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Gay Men Going Deeper

Michael DiIorio & Matt Landsiedel | Gay Men’s Brotherhood
  • 4.5 (383)
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Gay Men Going Deeper is a podcast about gay relationships, identity, sexuality, and personal growth for gay men navigating modern life. Hosted by Matt Landsiedel and Michael DiIorio, the show dives into topics like dating, shame, masculinity, confidence, emotional intimacy, and the pressures of modern gay culture. Expect raw conversations, psychological insight, and the kind of honest discussions that challenge assumptions and invite deeper reflection about what it means to live authentically as a gay man.

  1. “I Don’t Need Anyone”: Why Gay Men Struggle to Let Someone In

    MAY 28 • EARLY ACCESS EARLY ACCESS

    “I Don’t Need Anyone”: Why Gay Men Struggle to Let Someone In

    A lot of gay men take pride in being independent, self-sufficient and in control. But is there a shadow side? When the time comes to let someone in, ask for support, or even rely on others—it feels uncomfortable, exposing, even threatening. In this episode, we explore the spectrum between dependence, co-dependence, independence, hyper-independence, and interdependence—and why so many gay men get stuck at the far end of doing life alone. We talk about: - What hyper-independence actually is (and why it’s so common) - The fear of losing yourself, your freedom, or your identity - Why intimacy feels harder than being alone - How this shows up in dating, relationships, and asking for support - What it looks like to move toward interdependence (secure attachment) This isn’t about becoming dependent. It’s about learning how to find a happy middle ground where you can let someone in without losing yourself or pulling further away.

    36 min
  2. Gay–Straight Bromance: Why We’re Drawn to Each Other

    MAY 14 • EARLY ACCESS EARLY ACCESS

    Gay–Straight Bromance: Why We’re Drawn to Each Other

    There’s something unique about friendships between gay and straight men. They often feel easy, natural, and unexpectedly intimate. In this episode, we explore the unique reasons why gay and straight men are drawn towards each other. From male bonding and emotional intimacy to validation, and the freedom to drop the “rules” of being a man, these friendships often offer something both sides aren’t getting elsewhere. We unpack: - Why gay men are drawn to straight men… and what they represent - Why straight men feel safe, open, and even curious around gay men - How masculinity is shifting in 2026… and where these friendships fit - What each side gives the other and how we balance each other out This is an episode beyond hookups and labels. It’s about what men are craving, and what that reveals about modern masculinity.

    44 min
  3. How To Deal With Haters (Without Getting Defensive)

    5D AGO

    How To Deal With Haters (Without Getting Defensive)

    We’ve all dealt with them. And maybe we’ve probably been one too… In this episode, we unpack what’s really going on beneath hate. Not just online trolls or obvious critics, but the subtle ways judgment, resentment, and animosity show up in everyday life. We explore: Why people hate in the first place (and why it’s rarely about you) The difference between healthy disagreement and actual hate How hate often masks insecurity, unmet expectations, or avoidance What it actually costs you to be a hater And how to deal with haters without shrinking, proving, or losing yourself This isn’t about pretending to be positive or “above it.” It’s about understanding psychology so you don’t get pulled into it, or unconsciously become part of it. ️ Connection Circle: Your Coming Out Process If this episode resonates, join Matt for a live Connection Circle. This is an opportunity to share your story, be witnessed without judgment, and begin releasing the parts of you that learned it wasn’t safe to be fully authentic. You don’t have to carry it alone anymore. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: How To Deal With Haters(00:01:34) - Michael Jackson on Why People Hate Him(00:04:55) - How to Stop Criticizing Others(00:05:35) - Haters Need to Be Seen In Their Pain(00:09:00) - How to Disagree With a Hater(00:14:00) - "Disengagement Is a Powerful Tool"(00:15:51) - Michael on The Impact Of Hate On His Life(00:20:45) - The Influences of Social Media(00:21:12) - How to Handle Haters(00:21:43) - How To Stop Defensiveness(00:25:55) - Let the Haters Be Wrong(00:29:58) - Dropping Love For The Brothers(00:31:05) - A Connection Circle

