Five-a-side

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This is the Five-a-side pod, essentially a futbol podcast although once in a while we will delve into other topics such as lifestyle, social/political issues, history etc

  1. Four Points Clear… Or Four Points From Collapse?

    9H AGO

    Four Points Clear… Or Four Points From Collapse?

    Arsenal drop points and the group chat turns into a full tribunal. Dalu is doing “hopeless positivity” PR like he’s on the club payroll, Daniel is screaming “Odegaard is WEAK (with an A!)” and putting Arteta on a probation contract, and AK keeps reminding everyone that Pep is jogging behind them like a horror movie villain. Then the boys detour to Chelsea chaos, Spurs catching generational lashings, Dyche getting dashed out, and United’s form being blamed on one TikTok “hair guy.” Pure vibes, pure stress, pure 5 Aside. Timestamps: 00:01 – Cold open: “You be vexed” + immediate chaos 00:18 – Intro: 5 Aside x SoccerTakesWithAK (ops allegedly present) 01:31 – Arsenal therapy session begins (Brentford draw = pain) 03:03 – “Flattest first half this season” vs “Brentford outplayed us” 04:13 – Reality check: 2 wins in 6 games + title doubts 06:02 – Sam drops stats bomb: Arsenal not top in attacking metrics 07:12 – “We’ve seen this film before” (choke PTSD) 12:24 – “If you want to win the league, FIND A WAY” 13:19 – Eze vs Odegaard debate turns into an investigation 19:19 – “Why no plan B? Why not two strikers?” (Arteta tactics rant) 23:04 – Daniel’s nuclear take: “Even if we win… Arteta still might not be him” 25:30 – Chelsea segment: chaos, chances, Palmer praise, Santos love 32:36 – Chelsea’s brutal run-in preview (real test incoming) 34:10 – Arsenal nerves: “City are improving… Arsenal are getting worse” 44:28 – Spurs segment: “curse of Tottenham” + ambition accusations 53:00 – Injury crisis talk + “every department counts” (canteen staff 😭) 56:22 – Dyche sacked + managerial merry-go-round cooking 01:02:00 – Man United segment: Carrick era talk + social media pressure 01:08:15 – City 3-0 + “I fell asleep 3 times” second-half review 01:10:08 – Closing: Daniel’s Odegaard/Arteta mic drop + Pep is chasing speech 01:13:28 – Dalu’s final vow: “We are winning this season” + badge revocation threats

    1h 16m
  2. Six Points, Thirteen Games- Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    4D AGO

    Six Points, Thirteen Games- Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    City vs Liverpool turned into a proper “game of two halves” — a sleepy first half, then pure chaos after the break: Salah wakes up, transitions start flying, and the ref decisions (chalked-off goal + red card + penalty talk) leave everyone arguing about “common sense vs the law.” From there, you lot zoom out into the bigger picture: Arsenal grinding through rough patches without being caught, United’s Carrick bounce (and why “play your position” is quietly fixing everything), and Chelsea’s tactical tweak away from inverted fullbacks — with Palmer catching heat, then shutting everyone up. The real spice is the title psychology: are Arsenal finally built for it, or does that Carabao Cup final vs City decide the season? Time Stamps 00:00 Intro — weekend vibes, frustration and hope 00:42 “Stop looking back” — Arsenal mindset + chasers not closing the gap 01:45 City’s usual “mess-up fixture” fear 02:24 Neutral take: fun weekend + kickoff to City/Liverpool recap 02:48 First half boring, second half madness + chalked goal/red card debate 03:56 Power outage interruption (lights out moment) 04:41 United angle: Liverpool result helps top-four wiggle room 06:06 Pep’s wingers problem: “why is everyone in half spaces?” 08:20 Salah’s second-half switch + knuckleball free-kick gas 10:53 Table check: Liverpool 6th, Chelsea 5th, United 4th 12:02 Will City go on a run? morale boost vs shaky performance 14:32 United vs Spurs — Romero red card ruined the test 16:27 Carrick effect: better passing, Bruno role, “3 at the back doesn’t work here” 18:41 AK joins — “Pep wanted it” + Liverpool “Klopp 2.0” transition football 22:08 Doku absence + City too narrow + controversies (penalty/goal calls) 24:56 Carrick honeymoon? United déjà vu + “play your position” philosophy 29:56 Chelsea/Wolves: Palmer hat-trick debate + injury excuse vs standards 33:28 Chelsea tactical tweak: ditching inverted FBs, creating space for Palmer/J.Pedro 36:07 Chelsea striker talk: hold-up play issues even with goals 37:42 Arsenal vs Sunderland: striker battle vs Saliba + physicality 39:38 Set-piece chat: “champions don’t get crowned by aesthetics” 42:34 Arsenal midfield praise + letting Rice roam + Havertz/Gyökeres chemistry talk 47:05 Coaching staff props + Jonny Evans set-piece credit 51:26 Big question: 6 points, 13 games — should Arsenal be worried? 55:04 Carabao Cup final psychology: win = hunger or complacency? lose = pressure? 01:01:23 Performers of the weekend: Bruno, Palmer, “comeback goal” shout 01:05:21 Left-back shoutout + stats vs eye test 01:07:26 Closing hot takes: “United title charge” + “league in sight” banter 01:08:39 Premier League Fan Fest plug (April, Tampa) 01:09:21 Outro — like/comment/share

