When she turned 40, Stephanie did something a little ridiculous. Instead of having a party, she had forty drinks with forty people in forty different places - and each drink had a connection to her friend or the relationship.
What began as a wacky way to celebrate, and to extend the milestone into a yearlong adventure, turned into something else. The 40 Drinks Project was a powerful, soul-searching journey that changed Stephanie’s life profoundly.
Growing out of the project, Stephanie became captivated by the big “four oh,” and how other people dealt with the milestone birthday. The podcast captures conversations with people about their life experience around turning 40 and what 40 means to them. No matter how you slice it, 40 is a crossroads, the halfway mark if you will. We’ll talk to people in their 40s to see what turning 40 was like for them.
And we’ll talk to people in later decades to reflect on their 40s and how they were different from previous decades. And we may even catch up with some of the original Forty Drinks friends to see how they’re doing.
The Forty Drinks Podcast
Learning How to Love Yourself Before Turning 40
When Justin Schenck was in high school, he would have been a contender for the “least likely to succeed” superlative. He had a 1.7 GPA; his mom was in the middle of her 20-year battle with opioids and his dad was in jail. So how did he become a successful entrepreneur and podcaster and a coveted speaker? Between ages 19 and 30, when Justin was chasing all the things society told him he “should,” what he was really chasing was happiness. Then he realized that the version of happiness that he was chasing wasn’t real. The real lesson was that everything we’re searching for is internal but most of us are searching for it externally.
Guest Bio Justin Schenck is an entrepreneur, speaker and the host of the top rated podcast the Growth Now Movement. He has been named a Top 8 Podcaster to follow by INC Magazine, featured in Thrive Global and chosen as an ‘Icon of Influence’ in the new media space.
Justin’s podcast is currently played in more than 100 countries every week and he has gone on to help countless people grow their brands and business with his company PodBrand.io. He is also the host and creator of one of the go to events for entrepreneurs and forward thinkers: Growth Now Summit LIVE!
Learning How to Love Yourself Before Turning 40In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Justin Schenck, a successful entrepreneur and longtime podcaster. Justin shares his personal journey, from a difficult upbringing to finding success and happiness in his thirties. He talks about how he overcame limiting beliefs and adversities, and the importance of self-awareness in his transformation. Justin also talks about the societal pressures he faced in his twenties and how he realized that true happiness comes from within. He shares his daily practices for self-care and growth, as well as his perspective on turning 40 and embracing the next phase of life.
Highlights from this episode include:
Justin's challenging upbringing and how he overcame the odds to become a successful entrepreneurThe role of self-awareness in Justin's journey and how it shaped his mindset and actionsThe realization that external achievements and societal ideals don't guarantee happinessJustin's four daily practices for self-care and personal growthThe importance of getting uncomfortable, surrounding yourself with the right people, and taking action to overcome limiting beliefs and challenges
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Podfest: An annual podcasting conference that Justin and Stephanie both attendAndy Frisella, Real AF Podcast
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast.
After listening to today’s episode, you might be wondering, what’s self awareness?
Self awareness is being conscious of both our own behaviors and how we are perceived by others. In the context of the discussions on The Forty Drinks Podcast, self-awareness is what many people come to during their midlife transition. Like Justin, they realize that what they’ve been doing isn’t working and isn’t making them happy. Just knowing that you’re not happy is a sign of self-awareness. Serban realized that his life was fine - no better, no worse - and that he wanted more than that. Tara followed a path of shoulds straight through college and to a career that, while it may have been stable, dependable and well paying (just like her parents said), left her broken into a million pieces. Figuring out what it was that she wanted and what...
Turning 40 and finding a new identity based on your new reality
Mindy Aisling was in her 30s and living her best life on the Olympic Peninsula in the Pacific Northwest. But when she was 35, Mindy and her son and husband were on the way to the pumpkin patch when an intoxicated driver crossed the center line and hit them head on. She spent three months in a hospital bed and several years recovering from the accident. In this conversation, she talks about what she learned from that experience.
Guest Bio Mindy Aisling is an ICF-Certified Authenticity Empowerment Coach who teaches people how to develop a strong sense of self and use the power of their authenticity to create a fulfilling life.