    32 min
  4. Busy, Stimulated, and Disconnected: Gay Men & Escapism

    APR 16

    Busy, Stimulated, and Disconnected: Gay Men & Escapism

    What if the things you turn to for fun, pleasure, and productivity are also the ways you avoid your life? In this episode, we explore escapism through a grounded, real-world lens. Not necessarily as a clinical issue, but as a pattern most of us fall into without realizing it. From constant busyness and social plans to sex, substances, and scrolling, it’s never been easier to stay stimulated- and disconnected at the same time. We break down: Why escapism is so common (and why it makes sense) The difference between enjoyment and avoidance How to recognize when it shifts from choice to compulsion The hidden costs of always staying “on” Why a full life can still feel empty Join us for an eye-opening episode about understanding the spectrum of escapism… and what it might be helping you avoid. ️ Connection Circle: Slowing Down Without Falling Behind If this episode resonates, join Michael for a live Connection Circle where we explore how to slow down, be more intentional, and stay connected to your life… without feeling like you’re falling behind. www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/events Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Man Going Deep: Escapism(00:03:34) - Have You Been In A Pattern of Avoidance?(00:07:30) - Have You Ever Been In A Compulsive Loop With Something?(00:10:49) - How To Cope After A Breakup(00:13:26) - Talking About Relationships(00:15:14) - What is the anxiety of working?(00:16:24) - Burnout and Escapism(00:20:05) - Gay Man's Brotherhood: Slowing Down Without Falling Behind(00:22:13) - How to Stop Distract Yourself With Your Phone(00:26:19) - What is the cost of constant numbing, avoidance of self?(00:28:35) - How to Slow Down Your Life(00:29:26) - A Gay Man's Four Fs(00:30:47) - Gay Men's Brotherhood

    31 min
  5. Let’s Play! When Did Life Stop Being Fun?

    APR 2

    Let’s Play! When Did Life Stop Being Fun?

    At what point did life stop being fun? As kids, play came naturally. We were curious, spontaneous, and fully present. But for many adults, especially gay men who grew up navigating shame and self-consciousness, play slowly disappears. Responsibility takes over. Image matters more. We try to be cool. And somewhere along the way, joy gets replaced with pressure, performance, and productivity. In this episode, we explore why so many adults lose their playful side and why reconnecting with it can be one of the most powerful ways to reclaim joy, authenticity, and connection. Some of the things we cover in this conversation are: How shame and self-consciousness disconnect us from play The difference between authentic play and performative fun How western culture slowly erodes our inner child Why playfulness is connected to vulnerability and authenticity The role of play in intimacy, connection, and great sex How play can protect against burnout and bring us back to life Why joy and appreciation are skills worth intentionally developing If life has started to feel heavy, serious, or overly effortful, this episode is a reminder that play is not childish. It may be one of the most important ingredients in a meaningful life. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop seri... Chapters (00:00:05) - Let's Play(00:02:05) - Why Do Gay Men Stop Playing?(00:04:19) - What Did You Play For As A Child?(00:07:15) - When Did You Start Playing Solo?(00:13:20) - What Would You Get Out Of Play?(00:18:10) - How I Used To Play Both Girls And Boys(00:21:05) - Gay Men Talk About Childhood Play(00:23:32) - Have Your Relationships to Play Changed As You Get Older?(00:29:03) - The Importance of Play(00:31:01) - The Role of Play in Me(00:36:39) - What Does Playing Bring Up For You?(00:37:00) - What Are The Ways That You Play?(00:40:02) - The Importance of Travel(00:42:20) - Matt the Filmmaker on Play(00:47:33) - Michael's Secret To Fun And Play(00:50:39) - Play Will Save Your Life!

    54 min
  6. Masc for Masc: Preference or Internalized Homophobia?

    MAR 26

    Masc for Masc: Preference or Internalized Homophobia?