    1h 10m
  3. Pep in His Step Gone?. Red Gang, Please |Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    6D AGO

    Pep in His Step Gone?. Red Gang, Please |Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    We kick off with classic banter (AK insisting he’s fine after Tuesday because the prize money is not serious), then get into a tactical breakdown of Arsenal vs Chelsea—Chelsea’s conservative setup, Arsenal’s control, and the big debate: at what point do you ditch tactics and just “pump balls in the air” to chase the game? From there, we quickly touch City vs Newcastle, then preview the weekend slate: United vs Spurs (Carrick’s “keep it simple” approach, Bruno’s influence, Spurs away form), Arsenal vs Sunderland (statement win talk and the physical battle angle), Chelsea vs Wolves (must-win, big scoreline predictions), and the main event Liverpool vs City—where we debate whether Pep still has the old spark or is sliding into a “win-first, burnout” era… plus the moment we clock that Liverpool might be moving past Salah into a new focal point. Timestamps / Chapters (approx.) 00:00 – Intro + AK’s “I’m good” prize-money rant 00:47 – Haircut/bet banter + Chelsea/Arsenal jabs 02:52 – Arsenal vs Chelsea: “boring” vs “tactical chess” 04:30 – Chelsea’s setup: wingbacks, control, and respect at the Emirates 06:56 – Arsenal maturity props + why Chelsea didn’t really go for it 08:40 – “From 65 mins: forget tactics, pump balls!” debate 10:50 – Arsenal view: handbrake football, game management, Chelsea’s slow switch 15:01 – Man City vs Newcastle quick hit (City shaky, Newcastle missed chances) 17:25 – United vs Spurs preview starts… then the network cuts 18:47 – We’re back: United vs Spurs properly (predictions + why it’s hard to call) 24:00 – Carrickball: keep it simple, best positions, Bruno running the show 27:30 – Spurs bits: midfield talk, energy/industry praise, Gallagher mention 30:59 – Arsenal vs Sunderland: “statement win” + don’t get dragged into the mud 35:51 – Chelsea vs Wolves: “if we don’t dominate, sack everybody” energy 41:17 – Liverpool vs City preview: Pep quotes, City confusion, Liverpool momentum 52:58 – Pep burnout talk: from tactical genius to “win-first” shortcuts? 56:36 – Score predictions for Liverpool vs City 57:29 – Liverpool moving past Salah moment: “we didn’t even mention Salah once” 58:08 – Is Pep entering his Mourinho-at-the-end era? 60:00 – Standout game picks (outside the obvious big two) 61:05 – Best player picks for the weekend 61:55 – Liverpool vs City watch party invite (Privacy Room, ATL) 62:20 – Outro + final banter (“up with Chelsea”)

    1h 4m
  4. Nothing Worse Than a Failed Hate Watch| Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    FEB 2

    Nothing Worse Than a Failed Hate Watch| Five Aside x SoccertakeswithAK

    This episode kicks off with failed hate-watching therapy, quickly turning into a deep dive on the Premier League weekend. The panel breaks down Spurs vs City’s bizarre momentum swing, questions whether Pep Guardiola has lost his obsessive edge, and debates whether the league’s famed “intensity” is overstated. From there, the conversation shifts to Manchester United’s resurgence, the sustainability of Bruno-centric football, and whether United are repeating old cycles. Liverpool’s evolution away from Salah takes center stage, with praise for Konaté, Wirtz, and Liverpool’s new attacking identity. Chelsea’s comeback against West Ham sparks debate about tactics vs mentality, while Arsenal’s dominant win at Elland Road raises title-race implications. The episode closes with heated arguments about Virgil van Dijk’s place among the greatest defenders ever, ending on classic Five Aside banter and chaos. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro & Weekend Check-In 00:45 – Hate Watching Fails Across the League 02:35 – Spurs vs Man City: First-Half Disaster 04:20 – Tactical Breakdown: Back Five Gone Wrong 06:45 – Pep Guardiola: Burnout or Evolution? 09:10 – Has Pep Lost His Obsession? 12:00 – “Non-Pep” Signings & Quick Fix Football 15:30 – Man United vs Fulham: Confidence Is Back 18:10 – Is This a New-Manager Bounce? 21:30 – Bruno Fernandes Dependency Problem 25:00 – United’s Ceiling vs Long-Term Identity 30:00 – Stability vs Short-Term Success Debate 33:50 – Liverpool vs Newcastle Breakdown 36:30 – Konaté, Emotion & Elite Defending 40:30 – Is Van Dijk the Best Defender Ever? 45:30 – Liverpool Without Salah at the Center 48:45 – Chelsea vs West Ham: Tactics or Mentality? 54:30 – Chelsea Squad Depth Reality Check 58:40 – Arsenal at Elland Road: Statement Win 01:03:30 – Title Race Implications 01:06:30 – Best Player of the Weekend Picks

