Hello If Anything

helloifanything
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Improv
  • Updated Monthly

‘Hello, If Anything’ is an ambient comedy podcast exploring the impossibility of truly hanging out and the secrets of life after a PB&J.

Episodes

  1. 09/07/2025

    06 Cool, Watching TV

    The faint smell of tar. Cement bricks glance off your shoulders. Gamma rays encircle your frontbody. You are a dancing snake: your charmer, Judge Judy's mystical doppleganger. She’s come out with a new hypnosis, enticing you to swallow the landfill.  She strikes a major multiphonic chord and you pass out. The next day you tell your coworkers, ‘oh, this weekend?, I was mostly watching TV'.

    34 min

  2. 08/23/2025

    05 Schmownership City

    We rehash the oldest trick in the oldest book.  Nothing new under the sun, especially not on my plate, which is haunted by the ghost of fries past.  Merriam Webster's son (NOT a nepo baby) inherited the Dictionary business and changed what “fries” meant. He might be ignoring his true calling (sitting on the street pathetically), but we're going with it.  featuring Nathan Greenberg & John Desmond of You Want Milk

    13 min

  3. 08/22/2025

    04 Practice Recording

    What is really going on and how do we even know that when we figure it all out we’ll have it all figured out? Ghosts of the past are with us, but they are so young, they do not engender any ulterior suspicions. Still, the stillness of their eyes could betray allegiance to a darker cause. The whims of a technological megacorporation?  A puppeteering zookeeper pulling gorilla-strings? I’m not at liberty to know. Even writing this could put me in danger, if I’m even writing it?

    16 min

  4. 08/19/2025

    03 Grocery Star

    Everything changes when you hit it big. While my peers slapped bags of wine in frat houses, I slapped bags of frozen spinach onto conveyor belts, dreaming the very same dream.  Back then, that's what I thought "belting" was.  People tell me I don't have to do this anymore, I could get a beach house in Malibu, but what can I say - You can take the boy out of the produce aisle, but he still romaine the same. Featuring Dina Genkina

    18 min

  5. 08/16/2025

    02 Dear Grandson

    Slices of life dissected in frog class by a third grader with two left hands, become our lineages, among other entries in a list of the least important things.

    12 min

  6. 08/10/2025

    01 Mark Grundy's Spuds

    The psychology and ethics of snacks and the hypothetical in-between spaces they betray comes to a shockingly unsensational conclusion.  A tale of lukewarm love, trivial loss, and a future that’s not asking whether or not we’re ready for it.

    14 min

  7. 08/12/2024

    6 - Fish Heaven

    do fish go to heaven?  we don't know.  this is the first episode we ever made

    4 min

  8. 08/12/2024

    5 - Plant Game Show

    a game show with a plant, featuring Joanna Schubert

    14 min

  9. 08/12/2024

    4 - Attention

    Attention featuring Dylan Israelian and Lila Feldman of Rhymes With Orange, and Sasha Kuznetsov on guitar

    10 min

  10. 08/11/2024

    3 - Milk

    Milk

    7 min

  11. 08/11/2024

    2 - Storm Pirate

    Storms & Pirates featuring Locus Chen

    7 min

  12. 08/11/2024

    1 - Space Jocks

    Jocks in space

    7 min
  • 12 Episodes

About

‘Hello, If Anything’ is an ambient comedy podcast exploring the impossibility of truly hanging out and the secrets of life after a PB&J.

Information

  • Creator
    helloifanything
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    12
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Hello If Anything