208 episodes

A weekly podcast about the things in life that piss us off, or outright confuse the heck out of us. The show is co-hosted by rocker Uncle Buck (based in North Carolina), and Tab Birt (based out of the land of Praying Hands).

Here's What I Don't Get HWIDG

    • Comedy
    • 4.4 • 33 Ratings

A weekly podcast about the things in life that piss us off, or outright confuse the heck out of us. The show is co-hosted by rocker Uncle Buck (based in North Carolina), and Tab Birt (based out of the land of Praying Hands).

    Episode 209 - Big Finish? ft. Uncle Buck

    Episode 209 - Big Finish? ft. Uncle Buck

    All Points Bulletin: Wanted, one Peruvian Podcast host last seen in year 4 of HWIDG. He is known to like Anime, Fighting Games, Breaking Handles, and frequently trying to barter for goods and services with VHS copies of Rhinestone. He should be considered armed and extremely dangerous, and will likely be babbling about.The Pity CardPlaydatesAll the Evil stuff Trump has doneMandatory Political Symbols

    Anytime you get into a discussion if a person doesn't have the qualifications for what they are talking about they usually have some lousy sob story of why their opinion is worth more than yours. Why can't we start doing to opposite? "As a man without any mental illness, a full time job, and a tax payer." instead of, "As the wife of an infantryman, and mother of 5 kids, who's been out of work for 3 years due to disability, blah blah blah." Nobody cares, especially not on the internet.

    Ah the good ol' days when you just told your kids to go play outside, or you'd ride your bike half a mile to your friend's house and knock on the door. No there wasn't enough "me time" for Mom's so we invented playdates. Now women can get all their fun of scheduling and planning an event for something as simple as, "Go play outside." Worst of all, they set it up so the kids can play at the house with Dad, while the Mom's go run "errands." Thanks for that honey, I can't wait to hear the door slam 400 times this afternoon.

    In 2016 Sauron came to Hufflepuff, and stole the infinity gauntlet, snapping all of the Jedi out of existence. We had nothing until Disney Princess Harris, and Batman Biden used the power of Doc Brown's Delorean powered by the Spengler Proton Pack to undo the timeline and restore peace and prosperity to the universe. My best friend was all of the goonies, my girlfriend was the female gremlin from Gremlins 2. Seriously, why hasn't the world ended from Evil Trump?

    There is an episode of Seinfeld about the AIDS walk. Kramer doesn't want to wear the ribbon but he supports the walk. The people at the walk can't accept it and want total conformity. The point of the story was to show how fanaticism is worse than the problem. Now people use that same image as a meme, and the point is for you to conform, conform or die. "Give me liberty, or give me Death." - Patrick Henry.

    All that and more on this week's big Buck Hunter HD episode of HWIDG. Leave us a voicemail and tell us what Tim's punishment should be for letting Greybush down. Vist the Patreon, join us on Discord, or support the show BUYING A SHIRT!

    • 2 hr 43 min
    Episode 208 - Four More Years

    Episode 208 - Four More Years

    Thank you for coming to your podcast's assessment meeting today. So, Here's What I Don't Get is doing pretty well all things considered. He turns in his episodes on time just about every week. He's raging at an above average level compared to his peers, which is really nice. He's doing really well in geography, really diversifying his news stories, it's great to see. And his voicemails have gotten much better since he started the SPITE program. So, really everything is looking great and he looks all ready for Kindergarten next year. We'll see you in a year then.- Mixing Metric and Imperial- Bicyclists- Low Res UI- Buying Consoles Day One

    Metric measurements and imperial go together like sushi and a Wendy's frosty. You gotta choose one and stick with it, preferably choosing it depending on where someone's going to use it. Americans can't tell you how big 350mm is roughly, but they sure can tell 5 and a half feet at a glance, plus, smaller increments are much easier to visualize, so because we use a base-12 system, we've got more increments to use. 20 foot tall fence? That's 240 inches or 6.66 yards. Whereas in metric you've got jumps by the hundreds, that fence is either 365cm, 3.65m, or 0.00365km tall. And don't get me started on the argument that "feet" are a random thing to use to measure when you've got "stone".Bicyclists make up 0.001% of the total U.S. traffic numbers. But here we are, making whole lanes of traffic for them, EQUAL TO THE NUMBER OF LANES FOR CARS. YOU KNOW, THE BIG OLD FOUR THOUSAND POUND MACHINES THAT GO FAST AND WHATNOT. You're literally better off riding a horse. Bikes at their best generate less than one horsepower. Imaging passing a horse by itself, no rider on the street. His dumb Mister Ed-lookin' ass going along with traffic with everyone else. Can you? Because I can. You know what I can't imagine? A bicyclist not being an insufferable moron on the road.

