What happens when an aging parent needs care—but the family relationship is strained, estranged, or shaped by unresolved trauma? Eldercare expert Amy Friesen joins clinical psychologist Dr. Christopher Barker to examine the complicated realities facing adult children who are expected to become caregivers. Society often assumes that every aging parent has built-in family support, but that expectation rarely accounts for childhood trauma, unsafe relationships, family estrangement, financial limitations, or the caregiver’s own health and responsibilities. Amy explains why caregiving decisions are rarely as simple as asking, “Will you take care of your parents?” For many adult children, stepping back into the family means confronting old attachment patterns, guilt, pressure, and painful dynamics they worked hard to leave. The conversation also explores caregiver burnout and the “club sandwich generation”—adults simultaneously caring for children, an aging parent, and a spouse who may also need support. When caregivers continually place themselves last, exhaustion can reduce their ability to manage even basic decisions and logistics. Amy and Dr. Barker discuss the gaps between public and private care systems, hospital discharge challenges, long-term-care waitlists, dementia planning, senior housing, aging in place, and the risks of waiting until a family is already in crisis. The clearest takeaway: start planning earlier. A will only addresses what happens after death; families also need to discuss powers of attorney, healthcare wishes, caregiving capacity, housing preferences, finances, safety, and boundaries while everyone can still participate. In this episode: The pressure placed on adult children to become caregiversHow estrangement and unresolved trauma affect eldercareCaregiver guilt, burnout, and loss of personal capacitySetting boundaries with aging parentsThe sandwich and “club sandwich” generationsWhy families postpone aging and end-of-life planningWills, powers of attorney, and advance-care wishesDementia and the importance of early planningSenior housing, retirement living, and long-term careGaps between hospitals and public and private care systemsPlanning for solo seniors and aging adults with limited incomeWhy preparing for your own aging is a gift to those around youAbout Amy Friesen Amy Friesen is an eldercare expert, educator, best-selling author, and speaker with more than 20 years of experience helping seniors and caregivers navigate aging, senior housing, and difficult family decisions. She is the founder of Tea & Toast and Eldercare Planners of Canada. Her trauma-informed work addresses caregiver resilience, boundaries, unresolved family trauma, and generational patterns in caregiving. Learn more about Amy: https://www.amyfriesen.com/ About the host Dr. Christopher Barker is a New Jersey-licensed clinical psychologist and the host of Holding Space, a show featuring thoughtful conversations about psychology, relationships, mental health, and personal growth. Watch or listen to Holding Space with Dr. Barker every Tuesday and Thursday morning. Learn more or book Dr. Barker as a guest speaker: https://www.drchristopherbarker.com/ To inquire about appearing as a guest on Holding Space or inviting Dr. Barker to speak, email info@drchristopherbarker.com.
