Growth Over Easy: No‑BS Guidance for Long‑Term Relationships

Lilly Rachels
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Welcome to Growth Over Easy — the no-BS resource for successful men who want to apply the same strategic thinking they use in business to build stronger relationships, improve communication with their partner, and create lasting emotional intimacy. Hosted by Lilly Rachels, MSW, relationship coach and co-founder of Relational Somatics, this show combines relationship strategy, nervous system science, and communication frameworks to help high-achieving men break free from patterns of overthinking, emotional shutdown, and disconnection. Each week, you'll learn how your nervous system, attachment style, and relationship blueprint shape your love life — and how to shift from reactive arguments and emotional distance into confident communication, deeper trust, and genuine connection. If you're a successful man who's tired of: The same repetitive conflicts with your partner Feeling like you're "doing everything wrong" in your relationship Shutting down emotionally during difficult conversations Your partner saying you're "not present" or "emotionally unavailable" Struggling to balance career success with relationship satisfaction ...this podcast will give you the strategic tools, frameworks, and real-world techniques to master relationship skills the way you've mastered your career. We answer questions like: How do I communicate with my partner without triggering an argument? Why do I shut down emotionally during conflict — and how do I stop? How can I stay calm and present when conversations get heated? What do I do when my partner withdraws or becomes emotionally distant? How do successful men balance career demands with relationship connection? What communication strategies actually work for long-term partnerships? How do I rebuild intimacy after months (or years) of emotional distance? Whether you're in a long-term relationship, married, or dating with intention, Relationship Growth will help you think strategically about relationships, communicate with confidence, and build the emotional connection that lasts — without losing yourself in the process. Perfect for: Executives and entrepreneurs who want relationship mastery High-achieving men exploring relationship coaching and strategic communication Men who prefer systems and frameworks over "just talk about your feelings" Anyone ready to move from surviving their relationship to genuinely enjoying it 🎙️ New episodes drop weekly with practical strategies, real stories, and science-backed tools from somatic psychology, attachment theory, and executive relationship coaching. Stop overthinking. Start connecting. Build the relationship you actually want. www.growthovereasy.com

  1. 173: Here's Why Your Wife Says Your Feedback Is Criticism (And How to Fix It)

    FEB 17

    173: Here's Why Your Wife Says Your Feedback Is Criticism (And How to Fix It)

    In this episode, Lilly breaks down why your feedback feels like criticism to your partner—even when you’re genuinely trying to help—and what you can do to shift that. She explains the two reasons feedback lands like criticism: your conduct (the energy behind your words) and the absence of emotional safety in the relationship. She’ll walk you through the fear vs. love framework, redefine what “safety” actually means in a relationship, and give you a simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why your partner reacts to feedback like it’s criticism, even when you’re genuinely trying to help * The two reasons feedback lands like criticism: conduct and absence of safety * Why conduct (the energy behind your words) matters just as much as content (what you’re saying) * The fear vs. love framework: words rooted in fear are repelled, words rooted in love are received * What emotional safety actually means (and why it’s not just physical safety) * How to tell if emotional safety is present in your relationship (the intimacy temperature check) * Why feedback can’t land in a chronically activated relationship * How to become the tuning fork for your family (vagal authority in your home) * A simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday Free Download: Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for LeadersIf you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you. Work with Lilly: If you’re someone who explodes and then withdraws and shuts down, or you notice a lot of tension and turmoil in your home, reach out to Lilly. She’ll walk you through what nervous system work could do for your relationship.Email: support@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    11 min
  2. 172: Why You Can't Turn It Off at Home (Chronic Activation Explained for Men)

    FEB 10

    172: Why You Can't Turn It Off at Home (Chronic Activation Explained for Men)

    In this episode, Lilly breaks down what chronic activation is, how you get stuck in it, and what you can do about it. She’ll explain why you might feel like you’re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart. And she’ll give you one simple resourcing tool that can help you access safety in your nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: * What chronic activation is and why you’ve stopped noticing it * How chronic activation is like being sleep-deprived—you adapt, but you’re still declining internally * Why you feel like you’re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart * The difference between sympathetic charge (activation) and parasympathetic safety (rest, connection, intimacy) * Why high-functioning men go from highly activated to completely shut down at the end of the day (dorsal vagal collapse) * What resourcing is and how it helps your nervous system access safety * A simple exercise you can do right now to downshift into safety * Why resourcing alone won’t renegotiate the patterns keeping you stuck, and what will Free Download: Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for LeadersIf you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you. https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide Book a Call with Lilly: If you’re interested in working directly with your nervous system to renegotiate the patterns keeping you in chronic activation, book a call with Lilly. She’ll walk you through polyvagal theory and explore what’s going on in your individual system and if nervous system work will help you. https://calendar.app.google/dDeTxAJfjCZQLnzS7 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    5 min
  3. 171: Why High-Performing Men Snap at Home (And How to Stop the Explode Shutdown Cycle)