    What good is your 4K HDR 7.2 sound system when the thing that's playing it has the resolution of a Game Boy Color? BE MORE STINGY WITH YOUR PIXELS. I NEED THOSE CRISPY 4K LINES OR I'M GOING TO HAVE BUYER'S REMORSE. I'M LITERALLY GOING TO KILL MYSELF AMAZON. YOU WILL HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS. I MEAN, ONE MORE THAN USUAL.Suckers. They come in all flavors. Watermelon, caramel apple, butterscotch, buttered popcorn, blueberry, cherry, coconut, grape, and you idiots that buy consoles on day one. Thanks for paying way more to beta test my games you FOMO-filled genius. Have fun when you get whatever the PS5's version of the YLOD or red ring is. When your Xbox Series X starts smoking for real, don't come crying to me, I'm waiting til they're dirt cheap and there's all the games I could want.  "But, reasonable one," you say, "I get the privilege of paying seventy dollars for all these great games as they come out, then waiting for the next one, playing 10 hours, then waiting for 6 months, then playing  10 hours, then waiting again." Oh you sweet, sweet, summer child.All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!

    • 2 hr 46 min
    Episode 207 - Time-Traveling Hitler

    Episode 207 - Time-Traveling Hitler

    Ever had back pain? It's real dumb. Why human have soft outside but hard inside? Isn't that backwards? Why God? Why soft, easy-to-hurt jelly protects hard, strong bone? I want an exoskeleton please. I think at some point we evolved with bone to protect our squishy brains AND THEN WE WENT EVEN FURTHER. WHY? Another layer of squishy organs to protect? How about we protect it with more squishy flesh? And then WE STOPPED? We need the next phase, exoskeletons, so that we're basically human mecha. Sweet. Anyways, here's this weeks episode which remember nothing of other than PAIIIIN:- Kung Fury- Fast Food Workers- Remember, This Isn't Over- Making Math Suck

    Here's a great idea: HWIDG The Movie! You give us a million dollars and we'll shart out 75 minutes of next week's episode filmed all cinematic-like. Deal? It'll be just like the podcast but in movie form! It's all the rage these days. You spend a little time making something for cheap, and then you use it as proof of concept and the internet gives you all of their money! All we have to do is a slightly more amount of work, pretend its a big ordeal, and maybe spit out some merch with our logo on it for bonus items. I think it really works out well for everyone. You get a movie (you never agreed to any sort of quality) and Tab and Tim get to split a million bucks. Sorry Todd.How many times have you been missing a burger from your order? Or been given a different drink than what you asked for? Have whole meals left off of your order? Been given a cold pizza? Been given a box of fried chicken livers when you ordered sushi? I'm going to go out on a limb and say just about everyone who has ordered fast food before has had something like this happen to them. It's a worldly issue. But why? Sheer volume? Maybe, but this has happened to me when I'm the only customer around. Honestly, it's because they're working at a fast food joint. Look, no one went into life dreaming of being a fast food employee, but it's a huge business that needs lots of bodies. Even if we paid fast food workers 25 dollars an hour, you'd still have the same lack of care go into your double bacon cheeseburger and onion rings.

    Ever vigilant. Today, if you want to stand for a cause you have to fight. And fight. And fight. And fight some more because the battle's never over! Hey, how about we stop treating politics like war? I don't want to be a soldier. If I did, I'd be one. And I definitely don't want to be a soldier for a party that lines up with my own beliefs only slightly more than the other one's. No one will ever be completely happy with the government, so stop trying to "win" and start trying to just live your life.Remember math? I sure do. At my school, if you were slightly better at learning than the kid that still sucked his thumb, they put you in the Gifted Class. I was learning long division and what googolplex was in the second grade in the gifted class. Here's the deal though, just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you like it. And I don't like math. Why? Because they shove it down your throat every year for 12+ years. Sure, at some point I wanted to be an astronaut, just like everyone else, but they never said if you want to go to space, you'll need to learn this math. They said BECAUSE I SAID SO. 