    1h 28m
  5. Weekend Epl Preview, Set-Piece Debates & Pep’s Kryptonite 😭

    JAN 30

    Weekend Epl Preview, Set-Piece Debates & Pep’s Kryptonite 😭

    Another massive Premier League weekend preview on Five Aside with Soccertakes with AK 🔥 The guys break down all the biggest talking points heading into the weekend — from Arsenal’s early kickoff nerves at Elland Road, to Chelsea vs West Ham in a fiery London derby, Liverpool vs Newcastle chaos, Fulham testing Carrick’s United, and whether Tottenham remain Pep Guardiola’s ultimate kryptonite. There’s serious debate around set-piece football, Arsenal’s attacking balance, Chelsea’s lineup decisions, Liverpool’s inconsistency, and who actually wants it more when pressure kicks in. Predictions are made. Jokes are flying. Hair bets are still active. 🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube 🎧 Or listen wherever you get your podcasts ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS (YOUTUBE-FRIENDLY) 00:00 – Intro, vibes & weekend energy 01:00 – EPL weekend preview overview 03:45 – Arsenal vs Leeds: early kickoff nerves & title pressure 07:30 – Is Arsenal becoming too set-piece reliant? 12:45 – Arteta tactics, attacking balance & confidence debate 16:30 – Chelsea vs West Ham: London derby breakdown 19:30 – Chelsea lineup, overthinking & Sanchez discourse 24:10 – Liverpool vs Newcastle: chaos guaranteed 28:00 – Salah’s role, Liverpool inconsistency & Slot criticism 32:40 – Newcastle belief vs Liverpool doubts 36:00 – Fulham vs Man United: Carrick tested 40:30 – Fulham fear factor & United’s counter-attack comfort 44:00 – Tottenham vs Man City: Pep’s kryptonite returns 48:30 – Final predictions & weekend chaos 50:50 – Outro & prediction accountability

    52 min
  6. TOP 8, NO STRESS 😎...Till you draw PSG

    JAN 29

    TOP 8, NO STRESS 😎...Till you draw PSG

    The Champions League league phase is finally wrapped — and somehow, everybody we expected to qualify… qualified anyway. We break down why the Premier League absolutely ate this format, Chelsea surviving by vibes and João Pedro heroics, Napoli embarrassing themselves in Europe (again), and Arsenal treating the final matchday like a training drill. There’s chaos over Conte’s European reputation, heated debates about “risk-averse” football, Palmer propaganda, Gyökeres skepticism, Kane discourse that nearly ended friendships, and a wild proposal to let teams pick their knockout opponents (UEFA, don’t try this). We also argue over who actually impressed in the league phase, who nobody wants in the knockouts, and whether this new UCL format delivers drama or just the illusion of it. As always: big takes, bigger agendas, and absolutely zero chill. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro, vibes, and Chelsea fans warming up 01:05 – Final UCL league phase explained & top-8 breakdown 02:00 – Premier League dominance in Europe 03:40 – Chelsea vs Napoli chaos & João Pedro saves the day 06:10 – Maresca tactics: overthinking vs fixing it mid-game 09:00 – Palmer discourse & “20% Palmer” propaganda 11:30 – Stop blaming individuals: why Chelsea’s first half was doomed 13:05 – Arsenal rotation game: “we learned absolutely nothing” 15:00 – Gyökeres hype vs Premier League reality 18:00 – Risk-averse football: control vs entertainment 22:00 – EPL physicality vs UCL freedom explained 25:00 – “Premier League games are boring” debate 29:00 – Does the new UCL format lack jeopardy? 31:30 – Wild proposal: teams picking knockout opponents 34:30 – Why finishing top still feels unrewarded 37:30 – Most impressive teams of the league phase 40:00 – Arsenal’s European statement games 42:10 – Harry Kane discourse goes left 😭 45:00 – Kane vs trophies vs legacy debate 49:30 – Best players of the group phase 52:00 – Who nobody wants in the knockouts 55:30 – Dark horses, dark donkeys & bad vibes 59:30 – Final predictions & outro chaos