Turning 40 and finding a new identity based on your new realityIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Mindy Aisling, a woman who experienced a major life transition in her mid-thirties. Mindy's life was going smoothly until a car accident at the age of 35 left her and her son with serious injuries. Mindy shares her journey of physical and emotional healing, as well as her struggle with PTSD and anxiety following the accident. She discusses the importance of self-compassion and the process of grieving and letting go of past versions of herself. Mindy also talks about reconnecting with her true self and the changes she made to live a more authentic life. She emphasizes the need for self-care and the power of trusting and taking leaps of faith. Mindy's story serves as a reminder that even in the face of adversity, there can be growth and transformation.
Highlights from the episode include:
Mindy's experience of the near-fatal car accident and the physical and emotional impact it had on her and her familyThe unexpected challenges of recovery and the journey of healing from a traumatic eventThe importance of self-care and building a strong foundation for emotional well-beingThe process of grieving and letting go of past versions of oneselfThe power of vulnerability and authenticity in building meaningful connections with othersThe role of resilience in navigating life's challenges and pursuing personal growthThe importance of self-awareness and staying connected to oneself
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Mary Oliver's quote: "Someone once gave me a box of darkness, and it took me years to discover that that too was a gift."
In summary, Mindy's story is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative potential of embracing life's challenges. Her journey of healing and self-discovery serves as an inspiration for anyone navigating a major life transition. Remember to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
What is it like recovering from a major illness?
Like most things in life, our paths back from an injury or illness are unique to ourselves. While the physical issues may feel like a burden during the experience, it’s possible to shift your thinking to find silver linings and even valuable lessons. Mindy was a dancer who tore her calf muscle and had to give up the thing she loved. She found a way forward by finding a new way to use her body knowledge, transposing it into a new career. In another example, Kari calls her brain tumor the best case of bad luck because the tumor was completely benign, albeit huge. She did a lot of reflection during her recovery and made some decisions about how she wanted to live her life differently.
Guest ResourcesFind Mindy on Facebook
Turning 40 and getting a crash course in adulthood 2.0
Thanks to a long-distance relationship that turned toxic after she got pregnant and moved to be near her partner, Aveline Clarke had to navigate a messy five years in her late 30s. During this time she was trapped personally and geographically with two of her three children, before she could get back onto the path of her life. She introduced - and vigorously refuted - the concept of “spiritual gaslighting,” as in, "you attracted him for a reason." She talks about how she found the strength and resilience to survive this difficult chapter of her life.
Guest Bio Aveline is the founder of Journey Point, where she assists businesses to connect meaningfully with their core customer while helping them to connect with their purpose in business. She is the host of the 6 Star Business podcast, and the Founder and Captain of the 6 Star Community starship that helps guide and empower 6 Star Entrepreneurs to bring their voice, genius, impact and purpose to the world. She's a mum of homeschooled twin boys, tends to a veggie garden, loves Formula 1 and plant based cooking, and took up surfing in 2021 to surf with her son.
Her journey has been an exploration of life and learning who she really is, and coming back to 'self'. Now she gets to share that with others and help inspire them to be more authentic and purposeful in business.
Turning 40 and getting a crash course in adulthood 2.0In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Aveline Clarke, who shares her harrowing story of being trapped personally and geographically during her late thirties and early forties. Aveline opens up about her relationship with a narcissistic partner, the birth of her twin boys, and the unraveling of her life after moving to be with her boyfriend. She recounts the emotional and financial struggles she faced, including a court order taken out against her by her partner and the subsequent legal battles. Aveline discusses the lack of support from friends and the fickle nature of relationships during difficult times. Despite the overwhelming challenges, Aveline persevered and found strength in personal growth and mindset work. Finally, she shares how she eventually escaped her situation and returned to Queensland with her boys.
Highlights from the episode:
Aveline's realization that her partner was only interested in control of her and their twins and the unraveling of their relationship.The court order he took out against her that essentially trapped her, and her challenges in the Australian legal system, including a judge who was vocal about making “mincemeat” of her. The lack of support she experienced from friends and the fickle nature of relationships during difficult times.Aveline coped with her entrapment through personal growth and mindset work, which helped her find strength and resilience.The eventual escape from her situation and return to Queensland with her twin boys.
Aveline's story is a testament to resilience, gratitude, and the power of choice. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
What are toxic relationship types?