    When a gay man says he’s attracted to masculine men, is that simply preference… or could internalized homophobia be part of the story? In this episode, we unpack one of the most volatile conversations in the gay community. We explore what people actually mean when they say “masculine,” the masc and fem archetypes that shape gay culture, and how social conditioning around masculinity and femininity can influence attraction and identity. Most importantly, we tackle the question at the center of the debate: where is the line between genuine preference and internalized bias? In this episode we discuss: What people really mean when they say “masculine” Masculine and feminine archetypes  How conditioning around masculinity shapes attraction What internalized homophobia can look like in everyday life The difference between preference and hierarchy Where the line may exist between preference and prejudice Join us for a nuanced conversation about masculinity, attraction, and the cultural forces that shape how gay men see themselves and each other. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your... Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep(00:01:00) - Gay Men's Issues With Masculinity(00:03:16) - What is Internalized Homophobia?(00:05:26) - Are You Attracted To Masculine Men?(00:10:26) - Tom Brokaw on Masculinity(00:11:40) - Masculinity and the Gay Community(00:14:31) - On Masculinity and Sexuality(00:17:39) - Gayman's Brotherhood Connection Circles(00:18:29) - Internalized Homophobia(00:23:06) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Femininity and Gay Life(00:29:44) - Queens Talk About Their Gay Culture(00:32:15) - Outing My Own Phobia(00:36:08) - Gay Men Go Deep Coaching(00:36:50) - Where Is the Line Between Real Sexual Desire and Internalized Homophobia(00:39:58) - I Used To Be Attracted To Performative Masculinity(00:45:24) - Reno On Gay Men's Sexualities(00:49:08) - Blind Dating on Grindr(00:50:14) - A Very Long Goodbye

    51 min
  7. Flakey Gays: Why is Follow-Through So Hard?

    MAR 19

    Flakey Gays: Why is Follow-Through So Hard?

    The guy who constantly cancels plans, keeps things vague, or disappears when something better comes along — that’s flakiness: a pattern of not following through. In a culture of endless options and shifting feelings, has unreliability quietly become normal? And what does that actually say about us? In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about: What flakiness actually is — and what it isn’t The difference between boundaries and excuses Common avoidance patterns in dating and friendships Why keeping your word is about more than just social plans What it really means to be a reliable man This isn’t just about the inconvenience of canceled plans. It’s about self-trust, stronger relationships, and the kind of man you’re practicing becoming. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: FlAKY Gays(00:03:24) - Gay Men Talk About Flakiness(00:07:37) - How to run a group(00:08:45) - Flaky Gay Men vs Avoidant Gay Men(00:13:03) - Being Candid With People(00:16:34) - Gay Men Talk About When They Don't Want To Connect With Me(00:20:13) - How to Get More Out of Your Friendships(00:21:10) - Lack of Follow Through(00:25:50) - Matt On His Love Life(00:29:04) - In the Elevator With Flakiness(00:30:25) - Gaming Going Deep

    31 min
  8. Is Being Gay Your Entire Identity? (The Hidden Cost of Over-Identification)

    MAR 12

    Is Being Gay Your Entire Identity? (The Hidden Cost of Over-Identification)

    What does it actually mean to identify as gay? For many of us, claiming the word “gay” was liberating. It gave us language, belonging, community, and pride. It helped us make sense of our experiences and find people who understood us. But is there a point where identification turns into over-identification? In this episode, we unpack some big questions: What is identity, really? In what ways is identifying as gay empowering? How does it foster belonging and inclusion? When does it start to create division, hierarchy, or limitation? Is “gay” a culture — and if so, what does that even mean? Where’s the line between healthy pride and rigid attachment? We explore the benefits and the drawbacks of tying ourselves closely to any identity — and how over-identifying can sometimes shrink us rather than expand us. This conversation isn’t about minimizing being gay. It’s about integrating it. About moving from performance to embodiment. From label to lived experience. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Over Identifying With Being Gay(00:00:50) - Being gay in the quest for enlightenment(00:03:29) - Michael Buble On Over Identifying With Being Gay(00:08:55) - On Loss of Identity(00:13:26) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: The Gay Community(00:18:03) - Coming Out Has Helped People(00:21:17) - How Over Identifying Can Be a Hindrance(00:23:05) - Is Pride Helpful or a hindrance for Gay Men?

    25 min
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4.5
out of 5
383 Ratings

About

Gay Men Going Deeper is a podcast about gay relationships, identity, sexuality, and personal growth for gay men navigating modern life. Hosted by Matt Landsiedel and Michael DiIorio, the show dives into topics like dating, shame, masculinity, confidence, emotional intimacy, and the pressures of modern gay culture. Expect raw conversations, psychological insight, and the kind of honest discussions that challenge assumptions and invite deeper reflection about what it means to live authentically as a gay man.

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