James' worsening paranoia about the darkness requires mental health counselling. Story by Jess Yeoman Narrated by Jess Yeoman Foreword and Afterword by Joe Morin Edited by Joe Morin THE PROMPT A guy is afraid of his own shadow... for a good reason. THE STORY The Fear Head to Head Project Jess Yeoman James sliced slowly, thoughtfully through his Grade A steak, readying a near-perfect bite. A sip of red wine to follow, always red wine with red meat, or at least so he had been told. His stunning date sat across from him, prodding her green beans around her plate playfully. “So, James…” “Mm?” He responded, barely looking up from his plate. She gazed at him with a sheepish smile, and he knew what was going to come next. Always the same questions on these dates, and no new answers, from either party involved. “Well, it’s just, you seem to be quite successful, with the whole Wall Street-bank-thing,” she gestured vaguely with her hands as she spoke. “Insurance,” James said, clearing his throat. “I work in insurance”. Why was the music in this restaurant so damn loud? It was a string quartet, fitting for such a stylish restaurant, but in James' ears it was like radio static, dissonant and distracting. “Ah, right.” The young woman looked somewhat defeated, but plodded on. “So you seem to be doing extremely well in insurance, you’ve got fancy degrees under your belt and, well…” she chuckled and paused, hesitant to play all her cards upfront. “On top of that, you’re quite a dreamboat.” This caught James’ attention, as he looked his date in the eye for perhaps the first time that evening. “I feel you’re working your way towards a point, shall we get there together before our dinner turns cold?” The young woman’s eyes fell to her lap, and she let out a small breath. Realizing he had been too harsh, James took a sip of his wine and sat back in his upholstered chair, attempting to soften his composure. The bright lights, amplified by mirrors hanging on every free scrap of wall in the crisp white dining space, were beginning to give him a headache, and likely the wine wasn’t helping either, but he knew it was only fair to play this evening out to the end. “Sorry, dear, I only meant that I think I know what you’re getting at. Please, continue.” “Well, I was just going to say that despite doing quite well for yourself, in basically every part of life that counts, nobody really sees you out,” she replied, emphasizing the last word in quotation marks with her fingers. James paused to digest her words, searching his steak for a good way to respond. It felt like she already knew the answer, though; surely his reputation had preceded him, surely she had heard stories. He sat forward once more, folding his hands in front of himself, and brought his gaze back to his date. She really was beautiful, a modern kind of beauty with some hints of old-money upbringing. Her chocolate curls hugged her cheekbones, and the string of pearls around her neck reflected every sparkle of light in the place. Perhaps she had a point, perhaps coming out of his cave would be alright now and then, as he took in all the light around him. “Well, it’s really just-” James cut off abruptly. An uncomfortable, familiar chill ran through his core as he looked beyond his date, catching sight of himself in one of the infinite mirrors in the room. The white light bouncing between mirrors and sconces and chandeliers left James disoriented as he stared, but even as he tilted his head to see clearer past the young woman’s shoulder, there was one unmistakable fact: His reflection stared right back for just a second too long, unmoving, unblinking, uncanny. “So, let’s go over this once more. I know we’ve chatted about it countless times, but I really just need to make sure you’re progressing.” The vintage furniture pieces and gently ticking clock brought a sliver of comfort to the otherwise unwelcoming room. James was tired of pretending, tired of putting on a show to convince his therapist that he was just fine, but here they were again. The woman waited patiently for James to respond, and when he didn’t, she persisted. “Look, James, it’s really just my job…You don’t have to enjoy these sessions, but you do need to participate in them, at least enough for me to cross the i’s and dot the t’s”. James looked up at this slip-up, and she winked at him. He didn’t enjoy their time together, no, but he did respect her and her career. For her, he would keep trying. “As a kid, I was afraid of the dark, as many children are. As a teen, however, this fear only grew stronger, and by young adulthood it became unmanageable.” It was difficult to say the words out loud without sounding too scripted or rehearsed, but that’s exactly what they were: rehearsed, twisted and repeated a million times until the response became an acceptable one. “Living alone as an adult, I found I had much more freedom to