    FEB 3

    171: Why High-Performing Men Snap at Home (And How to Stop the Explode Shutdown Cycle)

    In this episode, Lilly breaks down the Explode Shutdown Cycle: chronic activation → trigger → explosion → guilt → shutdown → repeat. She’ll explain why willpower and communication skills can’t fix this, and what actually works: training your nervous system to expand capacity and move fluidly between activation and safety. In this episode, you’ll learn: * What the Explode Shutdown Cycle is and why it keeps repeating * The nervous system science behind chronic activation, explosion, guilt, and shutdown * Why you’re a “high-functioning survivalist” (like a high-functioning alcoholic—you keep it together, but at a cost) * Why willpower and communication skills can’t fix a maxed-out nervous system * The difference between sympathetic overdrive (activation) and ventral vagal (safety, connection, rest) * Why small triggers at home (mess, requests, interruptions) feel like threats when you’re already maxed out * How to train your nervous system to expand capacity and stay present under pressure * The three phases to break the cycle (outlined in the free field guide) * Why this is not a personality flaw—it’s a trainable nervous system response Free Download: Explode Shutdown Cycle Field GuideVisual diagram + 3 phases to break the cycle.https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide Connect with Lilly: * Work 1:1: support@lillyrachels.com * Website: lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    11 min

  4. JAN 27

    170: Why You Keep Her at Arm's Length (Fear of Rejection Explained)

    You’re keeping your partner at arm’s length. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Looking for proof they’ll leave. It’s not them. It’s your fear of rejection putting a force field around you that love can’t get through. In this episode, Lilly breaks down the fear of rejection, why it shows up in relationships, and how it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. She walks you through the difference between real fear (evidence in THIS relationship) and imagined fear (ghosts from your past), and gives you a powerful reframe for building self-trust. In this episode, you’ll learn: * What the fear of rejection actually includes (fear of judgment, abandonment, not being good enough) * Why this fear starts in childhood and shows up in your adult relationships * How your brain looks for proof of what you already believe (and creates self-sabotage) * Why keeping someone at arm’s length guarantees they’ll eventually leave * The difference between real fear and imagined fear (and how to tell which one you’re dealing with) * How to know if your fear is based on evidence in THIS relationship or trauma from the past * Why “I am worthy of love” doesn’t work (and what to say instead) Connect with Lilly: * Book a Free Call with Lilly * Website: lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    9 min
  5. 169: Vagal Authority: Why You Can't Relax at Home (And How to Build It)

    JAN 20

    169: Vagal Authority: Why You Can't Relax at Home (And How to Build It)

    FREE CLASS JAN 27: At Ease: Why You Can’t Relax At Home Save Your Seat You’re crushing it at work. Managing teams. Solving problems. Making decisions under pressure. But when you get home? You can’t turn it off. Your wife wants to talk and it feels like a chore. Your kids annoy you because you can’t focus. You get into bed and your mind races through tomorrow’s to-do list. There’s no exhale. No downshift. Just chronic activation. In this episode, Lilly breaks down vagal authority, a leadership concept from polyvagal theory that explains why some leaders command a room through groundedness rather than intimidation. She walks you through your nervous system, explains chronic activation, and gives you a practice you can try right now to start building flexibility in your system. In this episode, you’ll learn: * What vagal authority is and why it’s the new frontier of leadership * The difference between sympathetic (go mode) and parasympathetic (rest mode) nervous systems * What chronic activation feels like (and why you can’t relax at home) * Why being the grounded person in the room is more powerful than being the loudest * How your nervous system becomes the tuning fork for everyone around you * A simple grounding practice to access safety in your body * What it means to “surf through your day” instead of constantly spiking and crashing Connect with Lilly: * Free class January 27th: Why You Can’t Relax at Home (Even If Nothing is Wrong) - https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home * Work 1:1: support@growthovereasy.com * Website: www.lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    9 min
  6. 168: Why You Explode Over Small Things (And How to Stop)

    JAN 13

    168: Why You Explode Over Small Things (And How to Stop)

    FREE MASTERCLASS: Why You Can’t Relax At Home (Even When Nothing Is Wrong): JOIN FOR FREE If you’ve tried talk therapy, read the books, and still find yourself exploding over small things or shutting down during conflict, this episode is for you. Today I’m sharing a client success story that shows exactly why nervous system work is more effective than traditional talk therapy, especially for men. You’ll hear how Dan (not his real name) went from explosive anger with his wife and PTSD triggers at work to staying calm, present, and connected, in just a few weeks. This isn’t about talking through your problems for months. This is about working with what’s happening in your body so you can move through triggers without being derailed by them. If you’re stuck in chronic stress, hypervigilance, or explosive reactions, this episode will show you what’s possible. What You’ll Learn: * Why Dan’s explosive anger wasn’t a character flaw, it was a nervous system pattern * How childhood trauma and military PTSD were connected to his present-day reactions * Why talk therapy often re-traumatizes people (and how nervous system work is different) * What it means to expand your window of tolerance so triggers don’t blow you offline * Why fights with your partner are never just about the present moment Join the Free Masterclass: If you struggle with chronic stress, hypervigilance, explosive reactions, or shutdown during conflict, this class is for you. Learn what’s happening in your nervous system and how to move through it. 👉 [Register here: January 26th - Free] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    7 min

