The Big Four Oh: The Podcast About Turning 40

Stephanie McLaughlin
  • 5.0 (21)
  • PERSONAL JOURNALS
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Sometime around age 40 (+/-) you might start feeling like some part of your life no longer fits and you don't know what to do about it. It could be at work or at home - or simply inside of you. You might be asking questions like, "How did I get here?" Or, "Is this all there is?" "Is this what I've been working so hard for?" Or, "Why aren't I happier?" Growing out of her own experience turning 40, Stephanie McLaughlin became captivated by the big “four oh,” and how people handle the milestone birthday. On The Big Four Oh Podcast, Stephanie has conversations with people about their life experience around turning 40. This birthday often comes wrapped in larger life changes, whether it’s a newfound search for meaning, accepting your mortality, or shedding all those things you did because some external authority said you “should.” Her mission is to make it common cultural knowledge that there IS a transition most of us face around age 40, and then showcase so many versions of that transition that every single person approaching, or recently turned, 40 with dread in their heart, knows that they are not alone. I know you don't want to call it a midlife crisis, so I won't, but "if the glove fits, you must acquit." 😉

  1. 2D AGO

    Turning 40 and discovering why a lifetime of ‘normal’ felt so hard

    A career pivot in his early 40s forced Nathan Karol to confront something he had not thought about since childhood: how his brain actually works. What followed was not a crisis, but a reorientation. Through therapy, testing accommodations, and a willingness to rebuild his systems from the inside out, Nathan found relief, momentum, and a version of success that fits him. This conversation explores late-diagnosed ADHD, identity, ambition, and the freedom that comes from finally working with your wiring instead of against it. Guest Bio Nathan Karol has played many roles in the world both personal and professional. Most notably he is a husband, father, Jew by choice, mental health advocate and mediocre golfer. He's spent his life figuring out what he wants to do when he "grows up," having been mentored and influenced by some amazing human beings. The years around forty have been full of change, reflection, awareness and hard work both professionally and personally. Turning 40 and discovering why a lifetime of ‘normal’ felt so hardNathan Karol’s midlife transition did not arrive with fireworks or a dramatic breakdown. It arrived through pressure, persistence, and a growing realization that the way he had been moving through the world no longer fit his life or, more importantly, how his brain worked. In his early 40s, while pivoting into a new career in financial services, Nathan was forced to confront something he had not thought about since childhood: ADHD. What followed was a reckoning. Through therapy, testing accommodations, and a radical reframing of what success can look like, Nathan found clarity, self-trust, and a path that finally works with his wiring instead of against it. In this episode, we talk about: Growing up curious, hands-on, and constantly in motion, and how early experiences shape adult identity.Losing connection to a childhood ADHD diagnosis and the quiet ways it continued to affect work, stress, and self-worth.Why traditional career paths and rigid structures can be especially punishing for ADHD brains.Hitting a wall in midlife when intense licensing exams forced Nathan to relearn how his brain actually works.The power of therapy, diagnosis, and accommodations in adulthood, and why none of that is a failure.Letting go of a solo business that no longer scaled, and stepping into a role that offers both structure and autonomy.Redefining success as building systems that work for you, not forcing yourself into ones that do not. Midlife clarity often comes from revisiting old truths with new eyes. Nathan didn’t start over from scratch. But he worked towards understanding himself enough to choose a path that fit. His transition demonstrates how self-awareness, support, and flexibility can turn long-standing friction into momentum, and how learning how your brain works can change everything about how you live and work. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast. It helps more people find these stories and reminds them they are not alone. Guest ResourcesConnect with Nathan on Instagram Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you...

