Heads and Tails

Kate + Jay White
  • 4.9 (50)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

Heads and Tails is a candid, heartfelt and often humorous podcast hosted by longtime couple Jay and Kate White.. ...a psychologist and an OB/GYN who've been married for 26 years. Named for their dual perspectives on the mind and body, this show dives into the real challenges of midlife with warmth, wisdom, and occasional glass of wine. ​ From navigating midlife dating or keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships, to launching kids, caring for aging parents, maintaining friendships, and even changing careers — Heads and Tails covers it all. With Jay's insight into the psychological and Kate's expertise in the physical, each episode offers practical, relatable advice in a tone that feels more like a conversation in your living room than a lecture. ​ Real talk. Real laughs. Real life. Because midlife isn't a crisis—it's a recalibration.

  1. 21H AGO

    Episode 22: Is This Perimenopause? How to Know What's Really Going On Midlife can feel like everything is shifting at once—your mood, your focus, your sleep, your relationships. So how do you know what's hormonal… and what's just the weight of l

    In this episode, Dr. Kate White (OB/GYN & menopause specialist) and Jay White (therapist) break down how to separate hormone-driven changes from the mental and emotional load of midlife—and why the answer is often both. You'll learn: What perimenopause actually is (and why it's so hard to define) Why your brain notices hormonal shifts before your cycle changes The real reason anxiety, irritability, and brain fog spike in midlife How to tell if your symptoms are cyclical vs situational Why there's no "simple test"—and what to do instead The role of hormone therapy (and why fear may be outdated) Practical tools to manage emotional reactivity and overwhelm Why midlife care must address both biology AND psychology This episode reframes midlife from confusion and frustration into something far more powerful: recalibration. 📍 Learn more about Dr Kate White's Menopause focused practice opening August 2026 in Charleston, SC Recalibrate Health: recalibratehealthmd.com 📍 April 30 book launch event in Charleston, SC : Dr Kate White talks "The New Perimenopause" with author Dr. Mary Claire Haver

    36 min

  2. APR 10

    Episode 21: The Real Reason Your Adult Kids Ignore Your Advice (And What Actually Works)

    When your kids become adults, your role changes—but no one gives you the playbook. In this episode of Heads & Tails, Dr. Kate White and Jay White break down one of the most challenging transitions in midlife parenting: shifting from manager to consultant. When should you give advice… and when should you stay quiet? They explore how love, fear, identity, and even hormones shape the advice we give—and why sometimes "helping" can actually harm the relationship. You'll learn how to decide when to speak up, how to be heard when it matters, and how to maintain connection without control. In this episode: Why advice is often more about you than your child The shift from parenting → consulting How midlife brain changes affect your filter and delivery The 5 key areas where parents struggle most to hold back: Career Relationships Money Parenting (yes—grandparent dynamics) Health & lifestyle A powerful communication tool: "Do you want me to listen or give advice?" "Direct by yielding" — how to guide without pushing How too much advice makes your voice easier to ignore Key takeaway: You're not caring less—you're protecting the relationship so they'll come to you when it really matters.

    25 min

  3. MAR 27

    Episode 20: Lonely but Not Alone: Midlife Marriage and Emotional Disconnection

    You're in the same house, the same marriage, the same life — so why do you still feel lonely? In this episode, Kate and Jay unpack one of the most painful and common midlife relationship struggles: feeling emotionally alone while living a very full life. They explore how distraction, stress, hormonal changes, sleep disruption, and the mental load of midlife can quietly erode connection — and what couples can do to reconnect before resentment takes over. We cover:     •    Why loneliness can happen inside a good relationship     •    How missed bids for attention create disconnection     •    The role of midlife biology in emotional regulation     •    Why "I didn't mean anything by it" doesn't erase impact     •    Practical tools to rebuild presence and intimacy You'll learn:     •    How to ask for attention more clearly     •    How to ground yourself before hard conversations     •    How a 10-minute daily check-in can change the tone of a relationship     •    When therapy may help break the pattern This episode is especially for midlife women, but it will resonate with anyone who has ever felt alone while sitting right next to the person they love.