    1h 11m
  7. Carrick on the Wheels & Set-Piece FC Tears 😭

    JAN 26

    Carrick on the Wheels & Set-Piece FC Tears 😭

    United win at the Emirates, chaos follows — and receipts start flying. What begins as a calm post-match chat quickly turns into a full-blown football tribunal. United fans remind everyone that their expectations were always top 8, not titles, while Arsenal fans get accused of living off set pieces, confirmation bias, and defensive miracles. From Casemiro-Bruno-Rice midfield takes, to Amad–Mbeumo–Dorgu front threes, to serious questions about Arteta, Odegaard, and whether Arsenal’s football is actually sustainable — this episode is loud, funny, emotional, and brutally honest. Plenty shouting, plenty laughter, plenty “bring the receipts” energy. Five Aside heritage. 👉 Watch the full preview + Combined Best XI on YouTube (link in bio) 🎧 Or listen wherever you get your podcasts. ⏱️ Key Timestamps (YouTube-friendly) 00:00 – “You said top 8” – United expectations exposed 00:38 – Man United vs Arsenal: who wants the mic first? 02:16 – “Set-piece Satanism” accusations begin 😭 03:17 – Casemiro-Bruno-Rice midfield RECEIPTS 04:16 – United bangers vs Arsenal control 06:24 – Arsenal fans respond: “We’ve been sloppy” 09:24 – Arteta panic subs & nervous energy debate 13:38 – “Arsenal Brewing Company” enters the chat 🍺 16:08 – Confirmation bias vs reality war 19:30 – “Still top of the table” defense 25:49 – Bottling, bias & brutal honesty 29:23 – Are Arsenal actually playing badly? 32:05 – Set-piece reliance admitted 36:20 – “I’m not scared of Fulham” 😭 43:27 – Title race pressure & City lurking 50:08 – Liverpool catching strays 54:10 – Haaland benched & City control 59:41 – Big-game United vs low blocks debate 01:08:34 – Final thoughts & sign-off chaos

    1h 9m
  8. TOP OF THE TABLE… STILL NERVOUS?- Arsenal vs Manchester United preview

    JAN 24

    TOP OF THE TABLE… STILL NERVOUS?- Arsenal vs Manchester United preview

    Arsenal sit top of everything that moves, but Manchester United still refuse to be convenient opponents. In this Five Aside x SoccerTakesWithAK crossover, we preview Arsenal vs Manchester United and ask the real questions: does form actually matter in big games, why United suddenly become competent when written off, and why Arsenal fans are confident… but never comfortable. We break down tactical strengths, set-piece battles, Carrick’s counter-attacking blueprint, Arsenal’s defensive control, and United’s attacking threats. The episode spirals into a full combined XI debate, heated arguments over defenders, midfield control, Saka’s inevitability, Bruno’s disappearing acts, and bold scoreline predictions — including bets involving haircuts. It’s chaos, confidence, caution, and classic Premier League heritage. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:00 Introductions & big-game vibes 01:00 “Form goes out the window” — why United are dangerous 02:15 Arsenal confidence vs realism (draw talk already?) 04:20 Why United feel no pressure going into this game 05:50 United confidence & Emirates history 07:20 Why Arsenal still haven’t “spanked” United 08:15 Arsenal dominance vs United resilience debate 09:10 Arsenal strengths: defense, control & tempo 10:45 Set pieces as Arsenal’s biggest weapon 12:20 Carrick’s United: counter-attack & compact shape 14:10 United attacking threats & Saka problem 15:45 Defensive injuries & United backline confidence 17:15 Coaching influence: Carrick, Steve Holland & Ole links 18:40 Combined XI challenge begins 19:20 Goalkeeper & defense arguments (Saliba vs everyone) 22:00 Full-back chaos & heated debates 23:15 Midfield picks: Rice, Bruno, Zubimendi 24:50 Front three arguments & Saka supremacy 27:30 Final combined XI agreed 28:45 Score predictions & bold takes 31:00 Bets, haircuts & unhinged confidence 33:00 Final thoughts on Saka, Bruno & game-deciders 35:00 Outro & post-match consequences teased

    35 min
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About

This is the Five-a-side pod, essentially a futbol podcast although once in a while we will delve into other topics such as lifestyle, social/political issues, history etc

Information

  • Creator
    Five-aside
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    80
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Chukwudalu Fab-Ukozor 2022
  • Show Website
    Five-a-side