Footballland Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison, Ryan Baxter

We are finally back for season 2 of Footballland! Thank you so much for your patience over the summer. You won't be disappointed by what we have in store for this series, and please send us your ride ideas - we'll include each and every one. If you like our show sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
So, here's E01 of S02 - Anthony unveils the BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM, his tribute Goldenballs himself, in the form of a carnival strongman exhibit. Ryan fixes the global injustice: that there isn't yet a ride or attraction featuring acclaimed football broadcaster Mark Pougatch, with the MARK POO-CATCH. Finally, special guest and friend of the show, comedian Marek Larwood, answers the burning question: How much is a Premier League footballer really worth… in body parts? with his ride MAIM FOR A LAUGH.

Footballland Explained:
Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter, Intern.
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Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

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This week, Ryan pitches a competitive mobility vehicle facility in honour of football’s most santa-like administrator Chuck Blazer (Disclaimer: if you are planning on coming to Footballland and you need a mobility vehicle either bring your own, or start practicing herding cats by lassoing them with blazers whilst under threat from fire).
 
Anthony pitches a ceramics masterclass-come-fight-for-you-life hosted by Raphaël Varane and his henchman Harry Maguire. Quick word of advice: conserve your energy at the potting wheel because it’s all about escaping to the kiln before Rapha gets you.
 
Mark sends a post-it note in his absence, saying only: The Chicken Shawarma-morial...
 
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
 
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
 
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
This week we're pleased to announce that Mark Davison returns after being out of the game for two weeks - that's a short time in Podcast terms, but a lifetime if you're a Watford manager. 
So the full complement of top, top lads are excited to bring you THREE new attractions. 
Uri Geller Will F*** Up Your Day In Footballland 
Anthony has a genius plan to avoid a massive lawsuit, what with Footballland being so dangerous. It involves the mindreading, spoonbending mystic Uri Geller and 365 helicopter pilots. Uri Geller WILL f*** up your day in Footballland, but can you receive compensation? 
Pepe's Pee Pee Take 
Ryan has rewatched the most important 75 minutes in English football history, Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Wind Ups and hatches an audacious plan to reboot it at Footballland, featuring everyone's favourite sh*thouse, Pepe. Make sure you get full insurance on those hire cars. 
Marcelo Bielsa's Bum Bucket Carousel
Mark spent his two weeks off fixated by that weird stool/bucket thing that Marcelo Bielsa sits on during Leeds United games. He plans to turn it into a ride, but are your glute-flutes up to the strain? 
And as ever we want your ideas. Send us a message and we'll feature them in an upcoming episode.
 
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
 
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In yet another top, top, top, top, top, top, top episode of Footballland we're excited to bring your THREE new rides. If you like what we do join our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland or you can support our show athttps://supporter.acast.com/footballland
The Toure Brothers' Bus Tour
To me! To You! The Toure Brothers' Bus Tour is Footballland's newest manner of transportation, featuring the comedy slapstick duo Yaya and Kolo Toure as Paul and Barry Chuckle. 
Minamino's Mini Motors 
Liverpool midfielder Takumi Minamino runs a go-kart track with cars made of skin tight lycra. You sort of climb into the car costume head first and speed around the track like a wriggling Thomas The Tank Engine! Why's Minamino involved? Absolutely no idea. 
Dimitri Payet's Bottle Shy 
Remember that unsavoury 'crowd incident' against Nice, where Payet chucked a few bottles at some fans and they rioted? What an overreaction! We're building a whole facility at Footballland to remember the moment, encouraging you to chuck objects at 10,000 trainee police officers in the Squeaky Bum Time Arena!
And don't forget to send us your ride ideas. We feature every single one.
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
 
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What an incredible meeting at Footballland HQ this week. Can you believe that we came up with THREE new things...? Sensational! We are delighted to unveil: 1 ride, 1 facility and 1 naked fighting experience. But which one is which? Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Comedian and Times Columnist George Lewis joined us to pitch The Jaap Stampede, in which park guests can feel what it's like to be a streaker in front of 80,000 people, while chased down by an irate Jaap Stam and his family members, who have all been shaven to make them look like him. Will you beat 11 Jaaps and show off your goolies to the Stretford End?
Many of you have written in demanding there be a ride featuring former Arsenal and Portsmouth striker Nwankwo Kanu. Well, intern Ryan has delved deep down the back of his sofa of ideas and come up with Kanu's Rapid[s], a wet n' wild tubing ride through a scale model of Portsmouth harbour. Just like the great man's performances on the field, some experiences on Kanu's Rapid[s] might pass event free, while others might be the greatest fun you've ever had.
And finally, with FIFA's plans to stage a World Cup every 6 months, Mark has come up with a way to ensure EVERYONE gets a go at international football. Who Do You Think You Aunt? is a service which finds you a blood relative from a tiny FIFA registered micronation such as the Solomon Islands, meaning that you become eligible for a call up no matter what your ability!
And as ever send us your ideas, your jingles, your letters, we'll feature them all! Support our show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
 
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After another extremely important meeting at Footballland HQ we're pleased to unveil THREE new rides. And one of those has come from our patron Phil Lee. Remember, you can send us any of your half-baked ride ideas and we're contractually obliged to discuss them! Sign up to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
So here are the rides in this week's lineup:
Mané Hands Make A Light Work 
Liverpool and Senegal forward Sadio Mané is desperate to record his autobiography in our special recording studio, and he REALLY needs those 300,000 words read into the mic by Christmas. But alas, there's no light! Can you and 9 friends help him? 10 punters must form a human chain from socket to lightbulb to illuminate the room, AND Sadio Mané's dreams.
A gentle reminder - please do not try this ride at home. We don't want anyone electrocuted, even if it's to help out a footballer. 
Phil Lee's Human Table Foosball
Patron Phil Lee wrote in to pitch his vision of a giant table foosball using ex professional footballers. Pick your XI from a giant vending machine then watch as they're skewered by metal rods (missing those vital organs, of course!). 
Tim Cahill: Beyond The Corner Flag 
Currently our Oceania section of Footballland is pretty miserable. So far it's just a statue of Ryan Nelsen with his bum hanging off. So what better way to spruce things up with a Mad Max-style fight to the death with every single thing that Australia loves? The Socceroos want to turn their back on their continent and play in Asia, but OceaniaTown won't let them go without a fight. 
As ever, send us your ride ideas. We'll discuss every single one. 
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
 
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland 
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.