie nearly died from lung infections and was put on medication-assisted treatment. When he got out, he returned to the clinic. Keisha visited him in the hospital, and even in their addiction, he helped her inject because she couldn’t do it herself. In 2020, they moved to Danville and tried again. They got into a clinic together. In 2025, they tried to buy a house, but the deal fell through. They ended up staying with a friend who was using cocaine. Depression hit Keisha hard. Ronnie went back to jail. Keisha went to treatment alone — and something finally clicked. Ronnie saw a spark in her he hadn’t seen in years. He asked if he should go to treatment “for her.” She told him the truth: “It won’t work unless you do it for yourself.” So he did. They entered couples treatment — a program that told them it would either make them or break them. It made them. After 24 years of knowing each other, they are finally meeting each other as the people they were always meant to be. Keisha leads with strength, Ronnie follows with humility, and together they walk side by side. They’ve applied for their first apartment as a sober couple. They’re rebuilding their family, their future, and their faith. Their story is messy, painful, beautiful, and real — a testament to what happens when two people refuse to give up on themselves or each other.

    59 min
  7. JAN 19

    “Inside the System: A Counselor Who Never Gave Up on People Mr AJs story” claws out 17

    Today on Feral But Sober, we sit down with Mr. AJ—one of the most seasoned, multidimensional voices to ever come out of our TikTok recovery community. This episode takes a different turn as we step into the world of a man who has spent decades on the front lines of human struggle, accountability, and change. Mr. AJ grew up in New York City during the 1980s crack boom, witnessing firsthand the devastation, danger, and generational impact of addiction long before he ever stepped into the counseling field. Those early experiences shaped his understanding of survival, resilience, and the realities people face long before they ever walk into treatment. With 27 years working inside the prison system, Mr. AJ has counseled both male and female inmates across every custody level. He began as a general counselor, spending 10 years helping individuals navigate trauma, conflict, and life transitions. Eventually, he discovered he was qualified to become a substance abuse counselor—despite having no formal experience in that specialty. Instead of turning him away, they told him, “We’ll teach you how to be a counselor.” And he ran with it. Today, he carries a caseload of 25 clients, has spent 6 years teaching transition programs, and has facilitated individual and group sessions for nearly a decade. His work has earned him recognition, including a professional award in 2014. His academic journey is just as impressive: •  Bachelor’s degree (1995) •  Master’s degree (2005) •  22 years of military service Outside of the correctional system, he is the host of the Three 13 Men: Money and Marriage Podcast, where he explores manhood, relationships, financial stability, and personal growth with honesty and depth. He is also a husband and father of two, grounding his work in family, responsibility, and lived wisdom. Throughout this conversation, Mr. AJ offers stories of inspiration and hope, drawn from decades of witnessing transformation in some of the hardest environments imaginable. His perspective is shaped by service, discipline, compassion, and a deep belief that people can change—even when the world has written them off. This is an episode for anyone who wants to understand recovery, accountability, and healing from a counselor who has seen it all and still chooses to believe in people.

    53 min
  8. JAN 12

    “No More Shame: Tracy’s Fight From Chaos to Calling”-episode22

    Tonight on Feral But Sober, Tracy steps into the light and tells a story that almost no one survives — but she did, and she turned it into purpose. Tracy grew up in a home where nothing was safe and nothing made sense. Her mother struggled with severe mental illness and Munchausen by proxy, keeping the kids sick for sympathy. Her father was never home. Violence, chaos, and addiction were the air she breathed. By the time she was a teenager, Tracy was smoking just to feel pretty, accepted, and comfortable in her own skin. She fell into her first abusive relationship in high school — a drug‑dealing boyfriend who became her first husband. At 17, pregnant and terrified, she was sent away to give her baby up for adoption. When the baby’s father’s family offered her a home and a chance to keep her child, her own mother threatened to disown her. Tracy chose her baby and didn’t speak to her parents for over two years. But that home came with its own dangers. Pain pills were handed out like candy, domestic violence was constant, and Tracy had no language for what was happening to her. She had three kids with him before he went to jail, leaving her 19 years old, addicted, and running for her life. Her second husband brought more meth, more violence, and even a DEA raid. Her third husband was someone she met in treatment — and for a while, she rebuilt. She got her kids back. She stayed off meth and Xanax. She went to church. She tried to hold everything together. But untreated pain, shame, and a broken medical system pulled her back into doctor‑shopping and pills. A devastating car wreck, multiple surgeries, and 11 rounds of electric shock therapy only deepened the spiral. She was arrested for prescription fraud. She attempted suicide multiple times. Her own daughter had to resuscitate her — twice. Doctors said she should be brain‑dead. She had to relearn how to walk and talk. And still, addiction pulled her back. Her clean date is March 12, 2012 — the day her daughter saved her life for the last time. Today, Tracy has 13 years in recovery. She lives with lupus, but she lives with purpose. She did a meeting a day for almost five years. She worked the steps. She sponsors women across the state and online. She divorced the husband who wouldn’t stop drinking and married a man she met in AA — a man with 22 years in recovery who stands beside her in the life they rebuilt together. They own a body shop. She’s a CCAR‑certified interventionist. And she wrote a book called No More Shame: From Victim to Victorious. Tracy says, “When shame said stay down, grace said get up.” And tonight, she tells the truth about what it took to rise.

    1h 18m

About

Welcome to the frontlines of recovery—where grit meets growth and every voice matters. Feral But Sober is a punk-fueled talk show and podcast that tears down stigma and builds connection through real, raw dialogue.No sugarcoating. No censorship. Just fierce conversations, sober truths, and rebellious hope. Whether you’re surviving, thriving, or somewhere in between—this is your space to show up, sound off, and help shape the show.We want your ideas. This show is built for—and shaped by—you. If there’s a segment you’d love to hear, a topic you want explored, or a story you think deserves a spotlight, reach out and get involved. Your voice matters, and your input helps guide the conversation.Above all, we are a listen-and-don’t-judge community. Everyone’s path is different, and not every perspective will resonate with every listener—and that’s okay. We ask only that all interactions come from a place of respect. Disagreements are welcome, but nasty or harmful comments aren’t.This is abou...