    1h 8m

  2. FEB 1 · BONUS

    The Midlife Burn Book: What People Are Really Saying About Midlife

    The Midlife Burn Book: What People Are Really Saying About MidlifeToday, Stephanie McLaughlin shares the unexpected result of an experiment she brought to Podfest 2026: the Midlife Burn Book. Here’s what happened when real people were invited to reflect on midlife, in their own words, written in a notebook passed hand to hand at Podfest. What was intended to be a playful, analog, nostalgia-tinted way to connect with other podcasters turned into a compelling snapshot of what so many people are carrying beneath the surface as they approach or move through midlife. Stephanie explains the origins of the Burn Book; the prompts inspired by years of conversations on the show; and the sometimes surprisingly honest responses people left behind. In this episode, you’ll hear about: Why Stephanie brought the Midlife Burn Book to Podfest and what she hoped would happenThe 10 core themes that have emerged across nearly four years of The Big Four Oh conversationsHow burnout often comes from obedience, over-functioning, and living by rules we did not chooseThe prompt that resonated most: “What I no longer need to justify”The grief that can accompany shedding identities that once felt essentialWhy exhaustion is often information, not a personal failureWhat it looks like to redefine success from the inside out In reflecting on the responses in the Burn Book, Stephanie notices a striking pattern: people were far more ready to explore the rupture than the resolution. The episode underscores how universal the midlife transition really is, and how often the questions we avoid are already waiting just beneath the surface. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast. Your support helps these conversations reach more people who are realizing they are not alone as the ground begins to shift beneath their feet. ConnectTheBigFourOh.com TBFO on Instagram TBFO on Facebook Get the Email Digest Listen, Rate & SubscribeYouTube Podcasts Apple Podcasts Spotify Amazon Podcasts SponsorThe Big Four Oh Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications

    26 min

  3. JAN 20

    Turning 40 and realizing burnout was the warning, not the problem

    Burnout rarely announces itself. It shows up as brain fog, chronic stress, unexplained health issues, and a sense that you are doing everything right but still falling apart. Michelle Niemeyer spent years powering through a high-pressure career, a difficult marriage, and nonstop responsibility before her body forced a reckoning. This conversation explores how achievement can become a coping mechanism, how chronic inflammation becomes “normal,” and why real healing often requires changing how you relate to work, time, and control. Michelle’s story offers a helpful reframe of midlife burnout: not as collapse, but as an opportunity to build a life that finally fits. Guest Bio Michelle Niemeyer is a speaker, coach and former attorney who teaches professionals how to bend time so they can stay sharp, productive and profitable – without burning out. After finding her way to burnout and back in her own high-performing legal career, Michelle created The Art of Bending Time, a framework that helps people connect the dots across work, life, and purpose to magnetize success and reclaim their joy. She helps businesses retain top talent, boost development, and keep their people energized and engaged – all while making the magic happen. Turning 40 and realizing burnout was the warning, not the problemFrom the outside, Michelle Niemeyer looked like the picture of success. She was a high-achieving attorney, deeply involved in her community, and constantly in motion. Underneath that polished exterior, she was exhausted, chronically stressed, and living in a body that was fighting itself. In her mid-30s and early 40s, Michelle’s drive to achieve, her hyper-independence, and years of pushing through discomfort collided with burnout and a serious autoimmune diagnosis. What followed was not just a health reckoning, but a complete transformation in how she relates to work, relationships, time, and herself. Episode Highlights: How Michelle’s childhood conditioning around achievement and responsibility shaped her relentless work ethic.What it looks like when burnout shows up as brain fog, detachment, and physical symptoms long before we recognize it as burnout.The moment her body forced her to pay attention, and how an autoimmune diagnosis changed everything.How lifestyle changes, stress reduction, and radical self-awareness helped Michelle reverse disease progression.The surprising emotional and personality shift that came with learning to slow down and ask for help.Why burnout is often less about time management and more about alignment. Michelle’s story is a reminder that midlife transitions often arrive disguised as health crises, exhaustion, or emotional unraveling. For her, healing was not just about diet or medication, it was about dismantling a lifetime of hyper-independence, redefining success, and reconnecting with what actually brings energy and joy. Her transformation highlights a truth many listeners will recognize: when you stop living in constant survival mode, your body and your life respond in ways that can feel almost miraculous. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast. It helps more people find these stories and reminds others in the middle of their own transition that they are not alone. Guest Resourcesa href="https://www.michelleniemeyer.com" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    55 min

  4. JAN 13

    Turning 40 and becoming “uncorked”