    47 min

  4. MAR 13

    Episode 19: Dr. Kelly Casperson: Sex, Menopause and Desire

    Desire mismatch in midlife is common — and it does not mean your relationship is broken. In this episode, Dr. Kate White and Jay White sit down with sexual medicine expert Dr. Kelly Casperson of the You Are Not Broken podcast to talk about why differing levels of desire show up so often in long-term relationships, especially in midlife. What you'll take away from this conversation You'll come away with a more compassionate and realistic understanding of sex in long-term relationships: that good sex is not automatic, that intimacy often requires intention, and that midlife is not the end of desire — it's often the beginning of a different, more informed, more connected version of it.   Questions answered in this episode: • Why don't I want sex the way I used to? • Is responsive desire normal? • What helps couples when desire doesn't match? • Why does sex sometimes feel harder in midlife? • What kinds of stimulation work better for women in perimenopause and menopause? Mentioned in this episode: • Dr. Kelly Casperson's podcast: You Are Not Broken • Books: You Are Not Broken and The Menopause Moment • The Explorer Vibrator from Elixir Play • Discount code: NOTBROKEN20 • Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life — Justin J. Lehmiller • Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers — Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Ménard • Dr Laurie Mintz — Becoming Cliterate and  A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex  Subscribe, like, and share with someone who needs this conversation.

    50 min

  5. FEB 27

    Episode 18: Fighting fair: rage to resolution in midlife.

    Midlife can turn minor conflict into major disconnection—especially when hormones, mental load, and stress push your brain into "flooded" mode. Dr. Kate White and Jay White break down what fighting fair actually looks like in midlife: how to regulate first, stay on one issue, name the pattern underneath repeat fights, and prioritize respect and repair so you can stay a team—even in conflict.   In this episode, we cover:   Why "fighting fair rules" are easy to know and hard to use   The "book of hurts" (and why dragging it into every fight derails repair)   Start and end on the right note: repair > perfection   Midlife brain changes: prefrontal cortex vs. amygdala ("smoke detector")   Dopamine/attention/executive function shifts and why fights go off the rails   Anger as a secondary emotion: what happened right before the blow-up?   The "3 folders" tool: your last 20 fights usually boil down to a few themes   Circular arguments and how to break the loop with a concrete next step   Mental load + unequal load: the frog-in-the-soup problem   Loneliness and loss in midlife—and how they show up as anger   Safety note: when conflict escalates beyond safe   Try this this week:   Use the reset script: "I'm flooded. I need a minute. I want to come back and do this well."   Do the 3-folder exercise: categorize your last 10–20 fights into themes.   End with a next step: "What do we need from each other this week?"   Resources / CTA Want our 4-week Recalibration + Intimacy Reset? Email: ask@headsandtailspodcast.com   Educational content only; not medical or mental health advice. To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠.   https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

    50 min

  6. FEB 13

    Episode 17: Traver Boehm: Pot, Porn, or PBR: What Men Use to Bury Pain—and How to Heal Instead

    What happens when "be strong" turns into "be silent"? In this episode of Heads & Tails, we sit down with Traver Boehm, founder of the UNcivilized Men's Movement, to unpack the cultural myth that men must always be tough, unbothered, and emotionally bulletproof—and how that training can quietly sabotage intimacy, conflict repair, and long-term connection. Traver and Jay get real about what often replaces emotional vocabulary: shutdown, defensiveness, or burying pain with what Jay calls "Pot, Porn, or Pabst Blue Ribbon." Traver shares practical tools that help men build the capacity to stay present—like meditation, nervous-system regulation, and (crucially) community—so the relationship isn't the only place their unprocessed pain leaks out. If you love a good man but feel like you're talking to a wall during conflict, this episode is for you—and for the men you care about.   💡 Name: Traver Boehm 💡Company: Man UnCivilized 💡Noteworthy: founder of the UNcivilized Men's Movement and has built programs and communities focused on helping men develop emotional strength, accountability, and connection.  💡 Where to find them:  Man UnCivilized Podcast https://www.manuncivilized.com/meet-traver-boehm  Find an in person men's group:  https://www.manuncivilized.com/mensgroup The Book: 28 Days In Darkness (https://www.manuncivilized.com/books#section-1751992894384) for men ready to reclaim authentic masculinity (and for the people who love them) To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠. https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