    All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!

    • 2 hr 7 min
    Episode 206 - Russian Jimmy Dean

    Episode 206 - Russian Jimmy Dean

    Welcome citizens of the former United States of America. Now that your 2020 election has come to an end, I am proud to have been elected to the throne of Supreme Overlord. There will be no further elections, as I will make all decisions for this country from now on. As your Supreme Overlord, I, The Handlebreaker promise that as I shift this land from 50 divided states into one giant kingdom, I will do so with you in mind. As my advisers tell me, the general population is surprisingly a lot like myself, so as my first decree, I am moving Independence Day to June 21 to more accurately represent our interests. 36 years ago, we were freed from the tyranny of not having Rhinestone in our lives. The time has finally come then, to accept our savior, and to rename our country in its honor. Welcome to The United Kingdom of Rhinestone! The White House will be bedazzled in the most glamourous, shining silver! Washington D.C. will officially become Abiegtiddi! All hail Rhinestone!

    - Pet Clothes- Untamed Scale- Dream People- Decline of Slasher Films

    Putting clothes and outfits and costumes on your pets is not "cute". It's frankly, degrading. Dogs and cats have no awareness of the concept of clothes or modesty, and they certainly don't need them for survival against the weather. Imagine someone forcing an ill-fitting fur suit on you. Wouldn't like it very much, would you?

    Some people in life are granted with 20/20 vision, and others need the help of contacts or glasses. Then there are others that apparently have 2000/20 vision. These people can envision the futures they see in their minds and unfortunately have no ability to control it. That's how you end up with the Cheesecake Factory. "We'll make great cheesecakes and sell them!" "That's a great idea, here's your business loan." "Oh, I also want to be a restaurant, but not just for cheesecakes, but for American, Chinese, Italian, Thai, Japanese, Mediterranean, German, Mexican, British, French, Jamaican, Spanish, and Vegans! Also, we'll serve alcohol and cocktails, and have breakfast and brunch too! Oh and we'll give the customers too much food every time!"

    The human brain is an amazing thing. Confusing, though. We still don't know what dreams really are. We know they can haunt you, please you, and everything in between. They can also create vividly realistic scenarios and people. The kinds of dreams that can make an atheist believe in past lives and connected consciousness. Hell, there was a Rick and Morty bit about this. Morty plays a super realistic alien video game called Roy where he lives a separate man's mundane life. It's spooky stuff. I'd recommend "The Lamp Story" on reddit for the example I couldn't think of during the show.

    It's not there aren't any slasher films around anymore, just that they're different. Every now and then an independent hit or meta flick will come along and gain some steam, but it's not like the 80's and 90's anymore. Back when you had 17 movies just in the 80s just between Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. That's at least one a year and more likely 2 a year from the big three horror icons. Throw in other well known names and B-level shlock you're seeing 3-5 new movies of extreme violence, gore, and nudity a year. Why aren't the modern slashers living up? They're trying to be scary, for one. Sure some of these had some jump scares and suspense, but a slasher flick is a subgenre of horror. It's supposed to be about creative kills, a rotating carousel of horny teens to kill, and a near invincible menace. But people these days just want the jump scares it seems.

    All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!

    • 2 hr 29 min
    Episode 205 - Castration Cannibals

    Episode 205 - Castration Cannibals

    This is it folks! It's finally come time for Halloween night, and we here at HWIDG would like to wish everyone a very Happy Halloween. Whether you're going out door to door, handing out candy at your house, going to a party, sitting at home watching horror movies, or nothing at all, we hope Samhain treats you well. Just watch out for razorblades in your candy, D-tier candy, and that sexy "catgirl". All three will lead to you ending the night with something gushing out of your mouth.* Non-Candy Halloween Treats* Non-Secular Media* Standing Alone* New Unsolved Mysteries

    Imagine if there was a completely optional holiday during the year where it was perfectly fine for your neighbor to haul their garbage bin over to your house and tip it over on to your lawn. That would be a pretty terrible day wouldn't it? What if that day was the same day as another holiday where all the other neighbors had already placed a bunch of presents, just for you, on the lawn? It would make that first neighbor a huge a*****e wouldn't it? NO ONE WANTS YOUR VEGETABLES, KAREN.Man, all of these mainstream secular movies and bands are filled with sin and degeneracy. But my tween wants to start watching something other than Bibleman and VeggieTales and listen to something other than Pastor Dave's Campfire Hymns, what is a rich hardcore evangelical man to do? I know! I'll just make terrible low budget copies of what is popular, but make everything about Jesus! Brilliant!