    What happens when a life that looks “fine” stops feeling true? Mikelann Valterra discusses the strange freedom that can follow loss. From rebuilding financially at age 40 to learning how to trust intuition, design a life on her own terms, and say no to other people’s expectations, Mikelann shares what it looks like to move from survival into possibility. This conversation is for anyone in midlife who feels untethered, restless, or quietly hungry for something more, even if they cannot yet name it. Guest Bio Mikelann Valterra is an author, speaker, financial therapist, and master money coach who helps women around the world rise above the money fog, transform their relationship with money, and design their ideal life. For twenty-five years, Mikelann Valterra, MA, AFC has been a thought leader in financial psychology. She has written, spoken, and been interviewed extensively on powerful, practical ways to reduce money anxiety and teaches effective methods for earning, saving, reducing debt, and managing money. Her new book, Rise Above the Money Fog is now available online. When she’s not working with clients, you can find Mikelann on the dance floor, indulging her love of Argentine Tango. Turning 40 and becoming “uncorked”Mikelann Valterra’s transformation began just before her 40th birthday, with a divorce that ended a “good on paper” marriage, the loss of nearly all her financial stability, and a year spent rebuilding from zero while living in her childhood bedroom. What followed was not a collapse, but an “uncorking,” a period of deep self-reflection, creative awakening, and intentional redesign of her life, her finances, and her sense of self. Episode Highlights How a career that looked unconventional on paper led Mikelann to pioneer money coaching before it was widely knownWhy “losing everything” after divorce felt terrifying and oddly freeing at the same timeThe messy middle between ending a marriage and starting over financially at age 40How journaling, therapy, and deep self-reflection helped her rebuild from the ground upThe shift from living by external “shoulds” to designing a life that actually fitWhy knowing yourself is the foundation of both financial peace and personal fulfillmentHow synchronicity, intuition, and curiosity led Mikelann to Argentine tango, and how dance became part of her second adulthood Midlife transitions are rarely neat or linear, but they can be profoundly liberating. Through honesty, humor, and hard-earned wisdom, Mikelann illustrates how rebuilding after loss can open the door to creativity, clarity, and trusting yourself. Her story reframes starting over not as failure, but as an invitation to design a life that aligns with who you truly are, not who you were told to be. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast. It helps more people find these stories and reminds listeners that they are not alone in the messy middle. Guest ResourcesTake the Money Personality Quiz (In the top bar!) Connect with Mikelann on Facebook a...

    1 hr

  5. JAN 6

    Turning 40 and realizing success is not the same as alignment

    Andrea McGinty built what many people would call the ultimate success story: a booming global business, a high-profile marriage, and great kids. So why did midlife still ask her to stop and reconsider everything? Andrea talks about what it feels like when the life you built no longer matches the person you have become. We talk about intuition, values, second acts, and why clarity often arrives slowly, quietly, and from the inside out. If you have ever wondered whether it is possible to change course without burning everything down, this conversation will resonate deeply. Guest Bio Andrea McGinty’s journey is as compelling as the love stories she’s helped create. After being dumped at the altar in her 20s, founding It’s Just Lunch Matchmaking in 1990 (before Google and online dating), and later navigating divorce after 24 years of marriage, Andrea took a four-year pause from dating to focus on raising her teenage daughter. When she decided to jump back into the dating world, she approached it strategically, and it paid off—her sixth first date turned into her husband, whom she married in Rome in 2024. As the founder of It’s Just Lunch in the 1990s, Andrea revolutionized the matchmaking industry. Her innovative service grew to over 110 locations worldwide and facilitated over 33,000 setups, resulting in more than 10,000 marriages. Today, her company, 33,000 Dates, focuses on helping the over-45 crowd find love in the second act of their lives. Currently, 65% of her clients are in long-term relationships, a testament to her expertise and unique methods. Often referred to as the OG or “Godmother” of modern dating, Andrea’s impact extends beyond her clients. Like an NFL coaching tree, more than 40% of today’s top 25 matchmakers trace their roots back to Andrea’s mentorship and pioneering techniques. Her influence has shaped the industry, creating a legacy that stands out in the world of matchmaking. Andrea’s work has garnered extensive media attention. She has been featured on Oprah, People, Today Show, and named Entrepreneur of the Month on the Early Show. As a sought-after speaker, she has addressed audiences at the American Marketing Association and other prestigious events. Her insights and passion have made her a trusted voice in the realm of love and relationships. With over three decades of experience, Andrea doesn’t just write about dating; she’s lived it. Her latest book, 2nd Acts: Winning Strategies for Dating Over 50, combines personal anecdotes and professional expertise to guide singles on finding meaningful connections later in life. Andrea’s vibrant, no-nonsense approach continues to inspire and empower those ready to embrace their second act with optimism and love. Turning 40 and realizing success is not the same as alignmentAndrea McGinty built one of the most successful dating companies in the world before most of us had email, Google, or any idea what online dating might become. But by midlife, the business she had poured herself into, along with the marriage built alongside it, no longer fit who she was becoming. Andrea shares what it was like to grow up as the oldest daughter in a big Irish Catholic family; launch It’s Just Lunch with $3,000 and a dream;, navigate public success alongside private fear; and ultimately listen to the quiet inner voice that told her it was time for something different. Her midlife transition includes selling a global company, divorcing amicably, facing cancer, and stepping fully into a second act built around values, alignment, and deeply personal fulfillment. Episode Highlights Growing up as the oldest child in a large Irish Catholic family and how responsibility and resilience shaped Andrea early onLaunching It’s Just Lunch...