Toxic or unhealthy relationships come in many forms and guises. Many times, we begin a relationship thinking the best of our new partner and ignoring red flags or warning signs. In this episode, Aveline didn’t learn her relationship was toxic until she was pregnant and had moved to be with her partner. In a previous episode, Toby thought her boyfriend was being thoughtful and caring when he asked her where she had been or who she had seen that day. She didn’t realize it was the first steps toward controlling behavior. Kari was in a different type of toxic...
Turning 40 and realizing it’s not my fault
In her late 30s, Amy Tsai was frustrated she couldn’t achieve what she wanted in her business, which led her to meditation and introspection. Then she learned that her mom had made a conscious decision when she was an infant NOT to pick her up when she was crying. This information helped her unravel the feelings of frustration that had been showing up in her relationships her entire life. After working through these issues, she feels much less stressed - and characterizes stress as a belief system that can be changed.
Guest Bio Amy Tsai has been a health & fitness coach for women for 25 years. She has helped women lose their weight for good, get strong in their bodies and overcome their mental obstacles so they can live an energetic and fulfilling life.
Since turning 40, almost 14 years ago, she has been focusing more on helping women navigate through hormonal and physical changes along with their weight challenges as this can be difficult and sometimes feels like there’s no solution. But there are solutions to stubborn later-in-life weight. Just because women are older doesn’t mean they have to suffer in their bodies. No way! In fact, Amy believes in the opposite, you can reach all your weight-loss goals and live your best life yet.
Turning 40 and realizing it’s not my faultIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Amy Tsai, who shares her journey of self-discovery and personal growth, which led her to start her own business and overcome deep-rooted limiting beliefs and relationship patterns. She discusses the importance of mindset work and meditation in her transformation, as well as the impact of her earliest childhood experiences on her self-worth and relationships. Amy also talks about the power of emotional freedom and the role of stress in our lives. Throughout the conversation, she emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself and finding joy and happiness in life.
Highlights from the episode:
Amy's earliest childhood experiences and their impact on her self-worth and relationships.The role of mindset work and meditation in Amy's journey of self-discovery.The importance of emotional freedom and overcoming deep-rooted limiting beliefs and patterns.How stress is linked to our beliefs and mindset, and ways to reduce stress.Amy's journey of starting her own business and finding joy in helping women.
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell MaltzThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der KolkThe Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer
This episode offers valuable insights and inspiration for anyone going through a midlife transformation. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
FAQDoes your relationship with your parents affect future relationships?
Abso-get-down-lutely! The way we interact with the world and the people in it is based on our experiences with our parents and caregivers in our formative years. We develop securely when our parents and caregivers show that they are paying attention to our basic needs from our first moments all the way through our childhood. Attunement is absolutely critical for us to develop a foundational feeling of safety and an understanding that we can trust the people closest to us. When these needs aren’t met, we are likely to develop what’s called early childhood or developmental trauma. And when these issues are left unresolved, attunement wounds can lead to serious interpersonal issues throughout our lives. When that attunement didn’t happen well, or where we have early or developmental trauma, we can have trouble in our relationships, from becoming a...
Turning 40 and Forgiving an Emotionally Absent Father
In this episode, Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American, about her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel shares her experiences growing up with an emotionally absent father and the impact it had on her self-worth. She discusses her tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her son. Rachel emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and forgiveness in her healing process. She also explores the effects of 80s parenting and the lack of emphasis on children's emotional well-being. Rachel shares her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.
Guest Bio Rachel is the top banana at Heal Sing Love where she helps fatherless daughters of physically or emotionally absent fathers create happier lives. Using her own experience as a fatherless daughter and her personal evolution towards healing, she teaches women to realize how powerful, loveable and worthy they actually are and always have been, no matter what they learned in childhood. She hosts two podcasts: Empowered Fatherless Daughters and GenX Ladies Say Anything.
Turning 40 and Forgiving an Emotionally Absent FatherIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American who shares her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel discusses her childhood, marked by the emotional absence of her father, and how this led to seeking validation from others and engaging in emotionally promiscuous behavior. She shares her experience of a tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her young son. Rachel delves into the importance of self-awareness and the process of forgiving her father and herself. She also explores the impact of growing up in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being. Rachel also discusses her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.