    Going against the grain can be difficult. When you're the only one doing it, even more so.  You've got to be of pretty strong character and conviction to be the one against everyone else. No one wants to be the one going against what's popular. We all like to think that we would, but when it comes time to put the foot to the pedal, it's easier to wait around with everyone else and see what happens. But if you were that person you could write a book about how hard it is. Call it "My Struggle".What's wrong with the new Unsolved Mysteries? Well, first of all, the theme is skippable. Yeah, it's a big deal. That original theme is a phat-ass beat you could spit a sick sixteen over. The drums are a VITAL piece of the equation, just as much as the melody synths and the deep "BWAM" bass synth. The new one is all "cinematically haunting" and by-the-books. Lame. Oh also there's this thing where they don't present all the evidence in the case and you have to rely on fans on Reddit to clue you in. Yeah.All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT! And check out this edition of Lower Decks-pectations!

    • 1 hr 46 min
    Episode 204 - BBC Love

    Episode 204 - BBC Love

    A dark and stormy night. Lightning crashes in the distance. On the highest hill in the lands just outside a village in central Germany there is a man in a castle. In that castle there is a laboratory. Harnessing the power of the storm, an array of machinery in this lab is powered to do something unimaginable. As lightning strikes the tallest tower of the castle, it powers this demon machine and enters a slab of dead flesh held together by sutures and metal. As the nightmare is struck with the harnessed energy of a thousand suns, the unthinkable happens: the demonic mass of collected remains comes to life. Shambling around he searches for his master in order to fulfill his one mission. This decrepit mash of unholy science and the recently dead has but one thing on his mind. A single task to employ on everyone he meets. As he finds the one who created him, he extends his hands, starting the chain of events that will take over the entire castle, leaving the nearby town in tatters. The monster begins the time-long ritual that has taken over the mind of much more alive men as long as they've been able to. He does the mash. He does the monster mash.* Not Available In Your Country* Needing Celebrity Endorsement* Only Playing the New Stuff* Fauxmpkins

    FIRST ISSUE DESCRIPTION HAS BEEN BLOCKED BY HWIDG STUDIOS LLC (EVEN THOUGH THIS CONTENT IS FREE AND MAY NOT EVEN BE LICENSED TO A SEPARATE COMPANY IN YOUR LOCATION).There was a time when people didn't publicly display every aspect of their life nor was it expected. In fact it was looked down upon! Can you imagine that? Everyone just keeping their thoughts to themselves? Neither can I, because I've been dealt a barrage of the details of everyone's personal lives that I never asked for. That's 2020 for you. Everyone's got an opinion, and opinions are a lot like assholes. Everyone's got them, they usually stink, and before recently most people didn't go around showing them off to everyone.A free concert in which the artist only performs their latest work is just a commercial. Sure, most people understand you've got to do some advertisement for the new stuff, that's why the tour exists in the first place. But you've got fans there to hear you, not just your material, so that includes the classics. This is the absolutely only time that the drunk guy yelling for your biggest hit as if you're not going to play it is correct.Fake pumpkins are a lot like fake meat. It's an approximation of the real thing that has been created by science to placate white women. They're for entitled people that don't want to put the effort in to Halloween decorations but still want to fit in. Imagine going to a butcher's shop and asking for their vegan, pre-cooked, gluten-free, organic beef roast substitute. I'd say that butcher's got free reign to go Michael Myers on your pumpkin-spice drinking self.All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!

    • 1 hr 57 min

Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5
33 Ratings

33 Ratings

Nineintheline ,

Great

Great podcast! Makes my Fridays better!

Mr. Killeverything ,

It is only getting better.

At first, I only listened to this once in a while, but now it has become a podcast that I must listen to every single week as soon as it comes out.

Nordelnob ,

This podcast is better than a glass of

Dr. Pepper! Comedy! Beverages! Hahahah!! Get it? Because you drink the soda! The DR. PEPPER soda!

Top Podcasts In Comedy

Listeners Also Subscribed To