    1 hr

  6. 12/06/2025 · BONUS

    Reflections: What If You Are Not Falling Apart?

    Stephanie digs into the deeper meaning behind that restless, unsettled feeling so many people experience in their thirties and forties. Instead of considering midlife a crisis, she reframes it as a natural emotional upgrade, the moment when your inner world starts demanding a better fit with the life you built. Drawing on insights from her conversation with Dr. Deborah Heiser, Stephanie explores how curiosity, subtraction, and a simple what if question can turn confusion into clarity. If you are sensing a shift, feeling misaligned, or wondering what comes next, this episode will help you understand what is happening and why you are more ready for change than you think. ConnectTheBigFourOh.com TBFO on Instagram TBFO on Facebook Get the Email Digest Listen, Rate & SubscribeYouTube Podcasts Apple Podcasts  Spotify Amazon Podcasts SponsorThe Big Four Oh Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications

    18 min

  7. 11/25/2025

    Turning 40 and asking ‘what if’

    What if midlife isn’t a crisis at all, but an upgrade you never knew you were getting? In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Dr. Deborah Heiser, a psychologist and midlife specialist who believes our forties mark the moment we finally step into our deepest emotional power. Together, they cover why so many people feel unsettled during this season of life; how to tell when you’ve outgrown the path you’re on; and the surprising science that shows our emotional well-being only gets better with age. If you’re standing at the edge of change and wondering what comes next, this conversation will give you language, perspective, and permission to imagine something more. Guest Bio Dr. Deborah Heiser is an applied developmental psychologist, the CEO/Founder of The Mentor Project, and author of The Mentorship Edge. She is a TEDx speaker, member of Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches, Thinkers 50 Radar List, expert contributor to Psychology Today and is also an Adjunct Professor. Turning 40 and asking ‘what if’What happens when a lifelong researcher stops studying everything no one wants to have and instead turns her attention toward what we get to look forward to as we age? For Dr. Deborah Heiser, the answer was a midlife awakening that liberated her from expectations, perfectionism, and the need for a safety net. In her early forties, she left a secure and prestigious research career to build a new life rooted in purpose, fulfillment, and the belief that emotional growth continues long after our bodies start to creak. She discovered that midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s a transition, and it is rich with potential if we’re willing to ask one simple question: what if? In this warm and energizing conversation, Deborah and Stephanie explore the emotional arc of adulthood, the surprising freedom that comes with experience, and why midlife may be the happiest, most meaningful chapter yet. Episode Highlights How Deborah walked away from a secure research career at 40 to pursue meaning, joy, and a new definition of success.The surprising freedom that comes from realizing the “tightrope” of big life changes is actually close to the ground.The shift from relying on external authority to trusting your own experience and expertise.Why the emotional trajectory of life goes up even as the physical one goes down.Midlife transitions vs. midlife crisis: how changing the language opens new possibilities.How cultural norms have shifted since the 1970s, and what Millennials bring to the midlife conversation.The power of asking “What if?” to reveal possibilities, uncover desires, and subtract what no longer serves you.Why fulfillment becomes non-negotiable in your forties, and how to follow the internal cues that point you toward it. This conversation takes an insightful deep dive into the emotional transition of midlife, guided by someone who has both studied it and lived it. Stephanie and Deborah unpack why our forties often spark a shift toward fulfillment, autonomy, and self-trust, and how curiosity, not crisis, is the real engine behind change. Through stories, science, and a few well-placed laughs, they reframe midlife as an exciting developmental stage where we get to rethink our choices, reclaim our authority, and create lives that feel good from the inside out. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh so more people can discover what this transition is really all about. Guest ResourcesDeborah’s book: The Mentorship Edge: Creating Maximum Impact Through Lateral and Hierarchical Mentoring Deborah’s Psychology Today Blog about Turning...