  7. JAN 6

    167: What's In and Out for Relationships in 2026

    New year, new relationship standards. In this episode, Lilly breaks down the five things that need to go and the five things that need to stay in your relationship for 2026. We’re ditching the defensive apologies, the unrealistic expectations, and the passive-aggressive pet names. And we’re leaning into repair as a one-way street, friction as your growth edge, and building a flexible nervous system that can handle real connection. This isn’t about perfection. It’s about doing the real work in 2026. What You’ll Learn: * Why labeling your partner as “avoidant” or “narcissist” is sabotaging your relationship * The truth about expecting your partner to meet all your needs (spoiler: they can’t) * Why band-aid fixes don’t work—and what root cause work actually looks like * How to apologize without making excuses or rationalizing your behavior * What “repair as a one-way street” means and why it changes everything * How to reframe relationship friction as your growth edge * The difference between nervous system regulation and a flexible nervous system * Why men and women need to be on the same team in 2026 Key Takeaways: * An apology is simple: “I’m sorry for this.” No excuses, no rationalization. * Repair is a one-way street—deal with one problem at a time. * Your partner is a mirror showing you where you need to grow. * Flexibility in your nervous system is more important than always being “zen.” * Stop pitting men and women against each other—we all rise together. Connect with Lilly: * Work with Lilly 1-on-1: [Book a consultation call] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    10 min

  8. 12/30/2025

    166: Losing Strategy #5: Withdrawal (And Why It Slowly Kills Your Relationship)

    You shut down. You go silent. You walk away. You think you’re protecting yourself. But you’re actually killing your connection. In this final episode of the 5-part series on losing strategies, Lilly breaks down withdrawal, the pattern she’s struggled with most. She explains the difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout, why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight, and how to build your capacity to stay in the room when conflict gets hard. This is Part 5 (the final episode) of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle. In this episode, you’ll learn: * What withdrawal really is (physically or emotionally leaving from resignation or retaliation) * The difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout * What withdrawal looks like * Why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight during conflict * Why withdrawal is one of the most destructive patterns in relationships * How to recognize when you’re about to withdraw (awareness of your body’s signals) * How to take a responsible timeout * How to ground yourself during a timeout * Why you need to build capacity to stay in the uncomfortable * The one question that changes everything Connect with Lilly: * Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@growthovereasy.com * Book a free call: https://calendar.app.google/HEj4hbVcy1u8eToF9 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

    11 min
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5
out of 5
29 Ratings

About

Welcome to Growth Over Easy — the no-BS resource for successful men who want to apply the same strategic thinking they use in business to build stronger relationships, improve communication with their partner, and create lasting emotional intimacy. Hosted by Lilly Rachels, MSW, relationship coach and co-founder of Relational Somatics, this show combines relationship strategy, nervous system science, and communication frameworks to help high-achieving men break free from patterns of overthinking, emotional shutdown, and disconnection. Each week, you'll learn how your nervous system, attachment style, and relationship blueprint shape your love life — and how to shift from reactive arguments and emotional distance into confident communication, deeper trust, and genuine connection. If you're a successful man who's tired of: The same repetitive conflicts with your partner Feeling like you're "doing everything wrong" in your relationship Shutting down emotionally during difficult conversations Your partner saying you're "not present" or "emotionally unavailable" Struggling to balance career success with relationship satisfaction ...this podcast will give you the strategic tools, frameworks, and real-world techniques to master relationship skills the way you've mastered your career. We answer questions like: How do I communicate with my partner without triggering an argument? Why do I shut down emotionally during conflict — and how do I stop? How can I stay calm and present when conversations get heated? What do I do when my partner withdraws or becomes emotionally distant? How do successful men balance career demands with relationship connection? What communication strategies actually work for long-term partnerships? How do I rebuild intimacy after months (or years) of emotional distance? Whether you're in a long-term relationship, married, or dating with intention, Relationship Growth will help you think strategically about relationships, communicate with confidence, and build the emotional connection that lasts — without losing yourself in the process. Perfect for: Executives and entrepreneurs who want relationship mastery High-achieving men exploring relationship coaching and strategic communication Men who prefer systems and frameworks over "just talk about your feelings" Anyone ready to move from surviving their relationship to genuinely enjoying it 🎙️ New episodes drop weekly with practical strategies, real stories, and science-backed tools from somatic psychology, attachment theory, and executive relationship coaching. Stop overthinking. Start connecting. Build the relationship you actually want. www.growthovereasy.com

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