manipulate my surroundings, to make life more comfortable and to eliminate any of that potential darkness. I began to experience symptoms related to paranoid schizophrenia, and began practicing repetitive actions in hopes of protecting myself, similar to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” See, he was even getting the medical terms down now, too. The therapist nodded lightly, following along with her notes as James spoke. “And as time went on, did you find these compulsions had an impact on your day-to-day life?” James had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. She already knew the story, why did they need to play this stupid game again? Just because he wasn’t able to hide his nerves at the restaurant the other night, didn’t mean he was out of control. He was a pro by now, with years of experience pulling himself out of the darkness, fighting with shadows and making his own light. He always made it through by whatever means necessary, for as long as he could remember, and he certainly didn’t need a therapist to rub it in his face that everyone around him thought he was fit for an asylum. The therapist could sense a shift in James’ demeanour, his cool exterior slipping to reveal a fidgety, agitated young man. His eyes shifted around the room, stopping at every dark corner as he processed whatever troubled thoughts must be circulating his mind. She felt somewhat guilty spurring him on like this, but being assigned to his case to monitor his well-being, she had to follow through with the questioning, no matter how difficult. She had seen a number of cases like his, of course, but James had always stood out to her as being unique, especially after the last several years of their sessions together. The elaborate stories, the coping mechanisms, the overactive imagination, it all felt different somehow from her other clients. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, and it was nearly undetectable, but something was there. James took a deep breath, and as if nothing had changed, regained his previous composure. A practiced smile appeared on his face as he responded. “My compulsions were at one point a challenge in my daily life, true, but they were a challenge that I have overcome. I no longer require my apartment lights to be turned on at all hours of the day, I am able to stay at the office alone after hours as needed, and I even enjoy some nightlife on the rare occasion.” He hoped keeping things casual would help to lighten the mood of their session, as well as to wrap things up a bit quicker. All she needed was to hear the right answers, after all. The therapist looked at James, scanning his face for any clues into his real, unfiltered self, but came out empty handed. Reviewing her notes one last time, a thought sprang to mind, and she framed her next question carefully. “The mirror though… That’s new?” The forced smile dropped from James’ face. “What?” Concerned of possibly pushing her client too far, and conscious of the limitations of her job, the therapist hesitated. “I feel like we’ve only ever talked about your fear of the dark, but it seems like there wouldn’t have been any of your regular triggers at the restaurant that night. Those who saw you out at that time reported your reaction to some mirrors, or maybe to your own reflection.” James swallowed hard. The mirror was new. The air seemed to thicken between the therapist and her client, and she could feel that she had pushed a button that maybe even James didn’t know existed. James stood alone in the elevator of his apartment complex, the dim lighting getting under his skin; not dark enough to cause unease, but also not bright enough to be at all useful. He held his keys tightly as he turned them in the lock of his unit, keeping them from jingling in an attempt to maintain the silence he had finally recovered in his mind. His apartment was just as he had left it, arranged and coordinated in a way he had perfected over years of trial and error. The standard pot lights of the unit were on and gave a reasonable glow to his home, but the real illumination came from a variety of bulbs that had been hung in a methodical, concentric pattern. It was always a bit overwhelming at first glance, but James’ eyes adjusted quickly as he settled into his safety. His cellphone rang, startling him. “Mom” appeared on the screen. With a deep breath, James swiped to answer the call. “Jamie, baby! How are you?” “Hi, Mom. I’m ok, but please, just ‘James’…” He hadn’t been called that name in a very long time, and he planned to keep it that way. “Oh, sorry honey, I always forget,” his mom chuckled. “I’m just calling to check in on you! It’s been so long since we’ve gabbed.” James couldn’t help but smile. No matter where life had brought them, his mother would always be there, trying her best. “Yeah, I’m sorry Mom, just been crazy lately.” If only she