    46 min

  8. 11/12/2025

    Turning 40 and rewriting the rules of love

    When Lauren Hayes became a mother in her mid-30s, her fierce independence and lifelong people-pleasing suddenly collided. Parenthood cracked open old patterns she didn’t know were running the show, like the “funny” family story about her as a child that led to the belief that she had to earn love to be worthy of it. Through therapy, self-inquiry, and later, an unexpected exploration of ethical non-monogamy with her husband, Lauren began to uncover what authentic love and connection actually feel like. In this candid, funny, and deeply human conversation, she shares how healing her “little-t” trauma helped her trust her own voice, redefine intimacy, and finally stop hustling for approval. Guest Bio Lauren Hayes is speaker, author and relationship coach specializing in supporting ethically non-monogamous (ENM) couples, including swingers and the ENM-curious. She helps couples navigate and engage the swinging and non-monogamous community in the healthiest of ways. She holds the perspective that non-monogamous relationships share the same foundations of any healthy relationship, however, they need to operate at a higher level of health to accommodate the additional complexities. Her approach aims to help couples build their ideal relationship, regardless of whether or how many others it includes. She also brings personal experience to her coaching having been married for 20+ years and ENM (swingers) for the last 6+ years. Turning 40 and Rewriting the Rules of LoveLauren Hayes shares a story of courage, curiosity, and radical honesty. From an early childhood experience that left her believing she had to earn love, Lauren built a life of high achievement and independence. But when motherhood stripped away her identity and marriage revealed deep emotional patterns, she began the hard work of healing. That healing eventually led her, and her husband, to explore non-monogamy, a journey that brought her closer to self-acceptance, intimacy, and personal freedom than she’d ever known. Now a relationship coach and author, Lauren shares how learning to trust her own voice and desires transformed not just her marriage but her sense of self. In this episode, you’ll hear: How a “funny” childhood story revealed the root of a lifelong belief that she had to earn loveThe surprising ways people-pleasing shows up even in adulthood and marriageWhat happens when independence becomes a trauma response instead of a strengthHow becoming a mother cracked open her identity and forced her to redefine “being enough”What ethical non-monogamy is, and what it isn’tHow exploring non-traditional relationships can become a path to deep personal growthThe empowerment that comes from embracing your sexuality and using your voice Lauren’s midlife transformation story is an invitation to examine the stories we tell ourselves about love, worth, and belonging. What began as a journey to fix what wasn’t working turned into an awakening to her own inner truth. Through therapy, personal growth, and open-hearted exploration, she discovered that love rooted in authenticity and self-knowledge is more fulfilling than love earned through approval or performance. Her story is proof that midlife isn’t a crisis: it’s a chance to rewrite the script and live in alignment with who you truly are. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast; it helps more people find these conversations about transformation, truth, and growth. Guest ResourcesGet Lauren’s book, “For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist  Connect with Lauren on...

    1h 8m
See All (152)

Trailer

5
out of 5
21 Ratings

About

Sometime around age 40 (+/-) you might start feeling like some part of your life no longer fits and you don't know what to do about it. It could be at work or at home - or simply inside of you. You might be asking questions like, "How did I get here?" Or, "Is this all there is?" "Is this what I've been working so hard for?" Or, "Why aren't I happier?" Growing out of her own experience turning 40, Stephanie McLaughlin became captivated by the big “four oh,” and how people handle the milestone birthday. On The Big Four Oh Podcast, Stephanie has conversations with people about their life experience around turning 40. This birthday often comes wrapped in larger life changes, whether it’s a newfound search for meaning, accepting your mortality, or shedding all those things you did because some external authority said you “should.” Her mission is to make it common cultural knowledge that there IS a transition most of us face around age 40, and then showcase so many versions of that transition that every single person approaching, or recently turned, 40 with dread in their heart, knows that they are not alone. I know you don't want to call it a midlife crisis, so I won't, but "if the glove fits, you must acquit." 😉

Information