Highlights from the episode include:
- Rachel's realization at a young age that her father didn't like her and the impact it had on her self-worth
- The red flags she ignored in her marriage and the emotional and psychological abuse she endured
- How a diagnosis of gallstones led to her decision to leave her marriage and prioritize her son's well-being
- The importance of self-awareness in healing and personal growth
- Rachel's perspective on parenting style in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being
Resources mentioned in the episode:
- "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
- "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
- "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
- "When The Body Says No" by Gabor Maté
What are emotionally absent parents?
Emotionally absent parents are those who may physically be present in a child's life, but are unable to provide the emotional support, validation, and connection that children need for healthy development. This absence can manifest in various ways, such as a lack of attention, affection, or engagement with the child's emotions and experiences. Children who grow up with emotionally absent parents often struggle with low self-esteem, a sense of unworthiness, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. They may seek validation and attention from others, leading to emotional promiscuity or seeking surrogate parental figures outside of the family. This can result in a range of challenges, including difficulties with setting boundaries, making healthy choices, and developing a strong sense of self. The impact of emotionally absent parents can also extend into adulthood, affecting romantic relationships, friendships, and overall emotional well-being.
In another episode, a...
Turning 40 and Becoming Vulnerable
Deidre Harter’s second marriage was a harrowing journey of lies, fraud, and her husband’s imprisonment, all while she was raising their young son. It took seven years for her to realize she wasn’t satisfied and that she had a choice: either examine what’s going on and make some changes, or bury her head in the sand and keep going. She found the courage to ask the difficult questions: What is really true? What do you want? Where are we going? Deidre emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and embracing one's self-worth in order to make positive changes in life. Deidre was ultimately able to embrace her self-worth in order to make positive changes in her life.
Guest Bio Deidre Harter is a CPA who worked in public accounting as a small business advisor (basically a coach working for someone else) and tax consultant for 20 years. She moved into entrepreneurship 13 years ago and started her own coaching program shortly thereafter.
A few years later, she met her business partner through divine intervention, combined their "super powers" and founded https://encoreempire.com/ to help ambitious women scale their service-based online business without all the guesswork.
They do this through holistic business coaching where they help build the strategies, systems and support entrepreneurs need to create more consistent revenue while getting back their time. It's been rewarding to give so many the power of economic freedom. Deidre believes in building relationships with other women who have a similar mission to explore possibilities for collaboration or referral so we can change the lives of others together.
Turning 40 and Becoming VulnerableIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie welcomes guest Deidre Harter who shares a life-altering experience. Deidre discusses her journey through her first adulthood, where she followed the path that others had set out for her, and her subsequent transition into her second adulthood, where she started making decisions based on her own internal compass. She shares the challenges she faced in her second marriage, including her husband's arrest and imprisonment for wire fraud, and how she ultimately found the strength to leave the relationship. Deidre also talks about her shift into entrepreneurship and her current work as a coach and consultant for female entrepreneurs over 40. Throughout the conversation, Deidre emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and the power of embracing one's self-worth and talks about where she found hers.
Highlights from the episode include:
Deidre's experience of the pressure to follow societal expectationsThe challenges she faced in her marriage and the turning point that led her to leaveThe impact of her life experiences on her personal growth and self-confidenceDeidre's transition into entrepreneurship and her current work as a coach and consultantThe importance of self-reflection and embracing one's self-worth
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
What causes personal growth?
Personal growth is an individual process, unique to each of us, but there are several elements that are common to many. The first is the impetus for personal growth. That can be triggered by either a major event, usually something painful, or by a feeling of discomfort with the status quo. Sometimes, people find themselves asking uncomfortable questions like, “Is this all there is?” The second thing that’s common to many people about personal growth is the deep practice of self-reflection, looking at past situations and reflecting on behaviors and choices that either led to that outcome, or that could have changed it. a...
Accessible and Authentic
I love listening to Steph and her guests. This is like having a group of friends over to share stories - and I never want it to end!
Fabulous host and great topic!
I love your show so very much! The topic is so relatable to us 40 somethings and beyond! Thank you so much for allowing me to be a guest on your podcast! It was a treat!
I wish I found this podcast when I turned 40, but it’s okay! All of this is good stuff for being 50. I love the variety of guests and feel like I’m in a coffee shop listening to a great conversation with good friends.
I love the variety of guests and come away each episode contemplating, learning and feeling inspired!
Thanks, Stephanie, for hosting such an engaging podcast!