    52 min

  7. JAN 30

    Episode 16: Midlife Career Reboot: From Burnout to Bucket List

    In this episode of Heads & Tails, Kate and Jay tackle the big midlife question: Do I stay, do I go, or do I completely reinvent my work life?   They unpack the biology (hormones, brain changes, sleep, stress load) and psychology (identity shifts, boundaries, values, and meaning) that make midlife the moment where your tolerance for workplace nonsense drops to zero.   Kate explains how perimenopause/menopause, allostatic load, and poor sleep change mood, focus, and resilience—so you're not "too sensitive," you're maxed out. Jay walks through why midlife pushes us to ask, "Is this worth my time, energy, and one wild and precious life?"   Together they explore six real options:    •   stay "balls to the wall" and ride into the sunset    •   quiet quit / right-size your energy    •   stay and try to fix what's broken    •   retire or step back and volunteer where you matter most    •   go live the bucket list    •   strike out in a new role or career   You'll get a simple framework: audit your energy, check your biology, name the real problem (burnout, moral injury, boredom, or life mismatch), reality-check finances and relationships, and run low-risk 90-day experiments instead of all-or-nothing leaps.   ⸻   Action Items     1.    Two-week work audit: Note what gives vs. drains your energy each day.     2.    Biology check: If symptoms are loud (sleep, mood, hot flashes, brain fog), talk to your clinician.     3.    Name your main issue: Burnout, moral injury, boredom, or life mismatch.     4.    Choose one 90-day experiment: A boundary, schedule change, or small step toward a new path.     5.    Write a 6–12 month intention: "I want work to feel more ___ and less ___."   ⸻   Share Your Story   Have you made a midlife work pivot? 👉 Email us at: ask@headsandtailspodcast.com Tell us your story (you can remain anonymous), and we may share it in a future episode.   To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠. https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

    38 min

  8. JAN 16

    Ep. 15: Dr. Mary Claire Haver: Lose the Filter, Keep the Muscle: The Menopause Plan for the Next 30 Years

    Midlife is not a crisis—it's a recalibration. In this special episode of Heads & Tails, Dr. Kate White is joined by menopause expert Dr. Mary Claire Haver for a candid, science-forward conversation that clears the noise around perimenopause and menopause and replaces it with a practical plan for the next three decades of your health.   You'll hear the "inside scoop" on Dr. Haver's prevention-first framework (including her "nursing home prevention plan" mindset) and how Dr. White applies the pillars of lifestyle medicine to help patients protect their body composition, brain health, energy, and mood—without perfectionism or fear.   And yes, we go there: why "losing your filter" in midlife may actually be a feature, not a flaw—unlocking more honest boundaries, clearer priorities, and better relationships at home, at work, and with friends.   In This Episode, We Cover    •   The biggest myths about perimenopause and menopause (and what's actually true)    •   What symptoms are "normal," what's treatable, and what you should not ignore    •   Dr. Haver's prevention lens: thinking long-term about mobility, independence, and cognition    •   Dr. White's lifestyle medicine approach: the daily inputs that move the needle most    •   The priorities that matter most for the next 30 years: muscle, metabolic health, sleep, stress, and connection    •   Why "unfiltered" midlife can improve your communication, boundaries, and relationships    •   A simple way to start your recalibration this week—without overhauling your entire life   Practical Takeaways    •   A myth-busting checklist you can use at your next visit    •   The "minimum effective dose" of habits that protect your future health    •   Language you can use to advocate for yourself when you're dismissed or told to "just deal with it"   Listener Challenge   Choose one domain to recalibrate this week: sleep, strength, nutrition, stress, or connection. Pick one small action you can repeat for 7 days—and notice what shifts.   Follow / Subscribe so you don't miss future episodes on hormones, brain fog, weight & metabolism, libido, sleep, and the relationship side of midlife.   Disclaimer: This episode is for education only and does not replace personalized medical care. Please consult your clinician for individual recommendations.   To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠. https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

    40 min
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4.9
out of 5
50 Ratings

About

Heads and Tails is a candid, heartfelt and often humorous podcast hosted by longtime couple Jay and Kate White.. ...a psychologist and an OB/GYN who've been married for 26 years. Named for their dual perspectives on the mind and body, this show dives into the real challenges of midlife with warmth, wisdom, and occasional glass of wine. ​ From navigating midlife dating or keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships, to launching kids, caring for aging parents, maintaining friendships, and even changing careers — Heads and Tails covers it all. With Jay's insight into the psychological and Kate's expertise in the physical, each episode offers practical, relatable advice in a tone that feels more like a conversation in your living room than a lecture. ​ Real talk. Real laughs. Real life. Because midlife isn't a crisis—it's a recalibration.

Information

  • Creator
    Kate + Jay White
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    22
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2025
  • Show Website
    Heads and Tails

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