Paulina frees herself from the expectations of both the restrictive, limiting culture she was raised in, and also frees herself from the expectations that the mainstream culture has on her. I was baffled that on the other side of finding freedom she was expected to have an easy, American triumph story in order for her choices to be valid. She ends up taking a break from college and returns to tarot, as she misses her culture while unapologetically advocating for her children to have the right to education. It’s as if she isn’t allowed to have a nuanced human experience. At the end of the podcast, my only disappointment was that some of the people who helped her get free of the restrictive community she grew up in were not satisfied that she didn’t have the All American Heroine story expected of her, such as continuing her own education or entirely abandoning her heritage all together, which is only another disguised form of demand.
I feel it is an unrealistic expectation and ironically also confining. It is unreasonable to expect a woman conditioned to be entirely codependent wouldn’t struggle through romantic relationships following her freedom from an unhealthy marriage and family dynamic. This is a lifetime venture to break these patterns. I felt it was unreasonably judgmental when she returns to tarot, and embraces part of her cultural heritage while simultaneously advocating for change within her former community, for the women in this community, for the right to continue an education, for the right to have choices and yet appreciate the good in her culture. Instead, she was treated as if she were backsliding in her resolve, or had ulterior motives. Why does she have to choose one or the other, when she has bravely chosen to be true to both? It is ironic that both culture’s expectations are unrealistic in the end and I commend her for ultimately being true to herself and to her female children- to embrace the heritage she loves and advocate for women’s equality and education is honorable. Paulina deserves the right to pursue both without judgement.
In a way, she is isolated from both cultures- excommunicated for wanting equality and empowerment in one culture, and judged harshly for her yearning to keep those parts of her heritage that feels like home to her in her new life by the American culture she embraces.
The neat, clean, triumph story imposed on her by some who helped her miss that these patterns take a long time to undo and will show up in different relationships, and each will be a learning experience she has a right to as she overcomes inherent patterns related to specific traumas. This is not an overnight process, and having a nuanced human experience does not discount her sincerity, though it’s implied at times in this podcast.
Those, who in trying to help her, are still subtly imparting a will to control her experiences, which is a great irony.
Fortunately she chooses what feels right anyway. She’s still the hero of a remarkable story, and it is only the beginning because she is young.
Thank you, Paulina, continue being true to yourself, without apology, for the benefit of your daughters and your culture! You are allowed to be a nuanced human being, and you do not have to give up your cultural heritage because you have chosen to take a stand for your freedom and those of your daughters.
I appreciate the podcaster’s support, telling the story, and bringing it to the world. What I didn’t like is the podcaster’s inability to remain objective at times (such as assuming how her family felt about her advocating for Romani culture in a way that implies she’s an imposter, when she has every right to advocate for her culture while also advocating for the rights of women within her culture.) The podcaster makes several points not to speak for the other side (Romani family) but then speaks for them in the final episode. I assume this is with the hope that maybe another season comes with the Romani family’s experience being told through a hook and an unspoken invitation, but it felt amateurish for one making so many points not to speak to suddenly speak for their feelings by way of assumption when their actions are louder than words. The actions speak through the lack of educational opportunity for women, child brides, and shared experience of women’s conditions in this culture as well. The excommunication is loud and clear, it feels like a betrayal to imply Paulina does not have a right to her culture and has to choose one identity or the other.
Her return to tarot is both nostalgic and pragmatic, yet she is judged harshly for this. Her romantic relationship with a man twenty years her senior discredits her, there is no wisdom from life experience to guide the expectations of the podcaster that she unknowingly colors Paulina’s life with. Paulina will not suddenly be struck “healthy” after growing up in a codependent culture which normalizes alcoholic enmeshment. Paulina has only just begun to work toward her freedom, but it’s impossible to miss the podcaster’s expectation that Paulina live out the choices a person would make had they grown up in a home life that was stable and supportive. It is tone deaf to the internal struggles that happen returning to education after it being cut short in childhood, tone deaf to the long term consequences this caused, and an unrealistic expectation for the ease Paulina has in overcoming it. It
Paulina’s decision to walk in loyalty to both her heritage in choosing to read tarot cards does not suddenly discount her efforts for her daughters to get an education and go to ballet, and it shouldn’t be minimized because Paulina isn’t living up to the expectations the American culture has placed on her knowingly or unknowingly, either. I don’t understand the implications this young woman is disingenuous because she yearns to have both her culture and freedom to have the choice to pursue education, and that her daughters have a voice as well.
